Kill Your Darlings // MaNan OS

London Streets

You know how almost every drama film starts? A gust of wind elevates the main character's scarf as they stand on a crowded street - crowded, yet alone. They wait on the sidewalk for the traffic lights to go off and cross the street in slow-motion. An eerie background score plays as the film's tagline is softly read out by the narrator.

If you love him, kill him.

Nandini Murthy didn't consider her life to be drama film, but right now, what else could she say? She kept on walking with her head held high, occasionally tightening the scarf around her neck. It wasn't winter, but it was always chilly in London.

If you love him, kill him.

She repeated those words over and over again in her head - all the way to her apartment. As she locked the door behind her, she thought of those words again. If there was anyone who could do it, it had to be her. She knew that, at least.

She knew, but she didn't believe.

Nandini dropped her handbag on the couch of her living room, making her way to the bedroom of the tiny apartment. Her suitcase was kept there and she wanted to double-check on her belongings while she still had the time. Her flight to Mumbai would take off in two hours, so she'd have to freshen up and leave soon.

Mumbai Airport

The minute Nandini stepped out of the airport, she felt like she was home. All the noises of people talking, cars honking, whistles blowing, dogs barking somehow blended into one. She couldn't hear a thing, but she knew what it was about. Just an average day in the roads of Mumbai - with dust in the air and mud in the streets. Once upon a time, this would've annoyed her. After so many years in the quiet streets of London where it wasn't rare to be completely alone sometimes, she missed the real crowd of her country. A country in which a crowd isn't just ten people standing nearby but a hundred folks pushing through.

"Nandu! Over here!" a voice called out from her left and when she turned around, she saw exactly what she expected to see. Her friend Navya was waiting beside an auto rickshaw, and Nandini smiled warmly.

Navya's Apartment

When Nandini woke up at Navya's apartment the next day, she was just expecting a quiet day for herself. She would freshen up, watch some movies, chat with Navya, and just comfortably stay cooped up in the tiny apartment. She wasn't expecting a party, and she most certainly wasn't expecting his friends to show up.

"Welcome back, Nandini!" they all screamed in unison, almost startling her. Cabir was the first one to come over and give her a long hug. "We missed you a lot."

Although this wasn't what Nandini had planned, she still smiled at his gesture. "Yeah, I missed you too."

She wasn't lying. Out of all her friends, Nandini missed Navya and Cabir the most. Of course, since Navya was her best friend, she missed her a whole lot. They skyped whenever they were both free, but that always proved to be incredibly hard. Nandini constantly got research assignments at the lab while Navya was busy with her job and handling Abeer's adoption process. If they were able to talk to each other once a week, that was good enough.

Nandini fell out of touch with all her other friends - Cabir included. She always knew that she wanted to be a scientist, and she knew that she would have to make serious compromises in order to do so. She chose her career and it worked out well enough for her. Now, she had a steady job in a reputed organization, her own science lab, a moderately sized apartment, and a comfortable life. She didn't ask for much else.

"I brought you some muffins," Alya said as she set down a plate of fluffy, golden muffins on the kitchen counter. "That's okay, right?"

"Alya recently got into cooking," Mukti informed as she bounced on a shredded couch comfortably, not even bothering to ask, simply making herself at home.

"They look lovely," Nandini said at last and it brought a wide smile to Alya's face. She wasn't lying - they looked very appetizing, but she was trying to cut on the sweets.

"So, Nandini," Cabir began, sitting on the couch and rubbing his palms, "what's the plan for today?"

"Oh. I was just planning to stay at home-" she looked sharply at Navya who simply gave a sheepish smile, "but I guess that won't happen now."

"Boooring," Mukti drawled out. "Let's go to a nightclub! Who wants to party?"

"Mukti, there's still daylight outside," Dhruv finally spoke.

"Who cares? You can party at any time!" Mukti said, clearly still energized. She rose from her couch and turned at Nandini swiftly, "What say, Nandini, you in?"

Nandini was clearly taken aback at the suggestion. She didn't even plan to go outside today, much less party. Either way, she had never been the partying type. Even after all those years in London, this characteristic of hers hadn't changed. Sure, she went out with colleagues a few times - because where on earth would she get the time to make friends with such a hectic work schedule? - but those were just one-time gigs and stayed as that. Nandini Murthy transforming into a party animal? That was never possible in a million years.

