"Dont Deserve Your Love" {Part XII(Story ends)}pg1

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Bhoomi

@bhoomikauttam

IF-Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

Hi Friends,

"Dont Deserve Your Love" is a soft simple story with a confusion at both ends, though one couple is the high point of Love the other has just not stood to the depth of it. The story will not take huge jumps or try and show situations which are too serious but simple ones which do confuse them... Will they be in Love .. should they except each other is a question.. and when one says ' I Dont Deserve Your Love' will the other make an attempt to come closer is all the matter which is in this simple story.

Will be posting the parts slowly as and when I get the comp...

Thanks a lot to many many of my wonderful readers out here👏👏👏... silent ones as well... Bini, Sara, San, Himani, Nida, Golu, Jyothi, Naseem, Monika, Rabia, Vandu, Kittu,Nitika, harika,ttimpy, Juvz, Paru, Jodubai, Ravishingal, Hina, Niti,Nimmi, Tumbin,Sumaiya, Jessica.. and all others who have always encoruaged me through out. 😃

The banner is ready and will post it soon along with the part I..:) and whether u r happy or not but the story isnt very long nor very short.. 😊

- Bhoomi

Edited by bhoomikauttam - 14 years ago

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Sumi_162710

@Sumi_162710

IF-Rockerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Hey, Bhoomi. Glad to c u r writing another story. I was actually w8ing to read more from u as I finished reading all that u posted. Looking 4ward to this one eagerly. Hope u'll be able to continue soon, dear.

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25143

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

waiting. Thanx for a new fic

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Bhoomi

@bhoomikauttam

IF-Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: sumaiya wahid
Hey, Bhoomi. Glad to c u r writing another story. I was actually w8ing to read more from u as I finished reading all that u posted. Looking 4ward to this one eagerly. Hope u'll be able to continue soon, dear.

Hi Sumaiya,

It feels happy to know my readers wait for my story and dont feel bored of it😆.. Hope u like this one.. though after a long gap I am writing so am not sure whether the flow is intact in me... ur words really make me to post it sooner.. so thanx a bunch for that dear..

Bhoomi

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Bhoomi

@bhoomikauttam

IF-Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: golu_1677
waiting. Thanx for a new fic

Hi Golu,

U r waiting to read.. posting the first part soon...

Bhoomi

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Bhoomi

@bhoomikauttam

IF-Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

{Part I }

Kailash:

He is walking down the street with the dry leaves falling from the tree. The wind blowing as if all the past memories are to be faced one last time before they get buried.

I don't want to believe it but I can sense it coming to me. I know this may be the last day in the office, I will have to face her the last time, I will have to hide my feelings for her for the last time, and I will have to lie to her the last time. After that I will be leaving this country and going to Dubai to try to survive with my wounds. I know it's going to be tough but staying here, looking at her, feeling my love for her' was toughest. I want to be alone now, be free to cry alone, free to see her in my dreams and cry alone.. free to wander alone and fall and feel the pain of been alone.. I want to take the pain of not getting her and her love. I want to go from here before she gets to know how much I love her '.I love her I cant even express my deep feelings for her... I can't tell her, 'I love You Mrinal'

Love is something very precious to me,

Love for me is 'U' and it will always be'

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Mrinal:

What can I say my heart bleeds with pain I can't even complain'

Kailash I loved you so much. I wanted you to be in my life for ever... what happened that u left me wounded like this ' My heart was always strong not wanting to fall in love.. ' falling in love makes me feel I was blessed at first but with the kind of pain I went through I feel I lost myself completely.. My strengths were nowhere to be found '. Was the only thing that I loved you such a big blunder I made' Somewhere it was beautiful to feel may be U loved me too. I don't even know when we became friends but I realized the closeness only when I was in love with U. Lovers I can say, as I felt your eyes spoke about love for me, I never hid the fact that I loved you indeed. Somewhere u couldn't see any future of us together somewhere may be your ego killed everything what mattered ' Somewhere we lost the friendship that was so beautiful' somewhere we lost the bond we shared which was magical.. We became lonely... and we became strangers' U want to go from here... U are free to carry on for sure'. I have told you ' I love you Kailash.. and I know.. You don't wish to love me at all''

Loving you is as if it's my soul within me,

Life without your love I can't bear to see

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Office staff:

We really can't understand what went wrong between these two... How nice and cute they looked together ' We cant understand what happened that they broke their relationship and are moving far away from each other.

These two were in love and have parted their ways,

Its true love and in their heart it will always stay

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{Part II}

Kailash: May I come in Madam...

Mrinal: Come in'

Kailash: Madam, I have assigned all my duties to Mr. Raghav and today was my last day in the office. I shall take your leave Madam. It was a great opportunity working in this company for past 3 years' Thank you' and have a good day Madam... (He was about to leave)

Mrinal: I won't have a good day Kailash you know that.

Kailash didn't look at her as he heard those words and knew Mrinal was very upset. He left the cabin and sat in his cabin, packed his papers and chits from his table. Feeling the day has arrived when he has to let go everything' he can't get all back'

Mrinal sat in her cabin, she was General Manger of the firm' she knew nothing is going to work out now' she wont be able to see him ever ' Mrinal went inside to wash her face before anyone notices her broken state'

Kailash walked out of his cabin towards the exit door calmly taking the final handshake with his colleagues. All leave as the office time is over. Mrinal walks out and looks at all surrounding Kailash she knows her heart is saying, not to let him go but nothing she can do as her heart is breaking into pieces.

Love within but attempting to hide it, is a tough try,

As the heart bleeds, mind forgets; eyes tend to say it all and cry'

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She walks ahead and tries to see if he catches a glimpse of her too. Kailash could feel her presence by her fragrance and does not need to hear or see her to know that she is somewhere close by. He was confused should he look at her... for one last time... can he have last chance to look into her eyes... He walked very slowly thinking for the last time should he feel her face dissolving in his heart. She is the only woman whom he loved... her beautiful self, vibrant personality' can he properly look at her for the last time ever'.

