Are Hidden Truths the Best Form of Protection?

This topic largely concerns Kaki Maa and her hiding the truth about Titli's parents' abusive relationship.

I can understand her not wanting to tell Titli while she was young as she may not have been able to understand the complexities of it. Or perhaps Kaki Maa didn't want her to end up hating her dad for he's the reason why her mom died. But once she was of age, wouldn't it have been wise to tell Titli what her parents were actually like?

As for Titli, she has mentioned that neither has she seen extreme forms of abuse within her household or anyone near her. Whatever she may have seen or heard, we can assume it would have been through her studies or the media. Despite her not witnessing anything firsthand, Titli is very strong-minded in the sense that she will not tolerate any such toxic behavior from her partner.

Personally, I believe Titli needs to be told the truth so that she can have a realistic understanding of her parents. It's better to know the bitter truth than being duped in delusion. She can appreciate Kaki Maa trying to protect her all these years but there comes a time when everyone has to grow up. Titli can't be sheltered from these matters for her entire life. Besides, wouldn't it be best for her to recognize the red flags before she bypasses them? Simply praying for a better man to be in her life isn't going to cut it.

What do you all think?

So true. Its better to know the truth before it gets slapped on our face.

But i can totally understand kaki maa. Despite not remembering anything clearly about her parents equation she still gets traumatised seeing someone slap his wife like in the restaurant .She wants Titli to be optimistic and not deal with tragic past.

I don't know how they gonna disclose this truth to Titli in the show. Its definitely going to be painful for her esp if its during the abusive face of their relationship after marriage.

I have a wish that they can use it to redeem Garv. As he may try to improve himself after knowing this as he may realise that he doesn't want her to be scared of him,

ofcourse only if they don't want to make him fully negative.

The truth has the potential to make or break their relationship actually.but its in the hands of the makers. Wish they don't develop amnesia 😂😂 and throw it under the carpet.

For the past few days, I've been thinking about the same thing. And I cannot help but assess this situation from the eyes of someone who has studied psychology.

Is Kaki Maa wrong in hiding the truth from Titlie?

No, absolutely not, since her heart is in the right place. She just wants to protect Titlie from her past.

But, is she right in doing so?

Not really.

Why?

Because when you hide the truth from someone to protect them from its consequences, you are actually protecting yourself from the reaction they are going to have so that you wouldn't have to deal with it.

However, I don't see the problem in Kaki Maa not telling Titlie about the exact circumstances of her parents' death or their marital relationship.

The real issue here is that Kaki Maa has continuously fed Titlie a false narrative about how her parents had a fairytale-esque relationship; hence she keeps saying, "I want a man just like my father".

Can we also please talk about how Titli was only four/ five years old (?) when she witnessed her father abusing and murdering her mother. She definitely has memories of this, but because she's so traumatised by this whole incident that, as a coping mechanism, she chooses to live in a world of delusion where her father was a good man, not an abuser.

Somewhere, at the back of her head, she's very well aware that if she recalls what exactly happened to her mother and acknowledges that her father was an abuser, she won't be able to handle it. (A text-book example of suppressing traumatic memories, the biggest giveaway symptom of PTSD common in patients with a history of childhood trauma.)

Now after her marriage, when she acknowledges that she is an abuse victim, she's going to remember all the horrible things her mother went through and realise that she was actually living in a fake and twisted reality that her Kaki Maa helped build in her mind. At that point in future, she will feel betrayed by everyone around her (including her Kaki Maa). That plus the emotional and physical suffering caused by Garv and the trauma of her childhood, these facts are going to hit her all at once when she's at her lowest.

In addition to the points @Ipsita1470 noted, I am surprised they managed to hide it from title for so long. however, the arranged marriage market has a way of bringing out such hidden secrets.

like @niyashi noted, we can understand why kaki maa did it. would be difficult to tell the whole truth. but it is not only kaki maa but a collective lie from the grandmother as well as the uncle who never wanted to face the harsh truth about a son/brother. so it was convenient for all to hide the truth.

by shielding her, kaki ma has brought up titli to be positive almost to the point of fairytale delusional. while that is good on some level, it is bad as titli is unprepared for the harsh reality of her own background.

as she has had no time to process that her father murdered her mother, it is going to be a huge shock. because this is serial, she will definitely find out the truth in the midst of a crisis or in the worst way possible (from someone who despises her) -- so it will be multiple words crashing at the same time.

in real life, girls from complicated backgrounds are aware of the pitfalls that lie ahead when it comes to navigating questions about their background during the arranged marriage process. because they have had time to process these things on some level for several years, they sort of know how to handle those difficult questions.

however, titli does not know at all because the family managed to hide the truth from all around them. however, it will pop up and when it does, how will she protect herself from the barbs, the insults, the hurts and all the questions? will finding out the truth make her troubled? more protective of herself? more scared? we will have to watch...

Originally posted by: Niyashi

So true. Its better to know the truth before it gets slapped on our face.

But i can totally understand kaki maa. Despite not remembering anything clearly about her parents equation she still gets traumatised seeing someone slap his wife like in the restaurant .She wants Titli to be optimistic and not deal with tragic past.

