Doormate vs Faminism

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#121

Originally posted by: SOHA15

In what universe does a sick person die from finding out their nephew divorced his wife and married someone else who is pregnant with their kid? That doesn't happen! There's no scientific relation to it. Yes a sick person should not be stressed which is why the family should gently tell that sick lady whatever her name is. But doing a full on act of marriage is just a lie no matter how much they try to justify it. A lie is wrong. Gauri is the only one who didn't lie. Liars are wrong, not truthful people. Gauri is right in this.

Soha,

First of all, I dont think that Gauri has any business exalting her own reasoning capacity over the family's judgement of badi masi's health. It is not for her to decide based on any scientific evidence that telling badi masi the truth will not destroy her health.

The family has decided to tell badi masi that J-A are still together, and that is the end of that. It is their home, it is their badi masi, it is their decision. The only right Gauri has is to walk out of that situation.

even if we go beyond the issue of truth and lies, (and here I dont think that gauri is a truthful person and all others are liars...but let us keep that aside...)

...the key issue is that EVEN IF THAT WERE A LIE, she had no business creating a scene.

The only person she has any business to talk to in this regard is her husband ...as to why he is going along with this farce. She can only yell at him.

It is unfortunate that he chose to negate his own marital vows to gauri, and go ahead with participating in this puja with anandi.

He should have been the one to speak up for their relationship and to acknowledge the baby, and he did not do so. Why to blame other people?

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Blukitten

@Blukitten

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#122

@SOHA

Why are u looking for scientific logic in a TV serial 😆

Logically Gauri should not have married Jagay at all...In real world which educated girl will agree to become a 2nd wife tht too without verifying all the legal facts.

With same guy due to which she suffered childhood trauma.

scream and shout like kaamwali bai

become pregnent accidently tht too being a doctor...and not realisisng of her pregenency.

So Logically lot of things should not have happened...but since its a TV show so dont expect logic in it

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Panchi_Joon

@Panchi_Joon

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

#123

One can never decrease ones achievement with what he or she had or is provided. But how one makes a mark by using the resources provided is important, how much good one puts all that (whether given or achieved is other thing) is to be talked. By saying that Anandi was provied by the singh and not achieved we cannot say that she have done nothing at all. If people who are financially strong and wants to make proper use of it than we much appreciate the step. As it was said that Bhairon had helped Gauri with money but education is what she achieved . In the same way Anandi was given financial help and she used it i.e achieved all that what she had done because of her own will power and determination.

Doormate ? What actually it means nothing but insult of ones goodness. People do many things either for their happiness or for their family or others . There are good people as well as bad people. Its we only who thing by being good one cannot succeed but if goodness , intelligence , smartness , attitude in handling the situation and presenting oneslf go hand in hand one can survive in todays world very conviniently. And i believe although Gauri is said to be faminist or stand for oneself she is the one who will fail in life's exam.

Edited by Panchi_Joon - 14 years ago

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#124

Originally posted by: Panchi_Joon
One can never decrease ones achievement with what he or she had or is provided. But how one makes a mark by using the resources provided is important, how much good one puts all that (whether given or achieved is other thing) is to be talked. By saying that Anandi was provied by the singh and not achieved we cannot say that she have done nothing at all. If people who are financially strong and wants to make proper use of it than we much appreciate the step. As it was said that Bhairon had helped Gauri with money but education is what she achieved . In the same way Anandi was given financial help and she used it i.e achieved all that what she had done because of her own will power and determination.

Doormate ? What actually it means nothing but insult of ones goodness. People do many things either for their happiness or for their family or others . There are good people as well as bad people. Its we only who thing by being good one cannot succeed but if goodness , intelligence , smartness , attitude in handling the situation and presenting oneslf go hand in hand one can survive in todays world very conviniently. And i believe although Gauri is said to be faminist or stand for oneself she is the one who will fail in life's exam.

Very well said👏 this logic tht Anandi was given everything and not achieved is very starnge for me, becoz why only Anandi became Sarpanch and not Sumitra, Gehna or any other lady of jetsar. Anandi earned tht faith and love of people by her OWN personality. she faced a lot of hardship inside and outside. her life was not so easy and not everytime everyone supported her. but mostly she faced hard opposition both from outside and inside. if she hs position and love in Singh family in such extend tht they r even ready to disown their only ladla of family, thn tht is her own earning by her PATIENCE and tolerance (which is name doormate by some people), and if Gouri cd not get the same, thn its due to her IMPATIENCE (which is named as FAMINISM by some people😉). so discrediting Anandi for her achievement by saying it was GIVEN and giving credit to Gouri for her being Dr, as her own achievement is rediculous. the difference between two is tht Anandi always grateful for those who helped her, but Gouri always ungarateful to those who helped her. if being ungrateful is called Faminism thn ofcourse, Gouri is biggest Faminist🤣

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#125

I think that the key to this discussion is that it is based on a faulty assumption that intellectual achievement is the most superior achievement of all... and all other achievements (be they social, sports, singing etc.) are all inferior in the face of academic achievement.

Consequently, yes, by that yardstick, gauri can be said to be more "successful" than anandi ...because gauri has her superior surgeon degree and what does anandi have except being the founder of a couple of schools?

People are ranked as superior/inferior through strict capitalist lenses based on the money they earn and based on the academic program that they have completed.

Consequently, through those lenses, anandi who earns maybe Rs. 15,000 a month as a sarpanch with a 12th pass qualification will always be seen as inferior to gauri who may earn Rs. 5 lakh per month at a prestigious hospital doing all types of surgeries.

