The girls giggled and ran helter skelter.The flutes and shehnai played and the drums rolled in celebration. The time was no less than a festival in the palace delhi. badir ran from pillar to post checking out preparations and giving instruction and he cheered loudly, "shehzaden mirza aa gaye aapa k saath." The welcome was done,the laddoos fed welcoming the couple with the shower of marigold flowers and the girls giggled ogling at the handsome prince who smiled at them his fine set of pearly white teeth glistening trying to pretend that everything as normal between them.shamshad begum "Ayiye Swagat hai shehzaden '..Thak gaye honge ..Thodi der aaram kar lijiye."
razia felt choked seeing her mother as she hugged her but parted way too quickly , giving instructions to the bandhis to take them to their room which was specially decorated and decked up with the finest luxuries for her son'in-law. The rituals and fun games began. There was teasing ,there was fun. All of razia's cousins and friends hovered around the prince and his bride teasing them .While razia mostly nodded with her head hung, she was amazed to see the fun side of mirza. He was smiling , talking and obliging everyone with their silly requests as if he was so happy with her-as if everything was like a dream and they were really the happiest couple very much in love with each other. One thing was for sure, he was not only the master of treachery but could charm anyone. Sometimes she would be so trapped in his carefree laughter that even for a second she forgot that whatever he was pretending was so unreal!!.He did not insult anyone , nor cursed her neither he blamed her. In fact he sang praises in her glory as if she was the most dutiful wife and he was the luckiest man on earth .SHE WAS SHOCKED!! His antics evoked desperate sighs from the women around and everyone teased her with a hint of jealousy , "Kash humare shouhar bhi apke jaise hotey. He felt as if someone had clutched at his heart. There was no respite from the hammering in his bosom. A smile trembled on the edges of her lips as he tried to behave normal when in his heart he was in shambles literally torn apart. He said those words with so much intensity that For A MOMENT razia's heart fluttered for a few seconds. She stared back at him but withdrew her eyes lowering them. What a cursed fate hers was? Tied to the man, whom she loathed every minute. The pretence just choked her. The ambience just gagged her. She wanted to run in the fresh air and puke .Her head reeled with nausea.
"shehzaden'",badir's voice broke the gloom in both their hearts as he sat on his lap and said, "shehzaden'Aaap aapa ko yahan kyun lekar aye..ise yahan se lekar jayiye warna humein yeh bahut pareshaan karengi'.",badir mumbled and mirza burst into a hale and hearty laughter ,uninhibited ,like a carefree child running in the meadows. razia was amazed at the kind of bonding and camaraderie they both shared. She wanted to pull badir away from him but both were too happy in each other's company.Batayiye na shehzaden ..batayiye'aap aapa ko yahan nahi chodenge na'."
"Bikul nahi'.Apki aapa ko hum kabhi nahi chorenge'warna humara man kaise lagega wahan inke bina Agra mein'.Kyun shehzadi hai na'",mirza caressed badir's cheeks and smirked with pride staring at razia causing everyone around them to blush and giggle but his look sent a chill down razia's spine. The prince was at his flamboyant best!! No one in delhi had thought that the valiant and ruthless prince who had conquered the kingdom forcibly had such a playful personality. His cheerfulness communicated irresistibly from his mannerisms .The air of superiority with which he had walked after his conquest seemed to touch him nowhere. The hearts of the women burned with jealousy looking at the couple. But razia chewed her lips. His sheepish smile and the pun intended in his words gave her bouts of anger .Cringing at his audacity ,she ducked her head as her face was red with anger.
"Chalo chalo bahut ho gaya ab'Thoda aram karne dijiye inhe..",shemshad begum razia's nani dispersed everyone out of the room and walked away saying ,"Hum apke khane ka intezaam kar dete hain.
There was silence in the room as no one spoke a word. The haunting stillness screamed between both of them as mirza and razia sat on the small mattress encircled with cushions looking away from each other. mirza snapped his fingers and cleared his throat finally trying to break the ice, "Hum kal subah wapas challenge."
