Choti Choti Baatein......

Dadi and Vaishali: Dadi and Vivek decided to throw surprise party on their return from PagPhere rasam. Idea and intention is good, but execution of idea, not so smooth......Vaishali, important member of the house was NOT consulted...After all, she is mother and mother in law of Dev and Radhika respectively. Without realizing Dadi, sidelined Vaishali....which made Vaishali even more upset about the whole incident. Always, Vaishali feels that Dadi affection is more for Dev than herself.....This is only because of many such small incidents, where she felt left out............But being dutiful bahu, she was never quite vocal about it, only now, even on few occassions, does she expresses her feelings via words, usually she is making faces and bolting up her feelings.............This is not healthy at all........................

Devki and Shastriji: Devki has been good, dutiful wife. But still has hidden the biggest fact of Radhika's life from Shastriji.....Secret of her first marriage..........She has covered up most of the times for Vishaka.......Hiding many facts of Vishaka, from Shastriji.............which are now proving so expensive............Had they rectified the mistake, rather than solving a blunder, life would not have been so difficult for the simple Shastriji..................Devki has already seen the extreme Shastriji went, doing the Tarpan of the daughter.........At least, she learnt her lesson, when she closes the door on Vishaka, because for her Patni Dharm is most important.............and she does NOT want to lose Shastriji ( I think her wake up call was, when Shastriji decided to take Jal Samadi)...................But still she kept the secret of Vishaka staying with Purab from Shastriji.............Again, was this right action??

Shastriji and Vishaka: Strange, yet true father - daughter relationship.............Shastriji is a simple man, with simple life......Vishaka is quite ambitious................Yet, Shastriji does not know, what happens right under his nose, in his house...............Being the head of the family, the duty does not end, by providing food and shelther...........Most important, being a father, is communication with the children...............Being not only a father, but also a friend...........................Why was Vishaka sent to college, while Radhika stayed home? Why this disparity? Also, why was her wish, her choice, not asked, when the Dev's wedding proposal came for her? Just because the groom's family is good, and groom is rich, does not make it all right...........I am not saying, it was wrong thing to do.........but Shastriji should have sat down with Vishaka and try to understand what she wants with her life............Even when she ran awy during RP puja, even after that, he was not watching her carefully............Why again rush to get her married second time, knowing quite well, even this time, something like that can happen.....................Doing Tarpan, is this the solution for all problems?? Open communication, and not ignoring children's legitimate desires, ambitions can go a long way in building relationship.....................

Amma and Vishaka: Amma loves her family a lot and her poti the most...............She dotes on Vishaka............Amma is quite wise.............Amma - the hatred, and - the evil intentions, is quite a intelligent and learned woman..............Many a times she has given example of her intelligence and her being quite wise.............Yet, in her excessive love for Vishaka, she tends to overlook the mistakes of Vishaka............If only she had talked to her openly, being strict, when required, and being friendly when needed, would have prevented in Vishaka being what she is now..............But no, Amma chose to instil hatred, cunningness and selfishness in her beloved poti...................doing her more harm than good.............

Mrin and Vivek: This is one sad relationship...........Their relationship withered away even before it blossomed, just because, they both did not give their 100% to the relationship............While Mrin chosed to became bitter, Vivek became withdrawn.................If any one, who suffered the most, because of lack of communication in this relationship is both Mrin and Vivek.................Mrin could have easily become strength of Vivek, could have taken the responsiblity of the house..............Without asking, she would have got the respect of badi bahu and wife without asking.............It is same respect, she craves so much, runs after it, yet the respect eludes her, coz, respect has to be earned, it cannot be given..............One cannot demand, but one has to command respect.................But Mrin does not realize this and their relationship has been hit badly........

