Chapter 36 Tying loose ends
Mini was lying wide awake on the bed in the middle of the night. She turned towards Neil and placed her head on his bare shoulder. Neil was awake too, he took her in tight embrace almost taking her body weight on himself. He began caressing her bare back, drawing patterns on it with his fingers.
"Not feeling sleepy yet? I thought we are done for tonight" Neil teased and asked her as he continued to caress.
"Not really. I am nervous about your interview tomorrow." Mini confessed being serious not getting his playful mood.
"I should be the one worrying about it, not you." Neil chuckled.
"I know but...baby your track record with media gives me jitters. They have not termed you as "controversy's favorite child" just like that." Mini replied honestly.
Neil now laughed at himself, remembering his previous interviews. "That was another Neil, not me. I have changed now...you have changed me. I am your Neil now and I can manage through a interview without screwing it up."
"Yes, but..." Mini was doubtful.
"You dont trust me?" Neil asked as he stopped the gentle caresses.
"I trust you but not the media. You know how they are...vultures, looking out for flesh to bite into and bleed the prey till he dies." Mini expressed her disgust towards media.
"I understand it very well but I cant hide anymore from the world. I have to come out to face it. Its been more than 6 months since that incident. If I want to start again then I should first be prepared to face my fears, insecurities, apologies for my mistakes and come out as clean of past." Neil explained.
"I know...and I totally support you but...its just that...I am too scared to lose you again. I dont want any of those media vultures to scratch your wounds and risk pushing you again in the darkness." Mini expressed her concerns.
"You have pull me out of that darkness, you are my light. I was lost there because I had lost you, now you being by my side, I have no fears." Neil assured her.
Mini smiled at him and kissed on his forehead. She realized he has stopped caressing her back. She didnt like it and gestured him to continue. Neil decided to tease her a little bit and instead of her back, his hand kept moving downward towards her bottom under the duvet.
Mini gasped as she felt his hand was kneading her butt. She winked at him as she thought of counter act. She grinded her lower part against him and now it was Neil's turn to gasp and moan. She felt the result of her action almost immediately in the form of his arousal. It turned her on instantly and she took his lips into hers engaging him in the passionate kiss. Neil forgot teasing her and adjusted her on himself all the while never breaking their kiss.
"Riding me again tigress! You seem hungry." Neil teased her yet again as he bit her lower lip. In reply Mini did the same with him and took it a step ahead as she inserted her tongue in his mouth to make already passionate kiss even more scorching.
Mini broke the kiss and started moving against him and he closed his eyes in ecstasy. She looked at his expression and it gave her immense pleasure to see he is in a pure bliss. She too was in heaven. Soon they reached the to the pleasure peak and moaned each others' name finding their release. She again lie down on his chest recovering from the after effects, he too took some deep breaths to calm his racing heart.
He kissed her after few seconds to show how contented he is feeling right now. Mini realized she needs to clean herself and she excused herself to the bathroom. Meanwhile Neil touched his lips where the feeling of that kiss of still lingering. He smiled as he relived the moment closing his eyes.
"A kiss which actually feels like a kiss, like she has touched his soul. Love making which seems a real one, where they get a glimpse of each others' heart and feelings, like literally making love not just random sexual encounters he had been having in the past to release pent up destructive energy in him." Neil wondered but the thought disturbed him more than necessary. He got off the track and went wandering into dark dungeons of his past.
On the other hand, Mini was busy cleaning herself when she suddenly realized she had missed her periods this month. Since that night when they came close in the rehabilitation center, there was no stopping for them after that. And she never cared for pills or any other measure also. "Could it be..." She thought for sometime as she bit her lips in nervousness and then closed her eyes and sent the silent prayer to God to turn this possibility into beautiful truth of their life.
She came out excitedly to discuss it with Neil but found him lost in his thoughts as he wore his payjamas and went to balcony. Mini also quickly grabbed his shirt from the bed to cover herself and followed him.
"What happened baby?" She put her hand on his shoulder showing her concern.
"We never talked about your feelings. What you have gone through, I know the monetary struggles and all that but the emotional turmoil...you must have felt terrible when...when..." Neil trailed off feeling ashamed of himself.
Mini pressed his shoulder to encourage him to continue. "...when you would have seen me with random girls or heard about my hook ups. When I saw Dr. Jay with you, I was so angry...I cant even tell you how it stung me to think about you being Jay's wife or fiancee...and you didnt even date him or anyone else...how did you...you know...how could you forgave me for my promiscuous behavior? Why you never asked any questions? Why didnt you got angry?" Neil blurted out what was bugging him.
"Why you have to talk about this now...it was past and its over. Didnt you said just now that you have come out of the darkness?" Mini became upset and forgot her excitement.
"I have but you also said that media can scratch my old wounds and its true that even though the darkness has gone but it has left behind these scars. If I want to face my fears in front of the world then I should first start with you. We never talked about it, we need to talk it out and finish it once and for all so that there is no hanging loose ends between us." Neil explained his pov.
"What do you want to hear? Yes, I did feel bad everytime I used to see you with...it almost felt like taking a bullet shot in my heart. But after sometime my heart became of stone or at least I thought so. I trained it to not get bothered by any of your news and I very honestly believed or acted that yes...finally I threw you out of my life but then...I used to cry myself to sleep and the realization that you still affect me used to shatter me completely....I...when the truth came out I could understand you pov but...those images, that pain, the feeling was so engraved in my heart deeply that I couldnt bring myself to forgive you. Not acknowledging my love for you, not talking to you, not making attempts like Mickey and Arya had assumed...all these was nothing but the expression of my frustration and pain. I knew I would never get over you and I have my chance now with you but my pride, my ego...the hurt kept pushing me away from you and I had decided that I will not stop, I will leave for ever but then that incident happened and...it was like a shock to my system. Seeing you there on hospital bed, fighting with death...I realized what I was going to leave behind...my love...my entire life...my everything. I made up my choice then, I dont want to stick to the bitter past memories and live my life sulking over it. I will move on, forgive you and stop fighting myself. I chose you over everything." Mini bare her heart open.
"I dont know how you found it in you to forget everything and accept me again but I am glad you did, infact I am grateful you did. I dont know how to say it...but its the biggest truth of my life that I have only ever loved one girl in my life and that it you. Are you understanding...what I am trying to say...am I making any sense to you?" Neil tried to convey his feelings but he was not sure what he should say or how.
"Neil...Neil....I get it...I get it. Now please stop it. I dont want to discuss it anymore. Let bygones be bygones. I love you and I know you love me truly. We both did mistake and we both paid its price. You became this vengeful destructive son of satan and I became cynical, pessimistic person." Mini let out a small laugh and so did Neil.
"Whats important is that we came out of that phase. We both are no longer those people. We chose to give ourselves second chance at life and we should be proud of it." Mini concluded.
"Hmm...I am glad that we talked it out. Communication gap and trust issues in our relationship had led us on that path but now we will make sure that no such problems exist between us." Neil promised.
"Come, its already very late, we should sleep now." Mini took his hand and lead him to the bed.
"You wanted to say something?" Neil asked noticing she was engrossed in her thoughts.
"No...I was...just...I'll talk to you later about it after your interview tomorrow." Mini replied deciding that this is not the right time to discuss the possibilities of her pregnancy with him. Clearly he was edge after heavy duty conversation they had. She didnt want to push him further. Tomorrow's interview is very important for him. She prayed to God to bless Neil for tomorrow.
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to be continued....
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