When did the penny drop for Megha ? - Page 2

Now when did all that change ? Actually it was an instant or overnight transformation in her case...following the final incident related to prateek at the jannath resort.. the transformation of hatred and dislike to complete trust. Till then whatever little concern she has been showing him..like being anxious whether the monkey man harmed Mohan, offering to share her food with him when they were stuck in the lift. etc,. was just the concern she showed towards a colleague and neighbor.

He became her most trusted friend...and she badly wanted to repay what he ahd done for her.very soon she got an opportunity to do so. Yes!! With Rasmi... ..and just as he also helped her without her consent and even after she had rejected his help many times, she also started helping him out in spite of Mohan not really agreeing with it. And there was also this urge to protect him from Rasmi's taunts. Yes,he wanted to protect her from prateek and she wanted to protect him from Rasmi's assault.A Guru rightl said in one of his Ma Bapu kahani, that feeling of protectiveness is a sure sign of LOVE.

She herself must not have been consciously aware of that...but somewhere along the way during the Rasmi track, her feelings for him must have started to evolve into something different other than friendship.. .. Even if she were aware of that it would not have been easy for her to identify and name her changing and growing feelings..because it would have been totally different from the feelings she must have felt when she fell in love with Amar first.

She was a teenager then.

And for teenagers it is usually like this..

infatuation...>passion...>...trust...>love.

But now she is a much older and mature woman,and that who has had a fulfilled experience of love before.

In older women it is usually like this...

friendship..>companionship..>respect..

...>trust..>love...>passion.

Megha reached from friendship stage to respect and trust stage very quickly.She was aware of that also.But she was not aware when she passed that stage and started loving him.Even if she had been aware, it is only natural for her to fight from acknowledging it immediately..given the fact that she is a widow, she has 2 kids and their responsibilities, the restrictions imposed by family and society, and her still intense love for her dead husband.

And after Mohan's confession and backing out at Rasmi's engagement, she did exactly that ,while talking to Amar's photo...she refused to acknowledge Mohan's feelings.She valued Mohan's friendship very much and was not ready to lose it. But she was not ready to acknowledge the fact that Mohan might be really in love with her. She did not even want to think about it.And she did not want to think about what her feelings for Mohan is, beyond friendship.But from that time onward, her conversations with Amar has been mostly about Mohan and without her realizing she had put Mohan on nearly the same pedestal as Amar.

And when she realized for sure that Mohan was crazy about her, it was not anger that she felt about him..It was frustration, helplessness &unhappiness that their friendship would be affected..because she had come to depend on him and his involvement in her life so much. And also the thought that Mohan really deserves a much better girl than her...with her 2 kids in tow and with lots of additional responsibilities.

So then she tried to keep a safe distance from him,esp after his Mother accused her o snatching her son..Was she happy doing that? No!!

But fate decided otherwise..Megha had to go to Bhopal along with Mohan to investigate Amar's case.She was thrown into Mohan's company...and she enjoyed it as well, though she tried her best to convince him by giving many hints about how fulfilled her life with Amar had been and how she needed only those memories to sustain her for the rest of her life.There was a huge MU after he apparently handed over the CD he got from Bhopal house to Dinanath. Megha, to give her credit tried for the longest time to hold on to her faith in him.Actually in that unguarded moments she almost let him know that she was aware of his true feelings for her. And she also confessed in front of everyone that after Amar if there is one person whom she trusts completely it is him, Mohan. She was badly shaken that day. Though the fact that Mohan had given a v imp evidence which would have helped prove Amar's innocence pained her a lot, more than that it was her shattered faith in him that affected her. And she made such a hurting remark to Mohan the next day at PL..which shattered him and made him decide to leave the Mohalla.And our dear Megha, once she realized what Mohan had actually done and how unfairly she had accused him..had thoughts only for him.She did not think about Amar even for a moment.Her concern was only for Mohan..She went running to stop him from leaving the Mohalla but had to back out when Mohan threw the HAQ wala question on her face. And this time Mohan confessed his love for her openly. Though she backed out apparently unsuccessful in trying to stop him from leaving, Mohan himself came back because he realized that there is still hope for him to win her ..And by God, she was so happy to see him back, though she couldn't admit that to herself.