Radhika and Dev: Both love each other immensely, while Dev is open with Radhika most of the occasions, except the Gufa incident, Radhika always, is not completely open with Dev...............Even though her intention is not bad and wants to save her sister, her mayaka etc, her hiding things from Dev is going to cause problems for her in the future..................She took the extreme step of going out of the house in the middle of night. to meet complete stranger..............Yet, Dev forgave her..............then again, she promised her mother that she would come, despite Dadi saying no..............I agree that she was trying to pacify her mom, but then she should have been open with her............................Tomorrow would be acid test for her.............Will she again hide from Dev? Or will she seek his help? Radhika should not commit the blunder of hiding things from Dev..................

Dev clearly supports her and is her strength............but if she tries to push him away, and hide things, situation will get messy..............Already people are gunning for her head, be it Amma, or Vishaka or Mrin........Already that night Amma told Dev that Radhika went out at night, even without informing him........that time he was quiet..........Then Mrin tried instigating by saying Radhika was careless and hence his mom fell..................and we saw the reaction already................He finally raised his voice yesterday, saying enough Radhika.................Though it lasted momentarily......if Radhika does not communicate with Dev, discuss everthing with him.............takes joint decision............Dev's statement, that no one can come between us, with go wrong, coz biggest enemy between any relationship is misunderstanding...........

Radhika has to learn that to have successful relation, it is not only the Tan ka Samarpan is important, but .......................Manasa, vacha, karmana Samrpan .... mind, words and actions - in every form is essential.....

I am sure Radhika will learn in time, and any issue will be resolved without any major fallout...........

But after this long post, what I want to say is, be it father - daughter, mother-in-law - daughter-in-law, grandmom and grand daughter or husband-wife relationship.............most important after love and trust is, open communication............even discussing choti choti baatein, not hiding things and taking decisions together, then any problems in life will not stand for long.............................Nuture your relationship with utmost care, love and attention............

Your thoughts...............

Loved your post anu 👏

I agree 100% with you

Radika shouldnt hide things from Dev

I find hes the only one that could help her out with the problems.

I want to see them fight together as a team..By hidding things from Dev

I agree things will get more messy ...She should start telling Dev the truth ..😕

Originally posted by: anukapoor

Watching past weeks episodes in CB, has made me wonder, how we take relations for granted.........Even though the intention is not bad, the route taken is not definitely 100% correct....Little things, small gestures in life go a long way in nuturing, building the relationship................Relationship, just like a plant, needs constant attention for blooming, else before we realize it will wither away..........Just thought of sharing my thoughts with you all and to read your view points....

Dadi and Vaishali: Dadi and Vivek decided to throw surprise party on their return from PagPhere rasam. Idea and intention is good, but execution of idea, not so smooth......Vaishali, important member of the house was NOT consulted...After all, she is mother and mother in law of Dev and Radhika respectively. Without realizing Dadi, sidelined Vaishali....which made Vaishali even more upset about the whole incident. Always, Vaishali feels that Dadi affection is more for Dev than herself.....This is only because of many such small incidents, where she felt left out............But being dutiful bahu, she was never quite vocal about it, only now, even on few occassions, does she expresses her feelings via words, usually she is making faces and bolting up her feelings.............This is not healthy at all........................

I don't see Vaishali and Daadima having major issues or communication issues in general. Vaishali by nature has been deferential to Daadima and she does not appear to suffer for it. She is caught between 2 generations and she feels she needs to be heard and Daadima mostly allows her to be heard unless she makes bad choices that makes Daadima step in!

Daadima and Vaishali both vie for Dev's attention. Vaishali knows that Dev is closer to Daadima and does not open up to Vaishali as much and she cannot express her resentment to Daadima or Dev. This resentment comes out in the form of misplaced anger. Daadima does not wish to overrule Vaishali's authority in general but Vaishali has made some bad choices where Dev's happiness is concerned and Daadima has been very calm in her approach and Vaishali has been reactive. She comes around eventually when she sees the light!

