Amnesia: MSK's anecdote why it's a pathetic idea.
He should probably misuse his power as the God of all things in this company and make a new rule – to be excluded from mandatory HR meetings. However this time it was all his doing which had the HR guy eying him as a serial office molester after the guy got an earful of…err…words when he was teasing Geet. She was annoying him with stupid adult content document and he had avenged the annoyance. Unfortunately the HR guy had got an earful of his colorful vocabulary.
Ergo the stupidest and boring meeting of all meetings –proper office conduct.
There was no way in hell he would sit through three hours of bullshitting by some overly paid (whose paycheck was signed by him, of course) pretty boy with a fake accent; unless he was bound and gagged and drugged. The prospect of getting out of this meeting didn't look good.
So he had to lie, cheat, bribe or blackmail either HR guy or Geet to escape the meeting. Maybe targeting HR guy wasn't a very good idea. Geet was…well…Geet.
When it came to Geet, his heart and mind always contradicted one another. While his heart called her innocent his mind called her a dumbass. Of course he didn't call her either but swept it under the carpet by calling her "naive". It always seemed to anger her whenever he slipped and called her an idiot and corrected it to "naive".
Lying – wasn't such a good idea. There were already seven lies running around between them and he didn't think he could handle another. He had pulled out "appendicitis pain" stunt four times this week and it was only Wednesday. He had also lied about not eating the cake she had so preciously saved for evening or making her all confused about his instructions.
Blackmail – had never really worked between them. She ensured that she had enough dirt on him and managed to reverse-blackmail him if he pulled that stunt. Since it was time tested it was safe to say that it would be a personal disaster if he ever used it.
Cheating – always worked. Unfortunately she started catching on things fast. And she avenged his wrongdoings in most brutal way – by being a little tattle tale with his grandmother. He hated how is grandmother always took her side and ignored him as a furniture.
Bribing – was actually a wonderful idea. But he would have to pay for her new wardrobe if he bribed her with more chocolate cake. He had made the mistake of telling her that her cheeks were full and little chubbier. She hadn't eaten the whole day which resulted in her mood being totally crabby. It had made him tear his hair out. And he didn't want to bring internet access as a bribe material. It was a major touchy subject between them.
And that left him with…nothing.
It was then the so called national news channel ran the news from tinsel town.
A popular daily soap had their male lead lose memory after a totally unbelievable freak accident which should technically end up only in a bump or a scratch. But since it was an illogical drama with out of the world characters, it was totally cool and the audience would probably watch it anyway.
He wondered if he could pull that trick on Geet. He looked through the glass partition and saw her scribbling on something feverishly and listening. She was probably in a conference call so it was the perfect time to call her, distract her, make her fumble and later pretend-scold her.
"Are you guys gossiping about my love life or some work is actually getting done." His jab was too evident and like clockwork she turned around and scowled at him. He grinned and waved at her unnecessarily.
"Of course not. We are discussing about the right AC temperature to be set in lobby so that we get most of the customer satisfied and we wouldn't incur too much of cost." She replied seriously. He wanted to bang his head on the table. Was this how resources was spent in his company?
"You kind of yelled at an entire department about AC not being set at right temperature when there was single bead of sweat on your nose." His overly hyperactive conscience pricked and slammed his preachy thoughts.
"I am sure your decision will improve the cost of Khurana constructions share tomorrow on BSE, but tell me what were you scribbling?" He was bored and he was avoiding a meeting. Annoying Geet was the best entertainment he could ever ask for.
"I am trying to write down effect of AC on oily skin. I think I have oily skin and it would help me research about this topic more. Do you need something or are you trying a way to get out of next meeting? I am going to drag you by your ears if I have to. You are not missing that meeting." She replied seriously. He rolled his eyes at her serious yet very, very truthful reply. But effects of AC on oily skin? Really? He shook his head and hung up the phone.
She truly was endearingly naive.
Maybe this amnesia crap would work.
--- Thirty minutes later ---
"Oww…ow ow ow ow…. Owww….."
Geet looked up from her work to see her boss getting his head hit vase and falling down. In two minutes she was by his side running his hands over his face. After splashing water on his face and slapping it several times, she breathed a sigh of relief when he slowly opened his eyes.