But I dont think that is a correct yardstick. Each individual is different and was born with a unique personality and a unique set of gifts, and education is simply a tool that helps each person become the fullest that they were meant to be. i.e. the comparison is between oneself and oneself only.

Where am I in relationship to the person I was meant to be?

Educational attainment cannot be seen as a tool to make others feel low or as a comparative tool between oneself and someone else...and most certainly not as a means to put someone else down.

A career choice too is just an expression of one's personality. Not a tool to put others down.

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woman11

@woman11

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#126

Love both your arguments on this page tinoo👏

1. Agree with you that Gauri had no business to divulge the truth if the family wanted to hide it. It was solely the Singh family's decisions---who is Gauri to decide if Badi Massi is hatta katta or sick, whethere BM should be told the truth or not? She is nobody in the family and she has no right to meddle in family affairs. Her only connection is with Jagat, so she should have dealt with Jagat only. Instead she just came in like a storm and trampled all over the place like a mad elephant🤢

2. Totally agree with you that Gauri's financial 'success' is measured against Anandi's financial 'failure.' It's the same chulhe chaukawali argument and I really hate it when women themselves belittle other women because they do no earn much🤢 What Anandi has done is immensely valuable---she has made a difference in the villagers' lives that 100 medical degrees cannot do. Please stop berating women just because they do not step out outside their domestic boundaries to earn money. There are many many ways they leave their contribution for the family and society. my mother is a housewife and she does not earn a single penny for the household. Yet, what she does for the family is beyond any measure---can't even imagine calling her a failure, she is much more successful in her contribution than what my sister and I can ever do being working women.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#127

The other thing is that we are all "given" things at a certain level.

I am christian, so this may be a little too religious for some folks but it resonates with me ...

the bible makes a very clear distinction between 'gifts' and 'fruits'...

We are all "given" things at a certain level ...our looks, our talents, our body structure, our brains, etc. etc. etc. but we are not supposed to pride ourselves on our gifts.

Rather, we are supposed to NOT be haughty about our gifts ...but we have every right to be haughty about our fruits.

And fruits are counted through how you have helped others with your gifts.

Now, once again, this is a framework that I use personally, which may not resonate with anyone else, but when I see gauri I feel that she identifies herself through her gifts and not through her fruits. She does not seem to have any dream or vision to help others through the use of her knowledge (atleast it has not been depicted in that way yet in the serial)...the only time she talks about her M.S. is in terms of her own dream, and the only way she uses her M.S. is in a show of one upmanship with anandi in terms of putting her down as chula-chauka wali. Gauri identifies her achievements through her gifts

Anandi on the other hand, uses her gifts -- her talent for incessant talking 😆 and her position as sarpanch not to glorify herself but to do something in a way that benefits others. She identifies her achievements through the fruits of her talents.

Now, is there anything wrong in taking pride in one's achievements (e.g. gauri)... most certainly not. It is very healthy, and one must have a certain degree of self-respect and a sense of self-efficacy...but to incessantly use her gifts to think "I am better than anandi" is not the right attitude to have.

That being said, we all have been "given" something but that does not take away from our achievements.

I mean if you look at Michael Phelps... he has broken every single olympic and non-olympic swimming record in the world...and swept gold medals everywhere ... however, his body is created in such a unique way that his hands and arms -- the genetic structure of them is very different from any other human being in the world -- it gives him some sort of super bionic advantage over other humans.

However, can we take away from his gold medal achievements by saying he was "given' this super bionic body structure by birth.,... he didnt "earn" it through a normal body.

That is plain silly. He expresses his personality through swimming.

The same goes for all the Nobel Prize winners ... the Nobel prize surprisingly means absolutely nothing to any of these people, it just comes as a miniscule acknowledgement... the real prize is that they were able to formulate cures or design inventions that changed human life. They consider their real prize the service they were able to do.

i doubt Jonas Salk pursued the polio vaccine with some thought of "look at me how superior i am ... i am researching polio vaccines"... he did it because he wanted to bear fruit ... the fruit being that the world would be rid of polio... the Nobel Prize he got after that was just one small cherry... the real satisfaction was in knowing that he had served humanity.

I am not saying that everyone has to serve humanity, but everyone does have to bear some sort of fruit...and not be content with their gifts.

Edited by tinoo - 14 years ago

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#128

Originally posted by: woman11
Totally agree with you that Gauri's financial 'success' is measured against Anandi's financial 'failure.' It's the same chulhe chaukawali argument

Yes, in terms of women, the only 'success' is whether a woman is doing what she wants to do. Is she in alignment with her own choice?

If a woman sees her sole aim in life to be mother and feels that is her calling, then that too is a successful woman.

Edited by tinoo - 14 years ago

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#129

Originally posted by: hima_123
With her personality...had she been married to Jagya at a tender age...and if she would have had to live with him as a child bride--she would have still managed to complete her studies by standing for it. and would have never sacrificed her studies at any family altar!...

But this is just speculation hima.

How would she have "managed to complete her studies" with dadisa around?

She managed it because she had a clear path -- bade papa encouraged her, and her parents were unsuccessful in getting her married elsewhere...

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woman11

@woman11

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#130

Anandi too had the same personality when she was young. She questioned many of the rituals imposed on her, hid under her bed to complete her studies, revolted to many blind rituals and had shown resistance in her own way.

Yet, DS's strict rule successfully managed to condition her to give up studies and it had nothing to do with Anandi's original personality. I doubt if Gauri would have been able to pursue her career if she were a haveli beendni. As she herself said, she clung to studies so passionately precisely because she was rejected in other aspects of life---studies became a substitute for her broken marriage and not a passion to be pursued for its own goal. She still craves for the lost beendni status and hardly thanks her stars that studies was a boon that came along that bane.

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