"HM",She shivered at the thought of going back. razia had felt so overwhelmed seeing her family and her home but the prince had not left her alone even for a second. Everyone behaved differently with her. The prince and his comfort was their priority ,no one really cared for her feelings. All were going gaga over the prince and were interested only in hearing the tales of his undying love for her. She wanted to scream out loudly .
"Apne shayad theek se suna nahi'Hum kal subah chale jayenge'Aaap yahan aram se rahiye'.",mirza spoke.How many times he had reasoned otherwise ,calculated logics to never let her go but her pain and aloofness made him mad.He could not see suffering so much in his so called cage nor he had the will to allow his pride to beg her. Letting her go away was no less than a punishment for him but he could not take all that insult anymore. The moment was tormenting for him as he stared at her trying to fathom her reaction. He imagined that she might run to him hugging him trying to cajole him to take her back .How in his heart ,he wished it but instead he saw her getting up in shock which slowly dawned upon her lips ,a huge smile and tears of joy coursing down her cheeks,-'sach,,,Hum sach mein'",her lips parted in wonder and her eyes lit up .
The fear that had gripped him ever since he had made this decision came true. She was overjoyed to leave him. He wanted to grab her in his arms and tell her how dare she feel happy at staying away for him ,but instead his heart did had some vague satisfaction seeing her eyes twinkling and her plump lips smiling and her face regaining its original colour due to the flush of happiness.
"Haan '",he tried hard to find his voice ,emotions threatening to make him weak but he put up a mask and with his head held high commanded, "Aaap yahan aram se rahiye. Humein ek aise biwi nahi chahiye hai jo humari hokar bhi humari nah o'.Aaapko ab humare dar se zehar pine aur apna haath katne ki zarurat nahi hai..aap yehi rahein '.",mirza said in a single breath and walked towards razia who stood there in shock and utter disbelief. mirza came near her and continued each word tormenting him and stabbing him every moment , "Aur haan. delhi apka hi rahega"
"lekin'.achanak yeh sab'..",razia still looked at him suspiciously .
"Kyunki kaboo to hum apko kar sakte the par niqah kaboo nahi izzat deta hai aur apki marzi ki izzat ki jayegi.yeh humara vada hai apse.",mirza turned around because he never wanted to her to see the mixed feelings in his eyes. He held his face high and walked away leaving razia in the state of shock and trapped in the whirlpool of her memories unaware that her mother who was standing with the food ,heard everything from behind the door .
Lost in her thoughts razia sat on the bed in shock and mixed feelings when suddenly her mother entered the room with hurried footsteps.
"ammi'.." she restlessly moved forward towards her mother but her mother raised her hand in the air and signalled her to stop.
qutub begum: "Waheen ruk jayiye razia", the princess became shocked with this gesture of her mother. Her mother who had always been her best friend, who had always supported her in every step in her life, who had always saved her from the sultan's anger whenever she did anything mischievous, her mother who had been her world was now telling her to be away from her. razia stopped dead in her track.
qutub begum: "Aap aaj kyun ayi hen yahan? aap toh do din k aane vaali thi, aap aaj yahan kya kar rahi hen?"
razia: "a ammi, wo hum'. hamen'. Hamen aap ki yaad sata rahi thi is liye'.."
begum: "Jhoot !! Jhoot keh rahi hen aap razia, bilkul jhoot !!"
razia looked at her mother with horror in her eyes, she was now having this idea that her mother might have come to know the truth behind her presence here at that time.
qutub begum: "Yeh ghaav kaisay aye aap ke hath pe razia? Batayiye hamen'' ab keh dijiye ke yeh choori tootnay ki wajah se hua hai'."
razia: "ammi'"
"Bas razia bas !!! aap ne hamen bohot niraash kiya hai.hum mantey hain hum hi chahtey the ki bezzati se behatr hota ki aap apni jaan de deti par jo kuch bhi hua uske baad bhi Yeh kya kiya aap ne !! apni jaan lenay ki koshish ki'.. aap ko darr nahi laga aisa kartay huay !!"