"Are you okay? What were you trying to do? Play wrestling with this vase?" She scolded him. Of course she would scold him, he thought. She would show sympathy and empathy to a random guy on street or even her enemy but not him. Now was the time to bring out the arsenal – his charm and incredible acting skills. He put them in action by staring at her.
"Your stare is creepy and not romantic. Haven't I told you before?" She bit out before his acting skills which included dialogue delivery could be demonstrated. He wanted to throttle her for her impatience. He gulped his annoyance and delivered the most overtly used line in situations like this.
"Who are you?"
She stared at him for few moments. And then she sighed. Her lack of scare on his predicament or the missing proverbial "nahinnn…." managed to dampen his happy little amnesia camp.
"You don't remember?" She asked narrowing her eyes. He thanked all the Gods for blessing him with a wonderful poker face.
"I am sorry ma'am. I am unable to put and two together at the moment. Do I know you? Do you know me? Looking at how comfortable you are with me, it seems as if we are in an intimate relationship." He looked straight at her relishing when she turned several shades of red. He wanted to get her embarrassed so that she would soften the blow with new onslaught of questions.
"Oh no no!" She exclaimed. "Sir, you are my boss and I am your secretary. That's all", she replied. He nodded serenely however a little disappointed. He walked to sofa and settled down comfortably. There was still thirty minutes to the meeting and if he can push this for another twenty, he can take off the rest of the day and goof off playing some awesome video games.
"Oh I see. I apologize. May I know your name please?" He could see that his charm was obviously throwing her off. She was flustered and a permanent pink had settled on her cheekbones. It was a pretty sight, no doubt about it.
"No need to apologize sir. My name is Geet." She replied softly.
"Geet is such a pretty name. So tell me Ms. Geet, what kind of a person am I?" He was obviously fishing for compliments. Not technically fishing but call it feedback to a manager. He wanted to know what she truly thought of him.
"Well sir I shall be very honest with you. Most people here see you as the best entrepreneur they have ever come across and for most women folk, you are the perfect man they would go home to; if you give two hoots about it, that is." She replied honestly keeping herself out of the equation. He was impressed. By looking at the way she was answering, he guessed even she was of the same opinion.
He was never so wrong.
"However from my perspective you are a grade 'A' top of the line jerk and a complete jackass who takes pleasure in irritating me on a daily basis." She fumed. He was taken aback by her answer. Okay, maybe she wasn't all wrong. But he had amnesia! Shouldn't she be crying and professing undying loyalty or something?
"Complete jackass? Isn't completeness a virtue Ms. Geet?" He hoped she couldn't hear him gritting his teeth.
"Well, my boss, that is you, are an overachiever and works very hard to achieve perfection. So being a prick, jerk and jackass is also attained with hard work and continuous practice." Fuming continued which was now thoroughly mixed with contempt.
It was actually hilarious on many levels. Geet was complaining about him with him. But unfortunately, it wasn't too funny given how she was bitching about him now.
"Ms. Geet, am sure I had my reasons for being the way I was with you. I am sure there is an underlying tender care and appreciation in everything I say." He hoped she would buy it. Because she had managed to damage his ego in one go. She was quite talented like that.
"You called me single celled organism. I was exempted from mistakes because single celled organisms don't have a brain. You told me that it would be discriminating against all single celled organisms and they might take offense being compared to me and you didn't want amoebae to sue you. Amoebae for God's sake!" She exhaled loudly and complained. He gave himself an imaginary pat on the back. Calling her single celled organism was one of the most imaginative things he had done in recent times and it always gave him a kick as to how easily she got irritated with that taunt.
"Ms. Geet, I think I used that as an endearment." He bargained.
"You are kidding right? No wonder you don't have a love life." Woah…where did love life come from?
"You mean a man of my stature doesn't have a girlfriend? I find that hard to believe that Ms. Geet. I hope you aren't taking advantage of my amnesia and try to score some points for yourself?" He wanted to know what she thought of his private affairs.
