Before I unleash you crazy readers to read this, lemme mention this was written when I was in VERY angsty mood...and personally I really don't care if you like it or not, (cept the person it's for of course) I'm also telling her right now, that there is a sequel to this, that will be up as soon as I get my writing funk back, but I just hope she likes it! đ
She had no idea where she had gone wrong. Her friends were all leaving her for reasons that were unspoken. Feeling alone was something she had experienced numerous times in her life and it wasn't all that strange to her now. This time though, she felt as if it was a punishment for all the horrible things she must've done in life.
As she sat perched on the edge of her balcony she watched the sun fade into the dark sky, illuminating with bold colors; colors that made her feel time could change. Things had a way of getting better but as her eyes fell on the sun disappearing she became aware of how lonely she was.
Even now as the last of her friends had left she didn't know why but she felt alone. They hadn't left her for anything serious but nowâas they left she saw the look in their eyes. Confusion. Hurt. Despair.
They had come for a party at her apartment. One of their best friend's birthdays was being celebrated at her apartment and a few trivial arguments broke out but they ended with a smile on her face yet the hurt that was in her heart was something she kept shielded away.
She heard the door slide open and without turning around she knew it was him. He was the only one who knew she'd be here on the balcony after a long night.
"How was girl's night?" His soft voice brushed her ears.
"It was fine." She said without turning around.
"Are you sure?" He asked again, concern evident in his voice.
"I'm fine Akki please, just forget it."
She hopped off the balcony and went back inside to her room, deliberately closing the door behind her.
Akki hated whenever she behaved like this. She was his fiance and he cared about her. She was always bottling up her feelings and keeping him at a distance.
It was as if she didn't trust him with her feelings. He wanted her to be able to share all her feelings with him but now that he realized what was bothering her he wanted HER to tell him.
He couldn't let her be like this. He knew there was something with her friends that was bothering her and he needed to know. He loved her and he wanted her to be able to tell him how she felt without hesitating.
He walked back inside the apartment and saw the door closed. He sighed as he walked to it before knocking slightly.
"Kiran, can we talk?"
"What's there to talk about?" He heard her ask.
"Kimz, I want to know what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong Akki." Kimz responded with a sigh.
"You can't keep pushing me away like this Kimz."
She heard the hurt in his voice and wanted nothing more than telling him everything but after so many experiences in life she knew giving into her emotions was the worst thing because that was how she had lost so many people in her life. She'd confess how she felt and the next moment she wouldn't realize how they were gone from her life.
"I'm not pushing you away Akki," She answered quietly.
She waited to see if he'd say anything but all she got was silence in response. Something told her he wouldn't leave her alone. He wasn't the type to leave her when she was in this kind of pain and now she knew he must still be there.
Sighing, she got up from the bed and walked to the door and opened it and saw him leaning against the wall on the opposite side.
"Akâ" She couldn't finish what she wanted to say the minute his eyes locked with hers. She didn't know what it was in his eyes that immediately made her weak. This was why she didn't want to open the door or even talk to him. He weakened her and even he knew this; that was why he'd want to be with her.
She shook her head as he came to her and hugged her. His arms wrapped her close around his body and felt her fingers clutching to the front of his shirt.
"Ssh," Akki told her, his hand smoothing down her hair. He walked her towards the bed and sat down pulling her with him.
"I don't want you to cry," He said softly after a few minutes of letting her hang on to him.
"I'm not crying Akki," she pushed herself away from him and smiled.
"Then what's wrong?" He asked. "I want to help you through this,"
Kimz sighed before shaking her head. "You can't Akki. These are all my problems."
"Kimz that's where you're wrong. They wouldn't be your problems if you'd share them with me." Akki smiled softly.
"What do you want me to say Akki? That I'm scared of confessing my feelings because every time I do something or the other happens? Or that I hate fighting with my friends because I'm the one that gets hurt all the time?" Kimz sighed. "Even you Akki, I don't know by what miracle I have you in my life but you don't understand the feeling that I have every time we argue. I just feel like somehow or the other I'm going to end up losing you as well. It scares me Akki."
He had no idea she was so paranoid over stupid things like that. He thought she knew that their love was stronger than that. "Kimz, I don't understand why you feel like that."
"Akki," She got up off the bed and walked to the window where the rain seemed to be pouring nonstop. "It's complicated, but that's why it hurts."
"I don't want it to hurt," Akki followed her to the window and took her hand in his. "I want to be here for you,"
"You can't okay? You just can't anymore. I'm not a little girl now! I need to take care of my life MYSELF!" Kimz let out. "I can'tâI just can't..."
"You can't what Kimz?" Akki asked.
She took a deep breath. "I can't live this lie anymore Akki."
"Lie?" Akki was stunned. Was that how she saw this relation between them?
She turned to face him. "Yeah. I don't want to constantly live with the fear that this is going to end badly too Akki. I need to get away." She turned towards the door.
"Don't leave," He whispered after her.
"I have to," Kimz sighed. "I can't do this anymore."
"But where will you go?" Akki asked. He knew right now she was too upset and confused to think logically or practically but he knew when she did think back about this she'd come back to him. Everything would work out soon. "Let me go, you stay here."
Kimz shook her head. "I can't do that to you,"
"You're not doing anything." He stepped towards her and took her hand in his. "Listen, you've decorated this place with your heart. It holds you in every corner. Ifâif I had to be here myself without you..." he shook his head. "...I wouldn't be able to live here."
Kimz couldn't believe what Akki was saying. Did he want this to break? How could he even think that? Then she mentally hit herself. This was where she went wrong. Thinking that everyone should only be thinking what SHE wanted. She always threw her decisions on other people and this was why she ended up losing everyone who meant something to her. In a matter of minutes Akki had explained everything to her.
Now she knew what was wrong in her thinking. She took her hand away from him and smiled. "Thank you Akki, for everything you've helped me realize."
Akki sighed. It was really done. He had thought that when she had looked out into the distance that she was reconsidering her decision; now however he realized she hadn't rethought it.
"I'll go then," Akki sighed.
Kimz was hurt watching him leave, and they both knew that together. Each step he took towards the door had both of them on the verge of tears. It wasn't something Akki had ever imagined would take place between them.
"Akki, wait!" She called out.
A smile came onto his face without him realizing as he turned to face her.
He saw her face stained with tears and his smile faded.
"I need to give you this back," She walked towards him slowly.
She pulled his hand up and looked straight in his eyes as she dropped a small object in the palm of his hand.
"I love youâbut I'm sorry Akki," She turned away as she saw his eyes flutter down to the tiny ring in his palm. It was the engagement ring he had given her 5 months ago.
"I'm going to take this ring today, only because I don't want you even more upset; but I want you to know that this ring will never belong to anyone other than you." Akki told her softly. "You know that,"
Kimz bit her lip and crossed her arms, holding herself together as she heard his footsteps fading away. She turned as the door closed and she knew she had gotten what she destined to get in the first place. Everyone who cared about her was gone now...and she was just how she always thought she'd be. Alone.
So yes, a sequel will be coming up, and don't ask why I posted this, I just had a weird urge in my heart, and I tend to listen when my heart tells me something (also the reason I make some mistakes? *shrugs* đł) Enjoy! đ
Love,
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