Posted:
Dated: 25 March 2005
Subject: Simran
Dear Mr. Sinha,
I have been an avid viewer of Astitva since Abhi and Simran first fell in love. Here is why I no longer empathize with - and feel alienated from - Simran and her choices... Simran and her astitva as a person, a woman and a mother...
My discontent began the day she consciously denied herself the chance to make a life with Abhi (post-Kiran), despite realizing that she was in love with him. Why couldn't a strong, mature, socially responsible person like her have been brave enough to weather the "I told you so"s and done the right thing? In hindsight, it seems to me that she encouraged Abhi to marry someone else hoping that her sense of propriety and social mores would prevent her from wanting 'someone else's man'. I expected so much more from her than that kind of twisted thinking. The only thing that came of it was denial - denial of her emotional dependance on Abhi, denial that she still hoped and expected he would be there for her, denial that she resented Abhi sharing a physical relationship with another woman, denial that she wanted to be a part of his life and have a say in his decisions, denial of her own denial when Manas confronted her with a mirror to her face. Why did she have to throw a mask over her real feelings!? 😕😕 Pushy, interfering.. are just a few of the adjectives that come to mind. Personally, since I have been accused of many things but none of the above, her behavior is terribly hard to fathom. Did she temporarily take on the avtaar of one of the many horrifyingly repressed women in Ekta Kapoor's bandwagon?🤢
Cut to the present. The Simran of today is definitely not someone I would like to be 20-30 years hence. She is still pining away for her one true love - a person who violated her trust not once but twice!! The first time, I had no trouble understanding and appreciating her circumstances, her reactions. This time around, her blatant defence of Abhi is akin to an admission of her tacit complicity in their mutual 'sin' of bringing Neha to grief. She understands his guilt, because she feels that same guilt within herself. But can that alone explain the way she condones his actions!? Is that justification enough to passively accept his second-time betrayal!? Would you call this progressive thinking? Is she really so saintly that she never once wished that Abhi had spoken to her of his guilt face-to-face instead of making a unilateral decision and forcing her to come to terms with it? Are we, as viewers, supposed to swallow that a supposedly self-respecting woman will allow the same man to walk all over her - TWICE - and still keep loving and defending him till the end of her days, even though most of his 'love' has been in his words alone and hardly ever translated itself into 'action'?? Are we honestly supposed to think she never felt any kind of rage at having to endure another public humiliation... never felt angry or sorrowful that he was not there to share in the miracle of being a parent and all the joy it brings... never gritted her teeth that he had left her squirming to answer all of Aastha's uncomfortable questions... This is only an opinion, as is everything else in this letter, that the reason Simran handled his betrayal a lot better the second time around was that she had never learnt to trust him again completely. There was always this deja-vu.. like going over the same territory, except that now she had a road map.. she knew she wud make it. Personally, I believe the second betrayal should have been a lot more unforgivable, considering Abhi's abandonment of his own child... and the way he had bonded with Simran and given her some real hope that they would make it this time. So why is she still pining for a loser? Are all beautiful and successful women doomed to make the worst and dumbest choices?? It dosn't say much about her self-esteem if she has believed - for years - that the only kind of man she deserves is one who betrays and abandons her the moment he wins her trust😕😕😕
Then there's Aastha. It's inexcusable that Simran has not yet told her the truth about her origins. All good adoption consellors advise legal guardians to be out with the truth as soon as a child seems ready to comprehend these concepts. To withhold it is doing a grave injustice to such children - killing them with kindness. And Simran is a Doctor... how disappointing!!
I also find her attitude towards Aastha insufferable. She is all about rights without responsibility - and treats her like a Princess walking on a cushion of air that will burst at the slightest pin-prick and send her hurtling down into an abyss. Aastha is more than spoilt - she is shallow, irresponsible, with practically no knowledge of the direction she wants her life to take. Why does Simran indulgently encourage this kind of emotional clinginess? I seem to remember her going all out for women's empowerment - but a peep closer to home and what do we find?!? A confused little girl who tries very hard to match up to Mommy dear's ideals but keeps falling short, and whose idea of assertiveness and justice is using her bike as a weapon whenever the impulse overtakes her!?😛 A woman who would rather allow her mental distress to give her asthma (and puff away at Salbutamol inhalers with alarming frequency!!) than to gently and firmly create certain boundaries and a joy of imbibing knowledge to let her daughter gain a sense of self-worth - so that Simran can actually TRUST her!!? I'm sorry, but this brand of (s)mothering is not for me.
Mr. Sinha, you have stretched your imagination to the limits of credibility and demolished everything unique and enviable in Simran's character that you tried so hard to build. Once upon a time, she was someone I would have loved to know. Now, thanks to the triumph of commercial sense over good sense, she is a pathetic caricature of a once-gutsy human being who could be counted on to win against all odds. Now she is someone who is merely - odd
Astitva hs garnered a lot of accolades and critical acclaim. But I have the perfect idea for a truly path-breaking sequel. How about reversing the roles and making Simran the unfulfilled, unfaithful spouse instead of Abhi... let her marry twice more and then go back to Husband#1, keeping her astitva intact all the while? Now THAT will be a step forward for women's empowerment, in a society that largely turns up its nose at divorced women and allows them little leeway for indiscretions or the freedom to achieve fulfillment whichever way they choose. That way, you actually get to practice what you preach!!!😊
Yours truly....
