A/N: I am glad you guys took Swayam's past the right way... I wasn't very sure whether I should put it or not but decided to anyway; I had my reasons. I really believe that yes, Swayam wanted, more than anyone, to be with Sharon. But for someone who has spent an entirety of four years wishing for something but not really achieving it, they will look for other options. Not as desirable but for four years, waiting to be loved sure gets to people. And I don't believe in Swayam's characterisation as a saint. No one is. Everyone makes mistakes and Swayam is definitely not, cannot be impervious to it because in that case he isn't real. When I create characters I like them to be as real as I can make them.
That being said, if anyone is still not comfortable with this, I am sorry but SEVEN years, come on! Did you any of you ever have a crush for seven years? I didn't! I am too proud for that! :P
Chapter 13 (Part 2)
"I have a lot of time, I am on vacation," Swayam replied smugly. On catching the look on Sharon's face, his smile faltered, "Only if you want to talk about it, that is."
The truth was Sharon wanted to. She wanted to talk about everything she hadn't. She wanted to break that wall, and probably it wasn't very strong either. Maybe it was the scotch she had consumed for the strength to be able to endure Rey's drunken whines of how he will never find love. Or maybe it was just too long and she was tired of not having anyone to talk to about it. She only worried at what point would Swayam realise it was one pathetic story and not want to be related to it.
"I was never very keen on joining St. Louis College. Even when I did, I only thought of it as a backup. There was something totally else that I wanted to do with my life."
"Dancing," Swayam commented.
Sharon nodded, smiling. Sighing, she continued, "But my parents wanted me to do law after my bachelors, and join the company. My dad used to say, "You've got an entrepreneur's brain. You only need to sharpen the edges." But that wasn't my dream; I wanted to dance my whole life. I had this whole other world planned out for myself, and there was nothing I would sacrifice it for. Not even my parents' support. Just this once in second year, I had this huge fight with my parents and I decided to leave home."
"You what?" Swayam exclaimed. "I never knew of that."
Sharon rolled her eyes, "How would you? But it wasn't as bad as it sounds. I stayed with Rey at his apartment, so that cut down the cost of renting flat or staying in hostel. He had easy access to his parents' money so nothing was that big of a problem. The only issue was to pay college fees, which I earned from prize money from all these dance competitions. It fetched money as well as recognition, and our group was good to go. I also participated in a lot of solo performances so I earned enough to be able to pay for college.
But actual trouble started in my third year. I contracted asthma somehow, and it put a full stop on my dancing career. I couldn't dance for more than a minute without feeling like I would die of suffocation. It took me months to be able to jog for a mile without feeling suffocated but then I still couldn't do rigorous activities.
So any career in dance was gone and for a while I didn't know what to do with my life now." Sharon took a pause looking pensive. "I don't know if you realise how difficult it was for me, it was like someone had ripped a part of my soul and burned it off. I could never feel complete again. But I was still mad at my parents and I didn't go back home. I turned down all of their offers to come back home, now more than ever.
A couple of months later, my dad had a massive cardiac arrest and he was admitted into the hospital only to be... to be announced... dead... on arrival." It physically hurt Swayam to see this Sharon, blank, emotionless, pensive. He had never seen her look so small and vulnerable and he hated watching her this way. He wanted to hold her, his arms literally itched with the desire to hold her, but he understood she needed the words to come out and he let her.
"That's when... that's when I gave up. Everything. I gave up fighting and forced myself to accept that this is what my life will be. Frankly, sometimes I feel I am so pathetic that I whine over the life I now have. Many people would die to be in my position. And the truth is, I don't mind where I am today. I don't mind doing what I do. I had this whole block in my head that this cannot be my life. If I had accepted this... maybe Dad would have been alive... maybe I wouldn't be living with the guilt of ki... killing...him," Sharon's voice started to shake. Swayam saw her eyes fill and on instinct, he scooped her in his arms as she sobbed softly.
"You didn't do that, you know it," Swayam told her softly. "You weren't the reason; you couldn't be."
"What if I was?" Sharon countered, "What if it was because of me... what if he couldn't handle the stress?"
"Sharon," Swayam groaned, "he definitely knew that you never hated him. He must know either you would come around or make it big. He couldn't possibly think he has lost you forever." He tugged at her, making her face him, "Don't blame yourself, Sharon..."
"How do you always know to say the right things," Sharon mumbled with a wet chuckle. When she looked up at him, her face cradled in his hands, her eyes tear strewn and looking straight into his eyes, wide and adoring; he felt something tug in his heart. That was something he had waited to see for a long time, but he couldn't even gloat about it. That expression at that moment would probably mean nothing in the morning.
But how could he ignore it when this was what he had coveted for so long? How could he contain himself when she was wide open and warm in his arms? He couldn't think, couldn't form coherent sentences in his head which was apparently filled with static. He couldn't even breathe properly, his chest constricted, each breath laboured and deep. He would blame himself next morning for what happened next but right then, there could be nothing else that felt so right. He leaned down till his lips brushed against hers.
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