Originally posted by: screen22
This is written with such depth and understanding that I have no words š¶. Please take a šāāļø. The only problem that came about is Hindi words which I skipped or try to understand under the circumstances but if you could translate the Hindi into English it would be appreciated to understand the main conversation between Anirudh and Bondita.
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The feeling of something cold, clammy, and wrinkly slithering all over my skin woke me up with a jolt.
Is that a snake writhing all over me?
That was the first thought that came to my mind.
I wanted to run away...I was scared...No...I was petrified.
My heartbeats were accelerating, and my whole body was wet with perspiration.
It felt that I had been running a marathonā¦
But no.
I was stuck in one place only!
Why can't I move my limbs? What's happening? Why can't I untangle myself from the snake that had started crawling from my feet and now had reached my shin.
Oh, God!
What's wrong?
Why can't I move?
My mind screamed questions after questions...
And suddenly I realizedā¦
There was no snake.
There was nothing crawling over my skin.
What I was feeling... was the ugliest and the most painful memory of my life that had jostled me up.
A harsh scream escaped my lips as soon as my subconscious joined all the dots with my conscious mind.
-----
"Bondita...Bondita...what happened? Bondita..please say something. Did you have a nightmare?"
Pati babu's voice laced with worry and concern was falling over my ears, but I could not respond to him.
The horrifying memories of what should have been a beautiful night were not leaving me.
It would have been an amazing night. I had finally moved in my pati babu's room. I was so excited. Now, I could talk to him endlessly, even at night...and he could take care of me when I would wake up from a nightmare.
I had even planned so many games that I would have loved to play with him.
That night, I was so happy that I was moving on with my relationship with him. Everyone told me that our relationship lacked something. Honestly, I never felt anything lacking...in fact, I believed that our relationship had everything that my own maa baba had.
There was respectā¦ there was so much careā¦ He was my rakhshakā¦ and my shikshak. And he called me his rakshak too!
I used to understand his unsaid words, and he understood me so well too.
The level of comfort that I felt with him since day 1 of my marriage has remained unmatched.
I haven't felt this comfortable with anyone else, except for my own parents.
So, I believed that our relationship was complete...it was beautiful. But my elders told me that there is something important that is amiss from our relationship.
Apparently, my pati babu was supposed to touch me in a particular way to make me his patni in the truest sense.
Now, that was ridiculous!
Pati babu had already touched me numerous times. He would hold my hand, he would pat my head. I even hugged him once too and he kept patting my head then as well. It was such a beautiful feeling. I felt so safe...so ...cherished at that time.
So, this new ritual that the elders were forcing on me was quite moot for me, but I only agreed because it was all fun. There were women who were readying me...there were dance and a lot of chatterā¦ and then those rasms with pati babu. Everything was so nice.
But thenā¦
An old, hideous man entered my paradise.
He touched my feet with his wrinkly, cold handā¦
He took advantage of my veiled face and kept running his filthy hand on my feet and ankles.
Oh, God!
That feeling was horribleā¦
His fingers were cold and clammy, but I was feeling as if someone was pouring acid on my skin...slowly slowly...dripping and dribblingā¦
My skin felt as if it had been burnt.
His hands were now reaching my anklesā¦ and the acid had started pouring on my head too now.
Suddenly, I was all blank.
I could only feel the strange combination of his clammy hands on my ankles, and simultaneously I was feeling as if my whole body had been set on fire.
I was numbā¦
I was shaken.
I had even lost the strength to scream...just some whimpers and whispers were now escaping my lips.
And then those filthy hands started moving towards my shin.
That was when I felt as if a heavy slab of cold ice had fallen on my head and splattered into millions of pieces.
And that feeling finally released all my suppressed screams.
I don't know what had happened.
I just could not seem to stop screamingā¦
Dugga maa works in secret and mysterious ways.
My screams had finally woken up my pati babu...and then all hell broke loose.
I saw my pati babu roaring like a mad man. He was all consumed by anger. I know he was very volatile and he used to lose his temper very quickly...but even I had never seen him go crazy like that.
He was beating the crap out of that filthy creep...and I was just stunned.
There was so much going onā¦
I had started tremblingā¦
I was scaredā¦ very very scared.
I don't know what had happened...I don't know what was happeningā¦
All I knew was that I wanted to cry.
Oh! I wanted to cry so loud
The feeling of those hands slithering up my skin was making me nauseous.
I felt sickā¦
I felt extremely horribleā¦
I was horrifiedā¦
I felt like dyingā¦
And thenā¦
I stopped feeling anythingā¦
anything at all.
I thought...no...I believed that I was dead.
That was when I passed out.
-----
The voice of water running in the bathroom instantly caught my attention as I entered my room.
I had gone out to bring water for Bondita who was lying unconscious on my bed.
The thought of what had transpired that night boiled my blood and I felt as if my head would explode. I would have beat that creep again and again until he died, but Bondita had passed out and all my attention shifted towards her.
I handed over that creep to my baba who took him to the police station while I focused on Bondita.
