Ostracised healer
Chapter 1
Subtle rays of Sun snuck my room warming my frozen body, I dnt shield my vision... I want warmth, I want to engulf light as much as I can, Opening my heavy lids I gazed around , my room was Disoriented yesterday nite but now everything is ordered back to their right places...
Cracked broken bed lamp from floor to side desk, Scattered books to books shelves , piled garments back to wardrobe ... I dnt remaind me ordering my room...
Slowly events of yesterday nite sank in ...I shut my eyes trying to reject images of past events, I tried my best to solve it on my own, I dnt want them to suffer along with me...but now everything is out...,
They now know reasons behind my behavioural changes... Not just my room even my life seemed ordered back a little...not completely but atleast there are no secrets between me and my parents , never intended to maintain secrets, I just can't drag them into my misery...
CHOICE WAS MINE, PAIN SHOULD BE MINE...
And now pain is not just mine theirs too... I hate it...I hate to hurt them... but now they know I was feigning happiness...
I kicked my sheets and slid down descending to living room, I could feel raise of my heartbeat, I dnt know how they received what they witnessed...
I'm not ready to to see their strained faces... Dad is reading newspaper, I greeted him morning wishes he just nodded with a gentle smile...
I paced to kitchen to see my mom... Teddy is already awake...he is sitting on kitchen bar having milk...it surprised me he never wakes up early, he never drinks milk without complaining...
He wakes up after creating big drama, he was never on time to school...
I'm still confused what made him punctual, obedient...may be he is not that mischevious...especially when everyone are depressed... I like that about him, though he is a hell raiser, he transforms To sweet obedient kid. When he feels difference in home atmosphere...
Mom is cleaning kitchen...Her back is facing to me...
" GOOD MORNING ALOO". Teddy yelled cheerfully...
Mom turned to face me she has a scowl look on her face...
" u want a Coffe...?" she asked gaping a kettle...I nodded
" Morning Teddy!!" I dragged kitchen stool and settled beside Teddy...
" TEDD !!!ALOO..." he shot back making an irritated face...
I rolled my eyes, he doesn't like calling him 'Teddy' it's like some of his friends teased him about his name, he wanted it to be short, their friends suggested him ' Tedd' and from then he was forcing us on his new short name...
Kitchen was silent, I could hear hissing sound of boiling Roasted coffee beans...strong Aroma of Coffee hitted my nostrils fighting with my migrane...Mom added milk and cream , she served me and dad, we both joined dad in living room...
Dad passed an appreciating smile to mom for a great morning coffee...I never noticed him appreciating mom...I mean he does but never said her, he mostly criticise her cooking skills, and my mom shouts at him but soon her anger subsides...its their way of showing love to each other, I never witnessed how they manofy each other that they will be together the possible next moment unlike other couples...
Today he appreciated her, may be because he is really exhausted after yesterday nite...may be he is no good mood... I hate it, I hate the changes emerging into our family...
Their love for eachother always gives me hope that there are some one who really stand for their love...
Dad's bushy eyebrows scowled to center analysing me, I noticed both mom and dad are exchanging looks...then I realised I didn't touch my coffee though I'm holding it...they are worried about me, worried about what I'm thinking...
"What happened?? Why are u both staring at me...ur little girl is that beautiful today..??" I disguised happiness cheerfully...
I dnt want them to be hurt...I sipped coffee for the first time after holding... I'm a Coffee freak!! Especially for my mom's coffee...she makes utterly tempting coffee...
" Ummm...Mom!! U r too Good, I love u for this..." I beamed raising my mug to cheer... i didn't lie, I seriously felt relieved sipping it...
Dad flopped news paper on coffee table and is looking at me intently...
" Teddy!!" mom yelled for him..
I could sense impatience exerting, I know how she behaves, she caressing back of her neck closing her eyes yanking her head back...
When there was no reply from teddy's side, I wondered where he went, I didn't see him coming out of kitchen too... Mom huffed...
" Uuuhhh...that's Okay TEDD!! " she yelled again slapping her head...
There is a immediate reply from him, I saw him coming out of kitchen with that huge stupid grin... I genuine laughed seeing Teedy's determination to force that name on us...
" That's good mom..." he said jumping into her lap, circling his hands around my mom's neck...
" Okay listen, Teddy, Go to ur room and get ready..." Mom winks at him. Eyeing me from corner of her eyes...I donno what's their deal,they are hiding something from me...
Teddy climbed down and retreated to his room...I turned to mom and dad...they are still staring at me with intently with a scowl...wow now I understand, they doesn't want teddy to hear us...
I Lifted paper and started reading news loud making jokes out of serious issues too... that's me I always was happy, so trying to pretend it even now...but to my disgust I'm a bad actor...
