Regressive, frustrating and absurd

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skar1984

@skar1984

Explorer

Posted: 9 years ago

Hi Guys,

I just have to vent - Payal going thru with the wedding with such a heavy heart was so infuriating.

I do understand that this show is about a "servicewali bahu" and tackles the modified dowry taking concept. This is obviously a problem in today's world and it's good that it's being brought up and addressed on a national platform as such. I also know that this is fiction and shouldn't be take TOO seriously and certain creative liberties must be taken to cater to the masses etc.

HOWEVER, with that said - I'm still pretty upset about Payal marrying Dev - after knowing the truth.

Taking this outside of the context of the show and creative liberties etc - what bothers me the most is that Payal is an educated, well positioned, rational individual. She has a career, loves her family, genuinely cares for those around her and most importantly she is extremely principled. She believes in doing the right thing and standing up for what is right and raising a voice against what is not.

For a person which such a mind set - once she found out that her family is being duped by the Prasads - their whole persona is a facade HOW could she go through with this wedding????

She is so emotional, so caught up with hurting her family, bringing shame upon herself and her loved ones for breaking off a wedding - that really highlights

1) the pressure on girls to get married - at all costs

2) the hypocrisy of society

3) parents feeling like they have failed as parents if their children are not married

All of which is pretty ridiculous if you think about it. WHY must a girl get married??? WHY can't a girl have the choice to not marry if that is her wish??? WHY do parents feed into societies hypocrites instead of standing up and setting examples - people will talk one way or the other - so why bother? Why is society and what society says bigger than a girl's life??

Any bold, self respecting girl (as Payal's character was shown especially) would have called this wedding off. If the argument is - she did it to avoid bringing shame on her family - I have an answer for that as well.

Gulkand provided Payal with proof - Payal could have take that proof and played it on the projector/microphone - whatever - if they can show an arrested person being released on collateral by placing her brother in her place - I'm pretty sure arranging for a projector and playing the evidence for all the guests to see isn't terribly far fetched.

That would have been a nice twist - of course that wouldn't happen since that changes the premise of the show - but it really does bother me that Payal gives in with out a fight.

To me that just high lights how regressive our society is in some ways where daughter's wedding is the sole purpose of a parent's life and she clearly feels so burdened by that sentiment that she's willing to sacrifice her life. Over society?!!! That's absurd. The same people that would talk and make comments of her not getting married, being so bold and breaking off her marriage would be the same people to applaud her when she stands up and sets an example. Society is made by people and people set the norms - not the other way around.

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aimf

@aimf

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

sorry, somehow there was a double post. I don't know how to make it go away.

Edited by aimf - 9 years ago

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aimf

@aimf

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

Wonderful post and protest!

I agree that Payal should have refused the wedding. However that she could not is a testimony of how regressive society is, even in this day and age, especially in small towns, such as Chaibasa.

As you point out, the title is SWB, not Service Wali Ladki or Service Wali Beti, and therefore the marriage had to take place for the story to unfold. I hope that Payal grows to realise that she has made a big error of judgement in going through with this marriage. Understanding this will be a good development of her character and will be the starting point of her redemption.

I hope that Payal does not try becoming mahaan and attempt to win over the family with her goodness. It just will not work, as the Prasads are made of sterner stuff. They may all act loony on the surface, but we have seen the dangerous undercurrents of avarice and violence behind the comic facade, adn they can go to any lengths to get what they want. Payal should therefore have a healthy respect for who she is dealing with and proceed cautiously.

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skar1984

@skar1984

Explorer

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: aimf
Wonderful post and protest!

I agree that Payal should have refused the wedding. However that she could not is a testimony of how regressive society is, even in this day and age, especially in small towns, such as Chaibasa.

As you point out, the title is SWB, not Service Wali Ladki or Service Wali Beti, and therefore the marriage had to take place for the story to unfold. I hope that Payal grows to realise that she has made a big error of judgement in going through with this marriage. Understanding this will be a good development of her character and will be the starting point of her redemption.

I hope that Payal does not try becoming mahaan and attempt to win over the family with her goodness. It just will not work, as the Prasads are made of sterner stuff. They may all act loony on the surface, but we have seen the dangerous undercurrents of avarice and violence behind the comic facade, adn they can go to any lengths to get what they want. Payal should therefore have a healthy respect for who she is dealing with and proceed cautiously.

Thank u for your response! It's always exciting to hear what others have to say once you've posted your viewpoint :)

I totally agree with you - in order for the show/story to move forward Payal and Dev's wedding is imperative. I also agree that in time (so we hope) Payal realizes how big of a mistake she made and how she sets out to redeem herself/rectify the situation. I couldn't agree with you more on the whole winning evil over with goodness/being mahan as hindi TV serials so love to have their heroines be. Payal needs to REALLY watch her back - the Prasads are capable of doing serious damage/resort to anything just to get what they want - it will be interesting to see how Payal figures out their violent side and tackles them. Likewise it will be fun to see Payal and Gulkand join forces - probably not with out a few fireworks though.

All that is in the context of the show - which I get. What was bothering me is that this conceding to one's fate despite knowing the truth - the way she was walking to the mandap it almost felt like that with each step she was conceding to her fate - almost like saying - i know this is wrong but i must think of the greater good here - my families happiness is greater than mine and if that means accepting this marriage so be it.

That mind set bothers me - yes family happiness is important but indian society tends to stress so much on being selfless or emphasizing that doing something solely for one's happiness is "wrong/bad/sinful" that it perpetuates patriarchy and treats women as second class citizens.

