FF: Aham Modi Falls in Love Pt20 pg 62-complete - Page 19

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. -By Order of the Author

-- Mark Twain (Tom Sawyer).

On Tuesday, after a very early dinner, Aham and Jigar left for Ahmedabad. Gopi, as expected, had packed some snacks and Jigar promptly teased Aham about it. When Aham smiled instead of getting angry, Jigar was surprised. When he wanted to call home and share this with them, Aham managed to stop him with a serious glare. He then said, "Good! it still works!" and chuckled at Jigar. Jigar said, "Bhai! Did you tease me? Are you alright? Do you have fever? Should I take the wheel?" Aham glared at him again and Jigar said, "And he is back!" and laughed. They went to their guest house in Ahmedabad. They both reached the Minister's office quite early and after the usual delays, they got their job done. Jigar was quite good in getting his way with the officials and they were out a little after lunch time. After lunch, Aham wanted to start immediately but Jigar hesitated. He said that he wanted to get something nice for everyone at home - which Aham translated for Rashi. Aham was a bit annoyed but then accepted. When Jigar started looking at things for everyone, Aham had an idea and went to a book shop. He got a few books for Gopi and ordered a few more. Then he got a very nice pen and a calligraphy set for her. When he went back to the Clothing Mall**, Jigar was still looking at the choices. Jigar asked him to help him pick for their mothers. When they went to pay, Jigar asked,"Bhai! Are you not getting anything for Bhabi?". Aham could not stop his blush but managed to say sternly, "No Jigar! Not here!". Jigar said, "Bhai! please get something for her. We are getting gifts for everyone. She will be sad if you dont get her anything." He then pointed to a handicrafts store and told, "You can get something from that store. I am sure Bhabi loves handicrafts. Please Bhai!" Aham could not say no and got a purse for her. Jigar again teased him, "Bhai! Very beautiful! I didnt know about this side of you!" and put the bags in the trunk. He saw the other bags and teased Aham again, "Ohhhhh! What do I see here? You have already got some gifts for Bhabi! So you said 'not here'! Ok Bhai! There is still some hope left for you." Aham glared at him and said, "My dear brother! If you are done with your great proclamations, shall we start? We have to drive for 5 hrs and I am tired after this stupid shopping."

They went home little before midnight and Gopi opened the door for them. She had her books spread on the dining table and looked very tired. When she offered to serve dinner, the brothers refused and asked for a glass of warm milk each. Jigar told that he will wait and take the milk to the room. Aham asked her to bring it to the room. When he was going to his room, Aham heard Jigar's voice, "Bhabi, do it fast and go to the room! Bhai has got some gifts for you and refused to tell me what they are. Believe me, I tried the entire way back. And, you have to tell me tomorrow first thing in the morning." Aham did not hear Gopi's response, but was eager to see her reaction to the gifts. He went to the room and put the bags other than Gopi's aside and took out Gopi's gifts. He was suddenly worried that he should have gotten her a saree. He did not want to buy a saree or a jewel as these would bring those bitter memories back. More over, he did not want to get her a gift that symbolizes love and possession. He wanted something fresh for a fresh start. He hoped that Gopi would not be upset with these gifts.

