Sujata Kumar -- Breast Cancer.

"I WALKED OUT OF MY MARRIAGE AFTER 20 YEARS OF BEING TOGETHER"

Some people are always tested by fate. And most of them resign themselves to survive life rather than live it. But not Sujata Kumar. Life continues to challenge her, throwing every possible obstacle in her course, and yet she continues to fight, because giving up is not a phrase she recognizes.

A broken marriage, restarting her career in her forties, and if that wasn't enough, cancer! Sujata Kumar's story sounds pretty much like a Jackie Collins novel — there's love, heartbreak, struggle, pain and spirit! The only thing missing is the happy ending. That, I'm sure, time will take care of!

Sujata is the older sister of singer and actress, Suchitra Krishnamurthy, otherwise known as Shekhar Kapur's wife. "Very few people know that we are sisters. She's like a little baby for me, because we have a huge age gap between us. She was barely nine years old, and I was already married and gone. I wasn't in the country for a while in between, but we're still in touch and just as bonded. Even now, she's by my side like a solid rock."

Today, Sujata is a well-known face in advertisements and we also remember her from Bombay Talking, where she played Priyanka Bassi's mother. But she actually started her career way back in 1980, at the Oberoi Towers, at the front desk. "I continued with them for a few years, even after I got married. Then my husband moved to Muscat and I followed him there. I worked for the U.S. embassy for a while. I had my daughter in 1990, and today, she's a gorgeous 16-year-old."

The seemingly perfect picture was not as beautiful as it appeared. Sujata's marriage was on the rocks, and unlike a lot of women, she did not ignore the cracks and instead, walked out. "I suppose life just teaches you that you need to take your pick," she says brusquely. "I walked out of my marriage after 20 years of being together. I left with nothing, not really knowing where I was going or what I wanted to do. I only knew that the marriage was over and I needed to get a life."

She takes a moment and then adds, "I'm not yet divorced; I'm still in court. I hope to get it soon though. People have to realize that there is no point in hanging on to the past. If your relationship is over, it is over. You shouldn't even think that it is immoral or socially unacceptable or that divorce is a tag. All these are just excuses made by people. The reality check is — does the relationship work or not? When I realized my relationship wasn't working, my daughter was just 12. Yet, I knew that I wanted my sanity back. I didn't want to constantly blame others for my unhappiness. I didn't want it to boil down to ugliness. So I asked for the divorce. Of course, my husband still thinks that the marriage rocks! He sincerely thinks that after I've moved out for five years, we still have something left. Unfortunately, I come from a different train of thought. If there were something there, I wouldn't have moved out in the first place. And I wouldn't have walked out, without knowing where I was going or what I was going to do. My only advice to couples having a difficult marriage is either make it work or get the hell out!"

Strong words for sure. Another painful decision for Sujata was leaving her daughter behind. "I didn't want to use my child as an excuse. It's very easy to hide behind the kids and say I can't think of my child without one parent. The fact is the child will grow up anyway. I didn't want to unnecessarily uproot her. What did I have to offer her at that stage, when I had nothing and I was walking into nothing? I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to be doing. I didn't want to pluck her out from her environment, her school, her friends, her city, her home and of course, her father. It didn't make sense and I explained that to her. Thankfully, there's no animosity. She understands that mama has moved on in life."

Fortunately for Sujata, Suchitra was in Mumbai to support her through this rough patch. "I was very lucky to have both Shekhar and Suchitra in the city. Initially, I stayed at Shekhar's place for almost a year. It was a strong support system. My family never pulled me down or shouted at me; not even my parents. They did tell me to go back and try making the marriage work. I just told everyone that 20 years is not a small time to try. If a woman gives up after 20 years, there has to be something to it. You might not see the truth as a parent or a sibling, or even a spouse, but the woman sees the truth and that's a fact. Like most Indian marriages, I could have also made my marriage work for another 20 years and carried on like a zombie. But I didn't want to do that and I explained that to my family."

Starting over is never easy. Especially when you have no experience in the field. "I didn't seek the profession, the profession found me," states Sujata. "When push comes to shove, all your faculties have to come in to bail you out. That's how acting as a career stared me in my face. I'd grown up in the city, lived my early life here, and had a lot of friends in the media. I was 40-plus then, but they told me, the way you look at your age, and with your voice, you should definitely get your portfolio done. I had a corporate gaming career once, but that was over, because I'd dropped everything when my husband had moved for his job, yet another time. I had nothing to lose, so I decided to give the glamour industry a shot. I started with one commercial, that led to another, and here I am today."

The advantage that Sujata had was that she fitted into both the traditional looking woman, as well as the corporate woman bracket. "That helped definitely," she agrees. "Also, I suppose necessity is the mother of invention. I knew I had to look after myself. I knew I had thrown away a 20-year-old marriage, just to make myself happy. Thankfully, the profession just lapped me up. I started from scratch. And it wasn't difficult, simply because I had the faith that I would make it."

In the past four years, Sujata has managed to do about 60 ads and around 25-30 television episodic appearances. "Unfortunately, I've only been given the mother roles. But then that's the sorry state of our industry today. The only roles for 40-plus women are the weepy mothers who cry till they die. Still, I have good memories of my work in Kashmir for Star Plus, and this children's show, where I played a grandmother, called Chi and Me."

And what about Bombay Talking? "I loved doing the show. Doing an English serial here was something very precious and something I'll always cherish. I loved the strength of that character. It felt nice to not play the typical maa. Of course, I was a mother but I was a damn powerful mother at that."

You'd think that Sujata had finally got the reins of her life firmly in hand. But no, you're thinking wrong. There's yet another examination for Sujata to clear and it's taken the form of cancer. "Contractually, I'm still doing Left Right Left and Antariksh, the only shows I have on television. But I've taken a break from both, as I have breast cancer and I'm undergoing treatment for the same. I've just finished two rounds of chemotherapy," she says remarkably unflappable. "Generally, when we hear the term breast cancer, we are so afraid. I was petrified when I was told that I had a malignancy. But today, I realize that cancer is caused by our own grief and resentment. All the muck that we collect within ourselves comes out in this deadly form."

Her career has to be temporarily put on hold, owing to the illness. "I can't take up a daily of course, because I can't afford to give 20-25 days at a time. At least as long as my treatment is on. It takes approximately a week for me to recover after a chemotherapy session. I have to be realistic about the situation. What I'd love for people to know out there, is don't delay anything that you have ever spotted on your system. The only reason I can still look the way I look and feel the way I feel, is because mine was detected at such an elementary stage that there is 100 per cent recovery guaranteed. That is the good news."

Her voice takes an emotional note as she states, "When I came to know about the cancer, the 'why me, why me again?' thought did strike me. But I'm over that now. Today, I want people suffering from the same to have complete faith. Walk this path with complete conviction in yourself and let go of your past. Let go of all the grief, the hatred, and all the baggage that has led to this condition in the first place. Unless you heal your mind, you are never going to kick the cancer out of your system. And yes, that is very metaphorical. So let go, and start enjoying life!"

When life deals you a difficult set of cards, your Ace of Spades is more often than not your sense of humour. If I wasn't sure of that before, I definitely am after meeting the spunky Sujata Kumar!

(so thats why she isnt acting right now.. hope she gets better from her breast cancer soon. )

hope its not posted before.. its a long article.. but do read it..maybe our wishes will make her better

luv,

shreyasi