ZDMN EDT#16 |14/2 WU pg 134 - Page 80

Created

Last reply

Replies

1.2k

Views

38.2k

Users

25

Likes

4.2k

Frequent Posters

NoeticLife thumbnail
Rainbow Reign Pride Participant Thumbnail Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail + 6
Posted: 4 years ago

"Janaab", Faizi pounded on the door, the academy in mourning silence around him. "Karan!"

"Faizi, mera baat karne ka bilkul mood nahi hai", he snapped back. "Chala jaa."

Karan stared at the picture, silent tears tracing down his face. He wiped them angrily, fed up of the seemingly endless tears.

'Karan, yeh tere bhai Param ki request nahi hai.'

'Kuch bhi ho jaaye, tu waapas nahi aayega, Karan.'

'Nahi, nahi, nahi! Yeh nahi ho sakta! Karan, tu... tu toh tha uske saath. Param ko kuch nahi hua, na? Tu jhooth bol raha hai, na? Mazaak hai, na, yeh? Bol, na, Karan!'

He snarled in frustration, hitting the desk harshly.

'Bhaiya! Main aapse better solider banooga! Dekh lena.'
'Shoes ke laces toh baandna seekh le pehle, gadhe.'
He looked at his untied laces, before looking up at his older brother, who was combing his hair, both in school uniform. He lifted his legs, staring at him hopefully. 'Ek aur baar bataana, kaise baandhte hain.'
He sighed, shaking his head. He knelt down, patiently teaching him how to tie his shoes, for the hundredth time.

Sobs racked his body and he slid to the ground, his chest tightening uncomfortably. A scream bubbled in his throat, and he pulled at his hair. It hurt. It hurt so much!

"Bhaiya", he sobbed. He stared at the picture of the two of them, vision blurring from the tears. "Bhaiya, I am sorry. Main aapko bacha nahi paaya. Aap better soldier ho, please waapas aa jao. I promise, main aapki har baat maanooga. I promise. Please waapas aa jao. Main aapke bina nahi reh sakta."

A knock sounded on the door. "Karan", Faizi called.

"Jaa, na, Faizi!" He screamed, clutching the nearest thing which happened to be a paperweight, throwing it across the room at the door. It clanked harshly, a dent appearing on the frame, before it fell to the ground, shattering into pieces.

He tilted his head back, resting it on the wall, as sobs racked his body. His chest tightened uncomfortably, a painful lump in his throat, and he screamed. The pain didn't ease. He screamed again, screaming till he couldn't hear his own voice, silent sobs taking over them.

'Tum log andar kaise phase?' Colonel Batra asked.
'They're drunk', a doctor declared, finishing checking over them.
'Yeh nashe mein the, galti se border cross liya', one's father said. Karan's fists clenched. 'Inko punishment mil gayi hai. Le dekar baat khatam karte hain?'
His temper broke, and he crossed the room, clutching his collar and slamming him into a wall. 'Inki wajah se mera bhai shaheed ho gaya hai.'
'We're sorry, but tum logon ke liye toh yeh honor ki baat hai, na?' One of them asked. 'Humne honor dilaa diya tumhe.' He chuckled.
Karan wrapped his hand around his throat, snarling as his fists found him over and over again. Arms pulled him back, and he screamed in his face, fighting against them. 'Tumhaari wajah se mera bhai mar gaya, and tumhe farak hi nahi padta', he screamed.
'Karan! Karan!' A voice screamed.
'Shergill', Colonel Batra said, standing in front of them. 'Main samajhta hoon tumhaari feelings, par this is not the solution.'
'Iss baat ka koi solution hai hi nahi!' He screamed. 'My brother's dead, aur sab inki galti hai. You selfish brats!'

Karan's jaw clenched. "Tum logon ki wajah se mere bhaiya shaheed ho gaye. Zindagi mein sab kuch itni asaani se mila hai ki kisi ki jaan tak ki parwaah nahi. Ameerzaade.'

The door burst open, and his jaw clenched in irritation as he saw Faizi.

"Faizi, yaar, samajh nahi aata tujhe", he said, his voice hoarse from all the screaming. "Akela chodh de mujhe!"

"Haath dekho tum apna", he snapped back. He lifted it, and Karan stared at the blood dripping down his palm. Blood was on the floor around him, and it was then, he realized he had been hitting it in anger.

