In Dev's Defense | Servicewali Bahu

anonee

@anonee

Sparkler

30

Posted: 9 years ago

#1

In Dev's Defense

I know many of you are wondering why Dev is clueless about Jug Head's antics and are frustrated with Dev's personality. Some even consider it absurd that Dev is unaware of the happenings in his home.

I am one of those who finds Dev's personality completely in sync with the plot. So. I decided to write this post in his defense.

I think the answer lies in Jug head's personality. Jug Head is a self-absorbed parent, in other words he is a destructive (or pathological) narcissist. He (is/has):

self-focused and self-absorbed

constantly seeking attention and admiration

exploits others

indifferent or unresponsive to the needs of others (including his children and wife)

lacks empathy

emotionally abusive

gives orders and expects immediate obedience

exhibits entitlement attitude

inflated self-perception

arrogant and contemptuous of others

exhibits two faces - one for public and one for home

In fact, Jug Head is so self-absorbed that he sees his sons as vehicles for wealth and power. He is not interested in their welfare and never allowed them to express their needs including that of a happy marital life. He uses them as objects of barter for dowry and status (self-serving purposes).

Jug Head has been using his children for self-serving purposes and putting them down (when they do not serve his purposes) ever since they were young.

How did the boys cope? It was not easy - every one outside of the family were of the impression that Jug Head is a wonderful person while the boys had to bear the brunt of his deceit, put-downs, disinterest, and tantrums. To get Jug Head's approval Ayyo joined Jug Head in his deceitful plots and turned himself into a bully and thug - whereas Dev chose to suffer in silence and internalized his hurt by tuning out his father's behavior. Jug Head ignored Dev who in turn kept a low profile by staying away from home (and his father) as far as possible. He chose to distance himself from the happenings and drama in his house. And so, Jug Head could successfully hide the confidence trick that he pulled on the Rais.

Dev idolizes Ayyo for his ability to please his dad (Jug Head) - for in comparison he is not good enough. Dev does not know how to lie, bully and beat up people at the slightest provocation.

Somewhere deep down Dev knows that his father is mean, phony, self-absorbed, dishonest, immature, manipulative ... .. but since his childhood he has been forced to constantly keep his dad appeased. This need to be conforming and acting in ways to please his dad has become his personality. It is dysfunctional - but then he is the child of a destructive narcissist - what do you expect?

Unfortunately Santoshi Devi too displays the same traits as Jug Head though not to the same extreme.

P.S. I may add, I find Abhishek's rendition of Dev superb and I hope you do too after reading my post.

Edited by anonee - 9 years ago

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aimf

@aimf

Voyager

19

Posted: 9 years ago

#2

Very nice psychological analysis. Yes both parents have narcissistic personality, and the children Ayyo, and Guddi-2-shoes have taken up the survival mechanism of being hand hand with their parents' need for power and comfort. Dev, as you mention, was aloof and kept himself away; additionally, Dev depicts the middle-child behavior, where he is not so much striving to belong as to mediate and problem solve. Still one gets the uneasy feeling that if Dev knows deep down, why does he not touch these issues, or address them openly? Perhaps fear is a factor as you mention.

I too think Abhishek is doing a fine job of playing Dev

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Anjali

@Angel_Arya

Voyager

17

Posted: 9 years ago

#3

Well written #anonee👏👏👏

I must say you definitely try to see both the sides of the coin😊

My Opinion:

Against Dev

Well I agree to your reasonings,they are all true.

But what I believe is that a child always does what he sees others around him doing.Suppose a boy living away from his family with his friends sees them doing something,he tries to do the same.He thinks that to be the right whether it may or may not be right.Similarly Ayyo always saw his father like what you have described,so he also does the same.His character is justified.Even Ayyo's kids,try to do what they see around like they demanded money to do little little things and even threatened their grandfather that they would say things to their mother if he doesn't do as they demanded.Their characters are also justified.So if Ayyo and his kids behave in the manner as they see around themselves then how is Dev so different???

It sounds very unrealistic that Dev doesn't have any bad qualities and he is all so good though all his family members including his father,mother,brother and sister,now sister-in-law and nephews all show some or the other bad qualities.Dev has lived all his life along with them only,if the effect was visible on his brother,sister and nephews then no effect on him at all is something which I can't digest.