My precious Bonditaā¦
Oh, God!
My hands shivered as I touched her face to wake her up. My heart was beating so painfully in my chest that I was having trouble breathing properly.
"Bondita...Bondita...get up please. Look at me...I am here...your pati babu is here. Please wake up...look at me." I was imploring her to listen to me just once.
And then she did listen to meā¦
The moment my frantic eyes met hers, I felt like someone had punched me in the heart.
Her eyes were terrified...they reminded me of the petrified eyes of a lost deer who would look at the rifle of a hunter...facing death...trying to be brave but yet so scared.
I saw the same expression in her eyesā¦
And I felt like dying a thousand deaths at that moment.
It took a lot of time for both of us to come to our senses.
She was huddling and subconsciously trying to cover herself in the blanket. It felt as if she was trying to vanish into thin air.
While I was trying to hold her hands to stop her from vanishingā¦
No, I could not let her drown in her misery like that...and I could not let her push my hands that were holding hers in a tight grasp against my bent head.
Both of us were crying.
Her tears were falling on my heart...and my tears were soaking her hands.
I don't remember for how long we had stayed like that and kept weeping, but after what felt like an eternity, she finally stopped crying. I took that opportunity to tell her that everything was alright and she was safe there, with me. She kept listening to me silently, and slowly, she drifted to sleep.
Sighing heavily, I decided to let go of her hands once I felt that she was fast asleep.
As I took out my hands out of her grip and started moving away, her whole body started shivering. Worried, I bent over her to see what was wrong. She seemed to be stuck in a nightmare. A very horrifying nightmare.
I was trying to calm her down when she frantically started shaking her head...her eyes were tightly clenched. Her body had started sweating profusely...and then I heard her scream.
"Bondita...Bondita...what happened? Bondita..please say something. Did you have a nightmare?" I was worried sick over her state. She finally opened her eyes and looked at me in a strange manner.
And then she told me that she wanted to have some water.
I went to the kitchen although my heart kept warning me not to leave her alone like that. But I ignored it.
That was a mistake.
When I returned to the room, I saw that my bed was empty. I started panicking but then the sound of running water in the bathroom caught my attention.
I realized that she was in there...and I started to relax a bit.
My relaxation was short-lived though.
I soon realized that the sound of water was not stopping. It felt as if someone was bathing under the tap!
It was not normal. If someone bathed in my bathroom, they would do that in the tub. And that did not require continuously running water.
My panic started to rise again as I sprang to the bathroom door.
I knocked several times, but there was no response.
The sound of water continuously running was now making me frantic.
I started banging the door...and when it turned to be futile too, I exerted all my force to open it...and I got lucky in my first attempt.
As I rushed into the bathroom, the sight that met my eyes made my panic worse.
She was sitting near the tap...her long hair was all wet. She was completely drenched in waterā¦ She was bent over though. From the back, I felt that she was writing something on the floor.
I called her name...she didn't respond.
Slowly as I crept towards her back, my eyes finally noticed red-colored water running on the floor towards the drain.
The crimson water was emerging from where Bondita was scrunching overā¦
A deadweight settled on my chest as the worst feeling of dread shot throughout my spine.
When I got close enough, what I saw shook me to the core.
She was scrubbing her feet with her hands and while doing so, some of her glass bangles had broken down.
The broken pieces of her bangles had injured her feet at multiple spots, but Bondita didn't seem to care one bit. She was just busy scrubbing her feet over and over...
Her feet were bleeding profusely, and the water from the tap was running over her feet, taking away the blood from her skin until she would scrub it again and fresh blood would ooze out.
She was not even flinching with pain. It seemed as if she was possessed..and not in her senses
I was horrified to see her behaving like a mad person.
My hand had clamped my mouth instantly to stop my scream from escaping my lips.
And then, I felt as if my knees had started to buckle.
My legs could no longer support my weight, and I fell down in front of her in that puddle of water that was drenched with her blood.
As I held her hand to stop her from rubbing one of her feet again, I don't know why I had burst into tears.
It felt as if my heart would stop if she did not stop..
And finally...she did stop.
But she was not looking at me. She was just sitting like a statue while I was bawling like a little kid.
I was a grown man...but I could not see her in such a state.
I was losing my senses too.
All I knew was that I wanted to hide her somewhere from the demons of her tragedy that were haunting her.
I wanted to protect her from the perils of the fear that her soul endured when that man had tried to touch her inappropriately.
I wanted to lock her somewhere, and the safest place was my heart.
Engulfing her in my embrace, crushing her slender, delicate body against my heart...
all I was doing was crying and crying.
I was holding her...rocking her like a baby and crying.
It took me several moments to get a grip on my emotions. And as I surfaced to reality and my present situation, the first thought that came to my mind was to stop the bleeding from her brutally battered feet.
Quickly getting up, I snatched the towel from the towel stand and wrapping it around Bondita's feet, I slipped my hands under her and picked her up in my arms.