He deserved it. He couldn't save his brother. He deserved it. He deserved it!

"Deserve karta hoon main yeh", he said, ripping his hand away from his grip. His throat burned with exertion, stinging and he welcomed the pain. "Bhaiya ko main nahi bacha paaya."

"Tumhaari galti nahi hai, Karan", Faizi said. "Tumhaari koi galti nahi hai. Bina galti ke khud ko sazaa mat do."

"Sazaa toh mil chuki hai. Bhaiya... Faizi, wo mujhe hamesha ke liye chhod kar chale gaye", he sobbed, throwing himself in his arms, and his best friend wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back. "Wo hamesha ke liye chale gaye. Bhaiya chale gaye. Wo mujhe chhodkar chale gaye."

He was dead.

He was gone. Forever.

And he had to live the rest of his life without him.

NoeticLife thumbnail
Rainbow Reign Pride Participant Thumbnail Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail + 6
Posted: 4 years ago

Tag karna bhool gayi!

NoeticLife thumbnail
Rainbow Reign Pride Participant Thumbnail Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail + 6
Posted: 4 years ago

I am not very good at writing grief or sad things or overly emotional things but yeh aaya tha dimaag mein, toh... likh diya.

Tagging more.

iAmSphere thumbnail
10th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 4 years ago

Originally posted by: NoeticLife

"Janaab", Faizi pounded on the door, the academy in mourning silence around him. "Karan!"

"Faizi, mera baat karne ka bilkul mood nahi hai", he snapped back. "Chala jaa."

Karan stared at the picture, silent tears tracing down his face. He wiped them angrily, fed up of the seemingly endless tears.

'Karan, yeh tere bhai Param ki request nahi hai.'

'Kuch bhi ho jaaye, tu waapas nahi aayega, Karan.'

'Nahi, nahi, nahi! Yeh nahi ho sakta! Karan, tu... tu toh tha uske saath. Param ko kuch nahi hua, na? Tu jhooth bol raha hai, na? Mazaak hai, na, yeh? Bol, na, Karan!'

He snarled in frustration, hitting the desk harshly.

'Bhaiya! Main aapse better solider banooga! Dekh lena.'
'Shoes ke laces toh baandna seekh le pehle, gadhe.'
He looked at his untied laces, before looking up at his older brother, who was combing his hair, both in school uniform. He lifted his legs, staring at him hopefully. 'Ek aur baar bataana, kaise baandhte hain.'
He sighed, shaking his head. He knelt down, patiently teaching him how to tie his shoes, for the hundredth time.

Sobs racked his body and he slid to the ground, his chest tightening uncomfortably. A scream bubbled in his throat, and he pulled at his hair. It hurt. It hurt so much!

"Bhaiya", he sobbed. He stared at the picture of the two of them, vision blurring from the tears. "Bhaiya, I am sorry. Main aapko bacha nahi paaya. Aap better soldier ho, please waapas aa jao. I promise, main aapki har baat maanooga. I promise. Please waapas aa jao. Main aapke bina nahi reh sakta."

A knock sounded on the door. "Karan", Faizi called.

"Jaa, na, Faizi!" He screamed, clutching the nearest thing which happened to be a paperweight, throwing it across the room at the door. It clanked harshly, a dent appearing on the frame, before it fell to the ground, shattering into pieces.

He tilted his head back, resting it on the wall, as sobs racked his body. His chest tightened uncomfortably, a painful lump in his throat, and he screamed. The pain didn't ease. He screamed again, screaming till he couldn't hear his own voice, silent sobs taking over them.

'Tum log andar kaise phase?' Colonel Batra asked.
'They're drunk', a doctor declared, finishing checking over them.
'Yeh nashe mein the, galti se border cross liya', one's father said. Karan's fists clenched. 'Inko punishment mil gayi hai. Le dekar baat khatam karte hain?'
His temper broke, and he crossed the room, clutching his collar and slamming him into a wall. 'Inki wajah se mera bhai shaheed ho gaya hai.'
'We're sorry, but tum logon ke liye toh yeh honor ki baat hai, na?' One of them asked. 'Humne honor dilaa diya tumhe.' He chuckled.
Karan wrapped his hand around his throat, snarling as his fists found him over and over again. Arms pulled him back, and he screamed in his face, fighting against them. 'Tumhaari wajah se mera bhai mar gaya, and tumhe farak hi nahi padta', he screamed.
'Karan! Karan!' A voice screamed.
'Shergill', Colonel Batra said, standing in front of them. 'Main samajhta hoon tumhaari feelings, par this is not the solution.'
'Iss baat ka koi solution hai hi nahi!' He screamed. 'My brother's dead, aur sab inki galti hai. You selfish brats!'