Before he could decide Mrinal felt she was waiting for a glimpse from him that was not going to come and got into the lift' Feeling the fragrance going away he realized she had disappeared suddenly and saw her in the lift... Before he could let his mind work' his heart made him to jump into the lift' Mrinal was a bit shocked as he had almost jumped in the lift instead of getting into it... and somewhere his eyes again showed the same pain what she was going through... Mrinal had pressed the button G ground written... and looked at the flashed light of the number, the 7^th floor. They both looked at each other properly as they knew this was the last time they were together... this day in their life is most precious and painful ever'

We will not be together again,

We will not be close to each other again,

But these few seconds standing close feels so precious,

Looking at 'U' and 'Me' heart thinks about US'

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{Part III}

Mrinal: When is your flight'?

Kailash: Aaa night.

Mrinal smiled with pain in her eyes: Oh, U are been careful that I don't land up at the airport right? (Controlling her tears in her eyes) so you are not wanting to be precise with the time.. That's very smart. (She said with anger and pain inside her) But be assured I don't want to be there at all.

Kailash had not realized and didn't say that with purpose..

Kailash: No.. I really didn't mean in that way' Mrinal'

The lift stopped and they walked out. Mrinal was angry, in pain and stress. Kailash stopped to look at her as she went towards her car; she opened the car door and angrily tried to start it... Kailash knew she always when angry forgets the simple basics... He went close inside the car and started the car with the key... Mrinal looked at him straight into his eyes... She could see him having a smile as he was recollecting the old memory of him helping her with the same thing and they fighting over it' He guiding her to join an anger management course and she hitting him saying' 'it isn't anger its irritation.. u see when u r with me' things turn weirdly crazy.' Kailash remembered those things, those sweet little fights... and her sweet attitude, arrogance; she would become angry in a second and jovial in the very next moment'. Mrinal in present looked at his smile and said,

Mrinal: Smile on ur face, suits best' Ur smile took my heart away and see what u made me into' I loved you and U don't... Go away now... far away' I don't need U . Leave me and be free and happy... U will get the best in life... (With tears and chocked emotions)though there is nothing left in my life...

I loved you and can't imagine my life without U,

U don't love me I had been in illusion that U Do...

Kailash couldn't take those tears in her eyes... He was so close to her and couldn't wipe those tears... he couldn't see her breaking like this. The strong woman who runs such a firm crying like a child like this... He couldn't see her saying things so negatively about her life... He wanted her to move on and feel there is best for her to come... as surely he had felt she deserve someone better but not him, he was not up to her in any regard'

Kailash sat besides saying: U will get the best, u deserve someone better than me'

I am not capable of any love... Don't cry for someone like me, like this.. Ur life will be better without me...

Mrinal: What U want to say, U r'nt the best for me' Oh.. just becoz I have been ur Boss U suppose a guy who is in a post of a CEO has the only capacity to suit me. U don't even know the meaning of LOVE... For u my work my post is the biggest hurdle . I won't leave my work.... Professionally I am qualified enough to be where I am and personally I fell in love with u for what u shared and what u are' I don't know why u never felt what's LOVE. u never realized LOVE and EGO can't go side by side... If ur Ego kills u.. makes u feel small to see ur girlfriend as ur boss' What can I say.. be happy... Don't ever except my love as professionally I am not willing to bow down to my capabilities

Ur male Ego, my higher post always bothered you,

My deep love for you never ever mattered to you

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{Part IV}

Kailash smiled, with her confident words about herself he knew that's what he expects from her, always confident not letting anyone doubt her capabilities... she had every possibility to grow and achieve new heights professionally.. Personally she was for him the most innocent and childlike chirpy girl... who was absolutely different when she was alone with him'. Soft gentle caring, full of warmth and love..

With his smile Mrinal was more hurt.. She was confident about her work but personally she was becoming lonely and she wanted him to keep his male ego aside and think about the many things they shared for last 2 years.. Feel about the love they had in their hearts' she had expressed her love so many times.. but he never committed to her about his feelings' but she knew somewhere he loves her.. she didn't knew from where her position as his Superior took away everything that was between them. Her confidence was shattered as she wanted to be with him all her life' she wanted to be in his arms all life and start a family with him' She knew she can't get over him'.

With these feelings in her, she broke down and began to sob as she felt she won't be able to cope without him at all. Her parents had separated long time back, her profession took heights but she felt with Kailash she had got her family. She shared her problems her dreams her love and always felt he cared, he made her laugh and he made her feel complete by his presence in her life. How could she cope without him around.. She began to cry she knew he would not let off his ego..

Without U my heart is in pain,

Why cant personal happiness, I ever gain...

Kailash saw her sobbing uncontrollably and he didn't knew what to do' He tried to say, Plzz don't cry like this.. but she pushed him away.. to go away and leave her alone.. She had none and he wasn't anyone to her now' when he doesn't care about her why to show fake emotions' Now with her tears even Kailash couldn't control his suppressed emotions, he began to cry looking at her state and knew he cant let her be like this.. He cried and both looked at each other.. both hugged each other and cried for long.. Both cuddled to make the other feel better but both kept crying and they cried as the pain seemed too deep for each' As both were in close cuddle and had started to go further step by kissing each other too... Closing their eyes and feel the magical touch which healed them through... It wasn't just a physical intimacy but a magic that was healing the heart in some way' As Mrinal realised what's going here. She slapped him and Kailash looked at her with shock.. he realized what they were doing.

Mrinal: How dare u touch me.. how dare u kiss me .. U don't love me' why show these emotions.. (Suddenly she realised she had slapped him hard and felt he wasn't alone to be blamed she too didn't object and went close to him)

Mrinal cried and said feeling she is getting too weak in front of him every time'

Mrinal: Don't use me like.. this.. don't play with me like this.. I have lost my senses' SORRY' but'

Kailash knew she was very upset and felt guilty of hitting him and was more hurt than him while she did that...

Kailash: I deserve it don't feel guilty'. And I agree that I played with ur emotions' I am a pig Mrinal.. U don't deserve me.. but.. this moment of been with u was the most beautiful moment in my life'

Mrinal: U do love me?.. Don't lie this final time..

Kailash looking into her eyes and with emotions running high lie had no place

Kailash: I really do love u ' I really can feel the pain u r going through..

