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Chapter 12: The worst fears
Humeira looked at Ayaan with confusion clearly written over her face while the same reflected in Ayaan's.
"Ayaanā¦ But they met for the first time in hotel na?"
He didn't tell anything for a moment. He was in a deep thinking. She nudged him to get response. He looked up at her, his eyebrows creased in worry. He urged her to read further
Entry 3
Dear Diary,
I don't know what's happening to me now a days. I am forgetting things frequently. Yesterday I forgot where I kept our wedding album. Today when Asad called me, I said him about the same. He dismissed that thought by saying I am probably stressed because I am missing him too much. He is correct. I miss him badly. I am counting days so that I can meet him. Only 2 more daysā¦ then he will come to meā¦ even though he will be here for two days, I know that moments will be enough for me to spend the next one week... but I am scaredā¦ I feel something is gonna happenā¦
Now a days I am frequently getting head ache. Over that I am forgetting things as wellā¦ I am really worried. You know what happened yesterday? I had gone to market and I totally forgot my way back homeā¦ it was God's grace that I had my phone with him and called Abbu to send me the car. I haven't even told Abbu about the matter. What you think? Should I meet doctor? I wish Asad was hereā¦
Humeira looked at Ayaan with tears flowing from her eyes. Ayaan on the other hand gradually realized that his fear is gonna come true. He didn't have the strength in him to read the truth. He wiped Humeria's tears and intertwined his fingers with hers while she rested her head on his shoulder. Gaining strength from each other to face the reality, they slowly flipped the pages.
Entry 4
Diary,
My worst fears came trueā¦ Iā¦ I don't know what to sayā¦ I had gone to doctor. He did my check up and scanning. He was really quiet and was giving sympathetic glances at meā¦ I was fidgeting in nervousness. An unknown fear crept up in my heartā¦ he asked whether I have epilepsy everā¦ I was confused as to what epilepsy isā¦ I nodded in negative. Then he asked me whether I suffered from any head injuries. And I nodded in affirmative. He sighed and looked at me. I pleaded him to tell the truthā¦ And I never thought that the truth will change my entire life. I have Transient Epileptic Amnesiaā¦ Sounds cool right? But the disease is not cool as it soundsā¦ I will be having persistent memory losses it seemsā¦ I will be forgetting each and every my loved onesā¦ I will be forgetting my hobbiesā¦ I will be forgetting my favorite food, my favorite color, my favorite placesā¦ Above allā¦ I will be forgetting my Asadā¦. Asadā¦ how will I tell him this? How can I forget him? I don't want to forget the moments I spend with himā¦ it's just been 2 weeks that we are marriedā¦ I don't want to leave himā¦ how can God do this to me? Why can't he understand I want to live with my Asad? Why is he snatching away all our happiness when we finally became one? Why can't God let me be happy at least once in my life?
I don't know how to tell this to Asad? He will be devastated. Only I know how much he loves meā¦ heā¦ he will be heartbrokenā¦ Ya allahā¦ Mujh par raham karā¦Mujhe mere Asad se juda math karā¦ It's better to die than forgetting himā¦ I don't want to forget himā¦ I don't want to forget the moments I spend with himā¦ his love, his care, his touch, his hugs, his kissesā¦ I don't want to forget any of theseā¦ I don't want to forget that I am being loved insanely by himā¦ I don't want to forget that my body and soul is connected with himā¦ I don't want to leave him alone to wither in painā¦ please Allahā¦ Mujhe meri yaadein lauta deā¦ meri Sindagi lauta deinā¦
Ayaan's heart skipped beat reading the entry. He was moved by the intensity of emotions in those words. He could see the letters smudged in tears. He traced that handwriting trying to feel Zoya's pain. His heads shot up as he felt something wet on his hand. He looked up only to see Humeira crying.
"Ayaanā¦ Iā¦ I can feel her pain Ayaanā¦ How much she would have struggled... her memories are snatched away from her when she tried hard to keep it with herselfā¦Why God had to be that cruel to them?"
Ayaan hugged and trying shush her by whispering sweet nothing to her ears. After a while he parted away from her.
"Shhā¦. Don't cryā¦ we don't know what happened nextā¦ what if she became fine? What if they are living their life happily now? Allah is greatā¦ he will never let his kids sufferā¦ DO you understand?"
She nodded through her tears. He was surprised with himself for saying such things to herā¦ this Asad and Zoya's love story is doing weird things to his heart which he thought doesn't exist.
Entry 5
Diary,
I don't know whether I will be able to write to you againā¦ that's not because I don't like youā¦ it's just that I will soon forget that you existā¦ my disease is special as I tend to forget things sometimes and remember the same things some other timesā¦ if ever I remember you, I may come back to youā¦ honestly, I don't want to forget youā¦ because you hold the key to my Asad. Evevn if I forget the moments spend with him, I can read through you and understand that such a person exist in my life who loves me more than anything in this worldā¦
Talking about Asad, he came todayā¦ I don't know whether I was happy or sad seeing himā¦ I wanted to tell him soo many thingsā¦ but I couldn't gather the courage to tell himā¦ how can I tell him that I am gonna forget him one day? That one day I will remember nothing about him and the moments we created togetherā¦.
I wanted to recreate those moments we spend together for one last time, before I lose my memoryā¦ and we exactly did thatā¦ we spend the entire day cuddling to each other feeling each other's body and love. He showered kisses all over the body while I did the same to him. He was worshipping my body in such a way that I felt guilty in hiding the truth from him. He saw through the faade I put and asked me what's that bothering me, but I lied to himā¦ I don't want him to be worried, at least not nowā¦ I want to give him as much memories as possible before I lose myselfā¦
I told him to claim me again and again. Even though he was surprised with my request, he gladly obliged. And we spend making love for God knows how longā¦ now I am sitting in our bed, writing to you, while he is sleeping peacefully with his arms around my waistā¦ I don't want to lose himā¦ I don't want to forget himā¦ please do somethingā¦ pleaseā¦. I know you can't speakā¦ but please for once speak to me Diaryā¦ please assure me that everything is gonna be fineā¦ that I will be back to normalā¦ Pleaseā¦
The desperate plea rang through Ayaan and Humeira's ears as they sat there numb realizing their worst fears have come true...
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