There is no need for a girl to feel guilty for not wanting to marry a fraud (We know Dev isn't that bad nor is he party to all the Prasad's shenanigans - but thats the show in real life the groom would most likely be party to the scheme) why must she sacrifice her life over a few stupid comments society will make? Is that society going to feed her/give her shelter/look after her loved ones - so why bother?

Sorry that's my soap box - I can't stand it when marriage is shown to be this be all end all situation - like a girl's life and her parents' life for that matter is a colossal fail because she's not married.

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aimf

@aimf

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

Additionally, there is the question of why Dev is not culpable? How come being raised by such vultures, he does not have even the slightest inkling of his family's ways? I can understand if one parent and/or a sibling was dharmic like him, but how come he alone shines with innocence and goodness, while the others are all wayward and corrupt?

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skar1984

@skar1984

Explorer

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: aimf
Additionally, there is the question of why Dev is not culpable? How come being raised by such vultures, he does not have even the slightest inkling of his family's ways? I can understand if one parent and/or a sibling was dharmic like him, but how come he alone shines with innocence and goodness, while the others are all wayward and corrupt?

OMG YES! I've been wondering the same thing! It's very unbalanced how they portray Dev's character in comparison to the rest of the family.

HOW is he so clueless and I'm surprised that he didn't find it odd that his family was so eager to get him married and he isn't even working! It didn't surprise him that despite being unemployed he manages to get hitched to a well established engineer?

I'm not saying such matches are not possible or one is inferior based on their professional status or lack there of - but it is odd that Dev doesn't seem to question anything.

CVs have shown Dev to be the serious misfit - he's WAY too nice and WAY too gullible to be related to the Prasads.

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aimf

@aimf

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

Now you are giving the CVs ideas. Later on, they might develop a track to show that Dev is adopted, or was exchanged as a baby with another villain, who might enter the show later.😆

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cherrypansy

@cherrypansy

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

For me Payal's mum who wanted her to get married asap and father to a great extent are responsible...Payal is highly educated but her mum treats her in her own traditional ways...I am not saying following traditions is wrong but they should not be regressive...and I find her mum quite regressive...that a girl should know cooking etc...Similarly, father is so blinded in his principles that he cannot see beyond that...and has been made a fool.

Few days back I just read that in Uttar Pradesh...one girl returned her baraaat back just because her groom didn't answer her mathematics question right...so one cannot say that girls in india easily swallow the wrongs...sometimes I feel what they show on Tv is more regressive rather than the real world. and Dev's character I cannot take...if he has not understood the reality of his family...than no one is bigger stupid than him...

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Chitra_11

@Chitra_11

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

Brilliant post👏 Can feel the heat.

The decision for Payal to get married is emotional. Her Dad and Mom are two different individuals having different way of looking at things ...about society, dress code etc etc. What I felt was it was the chain of thoughts... Dad's retirement and her Mom's traditional thoughts put together ...for her to step in as SWB. I do not think it is THE Society's pressure...No...she doesn't bother about society but definately she worries about the pressures her Mom may face in the hands of society ( am not good in expressing...hope U got it) . This can be the reason for her to take that extreme step.

Payal is educated and well positioned but she looks at it differently like many of us who do not think alike inspite of educational background. My only question is...whether she would have acted in the similar fashion if she had TIME to make decision...for I feel she thinks deep and then act/react.

Her silence over the decision of marrying may have a different reason ...let us see whether CV's have different story to tell. I agree with all...that I too do not wish to see a Mahan Payal but it will be HER experience with the family ( viewers must have patience) that will make her to decide to act AS Mahan or JKR.😆

I agree with @amif 👍🏼
' I hope that Payal grows to realise that she has made a big error of judgement in going through with this marriage. Understanding this will be a good development of her character and will be the starting point of her redemption '

Coming to what after marriage...my thoughts..

What I feel is Payal will not react at all (V may c tis while facing Ayo for the first time..) instead absorb every situation ...for her to act accordingly but during this process there may be many falls and that may sharpen her thoughts for us to see a New Payal.

Gul...according to me...the family may harm her...and this may take a U turn in Payal's life or rather ...for us to see Payal as we all would like to see...ofcourse with Gul..hand in hand...inbetween CVs may concentrate on Dev-Payal's strain relationship..

Your frustration would not have taken place IF the truth was out AFTER marriage. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your REAL post 👏 leaving Reel to CVs😆

Would like to add...if at all I am frustrated...it is Dev's character.😃

Edited by chitsri65 - 9 years ago

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Anjali

@Angel_Arya

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#10

Good post 👏

But I don't agree with your views regarding calling off the marriage at that point of time.

Well so many events did take place,Payal's family loves her a lot,they wanted her to get married but to a good man.The Prasad's tried to fool her entire family and no one came to know anything.Really???

Payal always loved her family.She could have gone to any extent to make them happy.She knew that if she called off the marriage at that point of time,her entire family would be upset...it wasn't the society she was worried about,she was worried about her father.Yes,she is educated,so she sacrificed her life for her father's happiness.Well not sacrificed,she will not leave the Prasad's so easily.😈

Probably,if you guys remember one of the episode where Payal's mom said that daughter shouldn't be so educated that it gets difficult to marry her.In regions like Chaibasa,this is actually the situation.People don't let their daughter study too much that it gets difficult to get them married.Payal would also have seen this situation when she was studying.She knew how much her father would have suffered and now she didn't want him to suffer any more.

#no intentions of hurting,just a thought 😊

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