Song: jab koi baat
Day 4 Raavi, Shiva and kulfi
Part 2
Did I say that the series is stopping?
I did, didn't I?
Well, about that, so this series is not going to stop because... I'll just tell you what happened when the knock on the door interrupted my ranting session. Also, as I write this, I also have something to tell you about Gaumbi and our little kulfi date we had. I should not call it a date, because it was not, but it felt like it. I think I am tripping as I write this, cannot explain the butterflies in my stomach or whatever it is that is making me type as fast as I can.
So, where was I?
Yes, this day was long so don't mind me wandering off topic.
The door, yes, the door.
So, in the hopes of seeing my mota-bhai standing with my orange candy stick to calm my nerves, I opened the door only to see little Shiva standing in front of me. His face was smeared with dried and wet tears, his hair disheveled and his expressions was enough to break my heart, more than it did before. I also noticed how darker the sky was, reminding us that it was the end of the a day and start of the night, time to put things behind us and rest.
But I could not put whatever happened today behind me.
"Shiva, tujhe yaha nahi hona chahiye," I told him, refraining from meeting his eyes. I melt really easily whenever I was with my vanar sena, and Shiva was my weakest point.
That being said, Shiva Pandya was closer to me than all the other Pandyas because he was the purest of them all. Yes, I know, kids are all cute and pure, but not Shiva, Shiva was the most sweet soul who only did and said what was in his heart, never put on a show to please anyone and never lies. The last time when someone pointed at me for being a bhagodi ki beti, Shiva was three, and you won't believe, he literally bit the aunty so hard that she had to take a tetanus injection and ever since, no one had the nerve to even point at me in Shiva's presence.
He was my baby, my savior, my defender and he has been there for me more times than my mother has in her entire life.
And that is the only reason his words directed at Raavi felt like a slap on my face, it felt personal because the boy who has been the only one standing against the society is being a part of it now. It felt worse than a mother feels when her son leaves her house in fit of rage or abandons her, it felt worse than being betrayed by a loved one, it felt worse than when my mother left me.
"Nahi Dhara," Shiva pleaded, his hands joint and tears flowing from his face, he had never cried this much ever. "Please, Dhara, please, maaf kar de na. Please," He held his ears, and I looked at him, I almost gave into his apology but held myself. "Dhara, main kabhi aise nahi kahunga," He sobbed, legit sobbed, holding my hand, "Dhara ghar wapas aajaana, please, main sabse maafi mang lunga, Raavi se bhi, sab se. Kabhi aise nahi kahunga, kabhi nahi." He pinched his throat in an attempt to swear and prove it to me that he was going to never repeat it.
But did I want to trust him again?
Did I want to break my heart again?
"Shiva, raat hone waali hai, everyone must be worried about you." I said, sighing, and holding back my tears. "It is not good for you to stray away at this time in the night, warna phir se ilzaam iss bhagodi ki beti par aayegi."
Then he did something that melted me instantly, he hugged me, wrapping his little hands around my waist, burying his face under my hold, and I gulped, a tear escaping from my eye. "Please Dhara, please," He pleaded, holding me as tightly as he could, "I am sorry. I am really sorry."
"Shiva..."
"Nahi Dhara, tu pehle bol tune maaf kiya..."
"Shiva, kaki tujhe dhoond rahi hogi, tu jaa."
"Ey Bhagodi ki Beti, mera beta kabse ro raha hai, maafi mang raha hai, aur tujhe dekh."
Suprised and shocked honestly, a little scared too when Killer Kaki came from behind Shiva on her wheelchair, Gaumbi holding her and the other brothers looking at me. I almost thought that this was some movie or show, because that entrance was dramatic af.
She looked at me, and I looked at her, this time I was not going to lower my gaze and respect others when they did not respect me.
I got out of Shiva's hold, pushing him away from me a bit, so he could not hug me anymore, "Shiva jaa yaha se."
Ever since I had seen Indian serials, I was obsessed with drama and everything about it and dreamt that one day, I'd stand up for myself and turn my back to all the haters. This was my moment, I could feel the adrenaline pumping in my veins and giving a clear message on how I wouldn't tolerate anything remotely affecting my self-esteem and pride.
