Badi Maa's Invitation

There are two things that should be taken into consideration for this:

1. Behavior: Given the kind of behavior Badi Maa has shown in the past thus far, as well as during the Puja, should she be allowed to the wedding? There are going to be many more functions to attend before the actual wedding ceremony, and Titli is going to be there for each one as the decorator. Knowing Badi Maa's resentment towards her, I don't think she will waste any opportunity in demeaning Titli. Unfortunately, there are possibilities her family gets further humiliated as a result.
   
   
   
2. Role: Now that we know that she has raised the children, should that status alone be enough to allow her into the wedding? Does the way one behaves not outweigh the role one occupies?

What do you all think? Let me know in the comments below.

Cant actually decide it.. She is ofcourse a rude and mannerless woman(atleast to the outsiders). But I felt little sympathy towards her in today's epi.She holds no value for bade saab. So this whole authoritative nature may be her way to reinforce her position in the family.

I know that ITV has no link with real life. But just curious to know do these things(bigamy) really happen in Indian households??

Originally posted by: Docworld

Cant actually decide it.. She is ofcourse a rude and mannerless woman(atleast to the outsiders). But I felt little sympathy towards her in today's epi.She holds no value for bade saab. So this whole authoritative nature may be her way to reinforce her position in the family.

I know that ITV has no link with real life. But just curious to know do these things(bigamy) really happen in Indian households??

Hey, I'm new to this forum.

I think you are correct about Badi Maa's characterisation. I do have a feeling that she and Titli will become good friends in the future and will become each other's strength in standing up against the abuse by their husbands.

In general, ITV has no link whatsoever with real life, but I think this bigamy thing is a truth in fiction as it is still prevalent in some rural areas. I know atleast two cases (one man in his 70s while the other is in his 30s) in my extended family (both the families are based in a village) where a man has two wives who live together in the same household. I don't have exact details since we do not stay in touch with them, but I do know the basic info.

Their reasoning behind this disgusting arrangement was that since the first wife cannot give birth, they should marry a second one. The most confusing part was that their first wives agreed quite readily, in their words khushi-khushi. Even though in the second case, the first (actually the only legal) wife's dad is a police daroga but they have taken no legal action. This woman and her family thinks that although her husband has married another woman, atleast he hasn't ousted the first one from his house so that makes it alright.

No matter how much it pains and angers me, my family cannot do much since the women themselves have accepted it as their fate as they do not have any other option. They will not be accepted back by their family because they are financially dependent on their husbands which makes it even worse.

I agree with @docworld here. I too can't decide who's right and who's wrong at this point. And yeah, Badima's behaviour could be a result of Manikant's insults and disrespect. Maybe, like Garv said, Manikant did blame Badima for the smallest of things and now she's venting out her anger in this manner.

Also, I don't think she was wrong to sit in the Puja. Isn't she legally his wife and not Maina? Maybe Manikant could've handled the situation better.

Oh god this is such a complicated situation . Sad that such things even happen in this 21st century.. Why does a woman still judged on the basis of her conceiving ability???? The more alarming case is women agreeing to such compromises..

Originally posted by: Docworld

Oh god this is such a complicated situation . Sad that such things even happen in this 21st century.. Why does a woman still judged on the basis of her conceiving ability???? The more alarming case is women agreeing to such compromises..

@Docworld It is indeed a pathetic situation.

I believe in our society, as in every other, the existense of a woman is all about child nurturing and being a mother. Point being the reason why all the female leads in our television are shown so mahaan having devoted their entire lives in being a perfect mother and wife. The mothers on our shows are glorified to such an extent that even a normal, sane, real-life mother will start having mom-guilt.

The country we are living in has a tendency of putting a woman, especially a mother, on a very high pedestal. Bas phir kya, a woman starts to compromise with her dreams and in this case, her rights to fulfill the societal expectations.

Although I don't use twitter since the fandoms there are very toxic and full of sh*t, but I'm following Titlie's fandom (btw the show is trending every day on twitter). Someone there very righly said that, this is not a love story, it is a story about violence within homes which is so true.

A major issue with domestic abuse victims is that they are unable to distinguish between love and abuse. I think this is the idea behind Badi Maa's character. She is unable to understand her husband's ill-behaviour with her and is living in her own bubble justifying all his actions towards her, by loudly telling everyone that he loves her just because he has allowed her to live in his house when it is for his own selfish reasons such as taking care of his children with his second wife (eww, soch kar hi gussa aata hai).

Now to us viewers (and all those who have never been in such a situation like Garv and Titlie), we think that this is not right or how can she live in that house, kya unki self-respect mar gayi hai and blah blah... but to her, this is her definiton of love where love, devotion, respect is all one-sided. Itna toh samjh mein aa gaya that this is not only Titlie's but also Badi Maa's story of liberating herself from this hell.

