New IshRa OS: Women are from Venus, Man are from Mars!

Women are from Venus!

Why did they land here? They should have stayed there only especially the one who is in my house. Bewakoof aurat! How long will her drama go on? That was a mistake dammit! How long will she ride her high horse? Fine! Bhaar mein jaye Jhansi ki Rani. She can think whatever she wants...I care a hoot!!

Climbing down the stairs, Raman was rambling annoyingly.  Ishita was being a real pain and before he strangled her, he decided to call it quit and was out to get some fresh air. Raman was surprised to see Bala there too, sitting with a long face on the bench.

-          Arrey Bala how come you are here?

Bala heaved a sigh of relief! Finally his guide was there! Ever since Vandu turned pregnant she had been a pain! She would cry at the drop of a hat, blow a fuse without notice and use the pregnancy hormones as an excuse to dance on his head and made him feel guilty. Now... after her delivery... Bala was not sure what was worse- the pregnancy or post pregnancy stage?

 Uff! Women are from Venus!

-          Raman I have never been that glad to see you yaar! I need your help. Vandu has again blown a fuse and she is there upstairs all upset for nothing.

-          What happened Bala?

-          Don't ask yaar!

-          Yaar Bala I need a drink. Let's go somewhere.

The two men were going towards the car park when they bumped into Mihir with a love lost puppy look walking here n there with his phone stuck to his ears.

-          Arrey Mihir! Tum yahan?

-          Bhai! Help me! Mihika is not talking to me and is not even taking my phone.

-          Ab tujhe kya hua?

Mihir had a flashback of what happened at his place the previous day, opened his mouth but immediately closed it.

Uff! Women are from Venus!

-          I can't tell you bhai! But help me!

-          Arrey bewakoof!  How will I help you if you don't tell me?...Chodo... Let's go to the bar! I think we all need a drink.

At the bar:

-          Thank you Raman. I badly needed this.

-          Yes Bhai thank you.

-          Welcome! And thank you for your company guys. I badly needed this too.

After a couple of shots, the three men were now completely drunk and were feeling quite light and free to share their torments. Bala was the first one to start as the two others move their heads to make a close circle to listen.

-          Guys please don't tell this to anybody. It is very personal but I need to get it out of my system to feel better. You guys promise han??

Raman and Mihir put their hand on their heart and exclaimed solemnly:

-          Boys' promise!

-          Guys this is very embarrassing but you will understand I am sure. You see... Vandu and I...we haven't been very regular doing that...you know...after the delivery...she had been busy...and always tired... I know it is not easy...Shravu and our little baby keep her on her toes all day...so I didn't also force her...but this afternoon... well...uh...I lost control and...I...kaisse bataoon...I... literally jumped on her when she came in the room after feeding the baby...

Sitting upright, Raman was quick to respond in his full on "Punjabi" attitude

-          Toh? Kya galat kya? Mard ho yaar! You have needs and desires and she is your wife...Kya hua if you jumped on her...biwi hain teri, padosi ki nahin...

-          And besides... Vandu akka is so sexy and hot... just like my Mihika ...

-          Hey Mihir! Respect se baat kar ok! You are talking about my wife...

-          Sorry jeeju...

-          Chup na tum Mihir. Akkal se paidal! Go on Bala...

-          Well...ab mein kya boloon...

*Flashback*

- How dare you Bala? How insensitive of you? Is this a time for...

- Vandu you are my wife. I love you and want you and it has been weeks if not months...

- So now you are complaining. You are not happy with me...

- It is not that Vandu. I am just saying...

- That I am not satisfying you han! My uterus has started its monthly campaign of hate for God sake Bala!!

- Huh?

- I am having my period Bala. I am having cramps. Can't you understand? You don't love me anymore and even my own body hates me...

- I didn't know Vandu... I am sorry baby...and you've got a beautiful body...it doesn't hate you...just mild rebellion every momth...