So I turned, dramatically, wanting to shut the door on their faces, so I could live alone for the rest of my life.
Alone but respectfully.
However, my drama was at hold, because another tiny arms held me from behind, enveloping me completely under their sweet fragrance and I heard her cute voice, her selflessness often tugged at my heartstrings.
"Dhara dii," Raavi said, hugging me from behind, she was literally half my height but her heart being purer than gold. "Please Pandya Niwas main wapas aajao, aur Shiva ko maaf kardo, maine bhi kar diya."
That made that teasing drop of tear to finally fall on the floor and I turned, taking the little Raavi in my arms. "Tune Shiva ko maaf kar diya?" I asked, rather wanting to know the reason more than anything.
"Haan dii, woh toh Shiva hai," she looked at the heartbroken Shiva, shrugging, "woh toh aise hi kehta hai."
This was what was taught to me, that I needed to adjust and understand the taunts of others and shrug it like it was nothing. Every time I spoke to Mota Bhai about the villagers, he'd say, 'Dhara, rewa de, woh toh aise hi kehte rehenge,' and when I spoke to Gaumbi about his mother's sharp tongue, he sighed and told me that it was her nature to be mean but she really wasn't like that within.
What am I to do from the within part if everything outside was downright mean?
But Raavi wouldn't, I shook my head, Raavi would never have to bear all this and adjust or get used to such distasteful words. So I knelt down, I met Raavi's teary eyes and I cupped her cute, small face, "Bilkul nahi Raavi," I said, shaking my head and wiping her tears. "never let anyone walk over you, and no one should be more important to you than you, and your self-respect." Although it was a little Raavi whom I was talking to, it felt like I met the small me, the one who wanted such kind words from someone but never got it. "Shiva ho ya koi aur, bada ho ya chota, parivar ho ya ajnabi," I further explained, "kisi ko bhi ye haq nahi ki woh tujhe neecha dikhaye."
It was must be hard for the ten year old to understand the gravity of my words but she was no ordinary ten-year old, I knew that. Raavi had seen pain and heartaches like no one had and she hugged me, drops of tears falling on my shoulders as I smiled, patting her back. "Main sab karungi," she promised me, "par aap Shiva ko maaf kardo, ghar wapas chalo!"
To that I looked at Shiva who held his ears, crying still and then at Suman Kaki and Gaumbi, silent and in contemplation while the other two monkeys were in tears, just like their brother.
But those words kept coming back to me, that tag of being a Bhagodi ki Beti kept haunting me and I knew it would do forever. I didn't need constant reminder of being the daughter of a mother who ran away, I needed to end this story, I needed a closure.
"Chal maaf kiya," I smiled at Shiva, wiping his tears, "abh Rona bandh kar de." But before I could even finish my statement, he launched at me and hugged me, crying even more and making everyone else smile amidst their tears.
The rest of the kids joined in the hug too and I smiled, hugging my kiddos back. These four kids had my whole heart and they knew that. Once they left me, and Gautam insisted that I give him my bag to hold, I refused.
"Sorry Gaumbi, par main ghar nahi aa sakti." I said and I swear I saw killer kaki's smile fade off and this time it was for me. "Kaki, main aapki bohot izzat karti hu, hamesha karungi, aapse pyaar bhi karti agar aap thoda si izzat mujhe bhi dete." Those words were tough, heck I felt I'd burn to the ground at the way Suman Kaki was eyeing me. "Aapka aur Darshan kaka ka samman rakte hue, main uss Ghar main nahi aaungi. Sorry."
Once again I turned, in the hopes of finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of the dramatic scene but I think drama doesn't like me either because before I even completed the 180° turn, kaki stopped me by holding onto one thing that meant a lot to me.
"Agar tu ghar nahi aayi, toh main samjhungi ki tu apne Darshan kaka se kabhi pyaar hi nahi karti hai."
If I had to rate this on the scale of emotional blackmail from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, I'd rate it 100. And even though all of us, including the naive of the lot Krish, knew that this was pure dramatical meaningless sentence that didn't need a reaction, I reacted.