By the time he changed and got ready for bed, Gopi had come back to the room. She looked up from putting her things aside and gave the milk to him. Before Aham could react, she went to the bathroom. He noticed that she was trying to hide her face from him. When she came out of the bathroom, he gave the gift bags to her. She was very hesitant and Aham urged her to take it and open. She hesitated again and Aham told her, "Gopi! Please open the bag and tell me if you like them. I do hope you like them." She looked up at him and a curious look crossed her face. She took the bag and saw the books and pen and calligraphy set. He had got her a collection of Gujarathi short stories, a dictionary and an illustrated encyclopedia for beginners. There was a flash of excitement on her face but then she sobered again. She told him "Thanks for buying me these gifts." Aham was disappointed and asked her, "Did you not like them? I have ordered some more books for your studies which will come by post. Oh! You didn't see all of the gifts. There is something else in the bag." He took the purse out and gave it to her. Again, there was a flash of excitement and then she sobered. Aham was intrigued and wanted to know what was going on in her mind. So he asked again, "Gopi! do you not like them? We got some sarees for others but I thought you will appreciate these things. I am sorry. I can buy you a saree tomorrow, if you like." Gopi looked up and and he saw tears in her eyes. He was shocked and could not avoid the hurt and annoyance in his voice when he said, "Now Gopi! What did I say? I wont know if you dont tell me what is going on. If you dont like these things, fine. Tell me what you want and I will get you . If you dont say anything, how will I know? And, please don't cry for heaven's sake!". Gopi looked up and said, "No! Ahamji! I like all your gifts. Nobody has ever got me such thoughtful gifts. I love this purse too and I will treasure these things all my life." Aham felt elated and asked her, "Then why do you cry? Did something happen today? Did you do something wrong? Did somebody say something to you?" At the last question, he saw her flinch and asked, "Who said what? Did Mom scold you? Nani? Did Rashi say something? Tell me Gopi! It is really getting close to one and I am tired after the drive." Gopi said, "Ji! that is..! Naniji wants to leave in three weeks and ..." Aham just sat on the bed and said, "Oh!.. And what? what else?". "Nothing Ahamji! Please go to sleep." "Ok Gopi! I feel sleepy and dont want discuss this now. But we will talk tomorrow. I am not going to office until after lunch and we can talk in the morning." Gopi looked scared and confused again. She murmured something and went to sleep.

When he came down in the morning, he saw that Jigar was there giving the gifts to Kaki and the Grandmoms. Rashi was holding her gift bag and Gopi was not to be seen. Aham gave the bags to his Mom and Papa. Nani told him "Aham! You missed both the Aarti and breakfast but since Gopi told that you were very tired after the trip, we decided to let you sleep in. I really like the shawl you both got for me." Then everybody thanked for the gifts. His Papa said, "Thanks Dikra for the poems by Adi Kavi!*** I have a copy but this will be special for me!". He was happy to hear that and saw that his mother and Kaki were looking at him as if he was an alien. Just then Gopi entered and gave him tea. Then his Nani had to ask, "So Aham Dikra! Didnt you get anything for Gopi? See Jigar has got a nice saree for Rashi." His mother was about to say something, when Jigar said, "Naniji! Aham Bhai got some special gifts for Bhabi! He gave it to her last night." Aham thought, 'Here they go! Can a man not give his wife some gifts without it being discussed as the topic of the day?' He heard his mother say, "Yes Maa! Aham got her very nice gifts. Aham knows that my Gopi vahu is not much interested in frivolous things and so got her some books." Aham thought, 'Oh God! Gopi showed to Mom. Luckily, I got her only books! If I ever buy her something interesting, I should put a gag order on her.' His stomach grumbled and stopped his thoughts from moving into interesting directions. His Mom told him to meet her after he ate and she was looking worried. He was the only one one at the dining table and Gopi was looking both sad and resigned while serving. He then remembered what she told him the night before about Nani leaving them in few weeks' time. He decided to inform his mother about his decision and then talk to Gopi.

When he went to meet his Mom, again both his parents were there looking very sad and worried. He thought, "Wow! these two are getting together for Gopi's sake! Better late than never." His Mom told that Nani will be leaving in three weeks' time as there was some function at his Mama's place. Aham replied that "Yes! Gopi told me yesterday!" He saw Mom's brows reach her hairline and Papa's jaw drop. He blushed and avoided their eyes. His Mom recovered and asked, "What is going on? When Gopi told that you got her gifts, I thought you did that for Nani's sake. But when we saw the gifts, I was surprised. Do you have something to tell us?" Aham was reminded of his school days and lowered his head out of habit. Before he could answer, his Papa continued, "Aham! Saasu Maa is leaving in less than a month. We have to do something about Gopi. If you dont want her going to her Mama's place, then we need to arrange for alternatives. Do you have any suggestions? A ladies hostel from where she can continue her studies and I can monitor her? I still think that her Mama's house is the safe option for her. Now that we have Kinjal there, her Mami might not trouble Gopi more." He heard his mother's soft snort and his eyes flew to her. He realised that his Mom knew more than he understood and decided to talk about this later. He answered his father that, "No Papa! I want to talk to Gopi first. I want to know what she wants and then make the decision. I would like to talk to her today. I first thought that I can talk to her before lunch and go to office after that. But, I will go to office now and come back for lunch and then talk to her. Can I take her out? I dont think we can talk here for more than 5 min without somebody interrupting us. " He saw his parents look at each other with worry and Mom spoke, "Look Aham! What do you want to tell her? If you want to scold and scare her, forget it. You tell me what you have in your mind and I will inform her. I told you the other day that I will not allow you to hurt her unnecessarily and that has not changed."

