Hopes and Fears

I'd just like to preface this by saying that despite all the doom and gloom, there are certain reasons that keep pulling me back to this show.....humanity in all it's flaws is a hard thing to navigate....especially those aspects that hurt us, make us uncomfortable, are hard to reconcile with what we consider "right" or "normal".....but somewhere that makes these characters all the more real.....and I suppose that's what I've become so attached to.....even if I get put off by some of the things they say and do, the distances creeping into loving relationships, I still feel this pull to these characters. 

Today's episode had many good scenes.....I liked it more than yesterday's episode.

First up was Mini's diary scene....I loved the stream of consciousness aspect to it.....this felt like a familiar Mini....a child's innocent heart pouring out all her emotions....above all I liked that she atleast acknowledged the confusions and conflicting emotions inside her....the inability to pinpoint what feels so off.....her thinking back to the many mixed things she's heard from Babita....sometimes blame, other times complete love......her referencing the Amrit Manthan and worrying about the impact of the poison emanating from Babita on the people around her......then determinedly trying to overcome it all and trying to think positively. It's obvious though that she is in depression.....she's reached the point of suicidal thoughts, wondering why she was born, which felt very sad to see.....so she's definitely going to need serious help soon. 

Mini may be feeling some level of emptiness over her mother's life evolving beyond her but it's definitely not debilitating her....she did go off to sleep. 

Babita on the other hand, is a totally different story.....if Mini was able to pour out both her hopes and fears into that diary, Babita is ALL FEAR right now......and what do we do when we are filled with fear? We get defensive....we hide behind smokescreens, we lash out....we do everything we can to hide our fears and insecurities. And that is Babita in a nutshell right now. This woman is terrified of actually starting a married life....she is not ready for it all. Wedding and all tak toh theek tha....but that was a party and party's over now.....reality came calling and Babita wasn't ready for it.....she isn't ready to actually face HS as a husband....it was PAINFULLY obvious that she HID behind the label of a mother to escape having to be a wife.....she used Mini as the easiest crutch she could find to escape that room and get away from HS....which is why she laid out conditions....made excuses for why she agreed to the marriage....if she only wanted to marry him for Mini, why was she expecting haq etc. from him before they managed to get around to the proposal? It's convenient amnesia cuz it serves her purpose. 

All her life Babita has been a single mother more or less....Mini is the only relationship where she has felt implicitly needed.....it's the only relationship she has ever been comfortable in....in a sense, it was an easy relationship....she didn't have to go seeking it.....it was a blood bond....her own flesh and blood....naturally gifted to her, bound to her for life.....her only "successful" relationship in a sense.....so easy to retreat to.....at the first sign of trouble in her marriage with HS, she took off all the trappings of shaadi.....jewellery, lehenga....lol I was amused that the lehenga she so obsessed over suddenly meant nothing and had to be removed asap so that she could get into mother mode clothes again.....lol

And then there's HS....for some amazing reason, actually HOPEFUL about this marriage as he entered the room😆.....and herein lies the disconnect....after all he's seen of Babita, after the way the rituals actually happened, for some reason he thought Babita would be all chill when he entered the room? LOL sometimes I think HS has such a bhola mann....I do think somewhere he too wove his own little fantasy just like Mini did....so many times he's described Imarti's shringaar down to the minutest of details...the choodi, payal, maang teeka....he dwells on these things, they charm him....that was the fairy tale of shaadi to him in a sense as well....and for whatever he probably expected atleast some of that with Babita too.....only to get a rude awakening seeing the super complex woman he's actually dealing with. 

Mini remembered his lines about Babita's Amrit Manthan more than he did.....he was thrown off balance the moment he entered the room....but he's such a sweetheart, he was still trying to play along....still tried to make conversation....it was sad that all the importance of that room got swept away in Babita's issues right then.....he tried to talk about his mom but it seemed to trigger something in Babita and she went the other direction in trying to fight for her identity as a mom....an identity that was hardly under threat, except in her own head.....lol 

The morning finally arrived and shed further light on where things stand....one of my fav. moments was HS and Mini looking at each other silently in the morning.....ah man, I live for this dynamic....so much communicated in silence only. That is ofcourse the biggest elephant in the room, in the story right now.....the CD incident is being considered supposedly "resolved" based on how Mini said it was an MU and convinced them both to get married....but it didn't really get resolved....infact, it has left an impact on all three of them in different ways.....they are just covering it up with either smokescreens or avoidance. 