She went towards razia and held her shoulders firmly ;she shook her , "Boliye shehzadi boliye, aap ko sharam na ayi aisa kartey huay, apnay aavam, apnay parivaar, hamari, yahan tak ke aap ko aap k mare hue abbu ki thehzeeb ki bhi chinta nahi rahi?? Kyun kiya aap ne aisa !!!"
razia freed herself from her mother's grip with a jolt, "Bas kariye ammi, izzat, aavam, parivar, tehzeeb, hum thak chukay hen yeh sab lafz sun sun kar'. Ab toh hamaray samnay in lafzon ka istemaal na hi kijiye !!! hum nafrat kartey hen un se !! haan ammi hum nafrat kartey hen us mirza se !!"
her mother was hell shocked listening to these words from her daughter's mouth, she had never thought that one day will come when she would witness her daughter like this, " razia '"
razia: "Haan ammi haan, nafrat hai hamen unse, beintehan nafrat !! unhe daikhtay hi hamaray man men nafrat ki aisi aag bharakti hai jo kisi paani se bhuj nahi ho sakti !! un ke sath is tarah, aik hi mehel men aik hi kamren men, un ki bivi ban k rehna'. Hum se nahi hoga ammi, is se accha toh yeh hi hai ke hum apna zindagi khatam kar den, nahi ammi nahi hum un se koi rishta nahi bana saktay, woh jinho ne hamaray sultanat ko khatam kiya, hamari aavam ka katla kiya, khud apnay hathon se hamaray abbu ka katla kiya, aisay insaan ke saath hum koi rishta nahi jod sakte ammi, kabhi nahi !! hum jeena nahi chahtay hen ammi, is jeevan se acha hai ke hum maut ko galay laga len" she screamed loudly rolling on the floor in pain , crying very bitterly and in a state of frenzy
qutub begum came back to her senses n horror paralyzed her limbs, but still she managed to hold razia in her arms, "shehzadi, yeh kya keh rahi hen aap, aap kamzoor nahi ho sakteen razia, jo kuch hamaray sath hua, jo kuch hamaray logon ke saath hua, jab ap ko sab yaad hai toh phir kyun aap samay ko nahi samajh raheen, aap ka yeh nirnay is samay bilkul ghalat hai, aap aik shadi shuda ladki ban chuki hen razia aur ap aap ka jagah aap k shouhar ke saath hi hai aur aap kyun bhool rahi hen k ab hamara rajya un ke haathon men hai"
"ammi aap kyun nahi samajhteen, hamen un se nafrat hoti hai, hamaray abbu k hatyaaray ko hum kaisay apnay shouhar man len , nahi hum se nahi hoga ammi, is tarah roz marne se acha hai hum zeher pi kar apnay jeevan ka hi anth kar den", razia screamed in defiance and anger.
her mother grabbed her arms and squeezed them, "Apni zindagi !!! aik aurat ka, khas kar ke aik shehzadi ya begum ki zindagi us ki apni nahi hoti, hamari toh maut bhi hamari nahi hoti razia, hamara har aik faisla, hamara har aik kadam, hamara sona jaagna, hamara khana, hamari khushiyan, hamara dard, kuch bhi hamara apna nahi hota, hamen sab doosron k liye karna hota hai razia, yehi aik begum ka farz hai, apnay parivaar, apni aavam, yeh sab hamara farz hai, aur apnay apne farz se muh nahi mod sakteen shehzadi, aaj hamara sultanat un ke hathon men hai lekin who log chup hen, aap ka yeh kadam aur aap ki maut sirf aap hi ki nahi, poori aavam ki maut hogi, aur kya aap ne apnay chotay bhai k baray men soocha hai? Kya hoga un ka? Agar gusse men aa kar un logon ne aap ke bhai ki bhi katla kar di toh? Hamaray badir ko bhi hum se cheen liya toh? Nahi razia , !! apnay farz ko pura karna hoga aap ko !! aik shehzadi ka, aik beti ka, aik behen ka, aik patni k farz ko pura karna hi hoga aap ko razia !!"