He suppressed his annoyance and said, "Mom! Papa! Please. I promise you that I will not hurt her, at least not intentionally. I really need to talk to her. Believe me! She will be back here safely, once we finish talking. Please understand and give me these few hours. I will tell you my decision after that." His Mom replied, "Ok! Aham. We will give you this chance. But remember. Dont hurt her. You get ready for office now and I will ask Gopi to see you in your room before you leave." He let out a deep breath he didnt realise he was holding and thought, 'Goodness! What should a man do around here to talk to his wife?'.

When Gopi came up, he told her, "Gopi! I thought I will finish my office work quickly and then take you out after lunch. I would like to talk to you about us. Is it okay with you?" She looked both happy and stricken and had the most wonderful mix of emotions in her face and then nodded her head. "Ok! I will be back by one and you be ready to start right after lunch." She went down and he took his bag and got down to go to office. When he was getting down the stairs, he saw Rashi taunting Gopi that " See Gopi! Nani is leaving and Ahamji will send you back to Mummy immediately. You don't belong here and you have no right in this house. So learn your place and act accordingly. Don't covet for Nani's gifts. You don't deserve it." Aham was shocked hearing this. Gopi looked up and met his eyes. The look in her eyes pierced his heart and he just wanted to really hurt Rashi. Gopi apparently saw his anger and shook her head with a pleading look. Rashi must have realised that she was being watched and so stopped her diatribe and turned. Aham just glared at Rashi and called, "Gopi! I am leaving for the office. Be ready! We will go out after lunch." He saw Gopi's face clearing a bit and left for office.

He directly went to Kaka's office and Kaka was surprised to see him. He said, "Aham! I thought you were resting and coming after lunch." "Kaka! yes. About that. I wanted to finish my work today before lunch and then take off in the afternoon." He hesitated looking at Kaka's secretary. Kaka sent him out and asked Aham what he wanted to tell. Aham told him, "I want to take Gopi out and talk to her about us. Kaka! please wait. I already promised Mom that I will not hurt or scold her. Please! believe me. I will discuss with all of you at home in the evening about our decision." Kaka looked at him intently for a moment and then told him, "OK Aham! You just look at these reports quickly and leave the notes. I will check with Jigar about your trip in the afternoon."

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**Changed the term dress shop to clothing mall per Jake's suggestion. By this, I mean a place where one gets sarees, dresses/cloth for every one in one single building.

*** Adi Kavi - First Poet - Name given for Poet Narasinh Mehta, who lived in the 1400s and wrote the famous "Vaishnava Janato". I love this song and decided to use his name here as I have no other knowledge of Gujarathi literature.

I have split this episode into two and posting both today. R &R as usual.

After lunch, Aham gave some notes to Jigar and called Gopi to start. He saw that his parents and Kaki were giving worried looks at them. Gopi was again having that happy and sad expression and even looked a bit scared. Luckily, Nani had gone to sleep. Else, she would say something stupid about their Ram-Sita Jodi or their overflowing love.

He did not know what to say in the car. After discarding a lot of lines, he settled for, 'Gopi! Did you eat lunch?" and then felt like a fool for asking such a stupid question. Gopi, who was looking out, said 'Yes!'. There was silence again in the car. Aham was thinking about how to start the topic and then realised, he did not know where to go. He remembered the ice cream shop and asked, "Gopi! Shall we go to an ice cream shop? Would like one now?". Gopi looked excited but then turned wary and said, "Ok! AhamJi!". He went there and felt very happy and pround to see the wonder in Gopi's eyes. When he asked her what she wanted, she looked at him helplessly and told that she liked the kulfi one he got the other day. He asked, "Can I choose something for you?" She nodded and he got her a sundae with few flavors. At the table, Gopi looked at him anxiously and Aham was not sure how to start. Then, Gopi said, 'Ji! you wanted to talk to me. But, please don't worry. I will leave as soon as Naniji leaves and I will not trouble you." Aham cleared his throat and said, "About that. Do you want to leave?" He was surprised at his hesitation. He did not want to start with this question but then it looked like his mouth had a mind of its own. Gopi again looked up at him and told him, "I remember my promise to you and I do not want to break them. But most importantly, I dont want to stay with you when you dont love me. It is better this way that I leave and you can get married to the one you love. I will not cry or embarrass you any more."