I some times wonder how my parents didn't figure what was going with me...may be I'm not that bad actor of how I assume...
" Aliya!! " Mom said in a strained tone..I switched my gaze from news paper to mom...she is rubbing her head in desperation...
" What is it?? Why are u pretending of being happy, when u r not??" Mom asked me shifting to my side...circling me for side hug...
I rested my head on her chest in silence... I might burst into tears any seconds again, I dnt want that to happen again after yesterday...may be not this early, not this frequently...
Mom rested her chin on my head...
"Mom!! I'm not..." I tried to reassure her...
" U r Aliya..." Dad said and shifted to my other side ... I understood there is no point in acting... when they very well knew that I was cheating on them all these days...
"Dad I dnt want to...but I just Cant!!". My voice sounded weak..
I saw the rushing emotions in their eyes...
" Why not my Girl!! We are here to ease ur pain, we cannot let u hurt urself... u know that hurts terribly us too in long run, u want that to happen?? " Dad said stroking my hair...
"we just want to see u happy, we will do whatever we can...but we will not let u rott in ur misery alone..." this hurts me, this seriously is hurting me...they said it all they are not going to leave me alone... i dnt want them to enter my devasting territory where there is no scope of hope...it will hurt them badly, it ll crumble them...and I dnt want that...
" No dad, this will hurt u both!! I cannot see that, but I promise I will come out of it...Soon very soon..." I assured him shifting into his arms...
"U r wrong Aliya!! This is hurting us more...u not allowing us to share ur pain is dissecting us...u need us when u r in want of Solace..." Mom said raising up from couch
" Okay u ll not understand now...just juss..." she trails off and tried to move away...she is in tears... I held her wrist not allowing her to move away...
" u r leaving me...??" I questioned, I didn't realise that I'm crying until salt tears crawled down reaching my lips...
" I want you..." I said...a sob escaped from me making my father's hold on me tight... She cleared her tears and smiled...
" So promise me u r not going to act, u dnt keep urself away from us..." she said holding out her arm...I placed my palm in her's and nodded my head Dad planted a kiss on my forhead...
"we promise, we ll help u out...soon u ll be out of that shit" reassured me...
problem is I'm not yet ready to come out of it...and for God's sake it's not Shit!! I loved him...I still love him... I bent my head fixing my gaze to floor...mumbling Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...I didn't realise when I said loudly... " is that Shit!!??"
" I never mind calling that even worse...whatever hurts my daughter is more than shit to me...". Mom grimaced... I dnt disagree with them...that is their love for me, even I do that for my loved ones...as a matter of fact I distanced my loving parents...thinking it's a hell and they dnt deserve hell!!
"Mom I'm Ready..." Teddy bursted into living room, he looked at three of us...he raised his brow giving us WHAT DID I MISS look...
" What??" I asked him hiding my tears...Now he is infront of me...
" u were crying...??". He questioned me looking at mom and dad
"who made u cry...?" he asked in that little stern tone...Wow my little saviour...he fights with me but he cannot see me in tears... I denied...but he rolled his eyes analysing what can make me cry...
" Teddy, we didn't tell her we are going to tour...that's y she is crying..." Mom said with a grin!! I gazed back to Teddy in confusion...he is laughing histeriously...
" Aloo, u cry for surprises!! ??" now he questioned laughing ...
I turned to mom, she pointed at luggage waiting at entrance of door...everything was ready...I'm still dnt understand glanced at mom and dad in daze...
"I think u need a break!! Let's go somewhere..." Dad announced...
Break!! Break from what...from my state, escape from my territory!!! But y they are doing it, leaving their commitments in middle ...
I know dad has a meeting with state tea board, I also remember how many days he waited for that day...
" I cannot.." I replied...dad huffed and gave me an irritated look...
" can I know y??" Dad questioned...
"I cannot let u miss business commitments in the middle... I know how much u admire ur work"
" Aloo, pls dnt spoil everything...just come with us.." Teddy pouted with pleading eyes...
Teddy just need a reason to bunk his school...he is just a helluva Travel freak!! Infact me , it's me who spoiled him...
" Aliya...listen I asked Govind Uncle to tackle it, I believe he is efficient...we are going!!" Dad assured me...
" And I ll no longer leave u in this...Yesterday nite when I saw u..." he paused... I raised up to stand beside him...I hugged him sobbing softly...
" my heart crashed ..." he managed to say in broken voice
" Sorry dad...Those were not my intentions...I was just trying to experience, I would have not done that...I cannot leave u all..."
I said moving back from his hold...I cleared my tears with back of my palms...
" Okay we let's go...I'm ready.." I said smiling with tear strained face...
"What happened...??" Teddy interrupted in middle with his question...demanding an explanation...
" Nothing my Little man...okay r u ready for my breakfast..." Dad said eyeing three of us...