Of course I'd react, Darshan Pandya was my life, was, is and will always be and if there's anyone I'd give my life for, it's his honor and name.
And that was all Killer Kaki had to do honestly, and that is why I previously mentioned how I wanted to be like her. Because damn, that lady had high IQ and strong EQ.
So, I was back at the Pandya Niwas, back on the cot where I was right now typing this thing out. The rest of the evening went by rather quickly, the boys helped Gaumbi with food and we all ate noodles for dinner, Kaki even piped a sarcastic taunt of some people (which was me), loved being over dramatic and poised. When I muttered with a same to you, she kinda heard it and glared at me but didn't say anything while Gautam chucked.
It was a tiring long day, not gonna lie, and I swear, this was more dramatic than serials.
Did I leave anything out?
Oh yea, the post dinner kulfi outing we all had. Kaki called it a night and gave the boys permision to have some kulfi and Dev called Raavi over and the four kids, Gaumbi and me walked over to the kulfi stall, half a mile away.
A long walk, yeah, but the kulfi was worth it.
While the kids goofed around, talking and bickering, Shiva did the most Dev thing and gave up his kulfi to Raavi, once again apologizing to her and by his soft tone and sincere facial expressions, I knew he meant it and Raavi did too.
She took both the kulfis, one kesar and one pista and took turns in eating it while Shiva sat next to me, not leaving me at all. "Sorry Dhara, main gadehda hu, aagey kabhi aisa nahi karunga." He promised and I smiled at him, handing him my share of the kulfi. "Par tu kya khayegi?"
"Tu kha le, mera dil toh tujhe dekh kar hi bhar jayega."
He left with the kulfi over to the kids who were calling out to him as they played around and I smiled at the clan.
Honestly, I was scared too as much angry I was when I left the Pandya Niwas, because without the Pandyas, I never really had anyone. But, all well that ends well.
And just suddenly, a melting kulfi landed in front of my face, and with it came a smiling Gautam who sat next to me. "Kha le," He said, tilting his head, "waise bhi bachpan se meri hisse ki kulfi bhi tu hi khaati aayi hai."
To that I smiled, meeting his soulful eyes and proceeded to take the stick from his hand only for him to bring it near my mouth. I've never been fed in my life, I swear, blame my disinterested parents who didn't care a speck about their daughter, I've been eating my own food since forever.
So obviously, this was a bit, strange and at the same time, comforting as Gaumbi fed me and took a bit of the kulfi, trying to not be intimidated by the proximity. Strangely again, I felt more wanting of this comfort.
"Don't you want to eat?" And before he could even reply, which would have been a no, I pushed the kulfi stick towards him and he met my eyes, and then leaned in to take a bite of the kulfi.
How is it that I was now feeling hot and warm even after indulging into a cool treat? Something was wrong with my stomach, the butterflies and what not kept churning and I gulped, meeting his eyes.
The kulfi was forgotten.
We just kept staring at each other, holding onto the gaze like a staring competition and I tried my best to understand what this meant, but I couldn't because I was fascinated on my reflection in his eyes and how my heartbeats kept pacing further.
"Arrey Gaumbi, kulfi nahi khaani hai toh mujhe dedo!" Krish's loud voice broke our gaze and while I sat back, Gaumbi eyed the kulfi melting in his hand. "Waste kyu kar rahe ho!"
To that Shiva and Dev screamed at him, "gadehda, moment bigaad diya." Dev said and I didn't quite understand why he said that or what he meant and Gautam cleared his throat, asking all of us to head home now.
Of course Krish got the kulfi and I got myself a truckload of emotions to ponder on.
I'm not going crazy right?
What moment?
Were we having a moment?
Why am I going insane?
This Pandya Niwas is driving me crazy, I swear, and all thanks to Darshan Kaka. And i still have three more days.
Someone help.
Yours insane,
Dhara Patel
11th February, 2022
_
A/N do comment if you liked the chapter ✨
Edited by Gadbad_Ghotala - 4 years ago
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