She was not crying...and she was not meeting my eyes. But I could see how pale she was looking.
She was all wet too. I had to get her changed as well.
Settling her on the couch, I hurriedly went to get more fresh towels from my cupboard.
Wrapping one around her body, I was confused about whether to tend to her wounds first or to dry her hair to prevent her from catching a cold.
Loss of blood was more threatening than cold, as my mind dictated me, and I immediately went to fetch my first aid box.
The moment I bent down and touched her badly wounded feet that had reddened my white towel that I had wrapped around them, she stirred.
And then I finally heard her quivering and frail voiceā¦
"Pati babu, don't touch my feetā¦"
Feeling a fraction of satisfaction to hear her voice returning, I asked,
"Why Bondita? They are bleeding so much. We need to bandage them, right?"
I was trying to cajole herā¦
But what she said next made me want to weep once again.
" No pati babuā¦ do not touch my feetā¦" her voice was breaking as she tried to find her words,
" I feel sick of my feet. They have been soiled. They are dirty now. You must not touch them." She was pleading...and then I heard her sobbing.
I felt relief on hearing her responding to the adveristy. Her statue like numb state was really terrifying. But her words pierced my heart too.
Oh, my poor little girl was hurting so much!
As fresh tears came to my eyes, I tried to have a grip on my emotions as I finally managed to say,
"Bondita, there is nothing like that. Neither your feet are dirty, nor are you. So, please let me put an ointment and a bandage on them now."
------
He was touching my feet with so much care. His words had started to calm me down a bit. After all, pati babu kabhi jhoot thodi na bolte hain? If he's saying that my feet are not filthy, then they must not be.
And now that he was touching them, ministering them, applying an ointment on them, I really felt as if my feet were getting cleansed.
It was not the ointment that was curbing my painā¦ Noā¦
It was his touch that felt like a salve on the wounds that were visible on my body, and the ones that were invisible but that were bleeding too. These wounds were afflicting my soul.
And pati babu's gentle touch was healing all my internal as well as external wounds magically.
After wrapping the bandage around both my feet one by one, he got up and wiping his hands off a towel, he took another one and draped it around my head.
He was now trying to dry my hair!
His presence and his closeness were bringing a sense of peace to my wailing heart.
After a while, he went to one of the cupboards that were allotted to my clothes and took out a fresh plain sari for me.
"Bondtita, change your clothes quickly, otherwisw you will catch a cold." I heard him say.
His worry for me was very endearing. I was glad that where so much changed in one night, at least pati babu remained the same!
My feet were bandaged, and it was difficult for me to get up from the couch and go to the bathroom again to change my clothes.
Sensing my plight, he said,
"You dont have to go anywhere. You can change your clothes here only. I will looo somewhere else So, be comfortable and dont worry about anything."
I somehow managed to change my clothes and when I told him to turn around now, only then he moved again.
Coming near me, he sat down on the floor in front of me. And then he picked both my bandaged feet and put them in his lap.
I was surprised by his actions, but then I heard his voiceā¦
"Look Bondita, when we touch someone's feet na, it is a sign of respect. We assume that we are smaller in stature to the person whose feet we touch. I never let you touch my feet because I feel that in stature, respect, and in many other ways, we are either equal or I see myself smaller in front of you.
But as a common practise, when we touch some elder's feet, it is out of respect, and we believe that it increases their respect too.
The way that man touched you was absolutely wrong. He is a sinner and he committed a crime by touching you inappropriately. But always remember Bondita, that man was nowhere equal to you. He is a piece of dirt...and his touching your feet did not decrease your respect at all. Neither did you get dirty
The one whose respect has gone down to zero is THAT man. HE is the one who is dirty. And every man who touches a girl inappropriately is DIRTY. It is NEVER a girl's fault. And here also, you were not at fault at all. So, please, never think that you deserve some kind of punishment or cleanliness..and never think again that you are dirty. Never let yourself be hurt again ,please."
Taking a deep breath, he said softly, this time looking directly into my stunned eyes.
"You are as pure and innocent as you were before this incident. In fact, in respect and stature, you have grown because you ENDURED what no woman should endure ever. You went through a hellish experience that no one should ever go through. Your self-respect has increased, Bondita. You must think it like this: A weak man touched your feet and inadvertantly ended up losing all his own respect while increasing all yours!"
He paused for a bit to see my response.
I was surprised...How did he always know the right words to say to me to take my pain and fears away? I wondered when I heard him ask,
"Promise me that you will try to forget this incident?"
I felt my head nodding on its own.
"Promise me that you will never let this incident weaken you again, ever in your life?"
I nodded once again.
"Promise me that you will never hurt yourself again, and that you will share all your pains, worries, and concerns with me only?"
This time a small smile crept to my lips as I mumbled,
"Promise pati babuā¦ shotti!"
My eyes beamed as I saw a beautiful, satisfied smile finally emerging on his face.
That smile alone washed all my worries and fears and alleviated all my pain.
"For his smile alone, I can make a thousand promises!"
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