Both need space ❤️❤️❤️ - Page 16

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

This is something I was thinking about Pooja. I realised he had this problem with Sai - because he would get engulfed in his own emotions. I also feel that with Sai, he often seems to expect/believe that Sai would react the same way he would go a situation. And when she doesn't, he interprets it entirely wrong.

But the way he doesn't clear things with even Pakhi until she herself tells him she has feelings for him - shows he has serious observation problems - not just with Sai.

Only thing I don't understand is how he became IPS officer.

Yes, this problem is not limited to Sai. It can be seen in all of his "relationships"....

@bolded: As an IPS officer, there are no feelings involved. His problems arise when he is emotionally attached to individuals....

And your point about him expecting Sai to act how he would and then misunderstanding her is spot on. On a larger level, this is also the reason I feel that he cannot see that she loves him. In his mind, he has an idea of the things that people do and say when they are in love. But, he cannot look past his own hurt and fears of rejection to see that Sai staying with him despite all of his kaands, accepting his abusive family with open arms, and practically everything else she does is for him...

Originally posted by: tptwi

Nethraa.. forgot to tag you.. please look at mine and Laksh's conversation over the past 2 pages regarding guilt and Virat's emotional issues if you are still interested 🤣 I am sure you are probably tired of hearing me talk about this by now 😆

No I'm not tired...and I read all the posts.😆

I would still call it an emotional relationship. But it was unintentional.

Although with the whole guilt vs feelings debate, Virat's POV is much clearer. I think the line between feelings and guilt is too fuzzy....it was probably a mixture of both - which might have been one of the reasons why Virat didn't realise he was crossing the line (in the early stages of marriage). As @asmi pointed out, people in unintentional emotions affairs often don't realise they are in one.

Later on, it was just poor observation skills and not being mindful.

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

Just one observation Laksh. During MS, that weird blank state when Sai questions him about Samrat's wedding - it might have been his emotions for Samrat and not remnants of his feelings for Pakhi.

Day before MS was PD lunch kaand. That day, he had told Pakhi that he has no feelings for her.

I have d as always tried to understand that Nethra. I couldn’t decipher his emotions in that scene.

People did tell it was emotions for Samrat. I do agree that he had told Pakhi that he has no feelings for her but does that mean that he might not feel bad thinking about it when he is reminded of Pakhi’s marriage. At that point of time, he had not realised his love for Sai too. So it could be possible that he thought that day to be an unfortunate day of his life? I don’t know.

Originally posted by: Nja91

Virat once gave Sai this advice- ki if i have a problem, main chaand par baith jaata hoon- to get a birds eye view of it, an objective view and then i decide how to tackle it. I wish he could apply this advice to his own personal life. If he did he'd understand what Sai's problem is. Why she keeps on bringing up deal n pp. Sai is not doing it to be petty. She genuinely needs a clarification and she is insecure as any wife would be. She was willing to accept Sunnys words that ok virat broke ties off with pp but she asks- if thats so why is pp still waiting. And its a very reasonable question. Instead of getting angry, i wish virat had replied saying - i dont know. I've told her to stay in her limits. I dont understand why he thinks she will read his eyes n his actions and if he needs to explain his feelings in words then thats not acceptable for him. He seems to be in this zone where hes like "if Sai understands everything herself, then she will come to me n but if she doesn't theres no use trying"

This attitude is only prolonging both their misery.

When he told Sai- i thought the onus was on me to make you understand, but no matter what I do, you only find fault- i dont agree fully. Yes, he has tried to convey that he cares but it doesn't erase the questions that Sai has raised over n over again. As his wife she wants to know everything about pp. Everything there was, there is- how he felt before, how he feels now. Whereas virats attitude is- i dont wanna talk about it. I dont understand why! Is it so hard to see that she is insecure/possessive too...that she wants her husband to be only hers. How can she not be in a terrible mood when yoga instructor is narrating his love story with pp to her- his wife. How can she not lash out when she keeps getting reminders of her husband's past every other day and all virat does is sidestep the issue. He has been direct maybe 2-3 times but all have been in the heat of arguments or emotions, in the hospital, etc...and even then he has not explained everything. Sai deserves the A to Z. How else will she understand his pov...