Many of us have been criticizing her for having holding on to Amar japa incessantly.She had a love marriage, and lived an idyllic life for 11 yrs..before everything was snatched away from her..Is it so difficult to understand that she would still be in love with her dead husband ? Is it wrong if she feels that she can live with those memories for the rest of her life and did not need anyone else..Is it wrong if she thinks that she cannot let anyone else take his place in her life? I think she has been perfectly justified in being reluctant or unwilling to let go of the past..

But whether she wanted to or not, the release came when finally Amar was proved to be innocent. She did not realize it herself, but at that moment, she started the letting go process. Remember the conversation she had with Amar's photo on the day he was proved innocent? How she promised to him that she will live again happily, smiling..and that she was sure that he also wanted that. And when she saw the white kaboothar, she assured herself that Amar also desired the same thing..But though at the subconscious level the letting go process had started, at a conscious level, she was not ready for that.

She did not even dare to dwell too much about her developing feelings..because she was really scared what she will find out about herself.This tug of war between her conscious self and subconscious self was evident on the day Mohan and guru came over to vyas house for dinner. She peeped at him when he entered the house.There was something so childlike in that gesture...as if she was hiding not only from him but herself also. When she thought that Mohan was going to offer the flowers to her, she could have very well removed herself from that place in some pretext or other. The same when he tried to offer her the red rose right under papaji's eyes..But she did not do that..Why? Because a part of her was enjoying the attention Mohan was giving her. And she caught herself smiling at Mohan's jokes..tried to suppress it,.. rushed over to get him a a hankie when he spilled dhal on his shirt.And though she took it as her right to fight with him and make so many remarks about him, she could never bear it when someone else does that. The way she rushed to take Mohan's spoiled shirt from the dust bin to clean it, where Renu had thrown it away is clear evidence of that. Poor girl !!She was so scared of her own feelings,she was feeling guilty as well that she actually has started thinking about another man .Such guilt,though irrational,is bound to occur in such instances.If only she could realize that it is possible to love Mohan without erasing Amar's love and memories from her heart and life. And more importantly, she honestly felt that Mohan deserved a better deal ..much better than what she along with her kids could offer him.

If only she was willing to share her inner turmoil with someone. But NO!!This is where she is committing her first mistake..and she has been adding on to it, and finally she reached a stage where she was on the verge of jeopodrisizng not only her life but the life of her kids as well.

Regarding why she slapped him at the park when he confronted her about her feelings..he was trying to force her to think about those things which she had been purposefully avoiding.And the slap and running away from him was just an escapism ...and again she tried to justify herself,though with each passing day it was becoming increasingly difficult for her to do so. . and now that Mohan had openly told her that she was hiding from herself also, she also started watching herself ! Her pouring out kaada for him also was proof of the fact that she really cared for his well being..and when she realized that she tried to throw away the kaada, as if it would change anything.!!!

The confrontation with Indu at the temple was a really sad one..Never for a moment did she feel that Mohan was a child and is not capable of shouldering the responsibilities that come with marrying a widow with 2 kids. But she still maintained that Mohan deserved a much better deal. And that is why she agreed to do something which would make him forget her..and move on with his life..But her resolution was thrown to the winds when she realized that Mohan was going to undertake a dangerous investigation...she tried to stop him,..but again backed out when he threw the HAQ wala Q at her face.But she couldn't sit still without doing anything,and she rushed to him along with karan when she became aware of the real danger he was in.

