Posted:
Hey girls! Here's a piece that I wrote after Friday's episode. It is more out of frustration and hatred for Yudi in the current track. I've been thinking of posting it for a while but due to connectivity issues I couldn't do it. I already typed it once but unfortunately, due to some stupid reason, I have to type the whole thing all over again.
I dunno if it's really worth putting up but since I'd already written it, I decided not to throw it away...
"I want a separation, a divorce. I'm marrying Ira."
I stood in the small meeting room of the asylum as Yudhishter uttered the words that ripped my heart and shattered my world. I stared at him dumbfounded, unable to comprehend the meaning behind those words as if it was some alien language that he was speaking. I had been so ecstatic just moments ago, thinking that my Yudhishter had finally come to take me away from this madhouse. I'd run to him and hugged him like a crazy schoolgirl hugging her first crush. The tears had flowed excessively due to the happiness and I didn't know what I was blabbering until he silenced me--not with a kiss--but with the most harsh and painful words ever. I stared at him while he stood like a statue, unmoved, unaffected by my tears. The world seemed to have come at a standstill. What was wrong with him? Why did he say what he'd just said? Please Yudhishter, tell me it's a joke, my mind urged me to say but the words just clogged in my throat, creating a lump and making it impossible for me to say anything. Was it April fool's day today? Was he playing a prank on me? The answer was no! Yudhishter didn't like jokes and nor did he believe in playing any pranks. He was telling the truth, he was serious. Serious about divorcing me, serious about separating our lives, serious about taking away all my happiness, serious about taking my daughter, my Rajkumari, away from me and serious about marrying Ira.
Ira. I looked at the woman who looked more like a centuries old, haunting spirit than a beautiful belle. As her eyes met mine, her lips curved up into an evil, mocking smile. A smile that had the traces of evil triumph. I cursed the day when I'd hired her as my Rajkumari's baby-sitter. When I'd first seen her, she'd been all innocence, a stark contrast to what she was now. She had not only been successful in enchanting Yudhishter, my Yudhishter, but had also cruelly snatched my Rajkumari away from me. She had convinced the family that I was mentally ill and had cleverly convinced them in sending me to the asylum. And they'd agreed. Despite my frantic cries and protests, they'd agreed. Or more precisely, Yudhishter had agreed. No one else had a say after his decision, after all, he was the Maharaja. And he'd decided to divorce me and marry Ira.
The idea cut through my mind like a razor sharp spear.
No! i couldn't let this happen.
"Yudhishter, don't do this to me," I cried, my tears running down my cheeks. "Yudhishter, you can't be serious! You really think you're gonna marry this woman? What is wrong with you?!"
His silence was even more annoying, ripping the remnants of my heart to the tiniest bits.
Ira was enjoying my plight and the look on her face strehgthened my resolve even more. I framed Yudhishter's face in my hands and looked into his rich brown eyes, forcing him to look at me, at what he was doing to me. But his eyes were blank, his expression cold as marble. They were devoid of the love and warmth they always possessed for me.
"Look at me, Yudhishter! Do you really know what you're talking about? You're going to leave me for this - this woman?" I felt disgusted at the thought. "You're going to leave YOUR RANI for this woman? The Rani for whom you fought with the whole world? The Rani for whom you fought with your father and were ready to go against?"
"Yes," was his only reply.
"You're crazy!" I cried.
"It's not me who's crazy, Rani, it's you!" Another dagger stabbed at my heart. He'd called me a crazy lunatic too. He didn't look at me anymore.
"Ira, you can do what you want, but I'll never let you succeed. I'll go to any lenghts to save my marriage," I looked at Ira and said but that had been a huge mistake. Because the next instant he used them to her advantage. She swiftly grasped my hands and wrapped my palms around her throat and started yelling for help! She was putting on a show that I was strangling her. Yudhishter spun around and swiftly rushed to her side.
"Rani, stop being crazy! Leave Ira!"
"I haven't done anything. It's she who's doing it!"
