How Maan and Geet saved the Earth
The situation in which we are all under was never heard of before. No, it isn't a situation. It is a phenomenon. The women folk – young and old flocked together in the screening room at the stipulated time and ooh-ed and aah-ed for approximately thirty minutes. I had wanted to know, to understand what was it which made people go gaga about the whole situation.
So I saw.
And the things that I saw boggled my mind and there were few instances where in I wanted to shoot myself. In fact I had actually tried jumping off the balcony in sheer frustration. But to my horror, I had found myself with the woman folk and other men at the stipulated time the next day. (Interesting thing to note: the number of men who came to the screening room was increasing at an alarming rate.)
It pissed me off the most.
Our schedule was slowly dropping and people were heavily distracted. They were continuously monitoring a website for information, read girl fantasies which were also termed as fiction (which spawned many more discussions which added no value to the work that were supposed to do!) and other random articles. I was horrified to see the pictures of them decorating most computer screens when they were on stand-by mode.
It was amazing how one big accidental discovery could cause this deep chaos and hoopla surrounding that. The reason for me to be here is simple – understand human race and wipe them off from the face of this universe. Why, you ask? Answer is again, very simple – just for kicks. To show other races who is the daddy. Because we are bored, have lots of cool weapons and have way too much testosterone to contain. Since humans are self destructing creatures who have successfully abused the nature to its hilt and are anyway about to perish in few hundred years we decided that we would do them a favor by them by blowing up Earth into fine dust. But we have these people who are into knowing the worlds and documenting them. (They don't get it. Our world spends too much of money on this knowing shit in the name of "research" and get those researchers to write terabytes of information about other worlds. And in the end what happens? We blow up those worlds! What's the point in knowing and writing about things of past?) So for those hippies, we hacked and spied on almost all satellites revolving around Earth to "understand" human race. Bullshit work, if you ask me.
What happened afterwards was completely unplanned and unprecedented. And as the captain (the highest authoritative figure) of this ship, I take the complete responsibility for being the root cause of the problems. (There is a slight chance that I may be executed or fed to an ugly but ferocious creature. But they might insult me by cutting of all the tentacles and make me eat it. That, in my world is considered to be worst sort of punishment. Yeah, it's gross.)
So the mistake I made? I made a woman analyze and document data which was streaming from satellites. And then she discovered this – "Geet hui sabse paraayi".
My nice little simplistic life of destructing primitive worlds like Earth, as I had known it was officially over.
So what had started as a fad had turned into full blown obsession and for some strange unknown reason the researchers started archiving that thing. (Somehow calling it serial makes me feel like a human. And that is absolutely disgusting. How can living things not have any tentacles? Seriously!!!) In few Earth weeks we had more than half of our ship staring at the screen and watching that serial. (Alright, I will call that thing as serial.)
So I had to take matter into my hands. Do something about the situation quick and fast so that we can blow up Earth and move on with our journey. It was getting boring hovering around this planet whose technology was far too primitive for us to go down and say hello. I planned with best minds on my ship and drew an elaborate strategy.
I abducted Maan and Geet.
And all hell broke loose after that.
Everything had gone according to plan. My commander and I had gone down and had abducted the two humans. I know what you are thinking. There wasn't any light from space (like you see in some elaborated TV series. Let me clarify something as we are on the subject. There are no government conspiracies' about aliens visiting earth and being captured by aliens. Humans wouldn't recognize aliens even if we danced in front of them in our original form. Yeah, they are that obnoxious) or was there any chemical weapon involved. We think blackmail and all those silly mind games are cheap so let's not even think in that direction. It was the simplest strategy known to mankind.
We fibbed our way through, picked them and beamed back to the ship.
It was classical kidnapping. Not using violence but still getting the job done was an exhilarating experience. Maybe those anti-war dudes on Earth did have a point.
After being beamed back to mother ship, I hurriedly checked the abductees. And the sight pissed me off.
As usual she had tripped and the guy had caught her. They were starting at each other eyes and blatantly ignored my horrifying stature. I was expecting fear or even surprise at being in an alien ship. I was little put off by their nonchalance.
And then screaming started.
I had made all arrangements to place them in dingiest cell available on this ship and keep them till my people regained their senses and pulled their heads from the cotton clouds made up of Maan-Geet moments and plan for outright attack on Earth. But I had grossly underestimated the level of obsession people can actually go to.
In next five hours I had three hundred and forty four petitions to leave them alone. I scratched my head with one of my tentacles. Really, this was taking things a bit too far. So I glided through the ship towards their cell where abductees had forgotten their surroundings and were busy in either eye locks or making their lives uselessly complicated.
Whatever.