I have been an avid viewer of Astitva since Abhi and Simran first fell in love. Here is why I no longer empathize with - and feel alienated from - Simran and her choices... Simran and her astitva as a person, a woman and a mother...
My discontent began the day she consciously denied herself the chance to make a life with Abhi (post-Kiran), despite realizing that she was in love with him. Why couldn't a strong, mature, socially responsible person like her have been brave enough to weather the "I told you so"s and done the right thing? In hindsight, it seems to me that she encouraged Abhi to marry someone else hoping that her sense of propriety and social mores would prevent her from wanting 'someone else's man'. I expected so much more from her than that kind of twisted thinking. The only thing that came of it was denial - denial of her emotional dependance on Abhi, denial that she still hoped and expected he would be there for her, denial that she resented Abhi sharing a physical relationship with another woman, denial that she wanted to be a part of his life and have a say in his decisions, denial of her own denial when Manas confronted her with a mirror to her face. Why did she have to throw a mask over her real feelings!? 😕😕 Pushy, interfering.. are just a few of the adjectives that come to mind. Personally, since I have been accused of many things but none of the above, her behavior is terribly hard to fathom. Did she temporarily take on the avtaar of one of the many horrifyingly repressed women in Ekta Kapoor's bandwagon?🤢
Cut to the present. The Simran of today is definitely not someone I would like to be 20-30 years hence. She is still pining away for her one true love - a person who violated her trust not once but twice!! The first time, I had no trouble understanding and appreciating her circumstances, her reactions. This time around, her blatant defence of Abhi is akin to an admission of her tacit complicity in their mutual 'sin' of bringing Neha to grief. She understands his guilt, because she feels that same guilt within herself. But can that alone explain the way she condones his actions!? Is that justification enough to passively accept his second-time betrayal!? Would you call this progressive thinking? Is she really so saintly that she never once wished that Abhi had spoken to her of his guilt face-to-face instead of making a unilateral decision and forcing her to come to terms with it? Are we, as viewers, supposed to swallow that a supposedly self-respecting woman will allow the same man to walk all over her - TWICE - and still keep loving and defending him till the end of her days, even though most of his 'love' has been in his words alone and hardly ever translated itself into 'action'?? Are we honestly supposed to think she never felt any kind of rage at having to endure another public humiliation... never felt angry or sorrowful that he was not there to share in the miracle of being a parent and all the joy it brings... never gritted her teeth that he had left her squirming to answer all of Aastha's uncomfortable questions... This is only an opinion, as is everything else in this letter, that the reason Simran handled his betrayal a lot better the second time around was that she had never learnt to trust him again completely. There was always this deja-vu.. like going over the same territory, except that now she had a road map.. she knew she wud make it. Personally, I believe the second betrayal should have been a lot more unforgivable, considering Abhi's abandonment of his own child... and the way he had bonded with Simran and given her some real hope that they would make it this time. So why is she still pining for a loser? Are all beautiful and successful women doomed to make the worst and dumbest choices?? It dosn't say much about her self-esteem if she has believed - for years - that the only kind of man she deserves is one who betrays and abandons her the moment he wins her trust😕😕😕
Then there's Aastha. It's inexcusable that Simran has not yet told her the truth about her origins. All good adoption consellors advise legal guardians to be out with the truth as soon as a child seems ready to comprehend these concepts. To withhold it is doing a grave injustice to such children - killing them with kindness. And Simran is a Doctor... how disappointing!!
I also find her attitude towards Aastha insufferable. She is all about rights without responsibility - and treats her like a Princess walking on a cushion of air that will burst at the slightest pin-prick and send her hurtling down into an abyss. Aastha is more than spoilt - she is shallow, irresponsible, with practically no knowledge of the direction she wants her life to take. Why does Simran indulgently encourage this kind of emotional clinginess? I seem to remember her going all out for women's empowerment - but a peep closer to home and what do we find?!? A confused little girl who tries very hard to match up to Mommy dear's ideals but keeps falling short, and whose idea of assertiveness and justice is using her bike as a weapon whenever the impulse overtakes her!?😛 A woman who would rather allow her mental distress to give her asthma (and puff away at Salbutamol inhalers with alarming frequency!!) than to gently and firmly create certain boundaries and a joy of imbibing knowledge to let her daughter gain a sense of self-worth - so that Simran can actually TRUST her!!? I'm sorry, but this brand of (s)mothering is not for me.
Mr. Sinha, you have stretched your imagination to the limits of credibility and demolished everything unique and enviable in Simran's character that you tried so hard to build. Once upon a time, she was someone I would have loved to know. Now, thanks to the triumph of commercial sense over good sense, she is a pathetic caricature of a once-gutsy human being who could be counted on to win against all odds. Now she is someone who is merely - odd
Astitva hs garnered a lot of accolades and critical acclaim. But I have the perfect idea for a truly path-breaking sequel. How about reversing the roles and making Simran the unfulfilled, unfaithful spouse instead of Abhi... let her marry twice more and then go back to Husband#1, keeping her astitva intact all the while? Now THAT will be a step forward for women's empowerment, in a society that largely turns up its nose at divorced women and allows them little leeway for indiscretions or the freedom to achieve fulfillment whichever way they choose. That way, you actually get to practice what you preach!!!😊
Yours truly....
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