She softly shook her head and Mukti sat back down. She was clearly disappointed but she didn't want to push it. "Who wants some muffins?" Navya chirped, and they all dug in, drowning themselves in all the conversations they couldn't have for all these years.

Sooner or later, the topic had to come up. "When are you going to see Manik?" Dhruv asked in between stuffing two muffins into his mouth.

Nandini knew they would ask her. Naturally, when your best friend's girlfriend returns back to the city after so many years, you ask her if she'd seen your best friend yet. It was... odd, but it was also so plain and normal. Nandini knew this question was coming, but she didn't prepare herself for it yet. So instead of answering him, she chewed on her muffin and the atmosphere shifted, but the conversation went on. They all talked on and on for hours, and no one mentioned Manik again.

Manik's House

Her palms were sweating. Why were her palms sweating? She was getting nervous for no reason at all. This was Manik; her Manik. They were madly in love.

Were.

She slapped herself.

Are.

She loves Manik and Manik loves her - she knows that. Then why was she nervous?

Because this isn't her Manik anymore.

She slapped herself again. Of course this is. This is the same Manik she fell in love with in college. The same Monster Manik who would tease her, annoy her, and bully her at every step. The same Monkey Manik who would make such stupid decisions and act like such a fool that sometimes, she would just feel like grabbing him and kissing him, and sometimes, she would just feel like slapping him senseless. The same Manik who she loved. He loved her back. He was in her prayers every night. He was the one she trusted, and the one who trusted her. Her best friend, and the love of her life.

A smile creeped onto her face. This was her Manik, not the one who...

She shook those thoughts out of her head - this was not the time to think about such foolish things. Impulsively, she pressed the doorbell before she could stop herself and immediately regretted it. Her eyes grew wide and the first thing she thought of was to run.

No, you idiot!

That would just look dumb. Why would she run? But she couldn't face him either. Maybe if his servant opened up, she could make an excuse and say she was just...

The door creaked open and cut off her thoughts. Uh-oh, no servant, but the one and only, Manik Malhotra.

He took a step backwards the minute he saw her; confused, shocked, flabbergasted. She felt the same, but also scared. He still looked great, she noted. His hair was kept stylishly messy. He wore his usual black-and-yellow minion T-shirt with some checkered pajamas and bloody slippers. Fluffy slippers! And somehow, he still pulled it off. Sometimes she wondered how he could always look so effortlessly fine.

"You came," he breathed out. It was not a statement or a question, it was just... midway through. Nandini answered him regardless.

"Yeah," she said, then gulped and rose her voice a bit, more confident now, "I came."

His lips curved into a smile and she felt like she would melt then and there.

One Year Ago

Nandini's Lab

She couldn't believe it when she heard it for the first time. The project for the time machine was revived only five months ago, and all control of the research was given over to her as the Head. It was probably one of the biggest moments of her life, and Nandini was absolutely ecstatic. She told Manik about it excitedly and he flew over to London to celebrate with his girl. Everything was perfect, and then he came along.

It didn't take long to confirm that Jean Estevan was here from the future. He was a scientist who had used this same time machine to travel from the far future. This was their first try - the time machine had never been used before, but it worked now. He couldn't go back, they had not planned anything for that, but he had to come because of an emergency.

The world was dying.

Death, destruction, war. It had all started right here, right now. Well, not right now, but seven years from now. Nine core members from nine countries had plotted something terrible which got out of control. Nandini didn't remember clearly but she remember the words rebellion, nuclear fallout, attack, and accident the most. She blocked it all out when she heard what she had to do.

For the greater good of the world, they had to eliminate these nine people, in hopes of avoiding the apocalypse.

Yes, the apocalypse. She had laughed when she heard it, but the grim faces of the superiors scared her. The apocalypse was going to come - not yet, but many, many years later. Billions of people would die but all of that could be avoided.

All they had to do was kill nine people.

Nine people who weren't completely innocent, but certainly didn't deserve death now. Either way, to save billions, to save the world, they had to do it, and everyone complied. It wasn't hard to get the names and locations of the people, but it did take some time.

One day her boss had called her into a room to break the news.

Manik Malhotra, from Mumbai, India, was involved. Not just involved, but one of the nine people they had to kill. Right now, he was just a struggling artist trying to make it big in the music industry. A few years down the line he would grow bitter and angry, and eventually, malevolent.