That avoidance also comes from fear.....they are all scared now.....yeh rishta HAQ paane ke liye joda tha....ek dusre pe HAQ....but ironically, ab teeno darr rahe hain apne haq ko OWN karne se....Babita is scared to actually take on the haq of a wife.....HS is scared to actually take on the haq of a father, and is now wary of even getting the haq of a husband....Mini is scared of exerting her regular level of haq on her Hanuman Uncle too.....aur is sab mein the situation keeps devolving. 

The morning convo b/w HS and Babita was again so revealing.....he actually tried to ask her about Mini....he's worried in his own way but scared to approach Mini....however when it turned out that Babita just used Mini as an excuse, he also started to see the truth of Babita avoiding him....and it cut deep. 

Babita is the most terrified of the three right now, while trying to bury herself in the kitchen or hiding behind mommy mode.....I can only shake my head and pity her.....especially over the irony that her daughter is ready to try to move on but Babita is unintentionally dragging everyone down with her thanks to her own fears.....it's becoming a domino effect. 

HS is still trying to make conversation, so that's a plus.....but someone will have to find a way to cut through Babita's smokescreens and confront the core issues within.....address her true fears. 

As for the last Mini-Laale scene.....it was a setup to add to Mini's depression....again, I see this all emanating from Babita's actions only....more presumptions are being made thanks to that fallout and lack of communication b/w HB. 

All in all, a food for thought epi.....I liked it. 

Will watch it  late at night but your post os already making me excited and happy because i totally agree with the preface over there. Despite my frustration with certain aspects am just way too attached and in love with the way they explore the basic nature and the different aspects of daily lives

This is what I wrote in the other thread. Putting it here. I don't know if I am thinking in the right direction. Would love to know your thoughts. 

I feel she’s using Minnie as an excuse right now. The problem is bigger than that. She has intimacy issues. She has never been with a MAN properly. Babita lacks confidence in that area. She knows HS is a passionate man. She must have felt it during pot making, and the alcohol scene. She feels she won’t be able to reciprocate to his passion in the same manner. She’s also aware of HS and Imarti’s passionate love story, so she feels she won’t be able to match up to Imarti, or that she won’t be as good of a lover to HS. She also has low self-esteem. If only she talked to HS, she would know that he would never judge her. Instead he would be sensitive towards her needs. 

Also what do we really know Babita and Ashok’s sex life? He might have not been considerate of her needs,  I mean he is a selfish lad, and Babita just fulfilled it as a duty of being a wife. Did Ashok get her consent before having sex with her? Or Did Babita ever feel like she didn’t wanna have sex, but because of his pressure she gave in? Maybe there is a case of martial rape here? (I hope not). We don’t know. And then there is the whole being rejected by your husband for a "prettier" woman. There is a major intimacy issue angle that the writers could explore. 

Waise bechara HS.....jhumka diya, toh bhi shartein rakhi gayi....aaj shaadi ki, toh nayi shartein rakh di Babita ne😆......he should do tauba from any romantic gestures towards Babita.....LOL....pata nahin kaise hopeful ho jaata hai yeh bholuram. 

For so many years, she was an inanimate object to Ashok, that she's herself started treating herself as an object that supposedly she can trade to HS only if he agrees to her conditions😵.....marriage is not a transaction, Babes. 

Who's gonna tell Babita that she hides her own cowardice behind these conditions? I guess Naeem Bi hi kar sakti hai😆

Phir aayega ek aur "I am SORRY"😆.

Originally posted by: naadanmasakalli

Will watch it  late at night but your post os already making me excited and happy because i totally agree with the preface over there. Despite my frustration with certain aspects am just way too attached and in love with the way they explore the basic nature and the different aspects of daily lives

Fair warning.....Babita will still test your patience a lot😆.....especially when she hurts HS. 

But overall, I think you'll also like the epi.....aaj Mini felt more back in her normal mode.

Originally posted by: LoveInAutumn26

This is what I wrote in the other thread. Putting it here. I don't know if I am thinking in the right direction. Would love to know your thoughts. 

