Part B
He gets up and prepared the horses for both of them while she watched him silently. She liked the way he was taking care of his horses, a proof of a men who know how to care about his beloved one. She shook her head at her crazy though. She kept observing him and could appreciate his silhouette without shame, she was sure he wasn't aware of her. For the corner of his eyes, he looked at her and saw strange emotions on her face, she sighed, she smiled and she shook her head. He would have given everything to enter her head just for a second and to know who or what made her smile. He invited her to join and was surprised to see her in total comfort next to his horses. He gave her basic instructions to orientate hers and she was a quick learner. For a beginner like her, he gave her a calm and really docile one, this is what she needed. They started to walk a slow step at the beginning and after some time, Zoya asked for quick gallop. They finally reached a place that he wanted to show her. A beautiful and breathtaking view of the valley, a place he liked to come and to resource himself. Both get down and attach their horses to the tree, and stepped away to sit.
-What do you think? He asked proudly looking at the myriad of emotion crossing her face.
-I...must confess, it's...beautiful here, she let out a brief blow, wow, she blinked many time to be able to contain her emotion.
-I really love this place, I feel like the time had stopped and even if you are all alone, you don't feel it this way. Am I making sense to you? He lost his words, he didn't know how to describe his feelings about this place.
-Serenity, she expressed in one world looking in the horizon
-Exactly, he looked amazed at her, exactly, he whispered this time, and both stared in the same direction, admiring the beauty and the silence of this valley.
After a long silence between them, Zoya didn't know why, but she noticed that he never talked much about himself and realized that she doesn't know him that much.
-Why are you here Ayaan? Away from the world?
- it's a long story, Zoya, he sighed looking far, a long and boring story, he turned to face her with a faint smile, but she knew it was his way to avoid the subject. She felt through his eyes that it wasn't boring but painful to go through again. As any human in this earth, she knows that all have past and he might have a strong reason to choose this life for himself.
-Let's say that it's not bad to keep distance with thing that changed you forever.
-but if it changed you in good way?
-Still, you have to stay away, who knows if you are enough prepared for another changing, especially when the first broke a part of you.
-but you can't keep all your life hiding here
-I am not hiding, I am, he took a long breath closing his eyes, living a simple life.
-This is how you dreamt about your future?
-No, but I don't mind at all, instead I can't see myself somewhere else
-you are lost in the middle of nowhere, she chuckled almost shocked
-who told you that I am lost here? The one who are lost are searching for his road but I've found mine. To get happiness you have to find peace in your soul, and this quietness will lead you to see all around you in panel of color and not only in black and white.
-Black and white are not bad color, actually I looked thinner in black, she joked
-and you looked fat in white? He mocked her and she smacked him hard on his chest, ouch!!!! You hurt me!!!!!
-who tell you to say this kind of joke?
-I am sorry, you gave me the hint and I would have blame myself if I didn't say it
-Next time think twice before telling useless joke
-no, next time, I will take two steps far from you before saying funny joke
-who said it's funny?
-me
-you are really...
-impossible, I know. He giggled and she could hold but to smile back at his cuteness. You know Miss Farooqui, his voice turned more serious, it comes a time when you want to change everything, you want to stabilize yourself somewhere, a place when you can call home, to make your life, to have kind of peaceful routine, and to enjoy it. When we are young, we didn't let ourselves disturb by anything, we make our own choices without thinking and we are less scared to fail or we think we are never going to fail, we live, laugh and eat, life is running but we run faster and we didn't get breathless until, something knock to your door asking you to stop, it can be love, it can be our willing to have children, it can be illness, it can be so many thing that can happen in your life forcing you to think and to act differently, and this time we are aware about how life can be heavy. Some chose to ignore this knock and some took a drastic changing.
-And you, who knock at your door?
-Betrayed, lies and manipulation, he let out a bitter chuckle, I changed my vision in relationship, I think more about who worth my trust and what it worth in this life, I think more about the consequence of my choice, even if sometimes, I am still impulsive about my choices, but at the end, I assumed and I lived with it. You know Miss Farooqui, when I looked back, I don't know what I regret the most, this time when the only person that I cared was me or the time that I am now, aware about all around me?
-I guess knowing the truth is never bad
-yes, but it hurts, especially when it comes from persons you thought will stand by your side. Sometimes you wished to never know such a hard truth about them. Let me ask you, if someone closed to your heart betrayed you, would you really want to know about?
-I guess yes,
-Why?
-Because I don't want to be anymore abuse by this person, I don't want to build relation in lies or in fake feeling.