"Why are we here?" Maan asked me as soon as I entered their cell.
Okay, it wasn't a cell anymore. As I had ignored many pleas from others to treat these low life humans better, the plea had escalated to my wife too. My wife had wound two of her tentacles around my neck and had also hissed few words. No, am not telling you what those words were but they had had profound effect on my…err…judgment so I had shifted those humans from a cell to a fancy looking suite.
"Yes, why are we here?" Geet asked the same question. She looked little scared. I almost fell for her innocent face. Yes, almost. This is how they suck you into their world, I told myself repeatedly. "Don't get charmed by him or fall for her innocence" I recited like a mantra as I began to speak. (To those of you who are/were thinking how I know your language. Answer is Babel Fish. Yes, it's real. We breed it; illegally, of course!)
"You are here because you have managed to poison minds of my people. That act is unforgivable." I snarled.
"What did we do? We are living the lives we want; however complicated it is", Maan answered without hint of any fear. He made sure that he stood in front of Geet so that he would bear the brunt of any oncoming attack. Alright, I may like him a bit. A teeny tiny bit. Not more.
"Well, my people are obsessed about you, your words, your act, your relationship and everything!" I exclaimed. For a minute it sounded like a five year old throwing in a temper tantrum. Who cares a shit? I was the man of the ship. Hell yeah!
"Really? I want to thank all of them from the bottom of my heart. I am really glad for their blessings, love and continuous support. Just like my Babaji", Geet answered respectfully.
My patience started to thin.
"You don't get it do you? Because of the two of you staring relentlessly into each other eyes, he dropping his shirt every now and then and the words you guys exchange is making many people here completely distracted. They don't work properly and they fantasize about themselves in your place. If this continues, our race will start settling down in Earth!" I shivered at the last thought.
Geet and Maan looked clueless. Of course they would. Who would have thought aliens could get sucked into Maan-Geet land?
And then it happened.
She was looking a little scared of me (to my great satisfaction) and Maan was holding her hands in his. After few moments she realized that he was holding her hands. She looked up to see his face and got lost in his eyes. The fear in her face reduced and was soon replaced by adoration.
My ego got kicked, bruised and shoved under the carpet.
I cleared my throat to get their attention.
Nope, nothing. Still lost in each other.
I cleared my throat little loudly. (Okay, it wasn't loud. It was roar of a full grown tiger.)
I lost it when they failed to respond.
"Would you two quit it? It is driving me crazy. Okay, the reason why I abducted you was exactly because of this. I hate it when you two stare into each other's eyes for extended lengths of time. I get it that you two have hots for each other. I get it that you love each other a lot. But really, give these damn eye locks a rest. It's infuriating", I shouted like a little girl not getting her way with her mother. To my great satisfaction the two of them looked little scared. But my happiness didn't last long.
The door had opened during my outburst and my wife was standing in doorway. I started to sweat. She barked some instructions and suddenly there were huge cries of happiness and everyone started buzzing around. Before I could fathom what was going on, my wife had released my abductees and was busily clicking pictures with them. I sulked in a corner all by myself.
I refused to talk to my wife after she returned from sending of Maan and Geet back to earth. I know I was acting like a child but she hurt my male ego!
"Why did you let them go?" I asked her, still sulking.
"Her life is now taking a juicy turn. You think me or for that matter more than three quarters of this ship is going to miss entertainment just because you have this ridiculous idea of destroying Earth?" She replied.
"Why is that idea ridiculous? It's a silly place." My wife is a brilliant and highly smart woman. And then she surprises me by asking dumb questions.
"Yeah, the same silly place which makes this awesome-est serial!" I wanted to argue with her. I want to tell her how wrong she is. I want to tell her how clichd everything in that serial is. I want to scream on top of my lungs that if I undress Maan, I might see a superhero costume because a real human cannot be what he is. I want to tell her about rationality, logic and everything that Geet serial is not.
But I cannot do that.
I see the way she smiles when the two of them look into each other's eyes. (Irrespective of how idiotic I think it is) I see the way everyone come together and talk about something other than destruction. I see how most people make it a point to be as creative as the next being and do something else other than thinking or analyzing war strategies.
It's nice and calming.
It's different and exciting.
It's human.
I decided to install my own spy satellite cloaked to be invisible so that my people would continue watch in whichever part of the universe they were in.
And with that final thought I barked out orders for moving the ship away from the planet and continue journey home.
Destruction was getting kinda redundant anyway.
The End.
Please note that the author has been abducted which is the reason why she has been inactive all these weeks. After much interrogation, she has given out details of this account and thus I was able to post my thoughts on the serial here. Please don't mind if you don't get responses to your comments as she is still under observation.
Peace. Out.
Sookie
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