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Disclaimer: the title is inspired by 'Grey's Anatomy.' One of my absolute favorite dialogue is what got me going.
"I loved her, not for the way she danced with my angels
"I loved her, not for the way she danced with my angels
But for the way the sound of her name could silence my demons."
- Christopher Poindexter
One Shot-
She had started walking down the lane when her car had broken down by the road. On any other day she would have been more cautious knowing the city conditions but today she didn't care. She didn't pay any heed even when it started to pour down, her bottle green chiffon sari clung to her body and the walk became difficult in her heels. It was when she had reached the round about that she realized she had come the wrong way, she cursed herself as she walked down the way up to her car and the way to her home.
What made it her home, she wondered. She stood by her car, her back resting on the driver's side as she let the tears to fall down. The tears she had been holding inside her. The tears of remorse. She did not deserve him perhaps. She didn't deserve love at all perhaps. May be that's why she never got her share until now. Until him. But what good did it do to her? She was still without him.
"She is no one." He had explained.
"How would you explain being in the same room in a hotel?"
"I told you it was business."
"Business with your ex-wife?" She had remained adamant, though she knew it was nothing between them, just a whisper of the devil in her mind but she couldn't help accusing him for the way she burnt with jealousy.
"Yes, its only business when it involves my son. Strictly business."
"You seem to have double standards." She couldn't back down now, knowing well he was right and it was the truth he spoke.
"You don't get me started with it." He turned around to face her.
"Don't talk in riddles."It was her turn to be at the receiving end.
"If I'm keeping my mouth shut doesn't mean I don't see what happens right under my nose with you and your best friend."
"What happens between us?"
"Don't you think I have eyes to see that every time you have a problem you run to him? Evey time he is in the same vicinity, you forget I exist?" He accused with his clenched teeth as he held her upper arm, pulling her close to him.
"Raman.."
"Tell me, just once when did you prioritize me over him?" He left her with a jerk as he continued saying, "it's always the other way around. You accuse me of being insensitive and uncaring, have you ever bothered to reflect on your own behavior? Don't think I don't see what you apparently do behind my back."
"I did it for you." She defended herself with tears brimming her eyes. "I did it to secure your position." She turned him around to face him. "I knew you deserved that post and I didn't want anything to hamper your success."
"By asking someone else to save my position you only show me I don't deserve it at all. What good am I if I can't get it on my own? And even if you had forseen a hiccup why didn't you ask me to resolve it? Because you don't think of I'm good enough. If only you had once considered me worthy enough to share your problems, if only once you had told me about the issue, I would have gladly let it go not because I didn't want it but because you mattered to me more than the award and I didnt want you to risk your life or your image to get involved in such matters."
"You were already so tensed."
"Because of you."
When she continued look at him in bewilderement, he explained. "Because I was going crazy thinking that I couldn't keep my wife happy. Because I thought I have already caused you enough trouble. And when I apologize you don't give me a second chance. Every time I try to help you I end up messing it more." He sat down on the side of the bed. " I don't know how to do it ishita. I have already ruined it once and I don't want to mess it with you."
"Its.. I never realized.. I'm sorry." She said, kneeling on the floor, holding his knee. The realization slowly dawned on her, had she been too blind to not notice his sufferings? His hurt? What she felt this afternoon was nothing compared to his plight and he had been facing it for weeks.
"And now you expect me to give you another chance?" With that he had left the room and in the next minute he left the house, leaving her to ponder over her mistakes. When he did not return for the next two hours and refused to answer her calls, she couldn't sit there and wait for him to return, so when she got a call from the clinic she left immediately. Any thing to deviate her mind or the guilt that was creeping in on her.
As she started to walk down the road, not paying any heed to her surrounding, the motorbike that almost missed her or the car that was coming her way. Not until the car stopped a few inches from her and the driver got out to see her for any injuries did she realize, she was in his arms.
Raman jerked her in his arms as soon as he was by her side. He was fanatically looking for her, blaming himself when she didn't answer his calls and the last time she was seen in clinic was an hour ago, the mere quarter of an hour ride home was taking her too long. On top of that, the rain and city conditions didn't ease his worry.
"Are you out of your mind?" He scolded her.
"I'm sorry."
"You could have got yourself killed."
"I'm sorry."
"You almost gave me a heart attack!"
"I'm sorry."
"I have been going crazy looking for you, you fool!"
"I'm sorry."
"Where is your phone?"
"I'm sorry."
She held him close as repeated the same sentence she had been chanting until now, asking for his forgivess and he just held her close, basking in the moment to have found her safe and sound. "Stop crying." He finally asked her.
"Not until you forgive me."
"I do. Now stop it." He replied still holding her close. "I'm asking you something, where is your phone? Why are walking in the middle of the road?" He asked as he pulled back and held her upper arms.
"I .. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing." She looked around and couldn't answer his question. Why was she here?
He ran his fingers through his hair as he suggested, "sit in the car."
"No."
"What no? Just do as I say. People are looking at us."
"I don't care about them."
"Don't create a scene." He said looking around.
"Not until you tell me why were you looking for me when you left me in the first place. When you almost hate me for hurting you."
He came close to her, too close. The raindrops pouring down on him. His eyes bore in to hers as he said without flinching. "Because I love you even when I hate you."
She just stood her blinking at him, her mouth slightly opened. The raindrops clung to her lips that he tried not to focus on. Though he was more perplexed than ever. Was it too much to ask for a reaction, after he confessed his profound love for her?
That did it. She made her way to passenger's seat and sat down before he could even reach his side. She did not trust herself enough to be with him in the middle of the road when he confessed his feelings.
"Do you really?" She finally asked when he started the ignition.
"Yes, I hate you for making my last hour so miserable." He kept looking at the road and she kept looking at him.
"But I love you for making my last minute so beautiful."
"I wouldn't say that if I were you."
"Why not?"
"Because loving me, as you know by now, is not easy. I am a very difficult man."
"Who says I prefer the easy way out?"
he stole a glance at his wife with his right elbow resting on the side of the window pane and his finger on his lips, he said with a smirk. "But as they say, the offer is still valid."
With that she only leapt forward and hugged him sideways, holding his shoulders as she kissed him on his cheek ardently. "I love you. Can you believe that? I love this man who makes me go crazy at times."
"And the rest of it, you drive me crazy." He remarked as he held her with one hand and after dropping a chaste kiss on her lips, he asked her to shift gears as they drove back home.
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