I feel she’s using Minnie as an excuse right now. The problem is bigger than that. She has intimacy issues. She has never been with a MAN properly. Babita lacks confidence in that area. She knows HS is a passionate man. She must have felt it during pot making, and the alcohol scene. She feels she won’t be able to reciprocate to his passion in the same manner. She’s also aware of HS and Imarti’s passionate love story, so she feels she won’t be able to match up to Imarti, or that she won’t be as good of a lover to HS. She also has low self-esteem. If only she talked to HS, she would know that he would never judge her. Instead he would be sensitive towards her needs. 

Also what do we really know Babita and Ashok’s sex life? He might have not been considerate of her needs,  I mean he is a selfish lad, and Babita just fulfilled it as a duty of being a wife. Did Ashok get her consent before having sex with her? Or Did Babita ever feel like she didn’t wanna have sex, but because of his pressure she gave in? Maybe there is a case of martial rape here? (I hope not). We don’t know. And then there is the whole being rejected by your husband for a "prettier" woman. There is a major intimacy issue angle that the writers could explore. 

She is absolutely using Mini as an excuse right now....you are right about that....it was very obvious....the writers sprinkled in little things to indicate her state of mind....her change of expression when HS started talking about his mom.....as if she was terrified of any level of opening up that would lead to intimacy....emotional or physical.....then there was the act of her literally locking the door of the room when she got upstairs....symbolic of locking herself into her "safe space" again and wanting to keep all new things out....wanting to retreat into her world with Mini. .....the little tear that trickled down her cheek as she patted Mini to sleep.....all of it was Babita the woman trying to hide herself inside Babita the mom almost desperately. 

Intimacy issues are definitely there too....lack of confidence, low self-esteem is deffo muddled into this as well....but I actually think today's scene was about a level even before physical intimacy....she was just terrified of connecting to HS in anyway....and Mini provided the easy excuse. 

I'm not sure if it's that she didn't think of all these things before today or the CD incident has triggered some memories inside her too that she's running away from....whatever it is, she's using them as a smokescreen to avoid HS....she's also scared to open up to him. 

I'm not sure marital rape will come into play from her past....if that was the case, I think she would have opened up about it before this.....but then again, with Babita, one can never say what all she has buried deep inside herself. 

Filhaal toh way too much distance has crept in b/w her and HS....dosti jitna dynamic bhi nahin raha....she's treating him like a stranger she's talking to politely....toh intimacy issues discuss karna toh door ki baat hai......they will first need some incident to break down these new barriers between them. 

Originally posted by: AreYaar

She is absolutely using Mini as an excuse right now....you are right about that....it was very obvious....the writers sprinkled in little things to indicate her state of mind....her change of expression when HS started talking about his mom.....as if she was terrified of any level of opening up that would lead to intimacy....emotional or physical.....then there was the act of her literally locking the door of the room when she got upstairs....symbolic of locking herself into her "safe space" again and wanting to keep all new things out....wanting to retreat into her world with Mini. .....the little tear that trickled down her cheek as she patted Mini to sleep.....all of it was Babita the woman trying to hide herself inside Babita the mom almost desperately. 

Intimacy issues are definitely there too....lack of confidence, low self-esteem is deffo muddled into this as well....but I actually think today's scene was about a level even before physical intimacy....she was just terrified of connecting to HS in anyway....and Mini provided the easy excuse. 

I'm not sure if it's that she didn't think of all these things before today or the CD incident has triggered some memories inside her too that she's running away from....whatever it is, she's using them as a smokescreen to avoid HS....she's also scared to open up to him. 

I'm not sure marital rape will come into play from her past....if that was the case, I think she would have opened up about it before this.....but then again, with Babita, one can never say what all she has buried deep inside herself. 

Filhaal toh way too much distance has crept in b/w her and HS....dosti jitna dynamic bhi nahin raha....she's treating him like a stranger she's talking to politely....toh intimacy issues discuss karna toh door ki baat hai......they will first need some incident to break down these new barriers between them. 

Oh I like your analogy on why she locked the door to Minnie's room. Babita doesn't know what it is to be a wife, a woman with desires. She's hiding behind the mother. You are right she's terrified right now of any connection with HS, but again how did she think this was gonna go down after they got married? Or did she never think about all these things, sharing a room, emotional connect, sleeping in the same bed etc etc 😕. And now I think of it, when HS started talking about the room being his mom, it definitely triggered something in her, so she thought of Minnie, and left to be with Minnie. 

