Moments Before The War (Arjun-Draupadi OS)
The sun's first rays tricked through the window of her makeshift tent. Draupadi had just spent the longest night of her life, tossing and turning, restless about what was about to happen that morning. A part of her had spent 14 years, waiting for this day but another part was restless and anxious about the great war of Bharat that was about to commence in just a few moments. At dinner last night, she had not eaten a morsel. Instead, she had spent the time talking, motivating, inspiring and honoring her children, brothers and husbands. She was their strength, their conscience and their inspiration. They all sat in silence, relishing their last meal as a large family. Even Govind ate with a silent smile, nodding ever so gently as he saw his sakhi walk through the aisles of the royal tent.
After saying her morning prayers and her ritual bath, she offered fresh flowers and prasad to Goddess Durga, Shiv and Parvati. She prayed for her husbands, sons, brothers and all other warriors. They needed the strength and blessings of the divine Gods. Draupadi knew that with Govind on their side, no one could harm any of her men.
She knew her husbands would stop by the tent before their departure. As always, her instincts were right. Yudhistra, Bheem, Nakul and Sahdev stopped by, paid their respects, offered their pledges and commitment for the impending war. Draupadi bid farewell to all four with her alluring and captivating smile- something they all needed to carry on their mission with utmost determination. She praised their valor and invincible strength. Yudhistra's dharma, Bheem's commitment to his pledges, Nakul's valor and Sahdev's focus would surely bring justice by the end of the war.
After the four departed, her restless heart yearned to see her most elusive husband. As always, he was the unpredictable one"the one she had never been able to restrain or own completely. Since her swaymvar, she had spent almost a lifetime time with him but each moment seemed ephemeral, transient and fleeting. Even her year with him always seemed like a fraction of a second. It was never enough. Was he going to stop by or not? She wondered, hoping he would, but kept her expectations low.
Arjun was probably with Subhadra. Over the years, she had learnt to give more than expect, never grudging the time Subhadra shared with Arjun. There was no doubt in her mind that Arjun's heart was as magnanimous as hers and even though he had had a lot of women in his life, his first wife would always hold a special place in his life. She said a silent prayer for him. As the sun rose over the horizon, Draupadi lost all hope of seeing him one last time before the war.
Just as she was about to sit down in meditation, she heard the hooves gallop in sync with the majestic sounds of the celestial chariot. At least, Govind had come to meet her before departure, she thought. Smiling, she peered out of her window but was startled to see Arjun alight from the heavenly chariot. Govind remained seated, holding the reigns in his hand. As always, her elusive and unpredictable husband had managed to surprise her. Her heart fluttered just like it had on the day of her swaymvar. Despite being married for decades, he still managed to rouse that young maiden in her.
"Arya?" She met him at the door, "The sun is almost up on the horizon. Shouldn't you be at the battlefield now?"
Arjun gazed at her worried but lovely face. Age had not left any blemishes on her 50 odd years. Her face glowed just like it did on the day she had placed the garland around his neck.
"Panchali. How could I leave without meeting you?"
Draupadi was taken aback by his words. He'd never been so forthcoming.
"I'm sure those are Govind's and not my Arya's words."
"Looks like you've more faith in Madhav than your husband." He had a faint smile on his face.
"One who doesn't have faith in Govind can't have faith in anyone." She replied back.
"Yes, that's why I'm blessed that Madhav has agreed to be my saarthi in this time of crisis."
Who else but I would understand that Arya? Govind's always been my saarthi, war or no war."
"Panchali, since I've known you, you've always been at war."
"War?" His statement perplexed her. "What war Arya?"
"A war that's been longer and fiercer than Kurukshetra would ever be. At least, I've a whole army with me, but you've fought a lonesome battle all along."
She had a quizzical expression on her face, "I really don't understand."
"I should've said this a while back but now that the biggest challenge of my life is ahead of me, I don't want to die with any regrets."
"ARYA! LET DEATH BEFALL YOUR ENEMIES!"
"Death is the only truth in this life. Isn't that what Madhav says?" He asked serenely.
"Why are we talking about death?" She turned her back to him, clenching her fists.
"Because no man should die with any regrets in life. Panchali, the war I'm about to fight is trivial in comparison to the war you've fought all your life. I know how all these years you've conquered and sacrificed your true feelings. You've endured the worst insults, dangers and perils but you've never surrendered nor accepted defeat. It's not easy for a woman to divide herself equally and wholeheartedly between so many men. My brothers and I would always be indebted to you. Right after the marriage, I wasn't a very happy man. I begrudged my brothers when I had to share you with them. I tried to distance myself, punished myself to exile after that minor intrusion into your chambers, even married other women to fulfill the void in my life but it wasn't till the dice hall incident that I realized how bound I was to you. While bhrata Bheem expressed his anger at jyesht, I had to keep my rage suppressed to preserve our unity. But in the deepest recesses of my heart, I knew I had let you down. By dividing you, I'd split my own conscience to keep us all united."
Draupadi didn't turn around. As tears rolled down her face, she stood motionless; his words were like nectar for her parched heart. Over the years, she had learnt to give rather than expect, express rather than conceal, and sacrifice rather than surrender. If her tears had inspired her husbands to wage a war against their enemies, she knew her tears today could weaken the valiant warrior in Arjun. In the past, she'd have given up anything to hear these words from him. Their love and feelings for each other had never needed words or expressions.
"Arya," She wiped her tears and turned around. With a firm and steady gaze, she smiled at him, "Just like my five husbands-- dharma, patience, sacrifice, courage and dedication are the five pillars of my life. I've done my best to keep these pillars steady, not alone by any means. I would've collapsed beneath the weight of these pillars, if it weren't for the love, respect and support of all my husbands."
Arjun saw through those misty eyes of hers. All these years, he had concealed his true feelings to keep those five pillars strong and united. After years of penance and sacrifice, Draupadi had learnt to do the same. If Krishna was a reflection of his soul, then Krishnaa mirrored his heart. They were his lifelines, his strength and his conscience. By honoring his brothers and placing all five of them on the same pedestal, without any partiality, she had once again proven why he loved and respected her so much. Draupadi knew her true dharma better than any of them.
They exchanged a parting glance without exchanging any words. He picked his Gandiv, folded his hands and walked out, feeling liberated, as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. As he sat down on the chariot, Krishna gave him a mischievous smile, "Aha! The chariot seems lighter that before."
Arjun raised his eyebrow, "Madhav, is everything okay with our chariot? Do we need to stop by and get it inspected before the war?"
Krishna burst out in laughter, "Partha! Sometimes you can be so nave. I was talking about the weight that you just unloaded. It was imperative you did that before the greatest challenge of your life."
"Is that why you asked me to talk with Panchali?"
"Yes, Partha. You've hidden those feelings for too long. I don't want you to hold back when the war starts. Now I know you are ready to surrender yourself completely to the greatest purpose of your life." Krishna smiled.
"What would I do without you Madhav?" Arjun folded his palms, bowing his head.
"I'm always with you Partha. There's never a moment in your life where you're bereft of me."
As they galloped off, Arjun turned his head towards Krishna, "Can I ask you one more question?"
"Sure."
"Why didn't Draupadi reciprocate her true feelings to me today?"
"It was never about her Partha. You know her very well. Does she need to express herself any further? It was about you today. As I said, your soul needed the cleansing. My sakhi's didn't."
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