- Just like you are rebelling against me! I am disappointed with you Bala. YOU. DON'T. UNDERSTAND. MY. PAIN. AT. ALL.

 *

Raman and Mihir were literally hanging onto Bala's lips and listened with open mouth...The latter stopped, tension evident on his face.

-          Why the hell did she turn hysterical? I was only trying to cheer her up. I even told her she had a beautiful body. What could be a better compliment from a husband yaar... but she jumped on my throat and... I ran out of the room like a scared cat. Next thing I know she was ready to go to her mom's place for her moral support!!

After a long pause, the three men let out a long breath, completely flabbergasted with God's amazing masterpiece - WOMEN!!.

Mihir was the first one to break the silence and to react.

-          I know I am the youngest of the lot here and you guys are more experienced than me but I think a guy should never ever discuss or make a remark about a woman's anatomy to her.

Bala and Raman looked at him quizzically.

-          Mihir I think you should shut it up! Women love it when we praise their anatomy. They crave for it. Why do you think they starve themselves and loot us in beauty parlour and spa? What are you saying?

-          Bhai I am serious. I am in a big fix thanks to that too. My Mihika is not even attending my call.

Mihir whined and reminisced what happened two days back.

*Flashback*

They were in Mihir apartment discussing their forthcoming post-wedding projects when Mihika suggested that Mihir should get himself a brand new car as his present one was too boring-looking.

-          No Mihika. I love my car. My first car with my hard earned money...

-          But Mihir it looked so...uncool...and you can afford another one right?

-          Yes jaan but this one has senti values attached to it so I don't want toreplace it so soon. If you want I'll add spoilers to it.

-          Eee! No! Spoilers are ugly. I don't want that!

-          Jaanu!! You don't know anything about spoilers. They can be very useful and also stylish. They're kind of... like boobs! Of course if they're not the size and shape and... angle the model had intended to have, they're fake and ugly...otherwise they are great looking...

-          Ha!!

Mihir's romantic bones immediately started to tickle him and he pulled Mihika and squeezed him in his arms. All was well till he opened his mouth...

-          By the way...you've got... beautiful spoilers...thode chote hain but I don't mind...they are...

-          How dare you? Don't you ever call them spoilers again...I just hate you Mihir...

Mihika was ...out of herself.

Spoilers were always synonymous to fake and ugly for her that idiot was comparing her boobs to them. 

*End of Flashback*

 Mihir was now holding his head in his hands while Raman and Bala looked at him.

Uff Women are indeed from Venus!

No sense of humour at all especially the Iyers sisters!!

After some more pegs they decided to go back home after Raman had cautiously advised the two miserable men.

-Listen guys you are drunk. So don't do anything right now! Let things calm down. Things will get sorted out. Buy flowers or say some cheesy lines to them they'll be fine...

-Arrey yaar Raman! You are so lucky. Ishita is such a reasonable woman. You don't have to work really hard to please her.

Ishita and reasonable!

She was the CRAZIEST of the lot. She was DANGEROUS. He only knew how he had been keeping his sanity intact and his hands off her... but he would not tell this to these two. He had a reputation and an ego to keep up. Bala and Mihir always look up and forward to him and his advice. How could he tell them that his REASONABLE wife was avoiding him these days for some stupid misunderstanding? Once in front of his building after dropping Mihir and Bala, Raman sat on his seat and reminisced what had happened a couple of days ago when they were back from a party.

*

 Ishita was looking lovely in a greenish dress and Raman had been mesmerized by her elegance and beauty. .. It all started very cordially... He had praised her and she had blushed and smiled and muttered a thank you. And then she had giggled when an embarrassed Raman had thanked her for...errr... again saving him in the party. He had left his pant unzipped back from the bathroom...

-But Raman...you should be careful. I won't be there always to check your...pant.

Raman had blushed profusely. Seriously the woman was weird. Was she dumb or she seriously had no idea what she was talking about? Check my pant or my...And the sound of her giggles...Raman felt a strange sensation creeping around his downward anatomy!

