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The long drive from the medical camp is tiring... quite disturbed to see the TB spreading so fast... Ashutosh thought, I need to visit them often...
Mallika is telling me random things... about the TB, about some old memories... caught one or two words here and there... but couldnt concentrate...
What this uncertainity? why I am so restless? because of the suffering in the village?? no.. that may not be the reason... it is not today... I am like this for the past few days... Unable to think anything straight... let me lower the glass... let me have some fresh air... still the air is moist... it should soothen my over active brain and uncertain senses...
Mallika is asking me, whether I will drop her... caught the request second time... only when she slightly raised her voice... I glanced at her... she knew that I am not here... her questioning look is mixed with concern.. but desperate at the same time... to know where I am... I dont know Mallika... I dont know my self where I am... Kotnis is some distance away... my concious brain is concentrated on the driving... the unconcious part has drifted to find the reason... what is making me so restless...
Am I searching something? Do I want some solace? What solace? Do I get one? ... vaguely... the active brain is nudging me and telling me that I know the reason... where is it pointing me?
We have almost entered into the city... city is withdrawn into the calmness of the night... the long shadows cast by the roadside trees are taking me into the long lost story world of my childhood ... the King within his fort... just like me... just wanted to hog the light outside... desperately wanted to come outside into the warmth... wanted to come out from dark... but engulfed in his self cast exile... longing for the divine intervention... looking for a ray of hope... light... and hey! king heard the butterfly... At once.. it dawned upon him.
At once..dawned upon me... what I am searching for... the meaning of those eyes...I am impatient now... to reach Kotnis... strange!! what a change!!! always I preferred the darkness of the shadows... I am striding towards the merry of lights... The parking area is glowing brightly... never this was so much of light I have noticed...never this was so beautiful...
Again, I saw the question in Mallika's surprise... she is wondering..what must have happened to me... where I am hurrying... what has made me to change the moods... No Mallika.. you do not know... I cannot explain.. I am a drowning person... I need to search for that straw... I am searching my titli...
Mallika is staring at me now... almost piercing me... I know, she is internally dying to know the reason...
For a moment I thought she would follow me... must stop her... how to do it??...
"Mallika, I need to freshen up a bit"... Good!! that halted Mallika in her tracks...
Why I am avoiding her? ... I could have easily told her... No...NO!!! she knows how miserable I am with girls... she knows me in and out... she was my cover... was she? I think the other way... she has shielded me... she has protected me...infact, over shadowed me... why this has made no difference to me earlier...No...
No Mallika!!! dont be there!!! for once, I want to succeed here... and I need to do this alone...what if she sees when I fail miserably...
Why I am bothered about Mallika at all.. She had seen me fail many times... in the Anatomy lab... while identifying the most obvious symptoms of cancer... and my patients on the operation table!!!!
But is it the same now? I am damn sure that my instinct about Nidhi's feelings are hundred percent correct... wait!! what about new-age theories? do these youngsters have the same meaning for what I felt in her eyes? I need to know... how will I know??... no ... not Mallika... I cannot ask her...
and still I have another bug gnawing me relentlessly... now, how to convey mine... how to put my best foot ahead...
version 2..https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/kuch-toh-log-kehenge/3627894/raja-titli-version-2
Hope Anjani9 reads this...😊😉😆
