||VruShan OS: Its Complicated||

It had been a long day, tiring and exhausting to say the least. It was 1a.m. and he was yet to reach home. Sometimes, it amazed him how he stayed jam-packed with work even without an ongoing show. The rehearsals with Desi Hoppers had left his body aching and he knew he desperately needed some sleep but he obviously couldn't just sleep in a cab. So, he pulled out his phone from his pocket and logged in on to his twitter account. He hadn't really been fond of social networking before, still wasn't that tech savvy but his well wishers had wanted him there so he had opened up to it and over the time had even started enjoying it till an extent. Sometimes, it was uncomfortable, sometimes it was disturbing but most of the times he secretly loved seeing the good wishes and love that was showered upon him. As he refreshed, as usual his mentions were spammed and stood at 2K+. He was still two hours away from his home so he decided to check on them. Going through some silly conversations about him and his body among his well wishers, a lot of praises for his performance in The Big F, some edits, he suddenly stumbled upon a VM which said,

Because I am too obsessed with @shantanum07's Tujhe Bhula Diya and VruShan <3

He felt reluctant. He knew what this meant. He didn't really want to go down that road and yet he followed the link.

"I think it came from an honest place in your heart . . .Jaise ki aapki zindagi ki koi prem kahani ho ya chahat ho ya koi intense mohabbat ho jiski vajah se aap kahin dard se guzar chuke hain ya guzar rahe hain. . ." Karan's voice echoed behind in the background as his dance moves from the performance matched Karan's words.

It suddenly took him to the day he had performed it. He had of course known Karan was a fine director but he hadn't expected anyone to see through his feelings but he had caught it. His throbbing pain, his yearning which had suddenly took him in its embrace as the music played all had unconsciously came to his face, became so obvious, made him so emotional.

"Shantanu aisi koi baat hain, matlab chakkar vakkar raha hai, girlfriend chodke chali gayi, jisne dard diya ho, kahan se nikala itna saara dard?" Manish was asking in his usual tone. Only if he could have answered that with whole honesty. Only if any of them had seen her, if they have seen him around her!

And there she was on his screen with that pretty smile of hers, as usual him looking at her intently and she talking carelessly about anything and everything in her joint ivs. His well wishers read him right. Vrushika Mehta was cause of my heart aches, the void which I cannot fill even through my dance.

"Abhi bhi milte hain hum sab. . ." His answer to Manish's question echoed behind in the video as she entered the rehearsal hall of Bindass Naach opening the door with her eyes on him.

"Shantabai bolte the hum. . ."

"Ae Vrushika Bai, theek se saaf kar!" He heard his own voice from their SBS iv and chuckled lightly as memories flooded by.

His heart suddenly felt heavy. The video had brought back all the memories in two minutes. It was like everyone could see his feelings inside out, it was like they knew his journey, and probably they did too till an extent. He closed the video and put it back again in his pocket. It suddenly felt too much. The video played in his mind over and over again and so did all the memories.

How was he ever going to tell her what he really felt for her? So many times he had felt like probably she felt the same too. . .not really through her words but her actions sometimes screamed that. Vrushika was a good friend, a great friend but if there was something she didn't do for her other "friends" it was going out of the way to support them, be there for them when she can miss out. From D3 to Jhalak, she had done that for him and only him, but then there were times when her statements, her words, her eyes all said it was all just for friendship. She had other group of friends, friends with whom she had travelled around countries for work projects, friends around whom she didn't get awkward, around whom she becomes as carefree as she can be without a thought, friends around whom she doesn't go fidgeting like she does around him. . .Friends with whom she can talk like she talks to Sam and much to his displeasure those friends had some males which did not make things any better for him.

It made him feel like probably he wasn't the kind of outgoing guy she would like to have as her boyfriend. Probably he just wasn't right for her.

Or, maybe they had gone too deep in making each other believe that they were just friends, so much deep that now revoking that belief for even themselves seemed impossible. Maybe they were two right people caught up in wrong time, maybe, but maybe it was all for nothing.

It had been tough to accept, but he had finally done that, yes he loved her in the ways he wouldn't have her because he did not have the courage to ruin things between them. He already couldn't have her all and he wasn't willing to lose any of the pieces he had. He was in love without being in a relationship. His love was unrequited and for the better had to remain that way.