"There's a reason you're in this asylum, Rani," he said through gritted teeth. He called for the warden and asked her to take me away. He didn't even want to listen to me. My tears continued to flow incessantly and I wished I could do what Ira had done just moments ago. I wished to grasp Yudhishter's hands and ask him to strangle me and relieve me of the pain and agony. Death would be sweeter if he'd deliver it.
"Yudhishter..." I called for him one last time but he didn't even look at me.
Was he the Yudhishter who'd once loved me insanely? Was he the Yudhishter I fell in love with? Was he the Yudhishter who'd once gone against the world to make me his wife? Was he the Yudhishter who'd cared about nothing except my happiness when he'd learnt that I was barren? Was he the Yudhishter who used to flinch at the slightest cause of my discomfort? Was he the Yudhishter who used to shudder at the thought of losing me? Was he the Yudhishter who'd often said, "Rani, even my soul shudders at the thought of losing you."? The answer was NO!
My Yudhishter would never have done this to me. My Yudhishter would never have caused me such pain and suffering. He'd never dreamt of a single day without his Rani. My Yudhishter couldn't think of a life without his Rani. My Yudhishter loved me and had always been by my side in times of pain, grief and sorrow. My Yudhishter had always fulfilled my wishes, however difficult it was. He'd married Imli because I'd wanted him to, so that the Shishodiya kingdom could have an heir. Even when things started to get rough with Imli, and his boyfriend, Bali, my Yudhishter had supported me and been by my side all through the rough-and-tumble time. My Yudhishter loved only his Rani even when he'd had a terrible accident and lost his memory. My Yudhishter had always loved me even when he was under the influence of the dark magic of the witch buas. Whenever he'd been with me, he'd always felt the magical connection between us. My Yudhishter had only cared about my love, my joy, my happiness and my pleasure. I had meant the world to him. No... This was not my Yudhishter. My Yudhishter had died, killing me too. This was Ira's Yudhishter... I watched as Yudhishter walked away, his arms around Ira in a protective curl. The Yudhishter who was arrogant, heartless and ruthless.
I stood there, a lifeless person whose heart and soul had been ripped from her body...
I dunno if it's really worth putting up but since I'd already written it, I decided not to throw it away...
"I want a separation, a divorce. I'm marrying Ira."
I stood in the small meeting room of the asylum as Yudhishter uttered the words that ripped my heart and shattered my world. I stared at him dumbfounded, unable to comprehend the meaning behind those words as if it was some alien language that he was speaking. I had been so ecstatic just moments ago, thinking that my Yudhishter had finally come to take me away from this madhouse. I'd run to him and hugged him like a crazy schoolgirl hugging her first crush. The tears had flowed excessively due to the happiness and I didn't know what I was blabbering until he silenced me--not with a kiss--but with the most harsh and painful words ever. I stared at him while he stood like a statue, unmoved, unaffected by my tears. The world seemed to have come at a standstill. What was wrong with him? Why did he say what he'd just said? Please Yudhishter, tell me it's a joke, my mind urged me to say but the words just clogged in my throat, creating a lump and making it impossible for me to say anything. Was it April fool's day today? Was he playing a prank on me? The answer was no! Yudhishter didn't like jokes and nor did he believe in playing any pranks. He was telling the truth, he was serious. Serious about divorcing me, serious about separating our lives, serious about taking away all my happiness, serious about taking my daughter, my Rajkumari, away from me and serious about marrying Ira.
Ira. I looked at the woman who looked more like a centuries old, haunting spirit than a beautiful belle. As her eyes met mine, her lips curved up into an evil, mocking smile. A smile that had the traces of evil triumph. I cursed the day when I'd hired her as my Rajkumari's baby-sitter. When I'd first seen her, she'd been all innocence, a stark contrast to what she was now. She had not only been successful in enchanting Yudhishter, my Yudhishter, but had also cruelly snatched my Rajkumari away from me. She had convinced the family that I was mentally ill and had cleverly convinced them in sending me to the asylum. And they'd agreed. Despite my frantic cries and protests, they'd agreed. Or more precisely, Yudhishter had agreed. No one else had a say after his decision, after all, he was the Maharaja. And he'd decided to divorce me and marry Ira.