Was it the way she was looking at him or... the sound of her giggle or... the one or two pegs that he had had  which were over driving his mind and taking it to dangerous territories?

Raman drew a long breath...CONTROL...RELAX... but had his breathing hitched before he could release it when he heard her.

-By the way Raman... manna mat karna but I need to know  your size?

Raman had had a coughing fits. Were his ears playing games to him? He had turned to face her and she had again repeated her question.

-M...m...my...my size?

She nodded... He gulped.

It was not him but the woman who needed to put a halt to whatever she was doing.

 -Are you out of your mind woman? Does anyone ask such type of question to a man?

-Arrey! What's the big deal? You are my husband. I can ask you anything right? Just like YOU can ask me anything?

-Yeah... that's also right but...

- What but Raman? Listen I know men generally don't like to wear it but you need a protection.

- Protection? Ishita...What the hell..I mean I don't need it...I mean we have not reached that stage...I

- I know Raman but these things are unpredictable. We have no control over it. It may look good and touch strong and hard but you never know when things can go wrong and it can be painful..

- I..I don't know what to... say. Don't you think you are rushing into things? I mean...

- No! We can't wait. You won't do anything about it but at least give a chance. It's a gift from me. Let me have a look. Only then i can get one fit for your size and...

-Well...the size too is... unpredictable...it depends...you know... on one's state of mind...one's mood...

-What? What does it have to do with mood Raman?

She was looking at him with a strange expression. Raman was flabbergasted! Was that woman for real??

-Of course it depends on the mood. You are a doctor. You surely know this much or did you skip that section in your Biology class?

-What? Biology? Are you drunk? What are you talking about? I am asking you to let me get the size and shape of your TOOTH which had just had a root canal treatment. It is no longer that strong. It needs protection. I want to gift you mould for it. 

-Oh! I thought...

-What? Oh no!!... You didn't think I was talking about...

As if on cue, they both looked down there and...confirmed their assumptions. Raman stuttered while Ishita gasped looking at him with a horrified expression, her eyes ready to pop out of her eyeballs.

-Mein...mein... k...kya karoon? You talked about my pant and immediately asked that question. I...I got confused...

-Y...you...pervert...chee...so guttery you are!!

She had walked out of the room shaking her head in disgust and had avoided him since then.

*

Raman climbed up the stairs praying that Ishita would not create a scene again but bad luck! As soon as Raman entered their bedroom, he found a hysterical Ishita waiting for him.

Hysteria seemed to be in these women's genes.

-Where were you Raman? Can't you at least give or...at least attend a call? Do you have any idea what's the time? Seriously! Hadd karte ho aap!

Seriously!

Women are indeed from Venus!

And Ishita Bhalla was definitely the head of the planet there! She had been avoiding me for days and now she was acting like the concerned wife. There are only two plausible explanations for her WEIRDNESS. The woman was either suffering from personality disorders or...was having her period just like her akka.

-Raman! Are you listening?

Her voice ripped him out of his mental assessment of his wife's mental. Scrutinizing her face, Raman couldn't resist asking her:

-Have your monthly campaign of hate started too?

-WHAT?

Ishita's flabbergasted expression was priceless. Raman tried his best to stifle his laugh. It was fun to tease her and more fun when she was adorably clueless. He answered her, tongue in cheek.

-Nothing! My phone was in the car and on silent mode.

He moved to the bed but turned back to look at her, eager to tease her more.

-By the way Ishita... you've got nice spoilers. They are neither too small nor too big. They are just... perfect.

-WHAT? Spoilers? I have no spoilers in my car. What are you talking about? Are you drunk?

-Not drunk but intoxicated!!

Raman laughed aloud and dropped himself onto the bed as she looked at him quizzically.

 -Good night Jhansi ki rani.

Ishita shook her head and rolled her eyes.

Oh God! Men are from Mars and Raman Kumar Bhalla was definitely the head of the planet there!

He was weird and weirder were his ways and his talks.