MBK Dharmakshetra Nano Drama discussion - Page 4

R we discussing before the results r out? Or the results r already out ?

Entries r no longer anonymous,  but I guess voting must hv closed right , so it's safe to discuss....

Originally posted by: BrhannadaArmour

My thoughts about the thirty Nano Dramas that didn't get my votes and weren't written by me:

These twelve entries analyzed Mahābhārata for a moral instead of dramatizing a story. A good drama should have more action than an essay, so I didn't vote for them, but I will comment on the characters and content of each Nano Drama.

Entry 14

A Clever Move.

(Draupadi is angrily removing her jewellery with maidservant's help)

Maid : "My brother says wise never get angry !"

Draupadi: " How can Parth bring another queen to Indraprastha??"

Maid: "What if she's  not a queen but a humble servant seeking refuge in your lotus feet?"

Draupadi (Smiling) : " As clever as Govind, Subhadra !!!"

Subhadrā passing for a maid is an inspired improvement on the original story that red-silk-dressed Subhadrā was sent by Arjuna in gopālikā-vapuḥ - cowherdess style to say, "preṣyā'ham - I'm (your) gofer," at which Kṛṣṇā Draupadī embraced her and quipped, "niḥsapatno'stu te patiḥ - unrivalled be your husband (and not I)!" The dialogues of this Nano Drama are good, like the maid mentioning her brother. Could there have been more buildup of Kṛṣṇā Draupadī gradually suspecting that this must be Subhadrā?

Entry 20

A WARNING.

( Nahush is making Saptarishis pull his chariot to Indrani's quarters)

Agastya : " Thou art wedded to the daughter of Mahadeva. Do not commit the sin of Indra by lusting another man's wife."

Nahush : " I was tied to AshokSundari before I was born . Is that fair ? Sachidevi is mine and rightfully so !! "

The author's unique choice of a story to dramatize and the points made in the dialogue are both imaginative. "The sin of Indra" is an allusion to Ahalyā, I guess. Nahuṣa's marriage to Aśokasundarī is from Padmapurāṇa, non-canonical for Mahābhārata, in which his wife's name is Priyavāsas or Virajas (the mind-born daughter of the Susvadha forefathers worshipped by vaiśyas). Anyway, if Agastya is saying that Nahuṣa should be monogamous, but Nahuṣa denies being legally married, and Nahuṣa is claiming Śacī because he has Indra's position now, their reasoning should be made as clear as possible. The ending left me wondering whether Nahuṣa persuaded Agastya.

Once again thank you for the detailed feedback !!

Entry 14 - I wanted to add another dialogue where the maidservant says - My brother says anger is like holding a hot coal. It burns you first something like that.......  but word constraint .... 😔

Entry 20 -  My focus here was not monogamy but the sin of lusting another man's wife. Plus to bring about the fact that even a noble virtuous man like Nahusa when attains the position of Indra is morally corrupted going the same way as Indra 

Originally posted by: DelusionsOfNeha

Entry 8

In the forest.

Arjun: Are you certain this is the right path?

Bhima: Definitely.

Nakul : Nope, we're definitely lost.

Yudhishthir: I trust Bhima.

Sahdev : You think he knows where we're heading?

Yudhishthir: I wouldn't go that far.

Nakul : We aren't, we've circled this tree thrice.

Fitting five characters' dialogue within the word limit is an accomplishment. I would have liked this scene better if it had brought out the characters as contrasting individuals, or included something unique to Mahābhārata. On the other hand, a situation that could happen to anyone on a hiking trail or scouting expedition is relatable.

I haven't read the epic in it's entirety and writing true to canon is not my forte😆 I always write Alternate Universe fictions. So, I chose something that could totally happen, a funny banter between the siblings. 

Glad you found it relatable 👍🏼

My entries were solely posted because Sima wanted me to write and with my creative juices running dry.. I looked up some incorrect quotes and adjusted them to fit the Bros 😆

Entry 12

Bhima was blessed by Nagas, and he tormented the Kauravas in mischief. Arjun enjoyed the view from atop a tree.

Yudhishthir: Stop, Bhimsena! You've gone insane with power, this isn't you!

