"Kya aapko yeh Nikkah qubool hai?"
Hearing those words brought me back to one year ago. I was surrounded by my family members and sitting next to my worst enemy, the man I had despised my whole life, Zain Abdullah. However, today I felt nothing for the man who was going to sit with me in a few moments. Neither love nor hate.
"Kya aapko yeh Nikkah qubool hai?"
The Qazi repeated himself while my parents looked at me expectantly. I just wanted this ceremony to be over, so that I could leave this place. I felt suffocated. I had always been told that the wedding day was the most special day for a girl, how untrue this was! Both of my wedding days had proved to be the biggest disasters of my life. I just shrugged my shoulders and checked out the decorations on the wall, convincing myself that I was least bothered about what was happening.
"Kya aapko yeh Nikkah qubool hai?"
This was the last straw. I angrily got up as I heard people gasp and whisper things to each other. I saw mom and dad walk towards me but I signalled them to stop where they were.
"Maaf keejiyega, par main aap sab se kuch poochna chahti hoon. Kya Nikkah ek larki ki marzi ke khilaaf karwaya jata hai?"
"Nahi", the Qazi replied.
"To kya Nikkah ek larki ko beizzat karwaane ke liye karwaya jata hai?"
"Hargiz nahi", he looked appalled.
"Kya Nikkah do logon ko alag karne ke liye karwaya jata hai?"
Awkward silence.
"Kya Nikkah do logon ko alag karne ke liye karwaya jata hai?" I asked again, in a calmer tone.
"Aisa bilkul bhi nahi hai beti", the Qazi told me after a brief pause. "Nikkah to do dilon ko ek karta hai. Nafrat ko mohabbat mein badalta hai. Zindagi jeena sikhaata hai. Yeh rishta itna mazboot hai ke isse koi tor nahi sakta, koi ruswaa nahi kar sakta, ismein zabardasti nahi hoti".
"Lekin mere saath yeh sab ho chukka hai. Pehle mera zabardasti Nikkah karwaya gaya, phir mujhe beizzat kar ke us ghar se nikaala gaya, uske baad ek saazish ki gayi, mujhe aur Zain ko alag karne ke liye aur ab zabardasti mera naam is shaks ke saath jora jaa raha hai jis se main mohabbat kabhi nahi kar sakti. Isliye main Rehan se Nikkah nahi karoongi. Mujhe yeh Nikkah qubool nahi hai!"
I heard lots of ooh's and aah's as I walked away, ignoring my parents who were calling me back and my so-called-to-be groom who must have been heartbroken right now. Just like I was, the day my life had shattered into pieces.
I stepped into my room and took off all my heavy jewellery. I was proud that I had taken a stand for myself this time and didn't let anyone force me into an unwanted marriage like I had done previously. I dressed myself in a simple shalwar kameez and packed the rest of my things in a small bag. Before leaving, I left a note for my family to see so that they wouldn't get worried.
Please don't worry about me or come looking for me. I am going away from here. I will be fine and be in contact with you soon. Take care. Allah hafiz.
As I was walking out the backdoor, I saw Kabir and Zara playing outside. They were very excited that I was marrying their dad. Poor kids! I was thinking to go and hug them for one final time but then decided against it as I wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible. I was in no mood to talk to anyone or answer their questions so I quietly left unnoticed.
*-*-*-*
Now I am roaming around the cold streets with nowhere to go. I pass by a cinema and notice an advertisement which catches my eye. The movie Frozen.
--FLASHBACK"
"Zain, we still haven't gone on our honeymoon!!!" I was complaining to him one night.
"Where does my princess want to go?" he snuggled into me lovingly.
"You know Zain, I have always wanted to visit a hill station. I had always dreamed that on my honeymoon I would spend time at the hill station with my husband in the mountains", I said dreamily.
He gave me that are-you-crazy-look.
"What?" I had asked him.
"Aaliya, girls have such big dreams for their honeymoon. They want to visit new countries all over the world and spend time at beaches and parks with their husbands. You want to visit a hill station? Are you serious?" He was looking at me in disbelief.
