Abusive marriage - Page 2

I forgot to mention..

Akshara didnt "cause" Neil's death or the death of her babies. It was an unfortunate accident . So unless they tell me akshara planned Neil's death, stabbed him or poisoned him and killed her babies , I won't accept any argument .

Just as abhinanyu didn't cause abhirs serious condition .

So pl we won't get into she should have would have could have done x y z things ..

Originally posted by: firewings_diya

This is a fictional show. Where ml is prone to get damaged for trp race. If it was show like anupama people will not feel bad for vanraj as they have spent 300 odd episodes to show how anupama was tortured.

Here abhi was never abusive he just had anger issues. For me ideal man is that one who supports my family, my career aspirations,even loves me.

Here abhi had all the characters.

He took care of akshu's family, supported her with her career even though his career itself was at stake, respected her and loved her.

The white day had mistakes of both the leads. Will any mother risks her child over some strangers? Or will any women being emotional chooses strangers over her family. In reality no. If akshu really wanted to save kids they could have silently followed than just over reacting in that situation. Neil was irresponsible too but trigger was akshu as she herself wanted to jump. When we some one is trouble we will analyze situation will we ever be able to fight 5 to 6 gundes without anything no. If neil would have not prevented akshu she would have died.

Both were responsible. Abhi was not abusive. He just asked her all valid questions and he had anger issues so instead of taking out his anger on her he took out on other items. He has told her multiple times to take care of yourself you have complicated pregnancy. She risked her kids life multiple times and did not listen to his words.

That's the reaction when you get when you don't listen to the words thst is good for you. Abhi blaming her for sirath death also was a reaction of his anger like how we tend to look back when we trusted this person try to reanalyze situation like uss din bhi tumne shayad jhoot bola hoga when some caught some one lyring red handed.

Abhi divorcing her was wrong but abhi contacted her post that day which was spoiled by abhinav.

So i still support abhi as his action was reaction to what happend on that day and i don't think it was an abuse as he has not hit her nor gave her any gaali. I just saw him asking sunthi kyun nahi ho meri baath. In the end i have not watched full epi this is based on clips i saw.

Since my sisters are not akshara they will have happy life with a character like abhi and he will not even shout at them 😂

Bold 1: For me I don’t think Akshara’s mistake was choosing strangers over her babies. She is an empath and world needs more of them. But you don’t jump into situations you are not trained or prepared for. For example if someone was drowning in deep water and if you don’t know swimming you shouldn’t jump in to save them, it is just plain stupidity. Instead look for floatation device or something similar which can actually help. For me that is Ak’s fault- her stupid decisions even though her intentions are good. Same with the incident when she ventured in jungle alone to find the kid. I mean she was in resort full of people, she had a walkie talkie to call for help and locals could help better than her going off alone. But she doesn’t think. There they got lucky and everything was ok in the end, no one was hurt etc, so she was hailed. But next time, they weren’t lucky, Neil died and one of her twins. Being empath is good, but taking such decisions is foolish and she needs to know and act better.

Bold 2: I agree with you Abhi was not an abusive husband. He has anger issues and on that day it got better of him. His grief was justified and his actions can be understood but not justified. Having said that even if he hadn’t thrown around things and did what he did that day, they couldn’t have lived together if he felt that Neil died because of Ak’s decisions and actions. At best he could have kept his cool and told her he needed space and time to grieve and sent Ak with Bade Papa. Followed by a divorce with families involved.

Originally posted by: Krinya

I guess that's the point of these shows .

One can take whatever they want to but I'll be extra cautious of boys with red flags ..

Anger issues are not "normal" . Pl don't normalize it. It stems into a disturbed personality and more serious issues which can't be controlled. The wife shouldn't bear the brunt of it and wait for the hubby to calm down so he changes his decisions. Words said in rage or otherwise have equal affect on the other person..hearing things like "you bring bad luck to my family " is never pleasant.

Secondly abhinanyu has serious momma issues and boys such as him can never keep his wife happy .

Thirdly , yes it's said that in love we should be forgiving , compromising , and what not ..but practically speaking , it's impossible To love the person who crushes your self respect. Unless its a serious Stockholm syndrome case...wives like anupama put up with their husbands bec they are not capable of independent existence. Why should girls be like anupama ?

