Something very sad happened to me last week and I was not up to doing anything for the last few days! So did not bother to do any writing. I feel better now and decided to continue my updates. So here comes Part 10.
Part 10
On Sunday, after lunch, Aham opened the envelope on Anita. He was very apprehensive and took a quick look at the report. Anita, as she had told him, had moved to the US around the time of his wedding and did not come back to India after that. She was studying there and living with her parents and doing fine. The report said that she was not seeing anybody seriously. As he was reading, he realised that he was actually intruding into her privacy and this investigating business was not a nice thing to do. He closed the report. He wanted to talk to her but was hesitant to make the call. He was also not sure what he wanted to tell her. He saw the time and it was quite early in the morning in the US. It was comforting that he had few hours to think this through before he talked to her. He also did not want to call her without notice and put her on the spot. He decided to send an email and after several trials wrote that he would like to talk to her and if she is okay with that, will call her after 11 am that day or whenever she suggests. He again hesitated before sending the email, took a deep breath and sent it. He knew that she would not be seeing for few more hours and closed the browser, when he started refreshing it every few seconds. He wanted a break from all the self-analysis and finished off some office work.
Later that night, before dinner, he saw Anita's reply that she was free at 11 and had given her mobile number. Aham was worried about talking from his room with Gopi around. He decided to go to the study room and call Anita from there. During dinner, he had to struggle to hide his anxiety in front of his family and particularly Nani. Of late, she was observing him all the time, particularly when Gopi is around. Gopi was looking generally happy and content. So Nani was distracted by this and the awesome dhaal and paalak Gopi made for dinner.
After dinner he sat down with all the other men in the family to watch news on TV. Their company helped him relax a bit. Around 10.30, he got up to go to the study and saw Gopi coming with Nani and Baa. Baa gave him a look and asked him, 'what are you doing this late? Aren't you turning in?'. He said ' No Baa. I have to make an important phone call to my friend. I will do that in the study and then go to sleep.' His Nani pounced at the chance and said, "Oh! you don't want to disturb your wife. But Aham! Dont make Gopi wait longer!" Both Aham and Gopi blushed and the old ladies were smirking. 'Goodness! This Nani! Does she not think of anything else? And why is Baa joining her?' He rolled his eyes and told Gopi, 'It might get late. You put the table lamp on and go to sleep.' Gopi nodded her head and went up.
He went to the study and saw that it was only 10.35. 'Another 25 min. What should I do?'. He still was not sure what he wanted to tell her. He took some book and could not concentrate. Then decided to follow some business news and that helped a bit. His cell phone alarm beeped at 11 and he made the call to Anita. She took after few rings and sounded casual. He could not speak for few moments and heard her repeat her hellos. He then cleared his throat and said ' Hello Anita! Aham here! How are you?'
"Yes! I know that it is you Aham. I am good and doing very well. How are you?"
He hesitated and decided to talk straight. "Anita! I called you because I wanted to apologize! I am sorry for how I treated you. I could never say no to my mother and did not stand up for you. I have no excuses for what I did and I hope you can some day forgive ..".
Anita interrupted and raised her voice. "Why Aham? Why this sorry and why now? You know, you could have avoided all these. Why didnt take your mother's permission before falling in love? She would have rejected me then and saved you from all the troubles. I too would have known about you much earlier. If you did not have the guts to fight for your love, why did you even love? Did you know what it was to love? For that matter, do you know now? And, why are you calling now after all these days? Now that you are sending your wife back, did you think that I will be waiting for your call. Sorry Mr. Modi. That ship has sailed long back. I will not allow you to destroy me. I might have loved you once but I am just indifferent to you now. Or may be, I was just attracted to you and never really loved you. May be it is good that we did not get married or may be we would have been happy. But we will never know now. Will we? I have now made peace with myself and I am happy now."
Aham felt terrible and said, "Anita! I am very sorry for all the trouble I caused you. I feel better that you are happy now."
She again interrupted, "Really Aham! You are unbelievable! You are too full of yourself. You feel better that I am happy. Yeah! right! Do yourself a favour - get down from your pedestal and face the reality. I really do not care a damn about you. You know, you should learn a lesson from your sister. Whatever mistake she did, she stood up to your mother for her love as long as she could fight. Why! She even tried to break your marriage to that illiterate because my brother told her so. I did rejoice for some time when I learnt that you fell for all their tricks and even punished your wife. But now, I feel sorry for her. I do not condone what Umang did to Gopi. You know, whatever good feelings I had for you were destroyed by your treatment of your wife. Poor thing! To be married and be a non-wife to a selfish louse like you! That stupid girl is better off without you. You took out your inabilities and insecurities on that girl. I can never respect such a man. Do not think too much about how I know all these - your sister and your great mother's daughter- told me everything. Your mother deserves you, your sister and your idiot of a wife."