"You are saying this as if you have been on a honeymoon with a countless number of girls", I pretended to be pissed off.
"You never know", he winked at me as I playfully hit him.
--END OF FLASHBACK"
I really need a break from all this. Maybe the hill station would make me feel better and forget all my problems. I have always wanted to visit Lonavala so I go to the train station and buy a ticket to get there. I am told that the train would be leaving in one hour so I find a bench to chill on while I wait for my train.
Soon, a couple comes and sits next to me. The woman visibly looks pregnant and the man has his arms around her. I cringe as I see him talking to her stomach as if the baby in there is actually listening to him. God, I hate this PDA. It makes me sick. Can't they do all this in a private place instead of making me feel nostalgic and sick with my memories?
They disturb me so much that even throughout the train journey, I am lost in my memories and unable to get a moment of peace.
--FLASHBACK--
"Aaliya", Zain whispered, cuddling with me.
"Hmm?" I answered drowsily.
"I want us to start planning our family now. I want us to have kids. First a beautiful daughter just like her mom and then a handsome son like yours truly", he said with pride.
"Oye you are such an idiot! We will have a son first and then a daughter. Understand?" I stood up angrily with my hands on my hips.
"Mamoo ki bhaanji, maine bataya na, beti hogi! That's final!"
"Shut up kit kit".
Our bickering continued until Zain's father, my Mamoo walked in and was horrified to see us engrossed in a pillow fight.
"Ya Allah! Yeh bed ka tum dono ne kya haal bana diya hai?"
We had stopped at once and looked at him in embarrassment.
--END OF FLASHBACK"
If only he was still alive today, he would have never let my life become so disastrous. Mamoo was my saviour, always here to help me. I am missing him terribly but I get rudely jolted out of my thoughts as I realise that I have reached my destination and am the last passenger left on the train. I get up from my seat and get off the train as the driver gives me an annoyed look. I glare back at him before getting off the train. This should set him straight.
I find a hotel for myself and after some arguing and shouting; I manage to get a decent room in a good amount of money. I don't have much money left, so I need to spend it wisely and I can't let these greedy people take advantage.
I set all my belongings in my room and have a rest. By the time I wake up, it is already morning. I have my breakfast and get ready before going outside to see the mountains. My dream destination.
*-*-*-*
As I get closer to the mountains, I vaguely see a tall figure sitting there shivering with his back towards me. I don't need another glance to know who that person is. I could recognise him from a hundred miles away with my eyes closed. But what is he doing here? No, it can't be him. This is just an illusion.
I mentally kick myself for imagining him and conclude that I need more rest. I walk back towards the hotel but a voice stops me.
"Aaliya! Aaliya! Ruk jao! Tumhe meri kasam!"
It's not an illusion. It's really him. Here in the mountains. At my dream location. Oh the dirty tricks that fate likes to play with me!
I stop there in my tracks not knowing what to do next. Afraid to turn around. I can't look at him. I don't trust myself. It took me months to build these hard walls around my heart and I can't let anyone break them.
My back is still towards him as I hear him pour his heart out to me.
"Thank you for coming Aaliya! I knew Allah would forgive me one day. I had faith that we will meet again. You know, In the past year I have been to every hill station in India searching for you. My heart knew that you would come here one day and we would meet again. Every month, every single month, I would go to a hill station and wait there for you for a week. I always went back home disappointed when I didn't find you anywhere. But today, today my prayers got answered. My efforts paid off. I can't believe you are standing right in front of me".
"Zain, please jao yahan se. Humare raaste ab alag ho chuke hain. Hum kabhi saath nahi ho sakte. Kabhi nahi", I yell without facing him.
"Maaf to insaan ko Allah bhi kar deta hai..hum kaun hote hain apni taqdeer se larne wale ya apne faisle lene wale? Jab Allah mujhe ek aur mauka de sakta hai apni galti sudhaarne ke liye, to tum kyun nahi de sakti Aaliya?"
Why is he using my strength, my religion, against me? Why is he making me feel so vulnerable? The new me isn't like this, I am not supposed to feel anything. No, there is no such thing as weak and vulnerable in my dictionary.