Manik - her Manik - would be responsible for the apocalypse. It was all too crazy for her.

They didn't want to kill him, they preferred her to do it, but if she couldn't then they would understand. A week later she refused - she wouldn't kill her boyfriend.

The week after that she threatened them not to harm a hair on his head. If anyone was going to do it, it had to be her.

It took her a month before she finally decided she would be his killer.

Yet, when Manik came over to visit her again, she snapped at him. She kicked him out of her apartment and told him to leave her, run away, and never come back. She didn't give any explanation, she just wanted him to leave.

Sitting at her lab right now, the tears soaking her cheeks, Nandini made a decision. If you love him, kill him, she told herself.

She would kill her lover.

Present Time

Manik's House

Manik set a glass of lemonade on the table in front of her and she gulped it eagerly. The cold liquid swirled down her throat, relaxing her. She quickly rubbed the sweat beads on her forehead with the back of her hand, setting the empty glass back down. Manik was observing her the whole time.

"So?" he asked, clearly expecting her to continue.

She didn't want to continue. She didn't want to kill him.

"The last time we met, you told me to f**k off," his tone held a tinge of humor, but she wasn't feeling funny at all. "I can count all the times you've sworn on one hand."

He's not being serious, she realized. Why is he not serious?

"But," he stalked forward in his seat, the air shifting slightly as his voice toned down, "it's never been jokingly. You're always... worried when you swear. So, my dear Nandini, tell me; why were you worried? Why were you worried about me?"

The way her name rolled out of his lips was always so beautiful. It still shocked her. His voice, deep, coated with a sultry sound as his tongue expertly flicked his teeth, grazing over it, spelling her name, N-a-n-d-i-n-i. Soft, slow, and rhythmic. She sighed. She would miss this so much.

Her sigh worried him and he came forward, taking her hands in his. His hands were warm and her hands were cold - too cold.

"Nandini." There he went, saying it again, just like that. A single tear made its way out of her eyelids, but Nandini didn't want to cry. Not now, not yet.

Manik saw her tear and flicked it away in a second. "Tell me what's wrong," he said so softly, so softly that is made her want to cry again. She bawled this time and pulled him close, gripping him tightly in a hug so strong it hurt her palms. He hugged her back, not knowing, but slowly understanding. Something was up.

"I love you," she breathed out in between tears. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Iloveyou Iloveyou Iloveyou."

"I love you too," he cooed. "Nandini, stop, I love you too."

I know you do, idiot. That's why it hurts.

She pulled back to pull in again. Her cold lips captured his - warm, wet, and inviting. She kissed him with such fever that a fire ignited within. He kissed her back, but her lips were dead. Cold and dry like that of a dead body. It felt very fitting at the moment - she was dead without him. But his lips - warm, hot - were so alive. He was alive. She was so close that she could feel his heart beat through his chest. His chest against hers, his heart thumping, the warm blood travelling through his veins signaling that he was alive. He was breathing and he was alive - so. very. alive.

Nandini hated it, but she didn't stop kissing him. The kiss lasted for minutes, but she still didn't feel like letting go. When she did, their foreheads were against each other. His eyes were open, watching her, but hers were closed.

A goodnight's kiss for a goodnight, my lover.

A Few Years Down The Line

Graveyard

It didn't hurt. She hoped it didn't hurt. Did it matter? He wasn't here to confirm it. He was dead.

Manik Malhotra was dead.

But he was sleeping now, Nandini remembered. He was sleeping. He closed his eyes and night began - forever. He was going to sleep forever. She hoped his sleep was peaceful.

She bent to leave the bundle of tulips at his gravestone. All the other flowers had wilted.

In the beginning, people would visit his grave every day. Nandini saw new flowers and new people all the time. Eventually, people grew out of him, and he was forgotten by most except for his close friends. Still, Nandini was the only one who visited his grave once a week. At first it was once a month, but now since her lab had moved from London back to Mumbai, she could make more time for the love of her life.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and heard the rustling of the leaves. She hoped it was him. She hoped he knew. Nandini Murthy had no choice.

She walked away slowly. He was dead. Gone. Deceased.

Nandini Murthy died along with Manik Malhotra. Everyone could see it.

I had no choice, she remembered as silent tears found their way back.

If you love him, kill him.