Will these 2 ever be shown having a mature conversation?!

Despite his escapist attitude, he has had to confess that pp was his past after trying really hard to deny it and now Samrat is going to expose them in front of family too.

@ bold completely agree!

I felt that in my life, it hurts way much.

My husband, his cousin (bua's son) and his cousin's wife were in same school - college, are like best friends. Before & after my husband's cousin got married, all three of them were hanging out together a lot, even my husband calls her with her nick name.

When I got engaged to my husband, all 4 us went out for a day picnic. I was feeling like outsider and was insecure, too. I asked them than and there bluntly - do you have a space for me? where do I fit in my husband's life ?

My BIL realized it ,and told me - 'yes of course, chhutki (gave me nick name to make me feel special as I am 5 years younger than them) - you are the youngest one in all of us, will get special treatment always!'

& also advised my husband - he should start to call our SIL as vahini & explained that he is OK the way it is as they grew up together, knows each other very well - I will not feel comfortable with my husband's bond with his vahini!

Originally posted by: laksh

I have d as always tried to understand that Nethra. I couldn’t decipher his emotions in that scene.

People did tell it was emotions for Samrat. I do agree that he had told Pakhi that he has no feelings for her but does that mean that he might not feel bad thinking about it when he is reminded of Pakhi’s marriage. At that point of time, he had not realised his love for Sai too. So it could be possible that he thought that day to be an unfortunate day of his life? I don’t know.

That was a pretty bad scene. Hard to understand.

But I still believe it wasn't for losing Pakhi. He had gone way too ahead at that point....he had not completely realized his feelings for Sai...but had begun pining for Sai.

May be it was his discomfort, guilt and pain of that occassion (Samrat wedding)...the fact that Samrat may have left because of him might have been there at the back of his mind. I don't know ...scene was too vague and misleading.

Originally posted by: laksh

@bold I am sorry to disagree but he did have residual feelings. Virat to me was an emotional mess. He thought he was in love with Pakhi as I had once stated to Pooja but he was also getting drawn to Sai subconsciously. He told Sai at the end of the pheras that he can only fulfill his responsibility but to hear the same words from Sai hurt him. He wasn’t sure what he wanted and why he felt that way. He didn’t like Sai telling that she didn’t want to get married to him and that she cannot be his wife or would walk out of his life at the time both were doing pradakshina at the temple after marriage, but he also told Pakhi that she was special for him even then. He had feelings for Pakhi which he couldn’t bury it completely.

Forget Sai, Pakhi was married to his brother, was Virat right in thinking or imagining Pakhi at his wedding altar? He had absolutely no control over his emotions. He was feeling bad that they couldn’t become one. Whether or not it is love or whether he had always loved Sai is all a different thing because whatever be it, it didn’t vanish after Pakhi got married.

I have never blamed him because he had no control over his own emotions which would surface every now and then. It surfaced even during the DIG fight when he looked at Pakhi and said that he lost his pyari cheez, it surfaced even when he said Pakhi ke liye mere man jo pyaar hai corrected it to Dosti, it surfaced even when Sai asked him about details of Samrat wedding on the MS day when they both were talking about Devi’s wedding, when he had actually got blanked out, got upset.

It is probably natural since they were all feelings and he didn’t have control over them. But what was in his hands were his actions which he didn’t think through and that’s the problem.

Whatever he was feeling for Sai is something that I know. Sai replying to his own deal saying she can’t be his wife or she would move out once she becomes a doctor and things that were his own words repeated by her had hurt him in the jeep too when he was dropping Sai back home.

He has felt guilty for Pakhi but as I have already said, it was also an empathy for the girl whom he had let down, with whom he couldn’t start the journey of life, whose pain he could relate to because he also could feel her pain. He used to think and believe that he loved her (I am yet to know what he actually thinks about it especially after the lovers point dialogue 🤦‍♀️ ) which made him act not only out of guilt but also out of understanding. This was all in parallel to whatever he had started to feel already for Sai subconsciously. I had said in this some other post too, even in that pyar dosti slip up, I could see Virat’s irritation and hurt when Sai retorted with an answer that it doesn’t matter to her as whom he likes or loves. This was a retort to his question as why should it bother her when their marriage is a deal. He was having conflicting emotions all along.