Mrinal was surprised as well as pleasantly happy but still not able to believe it or take it in: what's making u go from here?.. Really does my superiority in work is the only reason for us to part ways' we love each other so much.. ur tears and our closeness didn't lie ' U touched me but ur eyes touched my soul.. tell me' plzz what's happening ' just honestly tell me'

Kailash: I feel guilty of hurting u but more than that I feel ashamed of confessing what I have done for months' I didn't have the courage to say it all to you.. Mrinal.. there are so many things which will make u understand why I am moving out and how bad I am' u don't deserve a person like me.. I DON'T DESERVE YOUR LOVE.

In my life, Love is defined as 'You' to me,

For Deserving your love, I am not capable to be...

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{Part V}

Mrinal was confused..

Kailash: Whenever u have lovingly expressed ur feelings for me.. .I have smiled and said I cant let my wife be superior in office to me.. U always said my thought was narrow minded But always liked the fact that I have been honest and u will want that if my ego doesn't bother me U will be happy to be with me all my life.... U waited for me to understand and let my ego go' u never showed disrespect to me.. and loved me so much.. but u know I wasn't that good and deserving ur love... I did something which u were never aware '

Kailash(with guilt and difficulty): I loved u and wanted to marry u , for this I wanted to be in a bigger post than u ' I wanted to be CEO of some company and for this I was all out not realizing what wrong I was doing' I met many companies some of our rival companies too' in the process of getting superiority what not I tried to do' I was assigned to make a project for a company and if it clicked I was offered a bigger post in the company' for the same our company also prepared project, u had asked me to help out but I didn't share any inputs.. I started working on the project individually, also knowing what u had in mind and what u were going to make the project to be.. with this.. my work was easy as I knew what u were making and what I could add to get it be the best.. In the end.. I used ur ideas and my inputs... I didn't work for u, our firm..but worked day in for that company' in the process I remember I tried hard to distract u from working on the project, making u come to meet me at odd times and making u feel too stressed' After all that also u managed quite well.. On ur own u made the project to work and won at that... I was angry at loosing this one '. as all my planning went waste.. I tried other tactics really cheap' can u believe I wanted to somehow make u loose not only post but Ur job.

Mrinal was listening looking into his eyes while Kailash spoke keeping his head down

Kailash: I tried to make a point that I got all the info and u lost the work and got scolding from Ur superiors' I remember the day when u were given warning by ur superior from headquarters and were very upset... u were crying in my arms and somewhere I was happy with that.. It was only when u said, that ' 'Things happen and there is one thing very important in ur life, its my care strength with u '' U had smiled and told me' 'Professionally whatever happens it's a matter of things not working out, but personally for u its important that I am there with u .. as in life jobs, post come n go, new people join and market fluctuates, profession is an individual's earning and livelihood.. but personally heart only requires happiness, fulfillment & be in love whose feeling emotions are genuine n true''.. I was a big shaken to see U loving me so much.. but still I had not learnt what wrong I was doing.. I distracted U , I made u jealous sometimes just to make U divert ur attention and loose out on project and none should praise U..

Mrinal tried to recollect those stressful days and she always would just hold his hand and that would assure her that there isn't anything to worry.. her professional ups and downs were all washed out with Kailash taking her close,. .. he was family for her.. the jealousy the anger in her had made her to shout at meetings and that had resulted in bombarding of many emails and correspondence trying to apologize to many of her seniors .. it wasn't a good phase for her but she could only feel happy thinking about it as Kailash was with her. The feelings that he was appreciated had made her happy.. He was getting close to her and that brought smile on her face. He would propose her the very thought made her to jump and fly in the air.

It's not affair with someone else nor is it violent behaviour,

Still the heart feels hammered & bleeds there isn't any saviour..

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{Part VI}

Kailash had tears: I realised I had all long cheated u .. how could I face u when u will get to know what I did to get superiority than u .. I did get the job remember I had told .. it was a post not superior than u but similar to ur post.. u were on verge of loosing ur job but u joined my Party for my success, u didn't even knew how I had achieved those.. What all I had planned and what my ego made me to do.. It was that night after the party ' U danced with me.. and u said how much u loved me.. u asked me to say' I love u and said its time to get married now.. I had played with your hair then and looked in ur eyes, ur eyes said how happy You r for me... how much trust u have in me.. I had kissed ur eyes and smiled in return' U had hugged me and felt I would propose u that moment' I had closed my eyes and took a deep breathe wanting to propose to u and feel how wonderful it is as my ego is satisfied as well'

As I closed my eyes things turned away.. My eyes showed me how small I became in the way' I had been silly by cheating with the firm.. I had been working for the rival firm.. I had known the secrets of the company and ur working pattern and tried to take the advantage and had put it across to the other companies to get better position.. By making u stressful and making ur work suffer I tried u to be on verge of loosing ur job.. What was I doing? smiling when u were crying ur heart out'. How could I feel satisfied by hurting u like this? Is this LOVE where I was selfishly using u for my needs'? I was dishonest to the company for which I was working.. and more than that I was been dishonest with U whom I wished to marry..

Mrinal was just shell shocked and kept listening with no reaction'

My heart doesn't want to believe it, that you did to me all this,

My mind tells me listen carefully and never let anyone use u like this'

Kailash: I felt that moment Ur superiority in office U left it there and always showered love trust on me When U were out of the office ' I felt actually now I was been inferior in terms of the values we have.. Some how I realized Superiority is not in post or position.. Superiority in life is about Ur strength to stand firm on values u have, have them intact in U even when external factors make U to bow to them and leave them for a while.. I became now too small in front of u' and as I looked at U that moment Ur beaming smile and Ur eyes filled with immense love for me.. I knew what all cheap things I did and how inferior in real now I had become to u.. That moment.. I told.. 'I don't want to marry u' I left from there as I knew that it was that moment which made me realize running after my ego was stupid and LOVE was the purest indeed.. U don't deserve me.... I did not at all deserve the respect, love from U... I didn't have the courage to tell how inferior I was to U now.... how I had played with u' I still am guilty for things.. don't know how u feel .. I know its too late to get the love as I am not fit to have it..

Mrinal was shocked at the revelations and thought how he could go that far to satisfy his ego... She had tears flowing from her eyes now'

What all u did I can't understand how come u went that far,

After loving u truly my heart is wounded with so many scars...