She is also the classic example of displaced anger, where she takes out her frustation of being mistreated on other people. And as far as I can tell, this will be the same case with Garv.

He knows and sees that his Badi Maa is being mistreated by his father, being ridiculed by him even at times when she doesn't deserve to. However, every time he tries to stop his father or stand up for her, he is stopped or hushed by the same woman he is trying to protect and as a result, all that anger of being unable to do anything for his Badi Maa is bottled up within him. She is also the perfect representation of internalised misogyny in our society where women themselves believe that a man is always right.

Now this anger is what will be unleashed on Titlie in the form of physical and mental abuse when she gets married to him. The only different thing this time will be that Titlie will be able to tell the difference that this is not Garv's love but violence and that she doesn't deserve to be in such a toxic relationship. But it will be a long journey.

PS: Garv's character has a lot of potential since he hasn't been shown as cookie-cutter hero or villain as of now. He's clearly in the category of an anti-hero, not black-or-white but grey character, but I will not keep my hopes high, since the only thing ITV writers are good at is butchering their characters and story. I'm in no favour of Titlie ending up with Garv especially after seeing his anger in today's episode and in those coming soon promos, but I do want a good and proper redemption arc for him. Not that pseudo-redemption track where one day a man wakes up to realize that he has a son or a daughter, and he wants to change for his child, the next day the female forgives him just because he has said sorry and shed some crocodile tears and the next, next day they get to know that the female lead is pregnant with her second child and boom....the show ends happily ever after.

Sorry for the long rant but I had a lot to vent. Agar na likhti toh main bhi garv ki tarah mirror aur baki cheezein tod deti gusse mein, par phir mummy chodhti nhi. 😃

Originally posted by: Docworld

Cant actually decide it.. She is ofcourse a rude and mannerless woman(atleast to the outsiders). But I felt little sympathy towards her in today's epi.She holds no value for bade saab. So this whole authoritative nature may be her way to reinforce her position in the family.

I know that ITV has no link with real life. But just curious to know do these things(bigamy) really happen in Indian households??

I agree. My sympathy goes to her for the fact she has internalized so much misogyny that she believes she deserves all the abuse that she's getting. I really hope Titli is able to help her understand that the way she's being treated is not right. However, the flip side is that rather than her own liberation Koyal may see it as Titli breaking up the household. 🤔

With regards to bigamy in India, it's tough to say since so many religions are practiced in the country. As a whole bigamy is illegal, but depending on what religion a person practices, the type of punishments that they may receive differs. To get a further break down and better understanding of the kinds of punishments, you can read this article for more information: Rights of the Second Wife in India

Originally posted by: Ipsita1470

Hey, I'm new to this forum.

Their reasoning behind this disgusting arrangement was that since the first wife cannot give birth, they should marry a second one. The most confusing part was that their first wives agreed quite readily, in their words khushi-khushi. Even though in the second case, the first (actually the only legal) wife's dad is a police daroga but they have taken no legal action. This woman and her family thinks that although her husband has married another woman, atleast he hasn't ousted the first one from his house so that makes it alright.

No matter how much it pains and angers me, my family cannot do much since the women themselves have accepted it as their fate as they do not have any other option. They will not be accepted back by their family because they are financially dependent on their husbands which makes it even worse.

Hi Ipsita!

Welcome to the forum. 🤗

The first case you have described is the exact same thing that has happened in the show. Since Koyal couldn't conceive, Manikant got a second wife and Koyal accepted it happily. In fact, Rahul was on his way to do the same. Because Bhairavi couldn't conceive, he was going to marry Titli and get a child out of her. I don't think it's a coincidence that the writers showed this same track twice on two different women who had opposite results. If we look at Koyal and Titli, they are from different generations, financial statuses, education, and level of self-empowerment.

As for the second case you mentioned, it echoes Koyal's once again. She found happiness in the fact that she wasn't thrown out of the home and was allowed to raise the children as if they were her own. With this, she deluded herself into believing Manikant loves her when he doesn't. Had Koyal been financially independent, then she might have been able to support herself despite the social backlash she may have had to endure.

I think it is in the acceptance of these circumstances that the biggest problem lies. When women start accepting, normalizing, and excusing the abuse they receive, they end up setting themselves up for their ill fates. I'm not trying to blame the victims here, but what I'm trying to say is that there should always be the spirit to fight for oneself no matter who opposes it.

Originally posted by: aaf311

I agree with @docworld here. I too can't decide who's right and who's wrong at this point. And yeah, Badima's behaviour could be a result of Manikant's insults and disrespect. Maybe, like Garv said, Manikant did blame Badima for the smallest of things and now she's venting out her anger in this manner.

Also, I don't think she was wrong to sit in the Puja. Isn't she legally his wife and not Maina? Maybe Manikant could've handled the situation better.

