Sona and Dev once again found themselves facing the gentle but pressing questions of Dr. Navya Anand. Dev has just repeated the promises he made to Sona last night, while Sona has expressed her pleasure and satisfaction at having connected with Dev after so long. Of course, the more intimate details of their night together were left out, but judging by Sona's slight blush and Dev's soft smile, Navya Anand could guess what might have transpired. It was in fact no surprise to her. Most couples, when they come into marriage therapy for the first time, are overwhelmed with the confessions worded and the emotions released. Physical intimacy is the first re-discovery made as a couple. But most often than not, the couple's re-discovered passion is short lived, at least if their relationship and communication is not worked on simultaneously. In fact, passionate physical intimacy can often create a smokescreen where the couple may blissfully forget what was keeping them apart.
This is precisely what Dr. Anand wanted to prevent from happening with the seemingly happy couple in front of her. But...there was something else as well. A tension she was picking up, and not s sexual one. For one, why didn't Dev and Sona look like they had just seen each other naked? Where was the heat?? Why were they not sitting with no space between them? Where were the not so accidental touches and glances? Most importantly, why the hesitance when asked about trust and comfort?
Sorting out her thoughts, the doctor finally spoke. "Okay, ek kaam karte hai. Hum kuch try karenge abhi, aur kuch mai apko ghar ke liye dungi. Sounds good?." Taking Dev and Sona's small nods as her green signal, she spoke again. "Okay, toh abhi aap dono is couch pe ek dusre ke taraf peeth karke baith jayiye. Aur kal jo hua...jo bhi...usme aap ko kya achha laga aur kisse discomfort hua ya darr laga yeh batana hai. Theek hai? Shuru karte hai aap se Sonakshi?" Doctor Anand looked expectantly at Sona.
Sona's POV
Sona was fiddling with her dupatta, trying desperately not to meet the eyes of either Dev or Dr. Navya. Of course she has her doubts and her fears, but the woman in front of her was asking her to spell it out? No, it wasn't that she was ashamed of her feelings or that she hadn't thought about it. She just wasn't expecting anyone to ask about them or any situation where she would have to. How long has it been since she has worded what she was scared of or what she is uncomfortable with? Maybe baba, sometimes. Will she find the strength, the words that matter at the right time?
Par sona, tu doctor hote hue yeh janti hai ki kabhi kabhi healing aur medicine dono hi dard aur discomfort dene wali hote hai. Chal sona, aaj let go of your controls. Steeling her resolve, she took a deep breath and turned her back towards Dev. Sonakshi could now make out the silhouette of Dr. Navya only by the corner of her eyes, while she sat facing the window overlooking the campus garden. As per the doctor's instructions, Dev turned his back too.
"Mujhe achha laga ki...Dev ne mujhe gift diya jo uske promises ki symbol hai. Par...(sona looked down, as if uncomfortable with what she had to say, then with a deep breath and in a gentle voice began again)...par promises Dev ne pehle bhi kiye hai." Saying this Sona released the breath she was unconsciously holding. Her body heaved as she tried her best to release the tension she could feel creeping in her body. Even this simple sentence, had taken her more courage than any other thing she had done recently.
Catching on to Sona's tension - and before she could regret what she had finally let out - Dr. Anand gave her reassurance. "Okay, very good Sona. Now before hum Dev ka jawab ya comment sune, mai chahti hu ki Dev aap bhi apne thoughts ko bayan kare. Both the good and the bad. Whenever you are ready..."
Dev's POV
It took Dev some moments to realise that Dr. Anand was addressing him. The rush of blood in his ears born of the gurgling guilt rising within him, were making it very difficult to hear. There it was again, the pain in his chest. One he was familiarised with everytime he felt that he hurt or disappointed Sona. It was as if his mistakes were never stood alone, but were always haunted by and coloured with the mistakes of his past. And no kidding, there were many. Right from him leaving her at the hospital to allowing her to be hurt when Ayush's name was changed forcefully. God, why wasn't this simpler? Why couldn't problems go away for once and all. But...how...what can I...
"Dev? Aapke mann mai jo bhi chal raha hai khul ke bol dijiye please. Take as much time as you need.", the doctor reassured. These words interrupted Dev's thoughts and brought him back to the present. Right,. Sona was waiting. But what was the most important thing he had to say right now? Dev thought for a moment, and then finally spoke.
"Sona ke kareeb hona, usse pyar karna mujhe hamesha khushi deta hai. Ummm, par...mai apne khud ke promises se hi darr jata hu. Mai..nahi nibha pata...jo mai janta hu uske liye sahi hai woh nahi kar pata. This conflict is unending for me. Mai thak chuka hu khud se yeh ladai karte karte... promises karna, unhe na nibha pana, guilty aur angry feel karna, ladai jhagra sorry...byas chalta hi rehta hai. Iss beench mai mai phas kar rehe gaya hu lagta hai" By this time, Dev had broken down under the weight of his emotions. Large drops of tears flowed from both his eyes even as he tried to not cry. Words, as if scraping through him, kept coming out his mouth.
"Par mai, mai usse pyar karta hu...mai jab promises karta hu unhe nibhana ke irade se hi karta hu. Yeh sirf words nahi hote mere liye. Par shayad dekhne walo ko lage ki..", with a frustrated sigh Dev punched the cushion beside him. His eyes were paining with the strain do trying to hold his tears. Just as he thought he would be consumed by his emotions now, he felt the softness of Sona's hands touching his arm, and the cold of their promise bracelet grounding him. Dev started taking slow deep breaths, in his attempt to keep a hold over himself. He still couldn't meet Sona's eyes yet. Was Sona thinking what an absolute hypocrite he is?
The gentle but assertive voice of Dr. Navya Anand filled the room again, balancing the extreme emotions that had just been released. Despite the heaviness of the words spoken, She was smiling softly. "Yeh abhi jo hua na, hum breakthrough kehte hai. Humare andar jabh bhi kuch daba hua hota hai na toh bhari ho jata hai. Jitne time jata hai, use bolna aur bhi mushkil ho jata hai. Sir ek time ke baad uska fitrat hi ho jata hai chupe rehne, aur hume lagta hai ki yeh hi sahi hai. I am very proud of you ki aap dono apne baat rakh paye. Abh mai chahti hu ki aap ek dusre ke kahe shabdo ke baare mai soche, aur aap jo bhi kehna chahte ho use ek chitthi mai likh dale. Aaj ke liye bus itna hi. Aur haan, jabh tak hum iss breakthrough se koi resolution tak nahi pohochte, please try to avoid physical intimacy between you or at least try to keep it to a minimum. A little distance will help you. Thank you, aap dono ja sakte hai. Mai agle hafte milti hu apse. Take care!"
Dev and Sona were still holding hands, and looking at each other. Guilt, doubt, fear, love overflowing through their eyes. They couldn't understand why they were being asked to stay away, when clearly what was needed was to be closer to each other than ever. But this was no time to question the doctor. Thanking her, the couple walked out of the room still dazed at what happened inside the room.
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