razia shook her head in disbelief, "ammi, aap yeh sab keh rahi hen? Aap? Kya aap bhool gayi hen k hum aap ki beti hen ammi? Aik shehzadi, aik beti, aik patni se pehlay kya hum aik insaan nahi hen? Kya hamari mirzi nahi hen?"
her mother wiped the tears from her eyes and continued trying hard to not to fall weak in front of her crying daughter, "Tyaag karna hoga aap ko razia !! bhoolna hoga aap ko sab kuch, aap ki sultanat k liye, aap ke bhai k liye, kya aap ko apnay bhai se payar nahi razia?", She looked at her daughter with a determined expression but razi 's tears melted her.The hardness of a queen gave way to the warmth bof a mother, "shehzadi, hamen maaf kar dijiye, hum jaantay hen ke aap ko hum bohot sakat lag rahay hen lekin aik shehzadi ke kismat men yahi hi hotay hen beti,, aap ko hi vakt ke bahaav ko samajhna hoga, aap ko aap ke bhai badir ki kasaam hai razia, aap ko wapas jana hoga, aap ko mirza ko apna shouhar manna hi hoga,Apna tan aur man dono unhe saunpna hi hoga, yehi aap ka kismat hai, bas yehi aap ki kismaat hai"
She hugged her tightly while razia broke into hysterical tears .
He fumed in anger ,the evening was cool and the ambience was delectable but the rage in his heart burned him. He hurled his sword in the air like a madman .Sweat beads trickling down his body remembering the joy in her eyes. An idea flashed like a lightening. He felt like ending her life the very moment, her aloofness itched his heart. His purging soul was in torments. He breathed heavily ,his face reddened with the afflux of blood .How could she be so happy? How could she hate him so much ? The panting increased as he swayed his sword like a lightening in the balcony, his body racked in pain. He reached the limit of his endurance. He fell on his knees still shuddering ,the sword slipped from his hand .He could no longer control his eyes or his mind and was on the verge of breaking down with extreme rage
The sun was rising and had lit the palace of delhi with a blaze of golden light.The sparrows hopped and chirped and he walked with a heavy heart. His turban was loose and his clothes were ill fitting. His eyes glowed red as cinders burning in anger. He suffered stabbing and excruciating pains in his head but he could not achieve the reconciliation of the conflicting passions. He had struggled in his troubled sleep too in the balcony last night. The torment threatened to kill him. The separation made him wince in anxiety. He sighed heavily turning his head around for the last time. mirza's heart struggled with hope. Hope to catch one last glimpse of hers, hope to see her shadow once. He fought every second with his urge to run back and hold her in his arms ,fall on his knees and beg her to come with him. But etiquette and pride would not allow him to. His heart sank in fear. Summers will pass ,Winters would frost and go, Spring would paint everything in its colours and hues but how would he survive without her. How would he live in peace without seeing her face. The stone did not turn up .. mirza cursed himself for still feeling so weak as if she would come to at least wave him good bye. His soul was on fire. He glanced back towards the gardens .There was no sign of the stone Goddess ..Hiding disappointment in his eyes he turned back and walked up to his horse ,the doli in which she had brought him on the back of an elephant was going back empty like he was empty-HIS HEART 'HIS LIFE NOW MEANINGLESS!!Suddenly his heart stopped beating. His ears caught a swift slithering movement of the rustle of a sarara and tinkling of the anklets. He turned around and felt as if he was struck by lightning. His wife walked up to him ,her shadow radiating in contrast with the rich backdrop of the orange sky .Dressed in a dazzling green dress ,the royal embellishments glistening around her bosom ,face covered with a veil as she walked towards him with quickened steps. His heart lost count of its beat and suddenly his countenance lit up as if someone had created fireworks in the sky.She came'!! She came to wave him goodbye. This feeling was so overwhelming that he felt like dancing. She stopped beside him for a few seconds making him shake his head in disbelief clueless about her presence .
her mother's voice echoed in his ears bringing him out of his reverie, "Arey shehzaden. Apni begum k bina ..kahan jay rahe the'"
His lips parted in wonder and his eyeballs danced in confusion , "Par'"
"Arey Par kya'razia to kab se tayyar hokar baithi hain apke saath jane k liye aur aap hain ki'",she ordered the innumerable baskets of presents ,fruits and jewels to be loaded on the horses and carts.
mirza felt as if someone had struck his ears with a lightening. HE WAS SHOCKED AND STUPEFIED!! He saw razia's fingers move pressing against each other.