-but what if this person makes you feel fine and loved? What if this person makes you smile no matter the lies that she said to you, would you still want to know the truth?
She looked intently at him and his questions made her think about Sufian and her father, what if she never knew Sufian's truth? She would have maybe married to him, lived a happy life from her side and had children with him, she would have been blind to everything and never cared any burden right now. The pain would have been different or less heavy to carry in her heart, and then what? Did her heart would have been blind with this fake love and pretended to be fine with it? Living an empty life at the end with in a background, a doubt that everything was fragile and fake.
-I think I chose to know hard truth than living in fake and happy life.
-but it will cost you to live in pain, cost you to feel alone and to lose a part of you, forever
-we are alone Ayaan, you can be loved and you can have plenty of friends, you can have also all the support that you need, but at the end, your pain will be inside of you and you will be the only one to deal with. We can't be blind, we chose to be blind, because of love.
-do you believe in love, Miss Farooqui? They stared at each other deeply trying to decipher the other souls.
-if you would have asked me this question month ago, I would have said yes but today, I am not sure anymore. I guess I trust love but I don't trust people who talk about love, who promise to love you forever, because even forever has an end.
-what if love knock at your door? Will you allow him to go inside? He pointed to her chest
-I won't let him in if it's distinguished in beautiful and fake face, I don't trust easily. She looked away and her jaw clenched painfully. Love had never been sooth for her.
He stared at her for a long minute trying to read between her lines, a person who doesn't believe in love will not trapped such deception and sadness in her eyes. He knows what it was to be broken by person you trusted and he could see this in her, crystal clear.
-I think you are scared of love
-Me? Of course not, she retorted nervously
-yes, you want to be loved and to know true love, but you are scared because it will cost you to show yourself, just like you are, you will not hide behind your sarcasm or anger, you will have to let him in secret place inside of your heart, undressing your heart for him and above all, it will ask you to trust him.
-you don't know me, Ayaan, she let out a mock chuckle, I am happy like I am now and I don't need love, to be loved or to fall in love, I don't need someone to make me feel complete. This continuous pressure that society put in our mind that we have to find our half part, we can't be alone etc...This pressure makes you an obsessive person and can lead you to make wrong choice for your life, scared to finish alone.
-you can't hide behind your fears Zoya
-I am not hiding, I am fine. She responded harshly, she didn't like the way the conversion turned, she felt him staring into her soul and it scared her. He hit a sensitive point and she disliked the fact that he could read in her like an open book, she tried to sound calm but he made her nervous and losing her calm.
-What is the perfect definition of love for you Miss Farooqui?
-The perfect definition, I don't know maybe it's...To feel fine and safe... to be important for someone, to be able to be yourself, with your flaws, your past and your antics, and for me, with my sarcasm, he smiled at her, to be able to open your heart without being scared to be used or to be broken, to give your trust to someone who will try his best to hold on it, someone who will not lie or force you and will just take you as you are.
His lips curled sadly, he liked her definition and it was the way he sees love too.
-love is also about forgiveness, are you able to forgive, Zoya in the name of love?
-it depends
-of what?
-of the pain, she swollen to untie her throat. Asad stared far lost in his thought, was it everything forgivable? Only time can solve this and not love.
-what are your motivation Miss Farooqui? Why are you here?
-I told you, I am here to save my company, to continue what my father has built for me.
-was it the way you had imagine your future?
-No, she stopped
-Tell me, what did you dream for your future? He asked her softly and she closed her eyes a soft smile spread on her lips.
-I had imagined that I will graduate and become an architect, I will fall in love and get married to...She froze, the image of Sufian came to her mind, I.. will get married to someone who will love me and I will trust, to build my own family and to have a good life.
-your routine life
-exactly, my routine life, but everything went upside down so suddenly
-who knock at your door?
-responsibility and a promise, a promise to take care of my father's company, to save what he built for years and what was supposed to get back to me. My father sacrificed his life for this company, he worked day and night. After my mother's death, he threw himself in work forgetting everything and...everyone. She took a deep breath to stop her emotion, he worked hard until he lost everything and it broke him. And here, I am here to save what it was important for him and now for me.
-Is it really what you want Zoya? She closed her eyes trying to calm her heartbeat, she could feel her tears trapped under her eyelids and her throat tied. The last memory of her father came to her mind. If she could answer to him, she would have said: no it's not what she wants but she had to, it's not her dream life, but destiny had chosen for her.
Asad looked at her, he didn't want to hurt her, he just didn't want her to regret her choice in the name of love. Regret can make you bitter and he didn't want her to be, she had so many things to do, and she deserved happiness. He felt on her shoulder heavy burden and he didn't want it to see her crash under the weight but to deal with it. After what look as eternity, she spoke again.