I have anger issues so do you feel i am abnormal.

Anger issues will have different reasons. Just because you do not have it. It is not necessary you call ppl who has it as abnormal.

I had anger issues because of work stress. I even stopped communicating it to my parents inorder to taking out my anger on my them.

Still they understood and helped me in healing it..they did not leave me for that.

Now i have kept my anger in control because of my families help. I wished to see the same akshu doing it for abhi. But it never happend.

Just because ppl have anger issue it does not make them bad.

Originally posted by: PeacefulLove

Thanks for writing this ❤️ Every word you said is true reality.

Extreme anger kills a person, spoils everything around you and should never be justified. And mumma boys can never keep wife happy. That is the hard truth.

Seriously I wonder whose idea it was to have such pathetic leads & extended families for a legacy show. That too the one which is famous for its themes of familial bonds, love n togetherness

Originally posted by: zeal123

Hi all,

I was just passing through the forum. After reading a few posts, this thought suddenly stuck me. Will we also force our sisters or daughters to stay in an abusive marriage? Will we also constantly criticize our girls for moving on from a relationship which seemed to drain her energy. This scared me so much. Hope this thought process is limited to only fictional shows. But it scares me that we still are able to think like this even if for fictional characters.

I am just sharing what I thoughts. Do not want to hurt anyone.

If what you have mentioned was the story that we were watching I would agree with you completely. I don’t support women staying in abusive or in any relationship where they are not comfortable or feel it’s not working for them.

But that is not the story we are watching. Ak didn’t take the decision to marry someone else because she wanted to move on but because she wanted a father for her child. Will we want our sisters/friends or ourselves to be in such a marriage? Will we be ok with them taking such a decision?

I know you could say eventually she wanted to move on but hasn’t that decision kind of forced her to do that - any decent person will feel bad for leaving someone after 6 years of living together and leaving them later. So she is stuck in a pickle now one way or other. Given Ak’s ckt she can’t say no now to moving on. And that is what I immensely dislike about this story.

I understand that supporting someone with anger issues might be triggering for many who read these posts.

I am sorry if I have caused you any emotional distress - that was never my intention. And if you or your loved ones have suffered from similar problems- please know that i am not trying to blame the victim or anything.

If you would keep an open mind and would like to know my reasons please read the following message else you may ignore it.

Yes, anger issues are bad and as someone who has lived with quiet a few people who have a bad temper - i can only say that anger is not always unjustified. If there is a valid reason to be angry about - one should get angry.

How one takes out that anger could be questionable. And when things get out of hand, i do believe that it should be addressed. Had Abhimanyu been heartless or idiotic or evil I would agree with many others that he should pay for his actions. But he is kind, intelligent and affectionate and I truly believe that such a person can work on his issues(with the help of his friends and family or a counsellor). Honestly, I would have loved the story had they shown people going for therapy or counseling as mental and emotional well being is not taken seriously in our country. It would help remove the stigma attached towards seeking out professional help.

It doesn’t matter to me which pairing is the end game. I am more concerned with these issues getting addressed - they could show all the leads deciding to and trying to work on their problems and equations so that the children do not suffer and/or repeat their mistakes. It would be best to show them becoming each other’s friends, critics and grow together for kids’ sakes. And in this process or journey they can establish the pairings any way they want.

Also, I get that Abhinav and Akshara have lived peacefully for last 6 years - but if she cannot reciprocate his love, she should free him. Its unfair to him. He can remain a father figure to Abhir even if they are not husband-wife. A woman who runs behind her ex after his accident like the world has ended or cries looking at ‘methidana’ or talks to herself “why i am not able to give Abhinav what he wants from me” and then tries to get intimate with him which she later describes as a “test” - it just appears to be out of insecurities. It will be okay even if she decides to stay single if she feels incapable of falling in love again. Right now she has trapped herself and Abhinav in this marriage. And her family instead of trying to understand what she feels for him and then untangling the mess, is instead pushing her to take her relationship forward.