Karan's jaw clenched. "Tum logon ki wajah se mere bhaiya shaheed ho gaye. Zindagi mein sab kuch itni asaani se mila hai ki kisi ki jaan tak ki parwaah nahi. Ameerzaade.'

The door burst open, and his jaw clenched in irritation as he saw Faizi.

"Faizi, yaar, samajh nahi aata tujhe", he said, his voice hoarse from all the screaming. "Akela chodh de mujhe!"

"Haath dekho tum apna", he snapped back. He lifted it, and Karan stared at the blood dripping down his palm. Blood was on the floor around him, and it was then, he realized he had been hitting it in anger.

He deserved it. He couldn't save his brother. He deserved it. He deserved it!

"Deserve karta hoon main yeh", he said, ripping his hand away from his grip. His throat burned with exertion, stinging and he welcomed the pain. "Bhaiya ko main nahi bacha paaya."

"Tumhaari galti nahi hai, Karan", Faizi said. "Tumhaari koi galti nahi hai. Bina galti ke khud ko sazaa mat do."

"Sazaa toh mil chuki hai. Bhaiya... Faizi, wo mujhe hamesha ke liye chhod kar chale gaye", he sobbed, throwing himself in his arms, and his best friend wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back. "Wo hamesha ke liye chale gaye. Bhaiya chale gaye. Wo mujhe chhodkar chale gaye."

He was dead.

He was gone. Forever.

And he had to live the rest of his life without him.

Rula dia Noe 😢

It was heart wrenching. You penned down Karan's emotions so beautifully ❤️.

FarSay thumbnail
Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail Visit Streak 90 Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 4 years ago

Pleasee go n join the writers team 💗

We wil get good scenes better screenplay balanced episodes with increased trp 😁

NoeticLife thumbnail
Rainbow Reign Pride Participant Thumbnail Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail + 6
Posted: 4 years ago

Originally posted by: FarSay

Pleasee go n join the writers team 💗

We wil get good scenes better screenplay balanced episodes with increased trp 😁

Haan, zaroor kyun nahi? Koi bas lega nahi mujhe.

Thank you so much!

Krishnaa_22 thumbnail
Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail Visit Streak 90 Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 4 years ago

If this by any chance is your "not good at writing", I highly doubt your best would be out of the world. This is so beautiful. You have penned it so nicely. Karan's character is intense and this scene is something which can be imagined in accordance to his ways. Emotions don't come easily to him yet when they do, they have the ability to bring down the strongest of the persons. So good. ❤


And also, an addition to everything, the younger version of Karan along with Param. It was a beautiful moment. 😍🤗

NoeticLife thumbnail
Rainbow Reign Pride Participant Thumbnail Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail + 6
Posted: 4 years ago

Originally posted by: Krishnaa_22

If this by any chance is your "not good at writing", I highly doubt your best would be out of the world. This is so beautiful. You have penned it so nicely. Karan's character is intense and this scene is something which can be imagined in accordance to his ways. Emotions don't come easily to him yet when they do, they have the ability to bring down the strongest of the persons. So good. ❤


And also, an addition to everything, the younger version of Karan along with Param. It was a beautiful moment. 😍🤗

Thank you so much!! Grief and portraying such intense emotions is kind of hard to write, par I am glad you liked it!


@bold- I wanted to indicate their closeness when they were kids, and how important Param had been to Karan, growing up.

FarSay thumbnail
Visit Streak 180 Thumbnail Visit Streak 90 Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 4 years ago

If dey see ur work n still dont...fir pakka dey belong to Aneesh category 😜

Koi nai hum sab hai na aapke kadardaan...

U keep writing...we'll keep appreciating 😊

Related Topics

Top

Stay Connected with IndiaForums!

Be the first to know about the latest news, updates, and exclusive content.

Add to Home Screen!

Install this web app on your iPhone for the best experience. It's easy, just tap and then "Add to Home Screen".