Maybe Dev is unaware of all the plannings that Prasads did against Rais but he didn't suspect anything at all.Everyone around him,from his family to his family friend to his institute's teacher all were involved and he didn't come to know anything???He did talk to Payal at times,they didn't have any conversation about the work they did???Dev was aware how his father took the dowry in his brother's marriage then he didn't feel that this time also he would demand something,even Gulkand was aware of this, that Jog would definitely not get his son married without any plans in his mind.Probably Dev was too much in love with Payal till the time of marriage.

Moreover one more thing that comes to my mind is that the show is based on a small town where definitely women are considered quite inferior to men as we can see with Jog's behaviour towards his wife,Payal's mom's behaviour towards her son,then there was no "ego problem" with Dev that his wife would be an Engineer and he jobless???

Abhishek as Dev is doing a good job,I must admit that too.

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cherrypansy

@cherrypansy

Rocker

25

Posted: 9 years ago

#4

Angel_Arya...even I find hard to digest Dev as an exception in his family. Second, I find him a bit selfish in going ahead with marriage clearly knowing the difference between Payal and him.

@anonee...a very good psychological analysis...but admit it is very difficult for me to digest the character of Dev...let's see how it is redeemed.

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anonee

@anonee

Sparkler

30

Posted: 9 years ago

#5

Thank you @aimf, angel, and cherrypansy.

I totally understand your viewpoint because mental, emotional and cognitive scars are not visible like physical bruises. Children - those who have the least power and over whom the narcissist is least guarded - are the most vulnerable because they do not know where and how to seek help particularly if their parents are heaping abuse on them. In this case especially - because Jug and Santoshi are adept at playing the perfectly normal parent to outsiders. Jug Head, in particular, is very controlling and will go to any extent to manipulate another in doing his wishes. Dev has it worse because both Ayyo and Guddi connive with Jug-Santoshi.

Jug's children have no role model of ethics and healthy interpersonal relation. He treats them as objects and for him "life is for pleasure". He observes 'religion' for societal image but has no internalized "ethic" or a developed "conscience". Neither Jug or Santoshi have thought of their children's future (nor has Ayyo - and you can feel Gul's disgust at this) or character instead they have focused on what they can DO with them in terms of obtaining dowry! They did not prepare their children to lead a life of responsible service.

Unwittingly, through example Jug and Santoshi have taught their children to let "strong desires" become a guide for ACTION. Being weak moral figures their children too have grown up unable to be principled, strong and confident on moral matters. The kids have always seen their parents wrapped in one drama or another. Dev in particular has never seen his dad work and has no idea how he (or Ayyo) earns his living.

So Dev has no clue that his joblessness is an issue - in fact it was Rajesh who brought it to his attention. Right now, Dev is looking up at Payal as a role model in terms of developing work and moral ethics, and in leading a responsible adult life. Yes, he is attracted to Payal but more importantly he is seeking an emotional lifeline he never had has a child. In my opinion he was honestly seeking a mother figure in Induji for his biological mother never knew how to be one.

Dev's list of faults are many - I am not saying he is without blemish. All I am putting forth is the reason for his behavior.

Now - coming to the question as to why he did not turn out to be another Ayyo while Sonu and Bunty are headed that way. I think it is partly due to the fact that he is the middle child and partly due to his innate personality and need to smooth out fights. In Jug's household, it is Dev who has most likely been at the receiving end of Ayyo and Jug Head's blows. So he sees himself as mediator, one who tries to please and placate people. This in turn has made him a master diplomat - some one who knows to say the right things to pacify people and get what he wants!

Edited by anonee - 9 years ago

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anonee

@anonee

Sparkler

30

Posted: 9 years ago

#6

Originally posted by: KratikaSengarKS
I second @Angel_Aarya

It took me a while to reply to Angel - so please read my response to her

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cherrypansy

@cherrypansy

Rocker

25

Posted: 9 years ago

#7

Thank you @aimf, angel, and cherrypansy.

I totally understand your viewpoint because mental, emotional and cognitive scars are not visible like physical bruises. Children - those who have the least power and over whom the narcissist is least guarded - are the most vulnerable because they do not know where and how to seek help particularly if their parents are heaping abuse on them. In this case especially - because Jug and Santoshi are adept at playing the perfectly normal parent to outsiders. Jug Head, in particular, is very controlling and will go to any extent to manipulate another in doing his wishes. Dev has it worse because both Ayyo and Guddi connive with Jug-Santoshi.