HS has started having expectations from Babita as a wife (as he should). He again tried to bridge the distance between them by asking her if she talked to Minnie. To me in that moment, Babita seemed aloof, lost in her own thought. She asks him to fetch her jeera, again an excuse to not have  that conversation with him, he brings it to her, and she says thank you with a smile. I didn't think Babita at that time was mad at HS for having accused Minnie of the CD drama. It didn't seem like she was thinking about that incident. Her fears are something else, much deeper. Again, he brings up the topic, and she's scared to open up, and doesn't want to divulge further in the conversation, and tries to end it... but He questions her back if Minnie was asleep why didn't she come down to their room, Babita's expression gave it all. She was avoiding that topic, but HS is HS so straight up asked her as he has started having expectations from her. Idk what it is, intimacy issues, scared to open up emotionally, she just seems she doesn't know how to handle this relationship, how to properly nibhao this relationship. I wanna know what she says to HS's question tomorrow. 

Also, I fear that HS might end up thinking Babita doesn't desire him, esp. if he goes into his own zone and starts thinking on why she kept that CD in the first place. He might back off completely from Babita. I fear this. This will be a major crack in their relationship 😭

Originally posted by: LoveInAutumn26

HS has started having expectations from Babita as a wife (as he should). He again tried to bridge the distance between them by asking her if she talked to Minnie. To me in that moment, Babita seemed aloof, lost in her own thought. She asks him to fetch her jeera, again an excuse to not have  that conversation with him, he brings it to her, and she says thank you with a smile. I didn't think Babita at that time was mad at HS for having accused Minnie of the CD drama. It didn't seem like she was thinking about that incident. Her fears are something else, much deeper. Again, he brings up the topic, and she's scared to open up, and doesn't want to divulge further in the conversation, and tries to end it... but He questions her back if Minnie was asleep why didn't she come down to their room, Babita's expression gave it all. She was avoiding that topic, but HS is HS so straight up asked her as he has started having expectations from her. Idk what it is, intimacy issues, scared to open up emotionally, she just seems she doesn't know how to handle this relationship, how to properly nibhao this relationship. I wanna know what she says to HS's question tomorrow. 

Also, I fear that HS might end up thinking Babita doesn't desire him, esp. if he goes into his own zone and starts thinking on why she kept that CD in the first place. He might back off completely from Babita. I fear this. This will be a major crack in their relationship 😭

There's already a big crack in their relationship....and it will only widen unless someone finds a way to get through to Babita. 

HS is making one mistake....he is treating this like a normal marriage....it's not....I understand that he's a hopeful, optimistic man....but having seen Babita and her behavior for a while now, I think he's kinda been in denial about this marriage.....he wanted to believe that things will just fall into place....that was a bit of a false presumption. 

What I do appreciate is that even when he's hurt and disappointed over his expectations being let down, he still tries to be gentle with her....he was still trying to cover up for her in the morning with Laale. I just wish HS had not been in a bit of a fantasyland about this.....more strategy is needed to tackle Babita....lol....

As for the CD....yes, I do think it's going to play a part.....someone has to ask the question sooner or later that why was the CD kept in the cupboard for so many months to begin with? And the answers to those questions can trigger further insecurities. 

But perhaps those insecurities need to be triggered to come to the front to be addressed....otherwise they will stay hidden and lead to other presumptions.

I didn't watch the episode yet..But @areyaaar and @loveinautumn26 views about Babita's state gives a different perspective in the midst of all negativity and bashes about her in SM.May be I give a try..Thank u guys..it's indeed a depth analysis..

Thanks for this post Anu... Even I liked the episode... They have depicted a normal. Issue which a woman faces after the marriage... Some. Knows how to deal with them and some reacts like Babita... 

Loved ur analysis and it's almost same which came to mind....

Writers are too good in showing these type issues... It was quite visible that Babita is hiding behind the big mommy... 

HS expected at least a normal talk. But Babita being Babita bus shartein rakh di taki raat bad nikal jaye.. She was worried for Minni.. But there was something else also going on in her mind... 

Minni needs a serious help... Lala conversation added more fuel to it..