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{Part VII}

Kailash: I am sorry, I know what I did is really bad.. I know I deserve no love, no respect but rejection and punishment' I am Sorry for what I did. Plzz hit me few more' hit me hard I deserve it I know..

Mrinal was crying she didn't knew what to say, how much she had gone through in love, the feeling of been rejected by him and how much she wanted him in her life.. But he lied, he cheated, he used her for his selfish motive ' her company suffered, her work suffered.. She felt with Kailash in her life she isn't scared of any failures' but their relationship itself became a big failure. Her love didn't make him a better person but took him to lower levels.

She remembered in the Success Party of Kailash for his new job she was very hurt all day in office listening to so many things from her superiors. Been a female boss they had got a very good opportunity now to disrespect and point fingers at her potential. She had come home and washed her face not letting the tears appear in her eyes but happiness for Kailash be there to be seen.. She had dressed as he likes, she played the role of a perfect host at the party and it was the most beautiful moment dancing with Kailash that day.. he had without any hesitation held her waist, danced close to her, making an attempt to be naughty and pouring his love by his romantic self. She could see him wanting to express his love and wanting to propose her' It had been a huge downfall when he had said, 'No I don't want to marry U'. Mrinal had not understood he kissed her eyes, he danced romantically but what happened that night he left her..

Now knowing the facts could she forgive him? Can she forgive every day in and out when he lied' In fever she was finishing her project work and he had no time to help her out he had said. The next day he had called her up to come and cook food for him as he was having pain in the stomach.. She had left everything aside and reached his place.. doing all for him.. Can she forgive the feeling of Love in her at that time for him which he misused to gain his post.. Can she forgive every minute that she cozily sat with him thinking he loves her and one day he will say.. He will come out of his ego trip and that very moment what Kailash was doing was planning more wrongful cheatings against her and the firm to secure his position.. IS this the man she LOVED? She wondered and felt hurt.

I loved you for many things that we shared,

I loved you for ur frank honest self,

I loved you as u always cared for me,

I truly LOVED U.. How could U do this to me..

Kailash could sense the way Mrinal was disappointed by him and his doings' He was teary eyed and extremely guilty as well.. but he couldn't see the anger in her eyes for him.. The eyes which always showered love on him.. now projecting how much she hates him.. What a cheat he has been.. He couldn't take those so quickly.. He went away from there.

Mrinal sat in the car and wondered, it was very easy for her before to advise a large number of women that when u are strong and financially secured don't ever forgive men for any kind of cheating or disrespect, U don't have to be a slave to such men for the sake of love or family. Now she found it hard to punish him or to leave him. She understood in both ways she is the one who is going to get hurt more n more. She LOVED the wrong person or she LOVED that itself was wrong. One thing was true she didn't want to see his face now.. It could just ignite more anger, more pain and more helplessness inside her...

Love is divine as it resides in a pure form,

Other needs change with situations and transform,

Power, lust, money, ego are not part of Love at all,

They are needs which keep changing as mood or situations calls.

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{Part VIII}

Sitting inside the plane, Kailash looked outside from the window and with the flight takeoff he felt a jerk in his heart of having been pushed away from Mrinal. He started looking down feeling he is been pulled away from Mrinal, can he do anything to get towards her.. Kailash had tears in his eyes. He took out his wallet and saw the snap of Mrinal... he kissed her saying 'Sorry' and held the snap in his hand saying 'I LOVE U'.

He knew Mrinal is a very strong headed woman who can't take dishonesty and lies. She never believed in saying why mistakes happened or give reasons but always stood by the fact that mistake happened so face consequences whatever be the reason behind it. It was this rule which she herself also followed. Such qualities in her made her the leader and gave her potential to be firm and strong. He knew she must be hating him now, and will never ever feel any LOVE for him.. He never wanted to disclose this fact to her as he was ashamed of himself and seeing that in her eyes was unbearable to him.. but after having confessed he was feeling a bit lighter but the pain of loosing her LOVE was stronger & deeper.

I was getting into gaining things which meant little to us,

Close to achieving it all realized it destroyed everything between us..

Kailash had never said I LOVE U to her but he always knew he loves her. He said I care for U, he always remained best friend to her. Inside his heart he found it hurting to see, she achieving success and doing things much better than him. She owned her own house while he had just found it hard to buy a car for himself. Kailash now felt why why he had those negative emotions inside him.. why couldn't he be happy with her success.. If someone could change things now he wished to have changed himself and understand Ego is in doing ur best on ur own but not feeling humiliated if someone U love is best and better than U.

Kailash was taking the sip of tea and recollecting the many fond memories of been together with her. They went shopping together to buy gifts for his sister and many times she like a child would ask him buy this for me.. gift this to me.. and he would smile feeling she can buy these any day why he has to buy these for her.. but she loved the feeling of him gifting her .. she treasured them.. and her happiness knew no bounds when he gifted her anything.. wearing them she would glow in happiness and Love. He never gifted them saying I LOVE U.. for some reason he was feeling uncomforting that people may think he loves her and she is his boss.. now the woman takes the front seat in work and at home.. He was more tensed with the remarks others will pass at him .. but Mrinal was never bothered or concerned with the society, she had seen her parents fighting in public places and people hiding their smiles and laughter as they watched..

Kailash remembered her smile and her laughter.. her glow of happiness and the frankness with which she would ask , 'I am special.. U are toooo special.. And I LOVE U .. Don't U ..' Kailash in present his eyes became moist..and he spoke, ' U are special, U r beautiful. U are my LOVE.. I love u the most' I am not special, too ordinary, too foolish.. I am not deserving enough of ur true love.. But I really Love u.. I Care for u.. The relationship which we shared I didn't lie to that.. I always felt u were special for me.. I genuinely cared for u ' and I really Loved u.. somewhere somehow my fear with egoistic pressure and social thoughts made me to loose my sense.. I realized it when it was too late. I really love U.. I really do Mrinal.."

Love is a strange emotion sometimes u feel it's the world,

Sometimes you feel the world doesn't know what Love is about..