What I don't get is if Manikant hates Koyal that much, then why didn't he tell her to leave the house? Had he gotten a clean break from her, itne saare siyappe nahi hote iski zindagi mein.

As for Badi Maa's behavior, you're right. Her lashing out at the house staff is her way of showing dominance since she's constantly berated by Manikant. Her inability to adequately process the injustice meted out to her is something that Garv picked up on but in a much more aggressive manner.

Originally posted by: Ipsita1470

@Docworld It is indeed a pathetic situation.

I believe in our society, as in every other, the existense of a woman is all about child nurturing and being a mother. Point being the reason why all the female leads in our television are shown so mahaan having devoted their entire lives in being a perfect mother and wife. The mothers on our shows are glorified to such an extent that even a normal, sane, real-life mother will start having mom-guilt.

The country we are living in has a tendency of putting a woman, especially a mother, on a very high pedestal. Bas phir kya, a woman starts to compromise with her dreams and in this case, her rights to fulfill the societal expectations.

Although I don't use twitter since the fandoms there are very toxic and full of sh*t, but I'm following Titlie's fandom (btw the show is trending every day on twitter). Someone there very righly said that, this is not a love story, it is a story about violence within homes which is so true.

A major issue with domestic abuse victims is that they are unable to distinguish between love and abuse. I think this is the idea behind Badi Maa's character. She is unable to understand her husband's ill-behaviour with her and is living in her own bubble justifying all his actions towards her, by loudly telling everyone that he loves her just because he has allowed her to live in his house when it is for his own selfish reasons such as taking care of his children with his second wife (eww, soch kar hi gussa aata hai).

Now to us viewers (and all those who have never been in such a situation like Garv and Titlie), we think that this is not right or how can she live in that house, kya unki self-respect mar gayi hai and blah blah... but to her, this is her definiton of love where love, devotion, respect is all one-sided. Itna toh samjh mein aa gaya that this is not only Titlie's but also Badi Maa's story of liberating herself from this hell.

She is also the classic example of displaced anger, where she takes out her frustation of being mistreated on other people. And as far as I can tell, this will be the same case with Garv.

He knows and sees that his Badi Maa is being mistreated by his father, being ridiculed by him even at times when she doesn't deserve to. However, every time he tries to stop his father or stand up for her, he is stopped or hushed by the same woman he is trying to protect and as a result, all that anger of being unable to do anything for his Badi Maa is bottled up within him. She is also the perfect representation of internalised misogyny in our society where women themselves believe that a man is always right.

Now this anger is what will be unleashed on Titlie in the form of physical and mental abuse when she gets married to him. The only different thing this time will be that Titlie will be able to tell the difference that this is not Garv's love but violence and that she doesn't deserve to be in such a toxic relationship. But it will be a long journey.

PS: Garv's character has a lot of potential since he hasn't been shown as cookie-cutter hero or villain as of now. He's clearly in the category of an anti-hero, not black-or-white but grey character, but I will not keep my hopes high, since the only thing ITV writers are good at is butchering their characters and story. I'm in no favour of Titlie ending up with Garv especially after seeing his anger in today's episode and in those coming soon promos, but I do want a good and proper redemption arc for him. Not that pseudo-redemption track where one day a man wakes up to realize that he has a son or a daughter, and he wants to change for his child, the next day the female forgives him just because he has said sorry and shed some crocodile tears and the next, next day they get to know that the female lead is pregnant with her second child and boom....the show ends happily ever after.

Sorry for the long rant but I had a lot to vent. Agar na likhti toh main bhi garv ki tarah mirror aur baki cheezein tod deti gusse mein, par phir mummy chodhti nhi. 😃

Re: Women Revered as Mothers

As you said, it's unfortunate that it is only through a motherly role that women are given any dignity or respect. Her being a woman alone is not enough to garner the same treatment whereas a man doesn't need to achieve fatherhood to be glorified. For them, being a man is enough to be entitled to all the privileges in the world.

Re: TiRv ki Shaadi

From the promos, we know Garv is sweet and caring before marriage but unleashes his aggressive side onto Titli afterward. But in today's precap, we saw Garv was already being forceful with Titli. That, as well as knowing what the toxic relationship dynamics are like in the Mehta household, why would Titli agree to marry him? Loving someone is one thing, but consistently living in a toxic environment is another.

Re: Garv

I agree! There are lots of layers to him that I'm quite liking a lot and he is the major driving force of the show. I'm going to be sticking around until he crosses a line that will be completely unforgivable. At that point, I'll be rooting for Titli to leave him and never look back. If they do decide to redeem Garv, then it has to be well-earned and their reunion (if it happens) has to be on Titli's terms, not because Garv thinks he has redeemed himself enough.