"Sometimes it takes an outsider, someone with fresh eyes, to see the truth."
This was the essence of Sai and Samrat's conversation today. Samrat has only seen Sai and Virat's relationship for 2 days at this point, and yet he is able to see that they are in love with each other...that they are real husband and wife. His smile looking at their photos together spoke volumes. He knows that Virat has moved on, and he is happy. Even in his anger towards his brother, Samrat is glad that Virat has found someone like Sai to be his life partner.
I don't think that Sai's feelings have ever been clearer than they were in today's episode. She told Samrat what an amazing man Virat is and how deeply thankful she is for all he has done for her. She told him that Virat has never let her leave the house. It was evident in her words how highly she thinks of Virat. She did not let Samrat question Virat's intentions at all.
But, today, Samrat was the first person to ask Sai about how she feels...about what her story is....about how all of this has impacted her. It was truly heart touching to see. Regardless of the people who care about Sai in CN, no one has ever felt the need to have this conversation with her. In Samrat, Sai has finally found someone who is going to think of her first and protect her as an elder should. You could see that Sai was taken aback by this question. She was not expecting it. Because, this entire time, Sai has been telling herself that what she feels towards Virat does not matter. And boy, did Ayesha kill this scene. Her eyes were enough to speak 1000 words. She could not even meet Samrat's eyes as she spoke, and no matter how hard she tried, the tears began falling out. She had to compose herself for a solid 30 seconds before saying that she does not feel anything for Virat beyond the zimidari. And here came the biggest insight into her feelings we have gotten explicitly thus far- she said this is because this marriage is a deal and she knows that he is already committed…that he doesn’t have space in his heart for anyone else. And you could see that she broke a little inside as she said this. Sai is in love with Virat, and her heart knows it. But, her mind won’t let her accept it… she won’t give herself the permission to accept it. Especially now with Samrat’s return, she believes that if Pakhi is freed, she will be able to unite with Virat. So, Sai is trying to save herself the heartbreak and do the right thing…but in the process, her heart is crumbling. Her saying all of these things is just her convincing herself that this isn’t real. Because if she does, then she will not be able to bear the fact that in her mind, Virat is someone else’s.
When Samrat asked Sai for further clarification, Sai said that she does not know about Virat’s feelings, because he has never said anything… but that she does not want to know anyways, because she already knows the answer. Again, this gave so much clarity to us as an audience. Many of us keep saying that Sai needs verbal affirmation from Virat, and this just proves that. She senses that she is more than a zimidari for Virat. She senses his love, his affection for her. But, she cannot admit it to herself… not only because she believes he is someone else’s, but more so because he has never said otherwise. His words matter to her. She needs to end this confusion going on inside of her once and for all. Why do his words and actions not match? When Sai said that she does not want to know about Virat’s feelings, that was her fear of losing Virat. Because, while she can sense the reality of this marriage, the past has been weighing down on her since the day she got married. If she asks Virat about his feelings and she hears the answer that she does not want, that will end everything. It will end the “reality” that she has created for herself… the reality in which everything is a deal, and yet, they act as husband and wife. This has been the reality since the very day they got married. So, while a part of her desperately needs answers, there is another part that would keep living in this messy relationship if that means that she can keep Virat forever. But yet again, this fear comes from Virat’s lack of clarifications to her….
Virat today was in no state to look past Sai’s words and into the sentiments behind them. He is still heartbroken from Sai’s words on their anniversary, and on top of that, he is now drowning in his own guilt for ruining his brother’s marriage too. When Virat said that Sai has never given him a chance to confess, I actually understood where he was coming from. Sai puts up such a harsh exterior to defend her heart that it scares Virat. The prime example of this was their anniversary fight. All she wanted was for him to say that he chooses her over Pakhi, but the way she came across was so wrong- her insecurities were bursting open, she wasn’t thinking before speaking, and she spewed venom instead. Before this, whenever she has asked Virat what this relationship is, she has once again come across as if either she does not care or that she has already made up her mind. This same exact situation came up during the ring gifting, college fest fight, and so many other moments. Each time, she was in search of his answer being that he choses her, but the way she presented herself due to her own walls made him too afraid to say what was in her heart. And, Virat is too engulfed in his own love for her and fear of losing her to be able to look past her exterior and into her actions…into what she is actually feeling towards him.
Virat already felt as if he had no place in Sai’s life after the anniversary fight, but today’s conversation between Sai and Samrat has confirmed it for him. This marriage has never been a deal for him. Not even on the day they got married. Sai has always been something more to him… before she was his wife, she was his friend, his family, his support system, his rock. But, now, he feels as though none of that is real anymore. That she really is just his zimidari… nothing more, not even all those bonds they shared in addition to husband and wife. He has died inside. Neil portrayed all of these emotions so well... his slight nod when Sai said she feels nothing for him.... these are Virat's worst fears coming true. He is suffocating. The way in which he told Sai that he does not need her permission to transfer in the precap showed his mental state so clearly. Contrast this with how he kept seeking Sai’s permission and approval before going on the mission and all of the emotional moments they shared then. They were acting as husband and wife then…they basically always have been…and this is what is normal to Sai. This behavior from him is already destroying her. In fact, it was already destroying her during their anniversary fight, which is why she was probing him about Samrat’s return and his happiness to begin with. Because, she could sense that he was distanced. That he was not talking to her about his feelings. That is why she was trying to get a reaction from him in the first place. Sai was taken aback when he answered her in this in the precap, and her monologue asking herself whether Virat is moving away from her said it all. She is now going to be forced to question why Virat is acting in this way…. once again causing so much turmoil within her. Because, with Samrat’s return and talks of divorce, she will misunderstand that perhaps Virat is acting this way because he wants to be with Pakhi…when, that could not be further from the truth. Virat is all she has and all she wants. Up until now, she had him even if he was not her husband, but now, she is going to feel like she is headed in the direction of not having him at all. She is moving towards a complete mental collapse, as is Virat…
I have hopes that Samrat will be the shoulder that Sai can lean on to realize her love for Virat. And, he also seems like he can be the force to unite SaiRat once and for all… these are some beautiful dynamics that the makers can explore…Sai and Virat are too wrapped up in their own emotions to see things from each other's perspectives at this point, but Samrat already sees it all...
All in all, this episode was honestly amazing in my opinion (leaving aside didi- I don’t want to go there). Even though the scene was cut very short, it brought across so much.
Ayesha and Yogi have such good on screen chemistry (not in a romantic way, please don’t go there)…. I am excited for their scenes to come, and I am excited for the path that SaiRat are headed on. This track truly has infinite potential, and the roots have already been laid out….
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Advocate Anjali Awasthi
