After 2 years of marriage…
Devesh work was set he even opened his office, but that added to more work and more responsibilities & as well as deadlines.
He had recently won a huge award for his photography work and that also gave him a huge contract with an international agency he was very happy with his work, his pay and it had built a lot of confidence in him. He did forget to take Pratima's name when he took that in hand, 'with this trophy in hand it feels magical' these were his words. Pratima though wanted to hear her name as he took that trophy in hand but knew might be out of anxiety excitement he didn't mention any names. Pratima's research work was over and she was busy with her hospital duties she was indeed working on having her own private clinic too. Both Pratima and Devesh loved each other the same way; may be more, both were very proud of each other's success but the only sad part was they lost a lot of sharing and a lot of moments where they would have discussed or be there with each other. Pratima was busy with her work and in that course she had a miscarriage, she just was not aware that she was carrying, she came out having a shower that day and felt pain in the stomach and in no time she knew something is wrong with her she did understand it may be a miscarriage. Even before she could tell Devesh that she was expecting she had to inform him that she had a miscarriage. Devesh had asked her to take care and she herself is a doctor does he has to tell her what she should do .. he had asked her to give some time to herself and not get so soaked in her work. Devesh felt as a doctor she knows what and how to take care of herself but she was his wife and a woman, the emotional support was needed a mere thought of there was this baby of theirs and she couldn't even feel it and lost it in a moment had made her feel terrible. She wasn't a doctor at that time but just a normal woman wanting to feel her baby and felt upset why what went wrong no reason she had no reason in any medical books she got.
Devesh's physical presence at that time was very much needed to her but she wasn't a woman who could say 'I want U here..'. She had taken in the pain of been alone at that moment and had hurt herself more with the pain that Devesh didn't feel like leaving everything aside and come here … before marriage he would understand with a mere glance at her the whole situation. Now he isn't here so no glance but with situation he can't have the understanding what she must be wanting from him. She never was demanding or showed her immense pain of missing him dearly at that time but that wound was always with her.
Devesh never had a good equation with his in-laws he always felt everyone at her family looked down upon him, as he was not doing any white-collar job but a photographer who for them was a vagabond. With that attitude from them even he never felt like going out of his way and do anything to please them. Pratima's presence at her mother's house and wanting Devesh to be there at family functions was now a burden; he had stopped now from attending their functions. Devesh was hurt by Pratima's parent's behaviour but he was more upset that Pratima never felt he might be hurt…
At his place his parents weren't well and he felt Pratima should have taken note that sometimes she has to stop thinking about the whole world but just consider family he , his parents as her world and at least for few days make them feel how much love care warmth she has in her heart for him and his parents. He knew she HAS but wanted her to show it. He didn't want to fight with her on these issues and make her feel that he was trying to make her sit at home and not work. He felt she could misunderstand if he tried to explain her that. He felt Pratima should feel all these things by herself and do but was sad that she never had yet felt the need.
Love can't be the only saving grace in a marital relationship,
A bit of adjustment, showing u care is essential to sail in the ship,
When U feel, U love but it doesn't feel the same and there is difference,
Its so very much needed to sort them out; talk and give LOVE preference..
Five years after marriage…
With both having some wound open in their hearts they both started drifting in terms of conversation, behaviour and showing an attitude of ' I am not going to be always that loving caring until u don't realize where u r wrong.' Both didn't discuss on the actual issue but on small things and fought wanting to show anger on situations like why u didn't send an sms why U didn't call me back.. They fought on silly things trying to make each other know the pain but not understanding what was happening.. their love seemed so lost … sleeping on the same bed they were noting the hours they had spent the whole day and getting frustrated that the other partners priorities r changing and love is nowhere… The moment of togetherness while eating or having tea was spent with gazing at the newspaper, scrolling the inbox on the mobile.. The silence in that time was enough note that both had no wish to make their life interesting and change the boring standard of life , the boring chat of where is the key, when will u be back and did mom n dad arrive .. all made them know a dull day with no want to cherish any moment now. Birthdays , anniversaries seemed a formal announcement to the year added , another day where each other felt more hurt knowing they haven't felt any intimacy, any feeling to get romantic and do something for each other. They didn't want to try as they had some open wounds which both kept pinching… why he doesn't feel my pain the same way Pratima wondered and .. Why doesn't she shower her care love on me Devesh felt. Devesh had asked Pratima once to come at his office from there they could leave for a dinner together. Pratima walked into the office and Devesh saw her looking at the interiors of the office, she remarked,
Pratima: Oh u keep ur office so neat clean, but doesn't seem to like to keep our room in our home in such a beautiful condition…
Devesh was wanting to hear some input about the nice snaps dcor in the office but now her take on his habits seemed to make his mood bad which would never affect him before… he taunted her by saying,
Devesh: U really care about the room, the home we live in, U really spend that much time to look carefully where what is needed…
Pratima took that with shock, how could he talk as if she never bothered about their home. Pratima hurt by his remark quipped,
Pratima: I have cared all these years and when u haven't been in the city in the country how will u judge how much I have.. Have u cared what's needed to make our life beautiful ?