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{Part IX}

Mrinal was sitting in the balcony looking at the silent night and the time 1am, there was no trace of sleep in her eyes, her eyes wanted to be angry and wanted to cry, but there was no one who would give her a shoulder and make her feel better. She walked inside her room sat in front of the mirror and with the dim light on she uttered to herself, " Got what u wanted.. Got what U deserved.. This is reality.. Stop dreaming now atleast.. Why did u do this to urself.. Why u fell in love with him, Why were u crazy to say I LOVE u to him so many times when he didn't even say it once.. Why U gave him the scope to come close, U also gave him the liberty to touch U, Kiss u , u felt like melting in his arms and forever be close to his chest whether u were married to him or not.. THIS is what u will get if u LOVE someone and TRUST someone' Mrinal Ur heart is shattered (her tears were not flowing though she was saying continuously loudly angrily to herself) ..

She silently sat for more seconds and than looked at the many things on the table.. the many things which he gifted her or to say she requested to gift her.. she threw them away in anger.. and looking at them fallen on the ground.. she screamed and banged herself on the floor.. she said with lot of pain' ' This is my position.. I am broken and am thrown , torn away .. Why Kailash why.. I was taking life single handedly without u before.. I was coping with my sorrows my loneliness with none around but believing in myself and my spirit to not let anything effect me now.. U came in my life like a huge wave taking me into the sea of love and I dissolved in it.. Felt I was sailing but U drown me .. U were so nice, U like gentleman always said the right things, showed intelligence and were honest. U were focused in ur work, cared so much about ur mom and sister, I felt slowly knowing u and ur family I was finding my family in u.. Whenever we met outside office I could be myself; cry, laugh dance sing and u always were with me making me to feel more beautiful with ur warmth, with ur energy to help care for me.. ur humorous talks which brought smiles in dozens every time.. Ur soothing voice whenever u took my name I felt u LOVE me.. Ur earnings for u was a perfect way to make ur mom proud, never thought my earning my achievements could be of such hindrance to u..

I love U as u were simple, sweet and wonderful,

I loved u, trusting u were genuine true and cheerful'

Now Mrinal cried and cried.. she looked at his snap in the frame where they both were smiling, Mrinal took the frame and was about to throw but stopped and kissed him and crying again threw it away.. She screamed, ' U cheated .. U used me.. U .. U.. hurt me.. U broke my heart.. U spoilt everything.. U destroyed My life.. Why Why.. Why did u say.. U LOVE ME.. I waited for the day U would say I LOVE U Mrinal.. and u said it at a time when I felt the deepest pain with those words .. U Don't deserve My love.. U don't deserve me.. But DO I deserve what I Am facing.. I cant trust anybody now.. I cant love anyone now.. but I love u still what should I do about it..'

The night went with tears at both ends.. and hearts feeling immense pain.. Kailash was working in Dubai and Mrinal was back to her work within few days.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Part X}

At the Dubai office,

Boss: U are a cheat Kailash.. We have got this paper copy, which ur office issued saying u have leaked ur company secrets to others to secure better increments. U have no character.. We don't require such criminal mind people in our office.. Take ur salary of the month and leave our office immediately. I don't want to see ur face again.

Criminal mind? His boss who was all praise for him in this one month and was too happy with his work, now threw the cutout of that paper on his face.. he knew his Boss was totally shocked by the truth in the paper and may be felt Kailash must be a sweet talking scamster, with criminal intentions. Kailash was stunned he walked outside the cabin, knowing and feeling the gaze of the many people in the office at him murmuring about the paper cutout which his previous office has issued in public interest about his wrongful doings and that they are in no way connected to him. He was sweating as the truth was out open and whatever the truth was how could he make others believe that it was a bad time in his life and he has learnt his lessons.. he wasn't a criminal .. nor a scamster

How to make people believe I am not a criminal,

Isn't it learning from ones mistake most essential?

Kailash was hurt deeply inside, he could never take humiliation of such kind.. as a middle class person, reputation for him meant the most.. He was scared with what will his family have to undergo, what will his friends think about him now.. He packed his bag and went in his room. There he looked at the paper cut out, he read signed by.. General Manager, Mrinal Kakkar. He looked at it carefully and realized all this was done by Mrinal. He was not angry nor upset but felt a relief knowing she was fine and was doing what she should.. He felt it right on her part to make him be accountable for his cheatings. He was worried for his family, his mom & sis they would be upset sad and that hurt him.

I have done no good for anyone I know,

I should suffer but my family is also facing the blow..

After a couple of week as he had been removed from the job he had to go back to India. He was packing his stuff, he got a call from his mom telling him he has got a court summon as the office has issued a case against him in the civil court. Kailash was stuck; he was feeling upset with the tensed voice of his mom. He knew there is truth in all and he has to face the flak from every corner but why he made his family to suffer in the process hurt him.

Kailash reached home, he had court hearing and he reached there with his mom and lawyer. He looked here n there to have a glimpse of Mrinal feeling she might have come for the court hearing but she wasn't there. He understood Mrinal doesn't need to personally be there for a cheating case on a small employee of her firm. He smiled and felt Mrinal was in such a difficult emotional state but has taken the right decision. He realized that he hasn't only broken her heart but is accountable to the company's loss.. and as a thorough professional what Mrinal is doing is absolutely right.

When U cheat a firm they can't let u go off that easily,

U need to face the flak, pay for the loss there is no pity..

He reached the court hearing and accepted all what was cased against him. With mutual understanding it was settled he will write an apology letter to the firm and for compensation he will give away 5 lakhs for the company's loss or else he will have to be behind bars for 6 months.

For Kailash paying that much compensation meant a huge monetary setback. He sold away all that was with him to pay the compensation. Now the prospects of finding a new job were also dim. In few of the interviews he gave the case surrounded him, he could not hide the reason he was removed from the previous job and that resulted in a lot of insults at the interviews. He had stopped going for interviews knowing little time has to pass for people to give him another chance. He had decided to go in search of a job in some other city if he could. The irony was how foolishly he was trying to gain higher post and did cheating which resulted in sitting in a rented room unemployed. Touching the sky was his dream and the wrong path that he had chosen made him to fall on the ground into a filthy pit. He smiled halfheartedly wondering about that his heart was full of pain and wanting to be loved by someone.