Regarding Abhinav picking the call 6 years back - I think he should have just asked him to hold and not said anything about kids n stuff. But for that I wouldn’t really blame him - he didn’t know Abhimanyu as a person. All he only knew was that he is the guy who left Akshara and is ignoring her calls. He didn’t have enough information to make the best choice during that call.

Originally posted by: DevilsHeart

I understand that supporting someone with anger issues might be triggering for many who read these posts.

I am sorry if I have caused you any emotional distress - that was never my intention. And if you or your loved ones have suffered from similar problems- please know that i am not trying to blame the victim or anything.

If you would keep an open mind and would like to know my reasons please read the following message else you may ignore it.

Yes, anger issues are bad and as someone who has lived with quiet a few people who have a bad temper - i can only say that anger is not always unjustified. If there is a valid reason to be angry about - one should get angry.

How one takes out that anger could be questionable. And when things get out of hand, i do believe that it should be addressed. Had Abhimanyu been heartless or idiotic or evil I would agree with many others that he should pay for his actions. But he is kind, intelligent and affectionate and I truly believe that such a person can work on his issues(with the help of his friends and family or a counsellor). Honestly, I would have loved the story had they shown people going for therapy or counseling as mental and emotional well being is not taken seriously in our country. It would help remove the stigma attached towards seeking out professional help.

It doesn’t matter to me which pairing is the end game. I am more concerned with these issues getting addressed - they could show all the leads deciding to and trying to work on their problems and equations so that the children do not suffer and/or repeat their mistakes. It would be best to show them becoming each other’s friends, critics and grow together for kids’ sakes. And in this process or journey they can establish the pairings any way they want.

Also, I get that Abhinav and Akshara have lived peacefully for last 6 years - but if she cannot reciprocate his love, she should free him. Its unfair to him. He can remain a father figure to Abhir even if they are not husband-wife. A woman who runs behind her ex after his accident like the world has ended or cries looking at ‘methidana’ or talks to herself “why i am not able to give Abhinav what he wants from me” and then tries to get intimate with him which she later describes as a “test” - it just appears to be out of insecurities. It will be okay even if she decides to stay single if she feels incapable of falling in love again. Right now she has trapped herself and Abhinav in this marriage. And her family instead of trying to understand what she feels for him and then untangling the mess, is instead pushing her to take her relationship forward.

Regarding Abhinav picking the call 6 years back - I think he should have just asked him to hold and not said anything about kids n stuff. But for that I wouldn’t really blame him - he didn’t know Abhimanyu as a person. All he only knew was that he is the guy who left Akshara and is ignoring her calls. He didn’t have enough information to make the best choice during that call.

It's hard as you tend to loose every relation without having much control over it. Only those who really care will stick by your side.

I know it’s difficult for many to look past anger. If someone is quick to cry as they didn’t get what they want - they are labelled soft or sensitive and they end up getting things their way.

But if someone is quick to temper - even if it stems from love and concern for the other person - people start labelling that person as “toxic” or “selfish”.

And believe me i have suffered more because of cry babies. An angry person can more often be reasoned with. I am saying this from my own experience.

Originally posted by: firewings_diya

it's okay people who have anger issues they have dealt it on their own 😃

It's hard as you tend to loose every relation without having much control over it. Only those who really care will stick by your side.

Again I can’t agree more because I personally have anger issues and am working on it and it is my husband who supports and understands and doesn’t leave me alone in situations. After all in marriage we sign up for both sukh and dukh. Had he being not understanding I wouldn’t have started working on the issue because it is not always individual effort sometimes it takes entire family to come together. I can totally relate to Abhimanyu and hence empathise with him just that I don’t support divorce. He could have given her divorce after cooling down and sending her back to Goenka’s if both felt that this cannot be worked out.

Originally posted by: reddit_toe

Again I can’t agree more because I personally have anger issues and am working on it and it is my husband who supports and understands and doesn’t leave me alone in situations. After all in marriage we sign up for both sukh and dukh. Had he being not understanding I wouldn’t have started working on the issue because it is not always individual effort sometimes it takes entire family to come together. I can totally relate to Abhimanyu and hence empathise with him just that I don’t support divorce. He could have given her divorce after cooling down and sending her back to Goenka’s if both felt that this cannot be worked out.

Now he has no one with him so i feel bad for him.