He suddenly found himself breathless.His heart skipped a beat .Suddenly his being was possessed by utmost joy. He felt like running-- Running wildly in joy.He felt like crushing her in his arms-Hugging her so passionately that he would never let her go away. Emotions swooped upon him like soaring tidal waves crashing against the rock .It was as if she had opened the floodgates of his soul.
"Phir se Kahiye razia",He nodded his head in disbelief his smile grew wilder, his breathings rapid .
"Humne kaha Hum aapke k saath jana chahate hain.",razia whispered in a muffled tone sending him into the crescendo of joy as he witness her lips mumbling those words herself from behind the veil.
He was about to almost hug her with overwhelming joy. When Suddenly badir jumped and said, "Haan haan shehzaden ..Le jayiye aapa ko'Warna yeh humein yahan chain se nahi jine dengi'."
Everyone burst laughing and mirza smirked at the thought of what he was going to do. His heart boasted in pride. razia took the remaining step forward but mirza was as swift as lightening. The quickness and his agility deceived her eyes and she saw him standing right beside her elephant with apprehension in his eyes and his hands extended to help her. mirza waited with bated breath. His firm chest rose and fell with torpid emotions .A few seconds passed and suddenly mirza felt as light and giddy headed like a feather .Her palms adorned with bangles and pearl linings touched his hands and held them firmly. mirza forgot to breathe ,the air caught in his lungs. At the touch of her hands, his tender heart dived deep into the depths of unfathomable joy. She took his support and sat inside her doli. A teary good bye from the palace of delhi but mirza's heart blossomed with happiness,pride ,excitement and contentment as their caravan moved across the huge stretch of the desert embarking on a new journey 'marking the herald of a new chapter in his life.
Night At the Palace of agra
.His mojri rubbed and creaked against the marble floor and this time his happiness knew no bounds. He was a bit nervous with his apprehensions. What made her come back? The journey back home had been tiring but his temperament was extremely high strung. Why did she suddenly take a U-Turn? Did she stopped hating him? Was she ready to accept him? And above all Was she really happy ? All the questions just hovered at the back of his mind. There was so much to be talked about .Lost in his thought he opened the doors of his room excited. This time everything was right, the room was neat and perfect and there he saw her with her unbound hair flowing sitting on the huge couch near the jharonkha. He felt her stiffen at the noise of the door and she suddenly shut her eyes tightly . mirza smirked at her hesitant gesture as he walked inside and closed the door behind him. Placing his turban and sword near the bed stand he sat on the bed with fingers on his lips smirking watching her antics. His heart skipped a beat watching her. Her locks were stray flowing over her face and her pouted lips constantly moved and mumbled an inaudible prayer. She was beautiful. Her think curved lashes fluttered as she had tightly shut them as if shutting them tightly would make her invisible. mirza leaned on the back of the bed rest staring at her nervous shivering frame with his hands folded across his bosom. He looked at her dazed. Just like a portrait ,frozen like a goddess , mirza felt as if rays dazzled from inside her. The prodigal moonlight just washed over her face falling perfectly on her chiselled features accentuating them adding to her charm and persona. It was as if those five years had never touched her. .The glow of the moon drenched her limbs in its silver hue. Her body was fuller, Her curves more feminine, but her face was just the same, like the cherubs in the month of Autumn who danced fluttering their wings creating fairy rings on the barks of the trees in moonlight. She could never have been prettier. She was adorned so beautifully that she sparkled like the thousand lamps. She was always beautiful and looked even more alluring telling her beads chanting and mumbling. mirza felt as if someone had cast a spell on him. Driven by the propelling impulse of unknown desires ,he suddenly got and took a few steps towards her. Every fibre of his heart thirsted for that woman who was now back in her life .razia's ears became