No money, No job and no reputation, alone he faced the many comments remarks thrown at him.. There was a time he use to wonder how he would take remarks on him about having a girlfriend who was his superior now the remarks and comments felt like a perfect answer to his Ego.. He somewhere felt this is Gods way of showing him his place.. and giving what he deserves.. at the same time slowly the remarks n comments were not bothering him as he always wanted to know how Mrinal is doing from his colleagues and friends and had least interest to know what they feel about him.. The reason was his own life wasn't of any significance to him now but Mrinal's happiness in her life felt like healing his heart and making him feel less guilty. She was regularly going to her work and looked as beautiful as she use to whenever he had a glimpse of her from far distance.

With many experiences Life becomes the biggest teacher,

Lessons u learn may be sometimes sweet and many times bitter,

Sweet ones brings joy that u stir into ur life,

Bitter ones are achievements as u have gone through pain & strife..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Part XI}

It had been two months after the court hearing Kailash was unemployed. His mom came to meet him. He hugged her and smiled as she kissed him on his forehead. He sat besides her, holding her close.

A hug from a loved one is a healing touch which is treasured,

As it absorbs the loneliness and makes the heart feel secured..

Mom: How r u doing?

Kailash: Am doing fine Mom.

Mom: U r living here..

Kailash: Ya, I along with two more guys we share this room..

Mom: where is the kitchen?

Kailash: In the balcony corner..

Mom: hmm..

Kailash: How is Mrinal? Met or spoke with her in this week?

Kailash had asked her mom and sis to call Mrinal and be with her as she would need someone by her side. He couldn't leave her alone battling with her emotions with a broken heart. He was sure that Mrinal would never pass on her anger on to them. He knew she is friend with Kaira; his sister and respects his mom a lot.

Mom: Yeah, spoke last night.. U told us everything before leaving for Dubai.. Kaira & I met her the next day. After that we do meet every week.. I call her up quite often.. She is coping.. I know she misses u and she is not only angry on u ..but also angry with herself.. She feels may be Her life, Her pressure on u, Her constant nagging to say you love her.. Made u lose focus and direction.. Last week Kaira stayed with her and Kaira told me she gets disturbed by the mention of ur name. She is working constantly and in between she goes shopping with Kaira but she isn't cheerful, excited at all.. She has become stern & introvert. The child inside her cant be seen.. It suddenly disappeared..

With the realization of ur closest loved one cheating ur emotion,

U feel to be strong; 'never trust anyone' becomes ur notion..

Kailash: Mrinal is ok and that's a lot to me. I know she lost trust and she won't be making an attempt to go close to anyone or allow anyone to come close to her. I hope with time she has better people, friends around her.. and may her broken heart be healed.. She is a lovely person. She deserves so much love but I made her go through heart ache.

Mom: I use to plan ur wedding with her.. I liked her and never understood what's on ur mind.. Can't things be the same again? I feel terrible to see u in such condition.. I know u have always shared happiness with us not ur sorrow. With Mrinal u have shared ur sorrows and pain.. At least Mrinal has work to divert her stress but how are u coping?' I am too worried about u .. I live in fear what u must be doing, thinking.. Come back home.. Stay with us.

Kailash: No Mom.. I am fine.. I wont do anything which will bring tears in ur eyes again.. Whatever happened due to me, I am guilty and I have asked forgiveness from the people I should. I don't care now what people say; I care for what u say. U have forgiven me and u love me.. Mrinal has given me my punishment by realizing I DON'T DESERVE HER LOVE anymore. I want to carry on with life by seeing U & Kaira happy.. Knowing Mrinal is doing fine. And all that will ease my guilt somewhere..

Mom: Why u want to stay here when u have ur own house..

Kailash: Its not my house.. its Dad's house.. he has owned it.. not me.. U know Mom when I had for the first time realized that I was using Mrinal and her love by cheating with her and that was wrong; I was in a confused state and there was no friend to confide, to understand myself.. My head was heavy with guilt, heart totally scared with fear of loosing her..

His mom had moist eyes..

Kailash: I met a Counselor. In the process of knowing my history, the counselor, asked meabout my family.. I told her about Dad never encouraging me with my higher education, always feeling sad with my achievement, as he always wanted me to assist his shop his business. I told her how I had to leave my house as dad was angry when I got admissions in a reputed management college by doing very well in the interviews and entrance test. As he had worked his life all and built this business and a big shop in my name, I should continue and run it was his want.. He objected, he shouted and at last he threw me out of the house.. The counselor told me, somewhere My dad and I we both are slaves to our ego.. But I am a bigger one. Dad objected, was unhappy with my achievements as it didn't satisfy his needs and his mindset.. But he never tried to harm me or cheat me by mincing words or emotionally blackmailing me.. What I did with Mrinal was worst' That was the point I realized and I felt how Mrinal would feel after knowing all this' May be I carried negativity inside..

Any kind of mindset is rooted from somewhere deep,

It slowly grows on U, take the positive as time leaps..

Kailash: I love dad and his unhappiness with my achievements made me feel terrible.. Here Mrinal loves me and I was doing what Dad did to me.. Actually thrice the pain what he has given me.. Comparing myself with the way Dad treated me already makes me feel terrible.. That was it Mom.. I wasn't scared of losing her LOVE but guilty and knew each every pain which Mrinal will go through after knowing about my cheatings.. I cant go back home, I always wanted to be like u .. give u n kaira all the money I earn and bring happiness to U & her.. Making dad realize I am not finished.. I left home but few of the qualities of Dad I carried in me, not learnt by life's page.. I am learning it now carefully.

Kailash brushed aside those pages of his early part of life with constant fights with his Dad and wanting to prove he can achieve much more on his own. Wanting to prove he doesn't need to be under his shadow. It was very disturbing to suddenly be forced to leave his house and search for shelter.

At teen age many changes happen in life and

too many things register in ur mind,

Understanding attributing goodness is important

Registering positivity is what heart should remind..

Kailash: Leave aside all that mom. I am so happy to see u.. Dad allowed u to come n meet me. He must be angry with me after knowing all this '

Mom: He is tensed, angry and upset with u .. He told me to say to u, come back home and assist him in the shop.

Kailash smiled and felt strange hearing that. He said no to his mom.. and started discussing with her how he has got a small parttime job uploading details of form in a Mutual fund company. He will go to Bangalore as he has little money with him now and give another interview; he has already sent his resume. His mom was happy to know that.