Bhima: Of course, I have. Have you ever tried going insane without power? It's bland and boring.

Cute punch line! I think this one is a bit wordy at the beginning. Could the same information be expressed in dialogue to make it more dramatic?

Yes but the word crunch and time crunch didn't make it possible. I wrote the 3 entries in about an hour or less. 

Entry 23

During a hunt.

Arjun: Don't worry, I've got a few arrows up my sleeve.

Nakul: You mean knives?

Arjun, pulling arrows from his sleeves: No.

Sahdev: Do you accept constructive criticism?

Bhima, without realising question wasn't for him: Only juicy fruits.

The humour in this dialogue comes from non sequiturs, but there should still be underlying logic to the flow of images. Sleeves in Mahābhārata? Maybe they were hunting in Japan. Hunting wasn't close-range, so why does Nakula expect knives instead of arrows?

Ever heard of throwing knives? This was that 😆 sleeves are a sort of metaphor, whatever clothes they were wearing, or not. He could have the arrows hidden in their hair too... They're using some sort of nano weapons like in Wakanda 🤣 all hail Shuri! 

Here's some entries that I didn't send cuz they're far off from the canon. But enjoy them. (Generated from an incorrect quotes generator)

Arjun: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives

Krishna: I wake up at 4:30 AM

Arjun:

Arjun: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives

Arjun: Am I in trouble?

Krishna: Take a guess.

Arjun: No?

Krishna: Take another guess.

Arjun: It’s dark in here

Krishna: Don’t worry dude I got this

Arjun, in a beach shirt: So sue me, it's October and I'd like to be on Island Time for a day!

Krishna: I have Spotify open right now on my computer, do you want me to blast you? Do you want me to put you on blast? Cuz I've got your history right here on the sidebar,

Krishna: Take it Back by Jimmy Buffet, Nautical Wheelers by Jimmy Buffet, Jolly Mon Sing by Jimmy Buffet, Steamer by Jimmy Buffet, trEAT HER LIKE A LADY BY JIMMY BUFFET, MAÑANA BY JIMMY BUFFET, WHEN SALOME PLAYS THE DRUMS BY JAMES BUFFET, HAVANA DAYDREAMIN BY JIMMY BUFFET- What the F*CK happened to you?!

Arjun, laughing: I HAD A CASE OF THE MONDAYS

Krishna: ARE YOU HAUNTED?! ARE YOU F*CKING POSSESSED?!

Krishna: YOU USED TO BE MY FRIEND

Arjun, cry-laughing: ᴵ ᴴᴬᴰ ᴬ ᶜᴬˢᴱ ᴼᶠ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴹᴼᴺᴰᴬʸˢ

Arjun: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Krishna: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.

Arjun: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

Arjun: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Bhima: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Nakul : There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

Arjun: Why are you on the floor?

Bhima: I'm depressed.

Bhima: Also I was stabbed, can you get Nakul , please.

Arjun: We need to get through this locked door. Yudhishthir, give me your spear.

Yudhishthir: Here.

Arjun, pocketing it: Thanks. Bhima, kick down the door.

Yudhishthir: Bhima, keep an eye on Nakul today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Bhima: Sure, I’d love to see Nakul get punched.

Arjun: Try again.

Bhima, sighing: I will stop Nakul from getting punched. 

Yudhishthir staring.

Bhima : I will also punch whoever tries to hurt my younger brothers.

Incorrect quotes are some of my favourite things to read, Neha!

When I voted, I had a feeling these entries were probably yours. Good to be proved correct😆

Originally posted by: BrhannadaArmour

Anāmikā means nameless, so it's the perfect pseudonym. Some people are actually named Anāmika/Anāmikā because there is no name that captures the entirety of the divine. Other names that I find funny are Aniketa - homeless and Digambara - unclothed.

My specialization is genome analysis - figuring out stories of how cells of each species organize different macromolecules to get work done. So, my favourite language is DNA and my favourite stories are molecular evolution. I only read and write in human languages for fun.

Ngl I often wondered whether you specialised in research in Sanskrit texts. I find your command of both Sanskrit and English as well as the way you use the two languages simultaneously in your writing very admirable!