Have problems sympathizing with asha- MODNOTE pg15

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

I am sorry -- regardless of asha's innocence -- I really have problems sympathizing with asha.

I am yet to figure out why she went into the sadhu's room alone.

Does she deserve to be raped because she went into the sadhu's room alone and trusted him? No.

But why did she go in in the first place.

Two years ago, I went to a (elderly male) doctor who asked me to go to his pathology lab the next day at 7 am for a blood sample. (Clarify: I am a woman). So I went at 7 am the next day -- and it was just him and a male technician. And I was supposed to go into a room and lie down for blood sample to be taken. There were no other patients or anyone else around.

I just refused, and walked out. And I told him that I would not enter the room with either him or a male technician and was he out of his mind to not have a woman tech there to draw the blood?

Then I called his wife at home (I did not know her, found their home phone number in the phone directory and shouted at her too -- and told her that tomorrow what if someone accuses her husband of rape. 😆😆😉). The wife was completely shaken. And I asked her and said "why is he calling me to his room at 7 am in the morning. Is your husband a pervert?" ... so she was more shaken 😆

Anyway, the point is - is it wrong for me to go into a room when I trust a doctor? No.

Is it wrong for doctor to rape me or molest me when he is examining me. Yes.

But should I not take my own precautions -- instead of later on going and publicizing that he raped me?

I know people will say asha is young, illiterate, brain washed etc. etc. etc. ... but come on, growing up as a woman in a village in Jayetsar, I think she knows something about male-female interactions and the expectations.

I have real problems sympathizing with asha, which makes me anti-asha and anti-anandi for this track.

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gagarulez

@gagarulez

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

@tinoo

I second your thoughts !! I am with you on this one...

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

This is not to insinuate that the doctor had intentions of raping me with the male technician... but i found it odd that even he did not (for his own precaution) have a female lab tech there. Tomorrow anyone can accuse him and damage his reputation too.

He said that this was the first time that a woman had come alone to his office, he had not expected me to show up at 7 am alone -- he thought I would come with some family member. 😆.

My question was for a five minute blood drawing - does the whole family need to accompany someone?

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Another example of caution:

I was going with a friend to a movie. Right near the movie theatre - my aunt's home is there -- she lived in an apartment on the 6th floor. I had to pick up a book I had left there last time. So I said to my friend (girl) -- "come lets go upstairs for five minutes, and let me pick up my book"

My friend refused, and said she would stand downstairs -- and that I should go and pick up my book alone.

When I asked her why - she said her mother had forbidden her to go to anyone's home whom she did not know. (My friend was 20 at the time).

I said "But this is my aunt's and you are coming with me" ... and she said "Tinoo, I fully appreciate that it is your aunt, but I don't know this person and quite frankly, I don't really know you. Yes, we are college friends, and we attend classes and have chai together, but beyond that I don't know anything about you or your family. I will not come up. I have to take my precautions because tomorrow if I go up to the apartment and something happens to me ... there will be other problems. You go and collect your book, and then let us go to the movie." And she waited downstairs.

She was exercising her own caution.

The issue is not who is right and who is wrong -- but why give scope for a situation like this to arise.

I appreciated her stand -- for all she knew, I might be a "plant" in a college by some gang who had zeroed in on her (she was from a wealthy family and very good looking) -- and I might be luring her to an apartment because I am with some gang who wants to kidnap her or rape her.

Regardless of how far-fetched the scenario, she exercised caution.

And I really liked that and started doing the same in exact same situations later on.

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tanvismile

@tanvismile

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

Yaa.i too agree.y do asha had to wait alone til end,n wen guruji opened his eyes she went to talk to him but backed off looking at sweeper.actualy she unintensionly created dat atmosphere n gave wrong signals to him,she indirectly invited the whole scene ,many gals r inocent like if u saw rachana in kaali ek agnipariksha bt asha behaved like a fool bt stil i sympatise with her,its sad.n anandi told she is coming to talk to guruji she should have waited for anandi.