Kailash hugged his mom as she cried. She gave him the homemade food that she brought along with her. He ate and later she showed him a snap of Mrinal along with Kaira on her mobile.. Kailash was full of smile and missed Mrinal terribly.. He smiled trying hard to make his mom feel she should not worry about him. With every attempt of making her feel better, the love in her eyes made his eyes also moist.. His attempt of hiding his broken heart had gone waste...

She went away and Kailash sat down looking at Mrinal's snap from his wallet.. Kissing her snap and smiling saying, 'I LOVE U.. and I wish u never feel u r alone.. Don't deserve your love, Don't deserve ur forgiveness, but I want to love u and be with the memories when u made me feel deserving of ur LOVE'. The bell rang and Kailash knew his roommates must have come. He opened and his roommates came in but were quite silent.. Soon he saw Mrinal behind as they gave her the way to enter in.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Part XII}

Kailash was shocked as well as happy, there was smile on his face and suddenly his eyes went tensed wondering the reason behind her coming to meet him. He wasn't able to understand and also felt nervous wondering if she came here to ask him to leave this city forever or to ask him to do something as a punishment for cheating her. He was a bit tensed but at the same time he was feeling very nice to look at her after such a long time.. His eyes so close to him, he could see into her eyes after such a long time and he felt that was soothing his heart so much.

The roommates said they can talk and they won't have a problem to go and wait outside. Kailash told them as they have come from work and are tired its ok; He would go out and talk with her. He with his eyes asked Mrinal if it was Ok. Mrinal replied in affirmative and they left the room.

Outside standing under a shed both looked at each other and were silent.

Kailash: Mrinal, I don't have words to say how much I regret the things I did and I am sorry. I am not asking forgiveness from u, as I feel u had given me ur trust, ur love, ur friendship, ur care and so much more.. I don't want to ask anything more now after having given U many lies and lots of pain..

Mrinal was stern and not moved, Kailash could feel she had decided something and had come here to say it to him.

Mrinal: U know I don't believe in reasons behind wrongful doings..

Kailash: Yes, I know..

Mrinal: But with wrong I am not Silly to ignore the rightful thoughts as well.

Kailash was not understanding it..

Mrinal: Do u love me?

Kailash was taken aback by her question.. The question wasn't asked with happiness or love, but with anguish inside.

Kailash taking a deep breath: I love U.

As soon he completed U.. She slapped him. Kailash was shocked his eyes were showing the pain in his heart..

Mrinal: Say it one more time..

Kailash: I don't want to lie. Yes, I LOVE U.. (He paused as he was ready of one more slap from her) but I know I don't deserve ur Love anymore. I love U ' I am proud of what u r and what u were all through the time we spent together' but I am not proud of what I am and what I was when I was with u ..

Mrinal now looked at him and into his eyes,

Mrinal: Kailash all these years as I came close to u , ur family and knowing u , sharing our sorrows with each other , partying together in our joys.. I started loving u and asked u to say U LOVE Me.. As I wanted and knew once u will say U love me.. U will love me with totality.. The first time I heard U love me when we were in the car and U said You love me and admitted ur wrongful doings.. I never wanted to see ur face again after that' Just few minutes back u said U love me.. and I slapped u for all that I went through.. Then again U said U love me and I felt it deep penetrating into my heart.. What can I do? I cant stop myself from loving U.

Now her eyes were teary. Kailash was also getting emotional by her words which were straight from her heart..

Mrinal: Kailash U were cheating me all through but in that whole duration u had not once admitted confessed that U love me.. and When u wanted to confess U love me, U couldn't hide all that u did. IT sums up that Ur love for me didn't allow u to hide facts nor allowed u to hurt me more.. One thing is true, UR LOVE deserved admitting the truth.. Ur love wanted Truth to prevail..

Kailash: Mrinal.. I am not getting U.. are u saying my love for u made me to admit to u what wrong I was doing.. U believe my Love to be that strong and deep..(feeling proud of the fact that LOVE made him a better person)

Love inspires goodness,

Love spreads calmness,

Love can forgive and let the other get a chance,

With Love deep inside one's courage can enhance..

Mrinal: Yes, I was hurt that may be the love in our hearts made u get weaker on ur values.. But actually it helped u and made u strong enough to admit and remove the burden of lies.. The Truth of Love is loving with whole hert and admitting to each other when u go wrong..

Kailash: U still love me and U want me to be part of ur life even though I really Don't deserve Ur love.. (He was not hoping her to say yes, but felt he doesn't want her to have pity on him)

Love is present in all places be it high or low,

Love true will never break or bow..

Mrinal: U are my love.. I had cried all night when u left me and went to Dubai , I knew what all u did , u cheated me and I was broken shattered lonely' next morning aunty and Kaira were besides me assuring I wasn't alone.. I knew U had told them to be with me. Nobody needs to tell me that I could guess that myself. U cared for me, knowing I wont forgive u.. The day in the court, I was present Ur eyes searched for me, I was hiding behind and how u agreed to everything in the court, u wanted forgiveness. I could see ur career, ur ego, ur bank balance everything getting shattered but not even once I felt u getting upset with me or anyone there. U truly were ready to face the consequences of what u did.

Kailash: U were there.. I felt & sensed U were somewhere nearby me, how much I wanted to have a glimpse of u at that moment.

Both had tears in their eyes which were flowing'

Mrinal: I have always asked many gifts from u and u gave them.. There's one gift which u surprised me with, without asking remember..

Kailash smiled : Yes, on ur birthday I didn't go to office, reached early at ur place , u had already left and with carpenter, a number of pots, decorative pieces and with a carved nameplate changed the whole look of ur entry door of ur flat.. It looked awesome and as u would like it, with the plants u like, the small Buddha idol and the glass nameplate in golden ur name.. When u reached late night and were so excited happy speechless with the look.. U hugged saying, it feels like U got a new identity.. Entering inside I showed u the huge swing Jhoola in the lawn beside the drawing room.. and u were thrilled. I told u, U don't need to fight in the garden with the small kids now.. enjoy the ride here.. At that time U said I LOVE U to me.. and I told u lets not hurry into any relationship' It was the first time U cried while saying I LOVE U..