-I lost my father just 2 days before I came here, she said in absent tone and he froze looking at her, he already knew about her loss but didn't expect to be fresh. Her memories ran to her mind crazily making her eyes wet, it happened so suddenly...He left me...and I...Had to deal with his company that I didn't get the time to...Her sob strangled in her throat, as hard as she tried to contain her tears, many drops ran without her control along her cheeks.
-Zoya, he called her with tied throat
-I...didn't...I...didn't...Her words came out as swords from her mouth, it burnt her tied throat. He spread his arms around her, to give her all she needed now, a chest to cry, he can't stand her tears and he knows perfectly what was too lose parents. He went through long time ago.
-Zoya, I am sorry, he couldn't say anything more, the pain wasn't go to leave her, all she needs now was time and love. He posed his hands on her back but she stopped him.
-No, please, as much as she needed to be in his arms, she didn't want to break down in front of him and only God know how she fought with herself to throw her broken soul in his arms to cry her pain out. She extirpated her aching body away from him and hide behind the tree where she can cry alone finally.
He stayed helpless looking at her silhouette moving away from him. He knows her so well, her pride took her away from his arms, but he can't blame her, he had the same and in this, they were the same. He sat on the bottom of the tree, opposite to her, where he can be as close as possible if she needed him. His heart broke with every sobs she released, he wanted so much to hold her but he can't if she didn't allow him. She cried for her loss and he let her, staying here silence. She didn't get the time to cry her father's death and he let her do. Slowly, her tears decreased and her sobs fade away, she let out a long breath to calm her choking throat. She didn't know why she revealed everything to him, maybe the place asked for confession, the truth came out so easily from her heart, she showed him her weakness and didn't get scared. She knows that inside of her, she started to trust him.
Asad counted the minutes to see her back or to hear her calling him but nothing came and he started to be frustrated. He looked for something to grab her attention and it clicked in his mind.
-ZOYAAA, HELP ME, he called her from the other side. She sniffed and didn't reply. Zoya, there is a monster, please help me
-You are lying Ayaan, she replied nonchalantly and Asad smiled softly, she became again accessible.
-How can you be so sure, Zoya?
-Because I can hear it from your tone
-You can't say that, you should come and look by yourself
-I don't need; I know that you are lying
-You mean I am bad actor?
-Yes, you are really bad, her lips curled lazily
-Oh sh**, I guess I need to take some lessons, oh Zoya, look, Mackenzie is coming, this time is serious, please help me
-I think; you should give her a chance, she looks...Nice
-Nice? Are you kidding? Did you just see how she looked at me? If I was a piece of meat, I would have been eaten already.
-Come on, I am sure you will like to be eaten by her
-Not at all, I have feelings, I appreciate to discuss before, to see our common points, to see if we can match together
- to come to the same point at the end, then why wasting your time to know her better?
-Because a woman is not only a body, she had a soul, which most of the times can be sexier than anything and deep enough to never get bored. She kept mute and looked below her shoulder, even if she can't see him, she asked herself if he was saying true. Some men can say anything to obtain what they wanted, then why he can't be one of them, he can lie, afterall no one is perfect.
-but your perfect match will get bored with you for sure
-I know this, that's why I am planning to kidnap her and to keep her with me forever, he finished with a devil laugh making her giggle. He finally released the breath that he contained. He didn't mind to act like a perfect idiot if at the end, it makes her smile, and he was ready for anything to see her eyes shone again.
-you are really impossible, she uttered softly. He knew how to take her away from her sadness and she had to admit that he grew up in her heart, he respected her and for this, she will respect him back but will never tell him.
-Miss Farooqui, with you I am full of flaws, he started to count on his hand, I am killer, kidnaper, boring, idiot, a beast without manners, annoying, bad actor, mmm, what else? He closed his eyes trying to remember. His eyes snapped abruptly when he felt her hands on his. He froze and stood observing her without saying anything. And she continued her eyes glued on his hands, she opened one by one the last closed fingers of his.
-and talkative, pervert and the most annoying man I've ever seen, she looked up holding his gaze. He encircled her fingers between his to tell her silently that he was here for her.
-I already said it; he squeezed her hands briefly.
-I know but you forget to say: "the most" annoying, both chuckled softly
-Zoya, his voice was so warm that it made her eyes wet again.
-I don't want to talk about it, she let it as a whisper
-Ok, do you want to go home? She nodded looking away. He felt that her calmness was still fragile and he didn't want to force.