"But what will you do after that?"

"I dont know. Maaji and Papa have told me that the will help me to study. But I am sure Kanhaji will have something good for me in future."

Aham thought, 'What? What does she mean? Does she mean education and job? Because she talked about my remarriage. So, does she mean another marriage for herself? Oh no! When I am thinking of sorting our marriage, she is talking about another marriage. Oh! What a mess I have made. And, here I cant even start the topic with her. God! please give me strength to tell her what I want to.' He then told her aloud, "Gopi! I wanted to talk to you about your future - our future. But first, I wanted to apologise to you. I am very sorry for all the hurt I caused you. I feel ashamed that I hit you. I now realise that you did not anything wrong. I am sorry Gopi and please accept my apologies."

Gopi looked stunned and speechless. She recovered and told him, "Ahamji! Plese dont worry. I already forgave you and there is no need for apologies. It can't be helped that you did not love me and I know that you married me for Maaji's sake. But then, whatever happened, happened. There is no point in thinking about the past. I too did some mistakes and caused you trouble."

"Gopi! please! When I think back now, I cannot even recollect any of your mistakes which are worth mentioning. But, I have never been nice to you, have I? I have always been rude and angry with you and even insulted you in front of others. Even if you had done anything wrong, I should not have hit you. You might forgive me but I can never forgive myself for what I did to you. I feel terrible about what I made you suffer and I am really very sorry Gopi!".

Aham felt a catch in his throat and Gopi hesitantly put her hands on his and looked at him. Aham could not meet the strength and clarity that were shining in her eyes and looked down. He felt Gopi removing her hands and looked up at her. She said, "Ji! people are looking at us. Should we not go back home?"

He looked around and said, " Do you want to go home? If you are done with your ice cream, can we go to the Lake Park for a walk? I am not yet finished. I have something to tell you."

She said, "Does Maaji know about this? Have you told her that we will be late? I have not done any thing for tea yet. If you too will be at home, she might want to make something special for you. Can you please inform her that it will take longer for you talk to me?"

Aham looked at her in wonder and said "Gopi! you are something else! Yes! I have told Mom that we might not be back soon and she and Kaki will manage today. So now, can we go for a walk?" She just bit her lip and nodded yes.

He drove them to the Lake park which was practically empty given the time and the day. He chose a shaded area to walk and they walked in silence for few min. He felt Gopi looking at him and he saw the question in her face. He suddenly blurted out, "Gopi! IdontwantyoutoleaveafterNanileaves."

Gopi just stopped walking and looked at him with hope and wariness and question. "Ji! what did you say?".

Now that he said aloud, Aham felt a bit more confident. He took a deep breath and told her, "Gopi! I don't want you to leave after Nani leaves. I want you to stay back in Modi Bhavan and give me a chance." Gopi's face brightened and asked, "Are you telling me that you love me and so you want me to stay back?"

Aham was taken aback by her question. He looked down and said, "Gopi! I don't know how to put this. I know that I want to care for you; to make you happy. I don't know if I love you. I don't know if I can ever love anybody. I know that I have not given you much to trust me. I want to know if you would like to give me the chance to earn your trust. I have learnt in the past few days that you have hardly had friends in your life. I too do not have many. Though, in my case I am at fault for not allowing anybody to be my friend. So, can we start as friends? I know it is not an easy job to be my friend but I want to try and see where this takes us?"

Gopi looked at him suspiciously and started telling something and then stopped.

Aham told her, "Gopi! tell me openly what you want. If you don't like this idea let me know. If you have any questions ask me. If you have something else in mind, tell me. More than anything else, I don't want you to be scared of speaking your mind to me. Please!"

Gopi told him, "I don't understand what you are telling Ahamji. I don't know what you mean by chance. Does it mean that at a later time you might not want me and so I have to leave then? If that is the case, please let me go now. There is no point in delaying the inevitable. And what about Anitaji? I know that you love her. How can we be together if you love her?"