Devki and Shastriji: Devki has been good, dutiful wife. But still has hidden the biggest fact of Radhika's life from Shastriji.....Secret of her first marriage..........She has covered up most of the times for Vishaka.......Hiding many facts of Vishaka, from Shastriji.............which are now proving so expensive............Had they rectified the mistake, rather than solving a blunder, life would not have been so difficult for the simple Shastriji..................Devki has already seen the extreme Shastriji went, doing the Tarpan of the daughter.........At least, she learnt her lesson, when she closes the door on Vishaka, because for her Patni Dharm is most important.............and she does NOT want to lose Shastriji ( I think her wake up call was, when Shastriji decided to take Jal Samadi)...................But still she kept the secret of Vishaka staying with Purab from Shastriji.............Again, was this right action??

Shashtriji and Devki have an unequal relationship in that they have an unspoken understanding that he is the head of the household and Devki accepts that unquestioningly and does his bidding! Devki gets cowered by authority. She is afraid of Shashtriji and she is afraid of ruining his outstanding reputation, making her go to lengths so that he does not find out about her lapses in judgement. Her relationship and communication with her husband is also very much dictated by an overbearing mother-in-law, another authority figure in her life. She is quick to do her bidding. Being a pious woman she knows right from wrong and has pangs of guilt, quickly followed by bouts of selfishness and helplessness.

Shastriji and Vishaka: Strange, yet true father - daughter relationship.............Shastriji is a simple man, with simple life......Vishaka is quite ambitious................Yet, Shastriji does not know, what happens right under his nose, in his house...............Being the head of the family, the duty does not end, by providing food and shelther...........Most important, being a father, is communication with the children...............Being not only a father, but also a friend...........................Why was Vishaka sent to college, while Radhika stayed home? Why this disparity? Also, why was her wish, her choice, not asked, when the Dev's wedding proposal came for her? Just because the groom's family is good, and groom is rich, does not make it all right...........I am not saying, it was wrong thing to do.........but Shastriji should have sat down with Vishaka and try to understand what she wants with her life............Even when she ran awy during RP puja, even after that, he was not watching her carefully............Why again rush to get her married second time, knowing quite well, even this time, something like that can happen.....................Doing Tarpan, is this the solution for all problems?? Open communication, and not ignoring children's legitimate desires, ambitions can go a long way in building relationship.....................

A daughter is a father's pride and joy. A father-daughter relationship works on the principle of denial. A toughest father tends to overlook faults in his daughter and develops an unexplainable softness towards her. In family dynamics, a child learns very fast which parent to go to get their needs met. Giving a personal story, my daughter heard the word rape at age of 7 while sitting next to Dad who was watching the news. Dad not knowing what to say and how to get to her level and soften the harshness of the word said, I don't know, ask your Mom. My daughter learned early on where to go for answers.

In VB, Shashtriji is a simple man and his role is typical of an Indian household - a disciplinarian (wait till I tell your Dad when he comes home)!! Devki and Amma cover Vishakha's transgressions and he remains clueless until she is caught red-handed by him. We live in a liberated society and there is much more parental involvement. Shashtri parivar is a traditional family and marrying off Vishakha and keeping her "pure" and away from the evils of the society is a priority and his priority! He is a simple man who lives and believes in his spoken word and expects the same from his child. After Vishakha fails repeatedly at all his expectations, it is easy for him to disown her and believe her to be dead to him. He has no interest in her and she can go and do whatever she wants. He did his best and she failed him, repeatedly!

In case of Radhika, he sees her as a daughter who has imbibed the family sanskars, she has learned housework and she is prepared to be a good DIL someday and she does not need more than that. Likely that he does not realize the discrimination because Radhika is always quick to point out that she is happy with what she has.

Amma and Vishaka: Amma loves her family a lot and her poti the most...............She dotes on Vishaka............Amma is quite wise.............Amma - the hatred, and - the evil intentions, is quite a intelligent and learned woman..............Many a times she has given example of her intelligence and her being quite wise.............Yet, in her excessive love for Vishaka, she tends to overlook the mistakes of Vishaka............If only she had talked to her openly, being strict, when required, and being friendly when needed, would have prevented in Vishaka being what she is now..............But no, Amma chose to instil hatred, cunningness and selfishness in her beloved poti...................doing her more harm than good.............