"Nikkah ka matlab hai Milan. Do dilon ka Milan. Yeh duniya ka sabse khaas aur mazboot bandhan hai jo asaani se tora nahi jaa sakta", I remember the Qazi saying yesterday.
I stand still, not giving him any response. I have nothing to say. He waits for my reaction but then continues when he doesn't get one.
"Hum Qazi ke paas jayeinge. We will ask him for a solution to this. Bas tum mujhpe ek baar yakeen kar lo Aaliya. Aur mujhe kuch nahi chahiye".
I feel his presence getting closer and closer to me by the moment. It is snowing more heavily now which is blocking my vision. I feel his hand about to touch me so I quickly try to dodge him but slip in the snow.
"AALIYA!!!"
I try to get up but am unable to because of the pressure of the snow or maybe my mind isn't working straight right now. I give up and lie in the snow helplessly as Zain lies down next to me. He keeps staring at me as if he saw me for the first time and then slowly tucks the loose tendrils of my hair behind my ear and caresses my face lovingly.
"I have been waiting for this moment Aaliya. I still can't believe you are so close to me. Main taras gaya tha tumhe choone ke liye. Kaash yeh lamha yahin ruk jaye". My cheeks are bright red, I start feeling hot even though the temperature is beyond freezing. He grabs my waist and pulls me over on top of him as we roll around in the slippery snow.
Mohabbat barsa dena tu, sawan aaya hai
Tere aur mere milne ka, mausam aaya hai
Mohabbat barsa dena tu, saawan aaya hai
Tere aur mere milne ka, mausam aaya hai
Sabse chhupa ke tujhe seene se lagaana hai
Pyar mein tere hadd se guzar jaana hai
Itna pyar kisi pe, pehli baar aaya hai
Mohabbat barsa dena tu, sawan aaya hai
Tere aur mere milne ka, mausam aaya hai
Kyun ek pal ki bhi judaai sahi jaaye na
Kyun har subah tu meri sanson me samaye na
Aaja na tu mere paas, dunga itna pyar main
Kitni raat guzaari hai, tere intezar mein
Kaise bataaun jazbaat ye mere
Maine khud se bhi zyada tujhe chaaha hai
Sab kuch chhod ke aana tu, sawan aaya hai
Tere aur mere milne ka, mausam aaya hai
He softly starts kissing my neck as I moan in pleasure. He lures me into another world as he gently kisses every inch of me. He brings his face closer to mine. I feel his breath mingling with my own and his lips dance with mine in a teasing manner.
Bheege bheege tere lab,
mujhko kuch kehte hain
Dil hai khush mera ki khayal ek jaise hain
Roko na ab khudko yun sun lo dil ki baat ko
Dhal jaane do shaam aur aa jaane do raat ko
Kitna haseen ye lamha hai
Kismat se maine churaaya hai
Aaj ki raat na jaana tu, sawan aaya hai
Tere aur mere milne ka, mausam aaya hai
Sabse chhupa ke tujhe seene se lagaana hai
Pyar main tere hadd se guzar jaana hai
Itna pyar kisi pe, pehli baar aaya hai
I cling onto his neck tightly and wrap my legs around him as he stands up and gains his balance. We both are in an intoxicated state; my eyes are closed, ready for wherever he is taking me.
"Hum kahan jaa rahe hain Zain?" I ask in a slurred voice.
"Tumhare hotel".
I open my eyes, horrified, as I remember what we have just done. I slide off his lap and look at him seriously.
"Nahi Zain, abhi nahi. Hum yeh nahi kar sakte. Pehle hum Qazi ke paas jayeinge", I inform him.
"I know Aaliya. I am only going to make sure that you reach safely. I won't come near you again until everything is sorted out and I can take you back home with respect", he says cupping my face.
I rest my head on his shoulder as we make our way to the hotel. He has gained my trust back again. The fire in his heart to win me back has caused the ice cold walls around my heart to come crumbling down as my heart has completely melted in his love once again. That's what happens when fire meets ice, at least for me anyway.
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Previous Writings
#1) The Love Diaries
#2) Mera Humdard
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