alert ,. He smirked and smacked his forehead as he saw the intensity of her chanting ,biting and chewing her lips increased with the same pace as his steps diminished the distance between them. He walked back to the bed sighing and drank a lot of cold water but the fire in him continued to blaze. Minutes maybe hours passed in silence as he lied watching her blatantly. Seeing her back ,in his room ,getting her back in his life made him sigh with peace and contentment . The night was wrapped in tenderness like the caress of her hand when she had placed them on his .He felt so lost in that tenderness and her visions from past running wildly in the gardens were brought in front of his eyes. Never realising when his tired body and content heart gave up to the demands of his sleep and he ended up snoring peacefully. As he slept and the noise of his snoring reached her ears, the beads slipped from her hands and her lips stopped moving. A peaceful sigh rested on her anxious face watching him sleep. She glanced at the sky from the window having a good view of the mango tree that swayed casting its shadows on her face. Similarly multiple emotions casted their reflections in her heart. The mango blossoms were swinging and the silence of the night was only broken by his snores but she was absorbed in her own thought. She stared at the moon which had rose full and high in the sky and a lone tear escaped her eyes.
She felt the faint voices ringing in her heart and faint visions moved in front of her eyes as she saw his reflection in the moon, the only man which she wished had never left her.
FLASHBACK 5 years ago'Jyeshtha purnima
"mujhay jana hoga razia...",He was ready to hop on the elephant's back and go far away from her.
razia, clasped his hands diffidently, " lekin kyun? mat jaoo na, hum kaisay reh payen ge apkey bina?"
" main wapis aoonga razia",he freed his hands with assurance in his eyes, " yeh chand hamaray beech kid or hoga razia"
She creased her brows , " chand? chand kesay?"
He held her hands and kissed her palms, " yeh chand hamaray mohabbt ka saboot hai razia, hum dono aik doosray se door zaroor honge lekin jab jab chand ko dekhen ge, aik doosray ko khud se qareeb payen ge... pyar toh man ka rishta hai na razia, aur hamare man is chand ki ujli chandni ki tarah hamesha hamaray pyar ki roshni men chamaktay rahen ge... main wapas zaroor aoonga...",With a promise to come back ,he sat on his elephant and vanished in the darkness of the night leaving razia alone teary eyed.
The moon had brought forth with it the memories of her lost love afzal-the only man she had ever loved all her life. razia tried to see his reflection in the moon when suddenly mirza turned in his sleep making a sound which immediately grabbed her attention and she turned around. The tear droplet just trickled down her cheeks and died in her lips. She stared at mirza with a void in her eyes. Her heart felt nothing, her eyes just blank. She stood motionless staring at her destiny with a feeling of nothingness in her heart.
"Jagte raho",the sentinels voice brought her out of her trance and she stared back outside at the group of guards patrolling near the huge gigantic iron gate of the palace.Huge logs of wood were brought by them and ignited and soon raging flame burned in leaps and bounds reaching out for the overhead canopy of the sky making the darkness beautiful by contrast. Her hands reached out for her box and she opened it and scribbled on the pages of her diary.
zindagi aur sapne men bohot fark hota hai, sapno ki dunya hamari apni hoti hai lekin zindagi... Zindagi hamesha aik si nahi rehti, kuch faisly hum apne liye letay hen lekin kuch faisly hamen dusron ke lye lenay padtay hen... Hamare apno ke liye...
(There is a difference between dreams and reality.We own the world of our dreams but life, life never remains the same .Sometimes we have to take decisions for the sake of others. For the sake of our near and dear ones)
All around was the ineffable peace and stillness of the night. razia stared back at mirza who slept peacefully on his belly. The faint moonlight was just glistening over his soft curls and his lips were thinned in a beautiful smile of contentment. She blew off the candle ,the smoke vanished gently in thin air and the tears which rolled down her cheeks smudged the letters of her inscription.
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