Amma and Vishakha's relationship is sick. Amma is a doting grandparent and much more. She may appear wise but she has blinders on where Vishakha is concerned. She fails to see repeatedly what should be apparent, that Vish lies, Vish does things on the sly and Vish is her own worst enemy. Amma's role as a grandparent is certainly to spoil but not take over the role of a parent and not constantly override parental discipline. Amma's obsessive hatred of Radhika has allowed Vishakha to take advantage of the situation to get away with unimaginable selfish and self-destructive things. A WISE woman will not nurture selfishness, cunning, hatred and other negative emotions in a granddaughter. We were raised by our grandmother living next door and if we were afraid of our parents' discipline, we were twice as afraid of what our grandmother would say or do! She was a force to reckon with when disciplne was needed and she was over-protective too! But she also allowed us freedom to do things knowing we would not abuse her trust in us!

Mrin and Vivek: This is one sad relationship...........Their relationship withered away even before it blossomed, just because, they both did not give their 100% to the relationship............While Mrin chosed to became bitter, Vivek became withdrawn.................If any one, who suffered the most, because of lack of communication in this relationship is both Mrin and Vivek.................Mrin could have easily become strength of Vivek, could have taken the responsiblity of the house..............Without asking, she would have got the respect of badi bahu and wife without asking.............It is same respect, she craves so much, runs after it, yet the respect eludes her, coz, respect has to be earned, it cannot be given..............One cannot demand, but one has to command respect.................But Mrin does not realize this and their relationship has been hit badly........

The less said the better about this relationship. Vivek is wishy-washy in general. Mrinalini suffers from superiority complex and entitlement and does not know generosity or humility. If Vivek had become a Raj Purohit, she would be the most unqualified Raj Purohitain. Vivek has allowed her negative characteristics to flourish by staying quiet. He has allowed Mrinalini to get away with nastiness because of his guilt and Mrinalini has taken advantage of the situation to promote discord in the family. She is every family's nightmare of a DIL. Daadima once had very prosaic words for her at the dinner table when she complains about strangers (Rads) getting more respect than family members (her). She tells Mrin that respect is not up for grabs, it is earned. Yet she does not get it! Vivek once threatened divorce and he should revisit that thought and get rid of her! She is hopeless and useless to the family. Good riddence to bad rubbish!

Radhika and Dev: Both love each other immensely, while Dev is open with Radhika most of the occasions, except the Gufa incident, Radhika always, is not completely open with Dev...............Even though her intention is not bad and wants to save her sister, her mayaka etc, her hiding things from Dev is going to cause problems for her in the future..................She took the extreme step of going out of the house in the middle of night. to meet complete stranger..............Yet, Dev forgave her..............then again, she promised her mother that she would come, despite Dadi saying no..............I agree that she was trying to pacify her mom, but then she should have been open with her............................Tomorrow would be acid test for her.............Will she again hide from Dev? Or will she seek his help? Radhika should not commit the blunder of hiding things from Dev..................

Dev clearly supports her and is her strength............but if she tries to push him away, and hide things, situation will get messy..............Already people are gunning for her head, be it Amma, or Vishaka or Mrin........Already that night Amma told Dev that Radhika went out at night, even without informing him........that time he was quiet..........Then Mrin tried instigating by saying Radhika was careless and hence his mom fell..................and we saw the reaction already................He finally raised his voice yesterday, saying enough Radhika.................Though it lasted momentarily......if Radhika does not communicate with Dev, discuss everthing with him.............takes joint decision............Dev's statement, that no one can come between us, with go wrong, coz biggest enemy between any relationship is misunderstanding...........

Radhika has to learn that to have successful relation, it is not only the Tan ka Samarpan is important, but .......................Manasa, vacha, karmana Samrpan .... mind, words and actions - in every form is essential.....

I am sure Radhika will learn in time, and any issue will be resolved without any major fallout...........