Jug's children have no role model of ethics and healthy interpersonal relation. He treats them as objects and for him "life is for pleasure". He observes 'religion' for societal image but has no internalized "ethic" or a developed "conscience". Neither Jug or Santoshi have thought of their children's future (nor has Ayyo - and you can feel Gul's disgust at this) or character instead they have focused on what they can DO with them in terms of obtaining dowry! They did not prepare their children to lead a life of responsible service.

Unwittingly, through example Jug and Santoshi have taught their children to let "strong desires" become a guide for ACTION. Being weak moral figures their children too have grown up unable to be principled, strong and confident on moral matters. The kids have always seen their parents wrapped in one drama or another. Dev in particular has never seen his dad work and has no idea how he (or Ayyo) earns his living.

So Dev has no clue that his joblessness is an issue - in fact it was Rajesh who brought it to his attention. Right now, Dev is looking up at Payal as a role model in terms of developing work and moral ethics, and in leading a responsible adult life. Yes, he is attracted to Payal but more importantly he is seeking an emotional lifeline he never had has a child. In my opinion he was honestly seeking a mother figure in Induji for his biological mother never knew how to be one.

Dev's list of faults are many - I am not saying he is without blemish. All I am putting forth is the reason for his behavior.

Now - coming to the question as to why he did not turn out to be another Ayyo while Sonu and Bunty are headed that way. I think it is partly due to the fact that he is the middle child and partly due to his innate personality and need to smooth out fights. In Jug's household, it is Dev who has most likely been at the receiving end of Ayyo and Jug Head's blows. So he sees himself as mediator, one who tries to please and placate people. This in turn has made him a master diplomat - some one who knows to say the right things to pacify people and get what he wants!

Loved reading this...a very apt description of Dev.

@ bold: this perfectly summarizes Dev's character.

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Sharlene1410

@Sharlene1410

Sparkler

30

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#8

@all very nice points made

Dev's behavior, his thinking and reasoning have me confused, he is educated, his presentation of himself to others is good because after his job interview he got the job yet he choose to give his place to someone else whom he considered to be more deserving, forgetting that he also needs a job to support his family and is soon to be married to a PWD engineer. Don't he feel a sence of shame about his unemployed status. I understand Payal is now his role model and he wants to do right by her hence he should of told her the truth during his letter writing days or was he so blinded by attraction/love for Payal, that his brains went on vacation. Every child love and idolize their parents and elder siblings so in my POV he knows his family is dysfunctional but accept them as is and became the mediator by default.

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anonee

@anonee

Sparkler

30

Posted: 9 years ago

#9

Originally posted by: sb1410
@all very nice points made
Dev's behavior, his thinking and reasoning have me confused, he is educated, his presentation of himself to others is good because after his job interview he got the job yet he choose to give his place to someone else whom he considered to be more deserving, forgetting that he also needs a job to support his family and is soon to be married to a PWD engineer. Don't he feel a sence of shame about his unemployed status. I understand Payal is now his role model and he wants to do right by her hence he should of told her the truth during his letter writing days or was he so blinded by attraction/love for Payal, that his brains went on vacation. Every child love and idolize their parents and elder siblings so in my POV he knows his family is dysfunctional but accept them as is and became the mediator by default.

You are overlooking a major aspect of Dev's life and that is his upbringing. He is a victim of Jugs pathology. Just because the abuse did not leave any physical scars it does not mean it had no effect

You are willing to accept the mediator characteristics but not the lack of moral compass and the need for responsible service and work ethic.

Edited by anonee - 9 years ago

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Chitra_11

@Chitra_11

Rocker

29

Posted: 9 years ago

#10

I thoroughly enjoyed reading for and against discussions of this beautiful post of yours.⭐️

Meena...In a family...Eldest are always responsible...the youngest - pampered...the middle - negotiator...Your para below clears my doubt...

' In Jug's household, it is Dev who has most likely been at the receiving end of Ayyo and Jug Head's blows. So he sees himself as mediator, one who tries to please and placate people. This in turn has made him a master diplomat - some one who knows to say the right things to pacify people and get what he wants!

Dev as character we had reservations but certainly not his performance...do agree..he is good as Dev.

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