The way back home was silent, she didn't want to talk and he waited for her to open. Zoya enjoyed the view and took all the energy that she needed it right now, he was right something about this place made you forget the track of time and space, and today, this is exactly what she wanted, oblivion. She was on the front, and it leaded him to look at her without limits. He didn't stir his eyes from her since they left and observed all her body language. He saw her shoulders relaxing minute after minute and noticed also that she turned her head several time around her, he was sure that she was contemplating and trying to find peace in the quietness place. However, he wanted to hear her voice, to feel her through her words.
-Miss Farooqui? She hummed in response, I want you to know that I am not agree with the list of flaws that you said about me. I am not a monster after all. He saw her shaking her head and knew that she was smiling at his caprice. I disagree TO-TAL-LY LY LY LY, he sang making it sound like an echo.
-Stubborn
-Should I add this also to my list?
-Yes, please, her tone sounded amused. He felt proud of himself, she was coming back to her nature slowly, and he can't stop here, he wanted her back totally without any delay, she was right, he was stubborn enough to fight for what he wanted.
-this is totally crazy
-oh yes, add this also, crazy, and he growled loudly making her laughing loudly
-useless, he said upset
-this one...AHHH, she yelled in panic suddenly when her horse stood on his back feet
-ZOYYAAA
-AYAAANNN, she screamed in horror, the horse started to jump frantically and Zoya held on tight to her neck scared to fall down.
-ZOYAAA, he tapped sharply his horse to join her but her horse started to run away in frenetic speed. ZOYYAAA, he yelled his breath sucked in his throat.
-AYAAANNN, she called him with all her force.
She didn't know how everything changed so suddenly, her horse got crazy abruptly and was about to throw her out, but in reflex, she tightened her grip around it. She prayed and didn't stop to call him, she was petrified and totally frozen on her seat, helpless waiting to be saved.
Asad's body tensed, he knew that Zoya was not a good rider and looking at her horse, he understood that she was not going to stop so easily. She had not enough experience to control her horse in such situation, and an animal in panic wasn't easy to calm. He tapped his horse forcing her to speed to be at her level. Within minutes, he was closed to them.
-ZOYAAA, PULL THE STRING TO YOU GRADUALLY
-I...I...CAN'T, she couldn't move
-ZOYAAA YOU HAVE TO DO IT
-I...I...CAN'T AYAAANN, HELP MEEE, AYAAAN, HEEELLLPPP MEEE
-ZOYA, he was really close now and looked from time to time to her and to the road. He didn't know what to do, or to jump to her horse, but he could fall and miss to save her and the second option was to take her with him. He took the second option, it has more chance to work. ZOYAAA, I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME, PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME,
-NO, AYAAAN NO
-ZOYA PLEASE, YOU CAN DO IT, he posed one hand on her back holding her with all his strength.
-AYAAAN, I CAN'T, she tensed even more
-TRUST ME, ZOYA, she looked briefly at him and his eyes were enough powerful asking her to fight her fears.
With difficulty, she loosened one arm around the neck of her horse painfully, and grabbed him with intensity
-PERFECT HOLD ON ME AS STRONG AS YOU CAN, he knew he can't mess up, he had her life in his hands.
His arms went rigid around her back, and he clenched his jaw as tight as possible pulling her in one motion against his. When he felt her safe with him, he pulled the cord and his horse slowed down his speed. She finally felt herself against his hard body and clenched on him like her life was depend. She clasped her around his neck making him suffocated. Both of them were breathless with fears and their heartbeats were in perfect synchro. When finally, the horse made a halt, he hugged her back with the same need as her.
-Zoya, he could breathe now, she was safe. Zoya, he kept chanting her name like it will finish his agony. Are you ok? She shook his head in no in the crook of his neck. Look at me, he tried to pull her away but she resisted and tightened her grip. Ok, ok, everything is fine, you are safe, you are safe sweetheart, you are safe with me, nothing will happen to you, I won't let anything happen to you sweetheart, you are here with me, you are safe.
She was shaking between his arms and her breath knocked faster against his neck. He didn't stop repeating again and again that she was safe. His mouth closed to her ears, he tried with all his might to calm her. The more she felt his words, the more she buried her face into his neck, her mouth pressed on his flesh, but both were not aware how close they were against each other. They almost mingled their bodies leaving no inch between them. He stroked her back tenderly, she released slowly her knuckles on his shirt and her breath slowed.
-Zoya, he pulled her away gently from him and cupped her face, but she was looking down. Zoya looked at me, she shook her head in no, sweetheart, look at me, he forced her to lift her face and she stared at him. Don't cry, he wiped her tears with his thumb, his heart constricted at her pain, she couldn't find her words and seeing his eyes moist, she even cried more. Don't cry, Zoya, you are fine.