Reddy clapped hearing my dad offer, mom gave a disbelieving look...dad's cooking always doubled mom's work...but we enjoy that moment...it will be quite entertaining...we three make fun of dad...and he will try to defence his cooking skills...
I cannot stop myself from appreciating my family's efforts to keep me happy...he specially choose this day for his cooking to ease my day, to make me happy...
I smiled and retreated to my room to get ready...after breakfast we are leaving...for God know's where and for how many days...
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Everything was packed and dumped into our Car, me and teddy settled in back seat, mom in passenger seat and dad asusual driving!!
Dad is the safest driver I have ever seen!! So we never hired a driver for long journeys...he will drive until he is tired, when he is exhausted we stop and board into nearby hotel...
I turn back to see my home... Everytime when we go for a Road trip, I was the one to get most excited but today I'm not...
I leaned back into cushion closing my eyes...dad ignited car slid out of parking...saying goodbye to our security guard ...
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It's the fourth day, we stopped in 3 places...Mumbai, pune...we trekked one day ...Teddy wanted to meet Dhoni his favourite sport star...hell broke consoling him when we tried to explain him it's not possible...
Finally he accepted when we promised him that we will take him to Dhoni next year...
Teddy is sleeping in my lap, today morning he woke up early...im gently ruffling his curly hair, it's my favourite...but he never let me do that when he is awake...so I play when he is asleep...
I sink my head to headrest, steadying my thoughts...
I'm not feeling easy today, no not just Today since many days, I justified...
I shut my eyes rejecting image of one I'm trying to forget...but it's getting tough...series of events which devasted my life is playing in my head...
I'm heaving gasping for air... I heard loud scream of my car... suddenly images of him, me and our's gushed out of my brain into emptiness...
I opened my eyes..and shut them next second in horror, our car crashed Into what I really donno, it slipped on road...I held teddy tightly assuring him not to scare...
I could hear screeching sound of car...i squeezed my eyes more tightly in fear, it made huge sound... Me and teddy collided with car door, I cuddled him more tightly in my embrace...we were thrown out on to road when Car bumped badly into what I exactly I donno...most of the parts of car are spread around me ...
My dad's brand new car is now looking like car which uses for accident scenes in films... I rolled my eyes trying to find dad and mom...
I know teddy is still with me...soon everything blurred and my eyes shut engulfing darkness...
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Wake up!! Wake up!! Wake up!! Wake up!! It's a dream...its a dream...it's a damm bloody dream...my mind is screaming...
wake up!! Wake up!! I donno why I'm trying to wake when I clearly saw what just happened...I dnt want to face reality...but I have to...
I'm not feeling pain, my whole body is numb...but I dnt have energy to raise up...
I slowly opened my heavy lids expecting teddy to see first...when I realised he is not in my cuddle my heart skipped...he is lying 3 feet away from me...
When I peeped down to look at my legs to plead them to support me..I understood skin of my legs are peeled showing broken bones...i gathered courage and walked, I donno how I am walking, I feel like I'm walking in air...my whole body is numb not receiving senses...
I saw dad, part of his brain is out on road , he is in pool of blood, I turned to see mom...her lips were already blue, she is swollen looking like a Zombie...
One part of me started paining...my heart...it's paining...nothing else...may be this is tons more than physical pain...
I want to scream!! Scream Loud!! But at whom?? I now realised meaning of devastating...This is devastating...
I lost them!! I lost them...I need them, teddy need them...
Teddy!! Teddy!! Teddy!! Where is he?? How is he? I should not scare him...I raged to Teddy, my legs are moving more frantically...I dnt mind, it doesn't matter even if I loose them, even if I loose any part...
I need to protect him... He is taking subtle breaths...he is Alive!! He is Alive!! I still have Teddy!! But he is looking dangerous...I sat down beside him, he is in pool of blood, I touched him with my finger gently dnt want to scare him... he struggled to open his eyes...his warm hazel eyes captured me, they were horrified for a second and pooled in tears... He didn't shift his gaze, his subtle breaths are turning shallow...that's it fear engulfed me...
Who will help me... Help!! Help!! Where is he?? Where is he?? Where the hell he is?? I need help...
I slammed against road beside Teddy holding his Tiny hand in mine assuring him!! Asking him to stay for me...
My eyes are still closed, too tired to imprint anything...
I hear foot steps of some one... I heard a man... " Shit" he shouted...
I wish he help us...atleast Teddy...
End of update!!
So how is it?? I really need fair feedback to continue it...this story has so much heart wrenching emotions...I hate myself for writing it...in fact I cried a little in the end part...let me know buddies...
Love u all!! Missed me?? I missed u all terribly😭
Edited by madhufx9... - 9 years ago
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