Devesh: I may be out of the city sometimes but when I have been in this city I have been in the house and spending my time with family, but u were not there to see that… U look into every dust on the window pane with glasses but when it comes to the dust on the romance & love in our life. U haven't thought of making it alive in our lives.. u do feel ur profession is ur world and we r the next in priority….
Pratima choked with anger said: My profession takes my time but I give my quality time to family, and I do need family, some one to care for me… and the ones for whom I care the most, where have u been when I needed U.. Don't u put the blame on me for the buried Love in our married life… I always tried but when have u remembered to celebrate my birthday or our anniversaries, u were busy with ur office work ur projects and ur success. I have been an ideal wife standing and smiling, supporting, encouraging and feeling proud but I haven't got anything to feel I am part of ur achievement .. I am not happy,..
Devesh answered in return: I have no happiness as well … I have always supported ur work and ur dedication, when u already had hospital responsibilities ur research, now wanting to open clinic everything I have supported and felt good about ur achievement as well…but I have to say when it came to family life, my family my parents I have felt disappointed…
Pratima: Ur parents haven't said anything like that….
Devesh: They ask their son to give them time … u haven't been able to become their daughter in these 5 years….
Pratima: I have tried I have really.. u have never even tried to be a son to my parents always not wanting to go to their place, ignoring them and the functions….
Devesh: Do they care .. I don't want to start again…
They fought that day in the cabin and while Pratima left she had tears in her eyes … she loves him she knew and drifting away emotionally felt so sad. Devesh sat wondering.. He loves her but she doesn't even feel that way… Both had complaints a long list indeed. From that day their fights became very frequent, and one day they fought on each other profession… Devesh furiously saying creativity is not her know how and she doesn't understand how much efforts goes, how much one has to work, how much peace of mind is needed , he is getting disturbed professionally too with her day to day behaviour… she has no interest left to be with him… Pratima countered saying, her profession is the most respected one and she has hundred of people with so much pain coming and so many times she has managed to help some get back ones life and sometimes helplessly seen one breathing his last.. She has so many situations at work and with home turning into a much stressful place she doesn't seem to get a window where she can feel the breeze, the air to get her oxygen to get back to the next day.. She feels so much let down and low… her professional duties do get hamper with these things… Both felt terrible with feeling each other doesn't respect other's profession which wasn't acceptable for them. Now they would look into the every step where the other person had gone wrong and keep it in mind feeling the other doesn't deserve the love and care...
They did have a stressful 3 months and parents on both sides knew the marriage is on verge of collapse but they didn't try to bring them together may be wanting to believe that it was coming sooner or later they knew they had felt the decision of marriage itself was wrong…
In the five years at all the functions , exhibitions where they went in public they were the ideal couple, extremely poised , loved by all, danced in sink, calm and composed, no want to let the public get to know there life isn't to be seen with content any day.
Kaash Aisa hota ki hum yunh Pyaar naa kartey,
Iss tutey Dil ki Aahhh ko mehsus kartey Naa rehtey,
Kitna dil challi hai tumsey Marham chahat hai,
Tumhe hamari Jarurat hi nahi Dil yehi kehta rehta hai…
Present sitting chatting with friends relatives...
Pratima looked at Devesh and Devesh looked at her, she wasn't wearing yellow saree a slight thought came in his mind, which would have made him feel she wants him to be as romantic and loving as he was. She doesn't care anymore to make the romance be alive. A kiss on her cheek has become like a formal bye with no contact of the eyes, shoulders passing off in opposite direction. Pratima thought he hasn't held her hand and has never said something romantic to feel to have the romance alive in their relationship, to feel emotional to go into each other arms and cry the pain out…. But he has never felt like holding her hand and saying one more time… I LOVE U
As the relatives and friends say how good they look and made for each other. The confidence they have that these two can carry on with their relationship for as long as 50years, in their heart the thought had not made them feel better but had hurt them immensely. They had a fake smile but in their heart wondering what is wrong in their relationship. Both of them have issues which seems to be there even when they were going around it never mattered then but now after spending years why these issues seem like making them feel frustrated irritated… is the relationship loosing its shine , its grip .. CAN LOVE GET VANISHED? Both were also slowly afraid that the gap in their life can make someone else to fill in and take the other away.. they would brush off this thought but subconsciously were scared, insecured and knew if that happens it wont be a shock but a hammer straight on the heart with a sound of 'Its over.. U knew it , it was coming… didn't U' Both were terrified and so never tried to have a huge showdown not wanting to let everything end in one go of the heated argument not realizing ever that they need to bring out the frustration outside instead of burning in it all through …
Seeney mey Dard Ka tufaan ho to Ek ko pighal na hoga,
Aagey Badhkar Hath thamkar kuch kadam peechey chalna hoga,
Kya hua jo ek palke liye Galti maaff karkey bhuljaoo,
Pyaar ke agey Apni Ego ko thoda Jhukaoo…
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