Mrinal smiled recollecting that day: Kailash lets leave behind the past.. U have paid enough for harming the company's name.. And u need to pay much more for breaking my heart.. Get married to me.. I will look properly into the accounts of how much u need to give and take from me..

Kailash smiled with the childlike anger and attitude in her.. He was happy, excited and a bit stunned'

Kailash: I love u.. Really I do.. I love the way u become child. U are very nice. U want to marry someone like me? Who broke ur heart? Cheated u. I .. I.. I . Don't deserve ur love.. Will u be happy with a person like me.. My reputation, everything has gone down..

Mrinal: Someone has said so beautifully, "Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it." U deserve my Love as U need it and U know what it means now.. About people.. I know u, I know what happened between us more than anyone.. I know what harm u could do to me.. and what u did.. How much u suffered and how much I have.. How much u tried to save me from getting more hurt? and I don't want to think about anybody else rather than U and me. We have gone through all this.. and We can together try to sort out and learn from all .. We love ach other..

Kailash: I don't know.. my eyes, my heart are so happy .. I love u ..

He went and hugged her. He held her hand and looked into her eyes saying..

Kailash: U know if there is one wish God could fulfill mine. Not money, or job or reputation.. I would have asked for Ur love for me.. God surely has fulfilled the biggest wish of mine..

He kissed her hand and said,

I don't know when and how my career will take heights,

I don't know when enough money will be besides me right,

But I know one fact that whatever circumstances be my love will stay as it is,

My love for u, ur love for me is what nows makes me feel rich and life needs.

They hugged each other, cuddled and walked a distance, discussing the difficult days they spent with the wound of losing each other's love. They walked discussing what moves in life to take but always remembering whatever one achieves their biggest achievement will always be the bond , the love, the togetherness they share.. The true deep emotions for each other they have.. They didn't want to forget what happened, they wanted it to be in their memories to understand they can protect, they can sense pain, they can share sorrow and celebrate & greet happiness but only when LOVE and TRUTH are together, Truthful to each other and to oneself.

Love is a treasure cherish with ur soul,

It's the strongest bond u will gradually Know,

It can bring joy to ones heart never felt before,

By touch of hand u feel loved more n more,

Love isn't in deserving each other,

Love is in been blessed to love in life further,

Love is walking side by side with each toher,

In the journey walking with pride looking at each other,

Making, sharing plans dreams just for two,

Encouraging each other as dreams come true,

Much more u can achieve and reach the success peak,

But remember its Love that U will always want to seek,

Love becomes the pillar of strength,

Giving u peace & happiness to great lengths.

*********************************************************

"I hate him for leaving when I thought he never would ... but I love him for staying when I was putting him through so much."

********************************************************

Here the story ends, I am touched and thankfully to many of my readers for reading it and replying with wonderful comments. Sumaiya (I just cant tell u how much I enjoyed discussing this story with u and felt excited every time reading ur comments. Feels good to have such wonderful comments and encouragement) Monika (dear ur reply to my sotry is always special there is so much love u pour and so much encouragement u give I feel special every time. U liked the story and hope u like the way it ended.) Kittu (dear u replied to my story though u were so busy with work made me feel really glad, thanks dear for ur wonderful comments and glad that I have got a friend in u. Ur comments are always something I look forward to read. Tc dear) Vandu (I am glad u read this one and replied hope u had a good time reading it dear and enjoyed the way it ended) Harika (good to see ur reply dear and glad u felt like reading this one, ur comments are close to me) Nitti (dear it felt wonderful to get ur comment on this story and hope u enjoyed it reading till the end. Ur reply made me feel nice abt the way I was proceeding in the story line. Thanks for us kinds words of encouragement) Golu (dear ur comments are special and I love reading them, u have always encorauged me thorugh out and as always whatevr u wrote made me to helps post my parts sooner).

Edited by bhoomikauttam - 14 years ago

Quote

Kritika

@rajeevskitu

Senior Member

Posted: 14 years ago

Hey Bhoomi! Hope ur doing good😊...........thanx for the new ff ❤️ ......... it's been long since i commented in or as a matter of fact e1 visited IF........... dunno how many of ur ffs i have missed🤔........ will try to comment regularly for this one....... but don't mind if i cudn't😕
and coming to the story line, it's simply superb.... cant wait to read the first part😍

Quote

Bhoomi

@bhoomikauttam

IF-Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: rajeevskitu
Hey Bhoomi! Hope ur doing good😊...........thanx for the new ff ❤️ ......... it's been long since i commented in or as a matter of fact e1 visited IF........... dunno how many of ur ffs i have missed🤔........ will try to comment regularly for this one....... but don't mind if i cudn't😕
and coming to the story line, it's simply superb.... cant wait to read the first part😍

HI kittu.... wow!1 felt great to see ur reply absolutely spot on.. as I was posting the first part... 😃 Am doing good dear and hope the same with u ... yup its been long since u commented.ya i have written a couple more , a poetic story and a one shot story too... i would love to get ur comments.. but even if they dont am glad that atleast in btw u r takign time to reply to me.. thats mroe than enough dear... have posted the first part... 😃 luv u

Bhoomi

Quote

Sumi_162710

@Sumi_162710

IF-Rockerz

Posted: 14 years ago

Dear Bhoomi, U can never lose ur charm. U r still too gud wid ur words n expressions. U portrayed Kailash n Mrinal's state of mind n heart really well. W8ing to knw more abt them n of course the reason behind Kailash's decision. Thnx 4 this lovely part n wonderful ff.

Quote

Kritika

@rajeevskitu

Senior Member

Posted: 14 years ago

#10

haha......... didint realise that u posted the part until i saw ur reply to my post😆...........
hmm....... u kno wot?? i belong to the third grp (office staff😛) ........ i always wonder how can 2 ppl go crazy abt each othr at one pt of time n now end up hating each othr......... gosh! i have seen too many such cases......... now i sort of got used to this🤔😆....... no one can predict wot lovers think........... thankx to their thinking power😉........ weird ppl i mus say......... thank God i'm not in love😆............

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&quot;Dont Deserve Your Love&quot; {Part XII(Story ends)}pg1

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"Dont Deserve Your Love" {Part XII(Story ends)}pg1