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sufifan

@sufifan

Beginner

Posted: 14 years ago

yes it's always the woman's fault. Every woman deserves to be raped because at some point or other they trust someone. Someone trusts a taxi driver and gets raped in his cab, someone trusts a doctor and gets raped in his clinic, someone trusts a police officer and gets raped in the PS. Even more, some women get raped by their own fathers, uncles, relatives because somewhere they trusted those men. So basically every woman who gets raped is at fault, they have been stupid in some way by trusting, they never saw it coming, they did give wrong signals.

It's better we lock all the women in their rooms because every time they step out there's a chance someone might take advantage of their trust and rape them.

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avivakirk

@avivakirk

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: sufifan
yes it's always the woman's fault. Every woman deserves to be raped because at some point or other they trust someone. Someone trusts a taxi driver and gets raped in his cab, someone trusts a doctor and gets raped in his clinic, someone trusts a police officer and gets raped in the PS. Even more, some women get raped by their own fathers, uncles, relatives because somewhere they trusted those men. So basically every woman who gets raped is at fault, they have been stupid in some way by trusting, they never saw it coming, they did give wrong signals.

It's better we lock all the women in their rooms because every time they step out there's a chance someone might take advantage of their trust and rape them.

Well said! ...it's always a women's fault she was raped. ...Asha believed in the babba who preached the values of living a pure life...It would have never ocurred to her that Babba was a wolf in sheep's clothing and he never practised what he preached

Caution needs to be exercised but not at the cost of losing one's freedom..

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Very strange we r trying to blame.a.victim and whn tht victim is fighting against tht dhongi, we again.criticizing her tht she is putting her family in danger. So all weak women sd close thmself with fear tht may be some manchala will be provoked and if tht manchala is powerful thn don't oppose him and let to do whatever he want otherwise it will cause problem. Good logic.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

I would like to say that in any matter I draw the line between

a) controllable factors and uncontrollable factors

and

b) avoidable factors and unavoidable factors.

In asha's case, I have no sympathy because her actions were controllable and avoidable. (in terms of going into the sadhu's room).

Does this mean that I condone rape? No.

Does it mean that I condone the perpetrator? No.

But do I question asha's sensibility? yes. yes. yes.

As far as trust is concerned -- there is a saying "Trust in God but lock your car"

Tomorrow if I leave the door of my house open, and then someone comes in and robs me ... then it is my own fault.

Can it be argued that the other person was wrong in entering my premises without my permission?

Certainly. Yes, the robber was wrong.

But how does this help after the fact?

I think an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

In case of girls raped by father uncle etc -- I think this is not under their control and not avoidable -- so yes, for these individuals, I do have sympathy particularly if they are young.

But should people who can, not exercise caution?

For a long time I was a journalist. I used to go and take interviews of people who sometimes had flown in from out of town. Many a time, since they were staying in a hotel, I had to go there to take interviews.

Sometimes men would say "come up to my room. I have to catch an early morning flight tomorrow, I need to pack. We can talk while packing."

But I have always refused and insisted on doing the interview in the hotel lobby or cafe (as we had previously arranged to meet).

Now, I can also go up to their room, and not exercise caution... then be raped by some politician or CEO or other... and then ofcourse go through the entire excercise now that anandi or asha is going through.

But is it not best to avoid it altogether?

Is there any sense in then saying -- "oh he should not have raped me even though I went to his room?" 😕

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#10

To those who say that women should be locked in rooms and that they are losing their freedom etc. etc.

My response to that is that asha had full freedom to go to the pravachan place. Nobody has restricted her. After that, asha needs to have her own sense. Having freedom does not mean going to a sadhu's room... and if she restricts herself from not going, that does not mean that she has lost her freedom.

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Have problems sympathizing with asha- MODNOTE pg15

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