"Sir, I know that you have lost memory. But please believe me. You don't have a girlfriend. Of course there are many women who would lend their womb for a date with you, but quite honestly, you aren't a date-able material." She replied in complete nonchalance. He scowled unknowingly.
"Kindly elaborate", he said swallowing the swear word which was desperately trying to escape.
"Sir, please don't mind. Since you have lost your memory, I should tell you the truth without distorting it. You are the worst possible date material because your ego isn't transparent like everyone else. It has a solid color and covers at least 3 mile radius." She replied, eyes wide. He openly scowled now. No one till date had managed to thoroughly destroy his ego albeit unknowingly.
"But here is the bright side", she chirped. He sighed.
"There is a bright side?" He truly didn't want to hear it.
"If there is a nuclear disaster, your stupid ego would shield you from it. See? Some use after all", she trilled happily. He didn't bother hide his annoyance anymore.
This whole amnesia thing wasn't working the way he wanted to. It was supposed to be a tool to find out the truth and perhaps take Geet for a very long ride. But it was biting his butt bad and he didn't know how to get out of this one. And faking amnesia was most definitely off his list.
"Geet, isn't it a wonder that it's only you who seem to have a problem with my attitude while the rest of the world loves me?" He challenged her.
"Why is that a wonder? I am an amazingly intelligent person who has seen right through you and fully know what you truly are."
"Well either that or you have a massive crush on me", he threw in a charming smile to enhance the effect. She blushed. His jaw hung.
She had a crush on him? No way! This was too good.
"You do?" He asked again, his voice tender and full of care hoping that she would open up and give him some blackmail material.
"I love you sir. I love you so much that at times am very scared of coming in front of you because I feel that your brightness and your awesomeness would consume me in its wake. You are the first thing I think about every morning and the last thing before I go to bed. There is not a moment of my day when you so wonderfully accelerate my heartbeats. I cannot fathom the depth of devotion that I have solely dedicated to you. You are my Sun; the one and only source of light and warmth in my life." There were tears in her eyes and reverence in her.
He was speechless. He hadn't expected that his little act can take him this far. He stammered to find right words.
"Geet…I…didn't know…" This wasn't Geet. She was too sappy and the Geet he knew generally kicked ass.
"I know that you don't sir. I wouldn't have told you anyway. Your presence in my life has far greater meaning than anything I have ever known. Even the insults that you throw in my direction sound like sweet nothings and every time you scold, I feel a gentle caress. My existence is revolving around your existence and I can continue to do so for the rest of my life. It wouldn't matter to me if you notice me or not but as far as I can sit next door and even if catch only glimpses of your shadow, I will be content." She didn't look up.
Okay, it was getting creepy now. Since when did Geet talk like an eighteen year old girl smitten with her boss? Okay, technically she was barely twenty but she was still very young. But she didn't speak the way which made him gag. Her words were like spiders walking on his bare skin. He wanted to scratch his forearms badly. Maybe apologizing to her would snap her back from the trance she was in.
"I am sorry if I ever hurt you Geet. I know that calling you single celled organism was pushing it a bit, but come on, you have to admit. It was awesome. That day you were patronizing my silk smooth move that I made when I won the deal and I guess I wanted to annoy you back", he shrugged hoping that she would understand and prayed to God to make her stop talking like a love sick fool. It was dangerously weird.
"Apology accepted Sir. Now can we both cut the crap and get to meeting? There is only five minutes left and this time if you miss, HR is going to make my life a living hell by continually bitching about it", she got up and dusted imaginary flecks from her dress.
Wait. What?
So she knew he was bluffing.
Of course she knew. Though her naivety overruled her better judgment, she sure wasn't a moron.
"Fine fine. You are getting sooo bossy", he dragged out "so" just to emphasize how bossy she could get if she wanted to. He didn't ask her how she knew or when she knew. If he did ask, she would probably bruise his ego which might take several weeks to heal or worse, she would question his intelligence which she would ensure to remind him from time to time.
"And from where did you steal those sap lines from?" He asked picking up his laptop.
"Who said they were borrowed?"
Her barely there smile threw him off guard. A moment later he smiled back at her.
Everything was back to normal in his world.
Sookie
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