The idea cut through my mind like a razor sharp spear.
No! i couldn't let this happen.
"Yudhishter, don't do this to me," I cried, my tears running down my cheeks. "Yudhishter, you can't be serious! You really think you're gonna marry this woman? What is wrong with you?!"
His silence was even more annoying, ripping the remnants of my heart to the tiniest bits.
Ira was enjoying my plight and the look on her face strehgthened my resolve even more. I framed Yudhishter's face in my hands and looked into his rich brown eyes, forcing him to look at me, at what he was doing to me. But his eyes were blank, his expression cold as marble. They were devoid of the love and warmth they always possessed for me.
"Look at me, Yudhishter! Do you really know what you're talking about? You're going to leave me for this - this woman?" I felt disgusted at the thought. "You're going to leave YOUR RANI for this woman? The Rani for whom you fought with the whole world? The Rani for whom you fought with your father and were ready to go against?"
"Yes," was his only reply.
"You're crazy!" I cried.
"It's not me who's crazy, Rani, it's you!" Another dagger stabbed at my heart. He'd called me a crazy lunatic too. He didn't look at me anymore.
"Ira, you can do what you want, but I'll never let you succeed. I'll go to any lenghts to save my marriage," I looked at Ira and said but that had been a huge mistake. Because the next instant he used them to her advantage. She swiftly grasped my hands and wrapped my palms around her throat and started yelling for help! She was putting on a show that I was strangling her. Yudhishter spun around and swiftly rushed to her side.
"Rani, stop being crazy! Leave Ira!"
"I haven't done anything. It's she who's doing it!"
"There's a reason you're in this asylum, Rani," he said through gritted teeth. He called for the warden and asked her to take me away. He didn't even want to listen to me. My tears continued to flow incessantly and I wished I could do what Ira had done just moments ago. I wished to grasp Yudhishter's hands and ask him to strangle me and relieve me of the pain and agony. Death would be sweeter if he'd deliver it.
"Yudhishter..." I called for him one last time but he didn't even look at me.
Was he the Yudhishter who'd once loved me insanely? Was he the Yudhishter I fell in love with? Was he the Yudhishter who'd once gone against the world to make me his wife? Was he the Yudhishter who'd cared about nothing except my happiness when he'd learnt that I was barren? Was he the Yudhishter who used to flinch at the slightest cause of my discomfort? Was he the Yudhishter who used to shudder at the thought of losing me? Was he the Yudhishter who'd often said, "Rani, even my soul shudders at the thought of losing you."? The answer was NO!
My Yudhishter would never have done this to me. My Yudhishter would never have caused me such pain and suffering. He'd never dreamt of a single day without his Rani. My Yudhishter couldn't think of a life without his Rani. My Yudhishter loved me and had always been by my side in times of pain, grief and sorrow. My Yudhishter had always fulfilled my wishes, however difficult it was. He'd married Imli because I'd wanted him to, so that the Shishodiya kingdom could have an heir. Even when things started to get rough with Imli, and his boyfriend, Bali, my Yudhishter had supported me and been by my side all through the rough-and-tumble time. My Yudhishter loved only his Rani even when he'd had a terrible accident and lost his memory. My Yudhishter had always loved me even when he was under the influence of the dark magic of the witch buas. Whenever he'd been with me, he'd always felt the magical connection between us. My Yudhishter had only cared about my love, my joy, my happiness and my pleasure. I had meant the world to him. No... This was not my Yudhishter. My Yudhishter had died, killing me too. This was Ira's Yudhishter... I watched as Yudhishter walked away, his arms around Ira in a protective curl. The Yudhishter who was arrogant, heartless and ruthless.
I stood there, a lifeless person whose heart and soul had been ripped from her body...
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