I have a feeling that over a period of time especially when he started to act possessive during Amay’s case of jealousy during Aniket’s case, Sai understood him having conflicting emotions. She is seeking for clarifications from him because of this.

Anyway, the main issue we all have been discussing is how he never drew lines when he should have. It wasn’t just one but many instances during which he had failed to do that. He had led Pakhi on too. He wasn’t being mindful of his actions.

I think Virat was confused about his feelings in the early days of his marriage. He was conflicted with his feelings for Pakhi and Sai as you have so aptly described. Although I still believe what he felt for Sai was the real deal and what he felt for Pakhi was just coming from something he imagined to be love.

Also love your take on why Virat gave the vaada to Pakhi.

I have been thinking it over again

From what both of you have posted.....can I summarise it thus :-

That Virat did have feelings for Pakhi (real or imaginary) in the early days of his marriage.

However, his actions towards Pakhi were not driven by his feelings, but rather by his guilt/empathy?

What I had concluded earlier was :-

That his actions were driven by a mix of his feelings for Pakhi+ guilt.

Example: The reason why he would want to explain his marriage or the lipstick mark on his kurta.

It could come from his feelings for Pakhi...which would prompt him to clarify as a committed 'friend' that he does not mean to betray Pakhi

(Or)

It could mean that his actions was driven by his guilt/responsibility

He wanted to let Pakhi know that he was still honouring his promise - the promise he had made that changed Pakhi's life.

Sai is so rude to virat she needs to start respecting him I find her annoying when ever she rude to virat he is ur husband I turned my tv off I was 😡

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

I have been thinking it over again

From what both of you have posted.....can I summarise it thus :-

That Virat did have feelings for Pakhi (real or imaginary) in the early days of his marriage.

However, his actions towards Pakhi were not driven by his feelings, but rather by his guilt/empathy?

What I had concluded earlier was :-

That his actions were driven by a mix of his feelings for Pakhi+ guilt.

Example: The reason why he would want to explain his marriage or the lipstick mark on his kurta.

It could come from his feelings for Pakhi...which would prompt him to clarify as a committed 'friend' that he does not mean to betray Pakhi

(Or)

It could mean that his actions was driven by his guilt/responsibility

He wanted to let Pakhi know that he was still honouring his promise - the promise he had made that changed Pakhi's life.

I agree with basically everything you have written here 😊

I tend to lean towards the second explanation of the example you have given, which you already know.

In terms of Virat's feelings for Pakhi at the beginning of SaiRat's marriage... I am still unsure of what to label them as. To me, they were less than romantic, but more than what one has towards their friend given their history...so I would say somewhere in between...

Originally posted by: nethraa_99

I have been thinking it over again

From what both of you have posted.....can I summarise it thus :-

That Virat did have feelings for Pakhi (real or imaginary) in the early days of his marriage.

However, his actions towards Pakhi were not driven by his feelings, but rather by his guilt/empathy?

What I had concluded earlier was :-

That his actions were driven by a mix of his feelings for Pakhi+ guilt.

Example: The reason why he would want to explain his marriage or the lipstick mark on his kurta.

It could come from his feelings for Pakhi...which would prompt him to clarify as a committed 'friend' that he does not mean to betray Pakhi

(Or)

It could mean that his actions was driven by his guilt/responsibility

He wanted to let Pakhi know that he was still honouring his promise - the promise he had made that changed Pakhi's life.

@bold This is how I see it. He did have feelings for Pakhi and he felt bad because they couldn’t become one, she was made to see him and Sai together and also out of guilt.

As I had mentioned in my another comment, he was subconsciously getting drawn to Sai at the same time.

His feelings for Pakhi I always think it to be like a theoretical one where he believed that he had feelings for her. His actions were driven out of those feelings. The guilt were also driven out of those feelings. The waada was an impulsive one but at the same time given because he wanted her to get married to his brother but also wanted to assure her that he wasn’t cheating her or it wasn’t his intention to end their relationship. It was to assure her that by getting her married off to his brother, he has no other intention. It was to say that she was the only one whom he loved and will ever be able to love. It was to let her know that even he would have wanted them to be one, he wouldn’t be able to look at anyone else other than her, she wasn’t just another girl but a person whom he really meant to spend life with.