But after this long post, what I want to say is, be it father - daughter, mother-in-law - daughter-in-law, grandmom and grand daughter or husband-wife relationship.............most important after love and trust is, open communication............even discussing choti choti baatein, not hiding things and taking decisions together, then any problems in life will not stand for long.............................Nuture your relationship with utmost care, love and attention............

[Sigh!] Where do I start?

Rads needs to grow up and remember that while her maykaa is hard to ignore, she has left it behind and she has a bigger responsibility to her pati and the sasuraal now where she is the choti bahu!

Rads needs to remember that she cannot solve everyone's problems and she should allow people to face their reality and attend to their own needs in their own way.

Dev needs to continue to love Rads unconditionally and nurture her psyche that has been horribly damaged in her maykaa and protect her from the evil that either she does not recognize or acknowledge and that surrounds her in her maykaa and sasuraal !

Rads and Dev together need to realize that they are one and are stronger as one than staying divided. They should allow only positive influence in their lives and fight together to repel the negatve forces around them.

Your thoughts...............

I agree with you 100%. Communication is very important in any relationship whether it is personal or business. Only then decisions can be made mutually. When you hide or lie about something, you have to work extra hard to keep it secret. Once conscious will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Excellent Analysis. Not much to add except on Radhika and Dev and Radhika and Vishaka

As has been mentioned several times, Radhika has an unlimited sense of obligation towards her maayka for taking her from mandir steps. Even though she considers Shastriji her true father, she has always considered herself as an outside in that house as far as Devki and Amma are concerned. Since Devki and Amma kept her against their will, she follows their lead and both women's major goal has been to fulfill al Vishaka's desires. So, Radhika does that too and it is hard to break a lifetime habit.

Dev is the only person to give her true understanding and unconditional love. Even though she is deferential to Dev (in speech) because of her traditional values of following Patni dharam, she does whatever she wants to do with him. She knows that he has a very strong personality and can take care of both of them. Additionally, she can get away with anything with him. So, she subconsciously uses that to fulfill her mission of protecting Vishaka. She is not at all close to vishaka and neither does she feels any rights towards Vishaka despite calling Vishaka her sister. That's why she can not point to Vishaka her faults the way she does to Dev. If she feels that Dev is doing something inappropriate, she will lecture him but not Vishaka.

What Radhika doesn't realize is that no matter how great and spiritual relationship is , it still requires give and take. So far, Dev is tolerating not getting time from Radhika because he feels that Radhika is doing all the things for his family and will eventually be able to give him time. Once he knows that Radhika has been trying to clean Vishaka's mess and doing things that are objectionable to his Dadi, their problems will come. Of course, Vishaka will take advantage of that and try to create misunderstandings. But, I think it is good for Radhika to come close to losing Dev because only then she will realize the importance of Dev's love and get her blinders off as far as Vishaka is concerned. She needs to know that Vishaka is as selfish as Amma who can cause problems for Dev.

So, I think Radhika will use poor judgement in helping Vishaka who seems to be clearly setting up a trap for Radhika, will get in trouble and get backstabbed by Vishaka. But, I think this is an important lesson for Radhika otherwise she will always take Dev granted. Once she gets free of Vishaka and Amma's influence, only then she can be a strong rajpurohatin. Hopefully, this track of Radhika finding true colors of Vishaka will get resolved soon.

As far as Vishaka is concerned, she doesn't really think that Radhika is not her well wisher. At this time, she is using Radhika's nature to plot against Radhika because there is nobody else on her side. She is similar to Amma who uses Radhika to do harm to Radhika. She is just plain jealous of Radhika's good luck. She never appreciated Dev before but now that she sees Dev's love for Radhika, it is intolerable to her that somebody so good looking, rich and a nice guy could love Radhika more than his life. So, that's why it was easy for Vishaka to get brainwashed by Amma in thinking bad of Radhika. This is the only way she could justify her actions as she knows that Radhika got burnt in saving her life and handed her husband to Vishka on a platter.