I don't know how they gonna disclose this truth to Titli in the show. Its definitely going to be painful for her esp if its during the abusive face of their relationship after marriage.

I have a wish that they can use it to redeem Garv. As he may try to improve himself after knowing this as he may realise that he doesn't want her to be scared of him,

ofcourse only if they don't want to make him fully negative.

The truth has the potential to make or break their relationship actually.but its in the hands of the makers. Wish they don't develop amnesia 😂😂 and throw it under the carpet.

I am also very curious to see how they reveal the truth to Titli. No matter when she learns of it, dard toh usse bahut hoga especially considering how she praying to get a husband like her father.

With Garv, it's interesting cuz it's not like he's ignorant of his actions. Yes, he lets his anger get the best of him but after the act, he has many moments where he realizes where he went wrong and he vows to do better and be better. Unfortunately, he doesn't always follow through with it. Perhaps Titli being scared of him and maybe even leaving him would push him to actually work on his behavior rather than just saying it.

Loll, I hope they don't squander it too! With a sensitive topic such as this, they have to do right by it.

Originally posted by: Ipsita1470

For the past few days, I've been thinking about the same thing. And I cannot help but assess this situation from the eyes of someone who has studied psychology.

Is Kaki Maa wrong in hiding the truth from Titlie?

No, absolutely not, since her heart is in the right place. She just wants to protect Titlie from her past.

But, is she right in doing so?

Not really.

Why?

Because when you hide the truth from someone to protect them from its consequences, you are actually protecting yourself from the reaction they are going to have so that you wouldn't have to deal with it.

However, I don't see the problem in Kaki Maa not telling Titlie about the exact circumstances of her parents' death or their marital relationship.

The real issue here is that Kaki Maa has continuously fed Titlie a false narrative about how her parents had a fairytale-esque relationship; hence she keeps saying, "I want a man just like my father".

Can we also please talk about how Titli was only four/ five years old (?) when she witnessed her father abusing and murdering her mother. She definitely has memories of this, but because she's so traumatised by this whole incident that, as a coping mechanism, she chooses to live in a world of delusion where her father was a good man, not an abuser.

Somewhere, at the back of her head, she's very well aware that if she recalls what exactly happened to her mother and acknowledges that her father was an abuser, she won't be able to handle it. (A text-book example of suppressing traumatic memories, the biggest giveaway symptom of PTSD common in patients with a history of childhood trauma.)

Now after her marriage, when she acknowledges that she is an abuse victim, she's going to remember all the horrible things her mother went through and realise that she was actually living in a fake and twisted reality that her Kaki Maa helped build in her mind. At that point in future, she will feel betrayed by everyone around her (including her Kaki Maa). That plus the emotional and physical suffering caused by Garv and the trauma of her childhood, these facts are going to hit her all at once when she's at her lowest.

"Because when you hide the truth from someone to protect them from its consequences, you are actually protecting yourself from the reaction they are going to have so that you wouldn't have to deal with it."

^^ This is such a fascinating take! In regards to Kaki Maa, what do you think she would be protecting herself from? Their inability to help Titli's mom to escape the abusive relationship?

If I recall correctly, Titli had been drawing a picture of her parents while they were arguing in the first episode. In it she had drawn her dad holding a bottle of alcohol. I wonder if they will revisit that one day.

Like you said, it is inevitable that the more abuses she witnesses, she will recall what went on between her parents all on her own. I guess knowing the truth about how her mother died may also give Titli the push that she needs to leave Garv if he becomes extremely abusive toward her.

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

In addition to the points @Ipsita1470 noted, I am surprised they managed to hide it from title for so long. however, the arranged marriage market has a way of bringing out such hidden secrets.

like @niyashi noted, we can understand why kaki maa did it. would be difficult to tell the whole truth. but it is not only kaki maa but a collective lie from the grandmother as well as the uncle who never wanted to face the harsh truth about a son/brother. so it was convenient for all to hide the truth.

by shielding her, kaki ma has brought up titli to be positive almost to the point of fairytale delusional. while that is good on some level, it is bad as titli is unprepared for the harsh reality of her own background.

as she has had no time to process that her father murdered her mother, it is going to be a huge shock. because this is serial, she will definitely find out the truth in the midst of a crisis or in the worst way possible (from someone who despises her) -- so it will be multiple words crashing at the same time.

in real life, girls from complicated backgrounds are aware of the pitfalls that lie ahead when it comes to navigating questions about their background during the arranged marriage process. because they have had time to process these things on some level for several years, they sort of know how to handle those difficult questions.

however, titli does not know at all because the family managed to hide the truth from all around them. however, it will pop up and when it does, how will she protect herself from the barbs, the insults, the hurts and all the questions? will finding out the truth make her troubled? more protective of herself? more scared? we will have to watch...

All very valid questions you have posed Mango! (Sorry, I don't think I caught your name ).

If Titli finds out the truth post marriage, I wonder if that will lead her to rely on Garv for emotional and mental support. If during this phase, he helps her in a positive way and it's only later that he becomes harsh, it can add another layer as to why it becomes difficult for Titli to leave him.