He didn't realize what he was doing or saying, all he wanted was to calm her at any cost, and instinctively, he kissed her forehead to soothe her. Zoya closed her eyes once she felt his lips on her skin, he didn't only take away her fears but also cut her breath and her body tensed under his touch. He misunderstood her rigidity with fears and brought her closer to his chest, telling that he will never let anything happen to her. Zoya let him embrace her and she wrapped hesitantly her arms around him. At the beginning, she holds him scared because of the horse but now, it felt different, addictive and it was another type of fears, sweet and scary one. She felt loved, so much loved in his arms like she always wished to feel. She felt herself diving into strange and deep feeling foreigner to her, a feeling twisting her inside with more closeness and more need to be loved. She felt connected to him so deeply that it scared her how she couldn't resist to it and how she asked for even more. She was always in control, hermitic to any men, but he moved something inside of her. As much as her brain warned her, her body refused to let him go out of her embrace, lost in her dilemma, she wrapped her hands more. If it had to finish, she will live as long as it last. Then it comes, when he stepped back and her chest ached for the lack of contact.
-Zoya, are you ok? He asked worried and all she could do was to shake her head, her eyes glued on his lips. I am really sorry, I don't know what happened to her, she must have seen a snake or something that scared her. I didn't expect such a thing to happen, I...I am so sorry. I was so worried, he whispered making her lifting her eyes from his mouth to his eyes. They trapped so many unsaid words that she felt dizzy for a second, she never saw this side of him, lost and vulnerable before, and he was like this... for her.
This incident took his life away and he was still under the shock of losing her. She made him losing his strength, his energy and his sanity, but above all, she stirred his dormant soul. He realized how much he cared for her, and how much he didn't want anything to harm her, not even himself. He can't stand her tears, her sadness, or her fears, it made him broken inside. He didn't care about anything else than her and nothing matter right now, not even himself. He loved her...The truth blast in front of his eyes taking his breath away, he loved her and loved everything about her. He cared more about her than his own life, and she is his life now. The definition of his confused feeling had a name: love.
-Zoya, he whispered her name more to himself and it sounded differently for both of them, he said her name like a confession and all she could feel was warmth and concern. Her throat tied suddenly, it was too much for her and she felt disoriented. His eyes went on her lips and she gulped nervously. He wanted to taste her but he can't do this, she didn't deserve to be fooled by him and she needs to know the truth first. Zoya, I...
His horse moved abruptly making them aware about their surroundings. Her panic rose again and her chest moved up and down frantically.
-I need to get down, I need to get down NOW.
-ok, ok, calm down, he went down and took her with him. Her legs were shaking but she composed herself and walked away from them. Zoya, he called. You can't walk; the house was a bit far from here, the horse took them away from the road.
-I rather walk kilometer than riding again any of your crazy horses. He sighed in defeat; for sure she will never ride any of them.
After one hour of walk, they finally reached the house in quiet walk. This time none of them tried to break the silent. Asad was still lost in his love for her and she was confused about hers for him. She went directly inside ignoring his calls from behind and he stood helpless.
-I am sorry Zoya, for what happened but it makes me realize how much I care for you and how much I want you in my life. I wish...You could share my feeling.
Zoya closed the bathroom door and stared at her reflection. She was looking horrible with her puffy eyes, her messy hair and her dirty jeans. She slides her knuckles to adjust her fringe when she posed on her forehead, she still could feel his lips on her. She closed her eyes recalling his kiss and his arms around her, her body still remembered. She wrapped her arms around herself to keep his heat next to her, she can't get enough of this sensation.
-Zoya, he barged in the bathroom making her gasp in shock
-Ay..Ayaan, what...Before she could finish, he sealed his lips with hers kissing her madly.
She jerked from this vision of him kissing her, this dream making her totally breathless. What happened to her? She imagined him kissing her, and she kissed him back. As much as it scared to hell of her, she didn't mind at all if it turned to be true. She fell on the floor, shaking and her lips could still feel the shadow of his hungry lips.
-I am in a big mess, I can't have feeling for him, I can't. It wasn't plan, no, no no, stupid heart, I can't, it's IMPOSSIBLE. Calm dowm, Zoya, try to breath, it's nothing, she breathed in and out many times, I am still under the shock, it's nothing, it means nothing, no-thing. She closed her eyes and saw herself kissing him again. She growled frustrated, I need to be away from here and I need to leave this place as soon as possible. I need to go away RIGHT NOW.
comment:
p_commentcount