And though she did not confess even to herself, that incident...the shooting ..the moments immediately after that,and during the journey in the car to the hospital..this was the first step of her self acceptance ..of her feelings for him ,though it was still largely at a sub conscious level.But if anyone has noticed, the Amar japa stopped completely after that...she herself must not have realized it..but that was indeed a turning point, though we all failed to see it..bec we were all so disappointed with the track.And she did not care what anyone would think also..when she told Papaji she was going to stay back in the hospital..And,if not for Indu,if not for Indu's bitter accusation and hurting words,she would have moved forward in her acceptance of him much faster.

But Indu's words hurt her to the core. When she came back from the hospital,she talked to Amar's photo about that . Megha's one sentence while talking to amar's photo struck me... main ekh aur ma se uska beta chein nahin sakthi..

After Amar's death, the accusation that he had been corrupt, must have caused so much resentment in Saroj's heart.We have also heard her cribbing that but for Megha Amar would have been alive. Megha must have had to listen to this constantly over these years,esp the past 3 years ...How it must have pained her !!

And now,the second man she has fallen in love with, though she has not admitted it even to herself...she saw him face to face with death...and this man's mother also accused her of trying to grab her son away from her,accused her of being responsible for his brush with death.

She has had so much pain in the past 2 yrs hearing such accusations constantly ,from one mother.. And now she is hearing it from another mother, and this too of the man she has come to love so much'main ise koh nahin sakte..was her words to the doctor..

When she talked to Amar's photo ,she begged him to show her a way ,and as if as an answer to her Q she is getting to read the letter apparently written by Amar.And it is here that she took a very foolish decision of her life.. her announcement to the whole family that she is willing for 2^nd marriage was done impulsively.No one was forcing her to make immediate decisions. She could have asked for time.This is one instance where I totally disapprove of what she did. But what was done could not be undone, esp due to her stubborn nature...

And on top of it she was trying to justify herself also.I really felt like shaking her.!!!!

Next came the MS scene,which was an end result of a series of MU caused by papaji,guru,jiji,& Nanhi.At that time also,she rejected him...hurling such words at him,that sounded hollow even to herself. Definitely Mohan was not hurt much by her accusations,because he knew that she was lying...and was just making excuses to reject him..he knew she also loved him.Rather he was frustrated that she is not having the courage to face her feelings.And I loved it when he challenged her that she does not have the himmath to acknowledge her feelings even to herself.As I mentioned before,she always rises to the bait when challenged and here also she did the same..After her breakdown at the terrace following Mohan's departure,she was shown to be thinking about that only..and finally came the self confession scene.Though many of us were of the opinion that the scene could have bee made better,the fact is that she consciously acknowledged and accepted the fact that she does love Mohan, and that her growing feelings for him right fromRamsi days were due to her developing love for him..

Though she told him to get out of her life,she was visibly upset when he started ignoring her,and when apparently his marriage was fixed..She wanted to push him away..but she wanted to hold on to him as well. She even started day dreaming about him..the rain.umbrella scene .

She had requested Manav to give her some time to decide about marrying him and I was heaving a sigh of relief..I was hoping that she will reject suitors on one pretext or other.But here also her impulsive nature and her tendency to rise to the bait when challenged has been her undoing.When mohan challenged her saying that nothing can prevent them from becoming one and that she herself cannot do anything about it.She was like..teek hai..I will show that I can do everything about it...and she literally dragged him to her house and announced before everyone that she was ready to marry Manav..

And even after her engagement with Manav,she day dreamed about Mohan only..The cake scene at PL ..how can we forget that? And the Pl corridor scene which has been the most beautiful and intimate MM scene to date..as far as I am concerned..Mohan, after whispering in her ears that she is his life and she is his happiness& his life, his happiness is all in her only, and that he will hold on to it any cost ,withdrew from her.Megha was left standing alone in the corridor with her eyes closed and clutching the bracelet to heart. It was evident that she was very much affected by his words..but she was still unable to confess her love to him..because she knew that once she does that nothing will stop him from claiming her...When he tried to prove Manav a fraud,and failed to succeed in it...she could understand that his motive has been to save her..but she was not willing to stand by him even then...