Aham stopped walking and understood that he has to come clean with Gopi, if he wanted to start anything with her. He suggested that they should sit on the bench nearby. When they sat, he told her, "When I told you that I don't know if can ever anybody, I included Anita too in that. I am not sure if I really loved her or if she was my form of rebellion against my family. But that part of my life is over. I don't think Anita has a place in my life and nor does she want to be. I did not treat her also nice. I need to tell you that the call I made on Sunday night was to Anita. No! no! don't jump to conclusions. I just apologised to her for treating her awfully during our wedding. I regret that I did not do things right by her then and that guilt will always be with me. But beyond that, I now have no interest in her. Right now, I want to care for you, protect you and make you happy. What do you say Gopi?"

Gopi hesitated again. She look at him and said, "I don't know Ahamji. I am not sure what you want now. I am terrified that you will not like me after some time and want to rid of me. I never thought I will be married in a rich family to a very important man. My only expectation from my married life was a husband who will loves me and be my partner always and a mother-in-law who will be my mother. I am always grateful for Maaji and I know that she loves me like her daughter. But unfortunately, it so happened that you do not love me. I still pray to Kanhaji that you should love me. But, if you dont love me, I do not want to stay and be a burden to you. Please understand me and forgive me if I upset you."

They were silent for some time. Aham was clueless as to what to do next. He did not want her to leave but he was not sure if he loved her. He could not assure her that he will fall in love with her. He thought, "How could anybody assure that? I do not know how to convince her to stay. And, if she stays, what next? Let us say, we are friends. Is friendship enough for them to be a couple? What kind of life waits for us? Do I want to be her husband? Do I want to be with her? Of course, I do! I am a red blooded man and she is a beautiful girl. Of course I want her. But does she also want me? She wants me to love her. Is she putting me on spot? How will I know that I will love her? How did she know that she loves me? How did I know I loved Anita? Did I love Anita? Oh God! This is confusing me even more. And, I am not comfortable with her out of my life. I really want her to stay. May be, I can show her that I am changed and I will never hurt her, then things will improve. Improve? Improve to what? Ok! Aham! Accept it! You are attracted to her. You want her to be happy and you want be happy with her. And, of course you want to sleep with her and make a family with her. You want a chance to convince her that she is okay with only your affection and not love. Think of something to convince her to stay. Does she not realise that staying with her Mami is horrible? Goodness! no! I dont want her to stay with me because I am just better than that vicious Mami.'

Aham shuddered at that thought. He looked up at Gopi and said, "Gopi! Nani is leaving in three weeks time. Shall we use this time to develop a friendship? Will you give me this time to show you that I have changed? At the end of this three weeks if you still think that I cannot give you what you want, then you can leave. But remember Gopi, whatever it is you decide, you are not going back to your Mami. No! dont say anything. I know how she treats you and you dont deserve that life. By the way, I am now confident that you will not want to go but if you choose to go I will arrange something proper for you. Is this okay with you?"

Gopi looked happy but still had that confusion and said, "Ahamji! I am happy that you want to be my friend. I still do not know what you want me to do but I will try to make you happy in this three weeks."

Aham took both her hands in his hands and said, "Gopi! I too don't know what to do. But I want you to be happy and I want to be the one to make you happy. I hope that in the next three weeks, you see this for yourself. Oh! it is quite late. Shall we go back now?"

Gopi blushed when he took her hands and did not look up at him. When he suggested that they go, she said "Ji! But .." and hesitated.

Aham just looked at her and was about to get annoyed but stopped and said, "Gopi! you can tell me whatever you want. I promise you that I will not be angry with you."

"Ji! Can we get ice cream for everybody at home?"

Aham smiled and said, "I should have guessed."

While walking to the car, Aham asked, "Did you really like the stuff I got you yesterday?"

Gopi gave a happy smile and said, "Yes! I want to start reading them tonight. I liked the pen also. But then... that is ... I dont know what the other box was for. It looked like pen but not exactly so."

Aham told her, "Yes! that is calligraphy set. That is to learn stylish handwriting and may be do some art work. You can start using it when you are comfortable with your writing." Then he suddenly remembered. "Hey! now that we want to be friends, would you mind dropping the pallu off your head." To lighten the mood he added, "I never saw the purpose earlier. I could always see your face even with that pallu." and smiled. Gopi smiled back and took it off her head.

They went back home with ice cream in a companiable silence.