"Anita! I realised that Umang might have been behind some of the things that happened with Gopi. Whatever happened between us is my fault and my mother's fault. Gopi is innocent in all this and do not drag her in this. I can understand why your brother did all those things but you do not have any right to insult Gopi. Leave her out of this. I am very sorry for all I did and did not do to you and I hope you forgive me some day. May be, we can be friends ..."
"Oh no Aham! I do not want to be friends with you! I took this call as I wanted to tell you these things and get some closure. I really want this to be the last time we talk to each other and I never want to see you again. If you really want to apologize, erase all my emails and contact details and do not even think about me. You can as well go to hell or go back to your innocent wife for all I care! And for your information, I am not the one who is insulting your wife. You manage to do that yourself far better than anybody else. When you do not respect her, do not expect anybody else to!"
Anita just cut the line and Aham was standing there stunned. He was both ashamed and relieved but mostly ashamed. He thought that he should be getting used to this feeling of late. He felt better for having faced Anita and apologised to her. That part of his life is closed, never to be revisited. He had done Anita wrong and even if she forgives him, he can never fully do so himself. He will pray for her happiness and learn to live with his guilt. He wanted these last few months to be a horrible nightmare and that he wakes out of it soon enough. He just sat there for a while, rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes. He felt drained and tired. Everything around him has changed in the last few days. He felt like looking at a mirror after a long time and he did not like what he saw there. He knew that he cannot hide anywhere and has to face his life. But does he have the strength and courage to clean the mess he had made? He has to try and he owes it to his family and to himself. Once he made up his mind, he got up with a sigh and went back to his room. He saw that Gopi was still studying and got up when he came. He felt that he did not even have the energy to react and told her that he was tired and wanted to sleep. Gopi again nodded her head and by the time he came out of the bathroom, she had closed her books and was sleeping. He looked at her peaceful face for few moments and thought that he is getting used to this.
On Monday before lunch, Aham found that some permission was lacking for a project and he was advised that it would be faster if one of the Modis went to Ahmedabad personally and talk to the Minister-in-charge. The three Modis discussed and it was decided that Aham and Jigar will go together this time and from the next time onwards, Jigar will take over such duties. Jigar fixed an early appointment with the Minister and the brothers were looking forward to the road trip. They decided to start the previous night and informed the family when they went back home. His Nani asked Gopi to pack his bag. Aham told that it was only for a day and they will start on Tuesday night and be back by Wednesday night. When he was going to his room from the study that night, he heard Gopi's earnest voice and looked at the kitchen. The lights were off and he looked around for her. He saw her in the temple and was surprised to see her talking to the Lord. He knew that it is not right to listen to other's prayer but his curiosity got the better of him and he heard her. "Kanhaji! Please help me. Please give me the strength to make Ahamji, Maaji and everybody in the family happy as long as I am here and make Maaji proud of me in front of Naniji. Kanhaji! Please give me the strength to leave the him and the house when Nani leaves. I do not want to be here as I know that Ahamji does not love me. I do not wan to be his wife out of obligation. Please give me the strength to face what life brings me everyday and do my duty."
Aham was surprised, grateful and ashamed. Surprised that Gopi does not hold any bitterness towards him after his horrible treatment. He was grateful that she still wanted his happiness even when she knew that he wanted nothing of her and grateful that he has somebody like her pray for him. He was ashamed of his attitude, actions, reactions, words and anger towards her. 'Do I even deserve such a love? Such a love and dedication are very tempting. Am I worthy of this? What did I ever do to her? I always hurt her emotionally and once, even physically for a mistake she did not even do. She may not have degrees, knowledge, exposure, wealth and even family. But she is far better than me in many things that ultimately matter. She knows how to live and how to love. I do not know if I love her and I do not even know what is it to love. And, Gopi surely deserves somebody who is a far better man than me. But, I have been given her and the least I can do to her is to make her happy.' With that thought, he decided to follow Gopi and pray to God that things work out for him. He wanted to talk to Gopi and his parents after he came back from Ahmedabad. With this last thought, he slept peacefully.
-----------
That is it for now. As usual please R&R. As I informed Jake the other day, nothing gives me the drive to write better than a good critique. So go ahead and send your bricks and bouquets.
Edited by br2499 - 15 years ago
Hindi TV Shows
Hollywood
Naagin 7
Health and Fitness
Cricket