I think this is why he had told Pakhi when she confronted him after returning from GC that in the first meet people can feel many things but those feelings changes. He meant to say that he never thought that he would ever be able to like someone else, never thought that he would find someone else whom he would desire to be his life partner. His opinion about her had changed when he started to see her real self and he had realised that he would have not wanted her to be his life partner had he known those qualities about her. He was impressed with Sai, drawn to her qualities and he could see that Sai’s goodness is not something many would have.

Anyway, the guilt was ultimately his feelings. Like his waada was anyway related to his feelings. It meant to be acting like a proof for what he actually felt for her, that his feelings for her were true, were pure. In my opinion, he meant to tell her that just because he loves his brother, was asking her to get married to his brother for his brother’s happiness doesn’t really mean that she didn’t mean anything to him or that she was expendable. He only meant to tell her that he really meant when he said that he loved her.

When two people in love part ways due to circumstances, both of them would be in pain. That is exactly happened with them. Whether or not it is love is something Virat is yet to realise. In my opinion it was like a textbook version where he believed, continued to believe that it was love. Virat wouldn’t be able to think or accept that it was attraction or infatuation because it kind of looks insulting according to him. It is like insulting what he felt for her. He belongs to a conservative family and he can’t get himself to think or accept that he has just got attracted to Pakhi. He kept believing that he had fallen in love with her and everything else was a result of this thinking. That is why it looks like an infatuation to many but not to him. There are people who can really fall in love quite quickly and they will be lucky enough that it ends up all well, as expected and they will live together happily forever. In some cases, people will start to realise that they really had not tried to understand the person well and got into relationship quite soon and they might either end up ending it or continue it but facing issues quite often.

Anyway, he always felt that his his feelings were too strong that he wanted to spend the life with her. The thing is that Pakhi was attractive in many ways. He felt that she would fit well in his family, his family members would like her and her nature. Sometimes family becomes a big factor while considering someone as your life partner.

Virat has liked Sai but he couldn’t look at her as anything else because she was way too young and she was very different from him and anyone whom he had seen so far. Virat couldn’t have been look at her as a prospective bride for himself not just because of her age, it was also because of her nature. She was very bold, blunt, brutally honest and quite outspoken too. I think the age and all of these hindered him from even looking at her as a match for him ever. Even though he cared for her or felt some connection with her, he couldn’t get himself to look at her in any other way. There was a mental block always.

It started to fade slowly after they got married. She was his legally wedded wife and he realised that she wasn’t a small girl but his wife now and he let himself look at her or allowed himself to get close to her as a partner.

In the initial stages, he just didn’t like her repeating his own words or deal or zimmedari or leaving the house after she finishes her studies but he couldn’t place a finger on why it was affecting him. He didn’t even try to give it a thought because he used to believe that he loved Pakhi. It was like he never allowed himself to look at Sai as a partner even when he didn’t like the thought of Sai leaving him because he used to have feelings for Pakhi. He was a man of conscience and it would be wrong for a person to look at another woman when they have feelings for someone else already. It was this conscience that stopped him from moving towards Sai and also made him feel bad for Pakhi that she had to witness him and Sai together.

It was this conscience that made him give clarifications to Pakhi about the lipstick or a few more things. He also didn’t want Pakhi to misunderstand him that he broke the promise. In all these things he had failed or forgotten that his actions should not just be driven out of these but he should also bear in mind that Pakhi was someone else’s wife, his brother’s wife.

He didn’t even think how his words or actions would come across to both Sai and Pakhi. It didn’t matter what Pakhi thinks about him. I also have wondered why did Virat even have to confess his love to Pakhi on the day of her haldi when he came to know that she was his brother’s bride. He doesn’t like to get misunderstood and he also got too emotional that he had confessed his feelings to Pakhi. But I have felt that had he avoided that, a lot of things would have been different. Even if she had thought him to be a cheat, so be it because he anyway didn’t want to snatch his brothers happiness. Pakhi could have also moved on thinking he was a cheat. I think that is why he loves Sai because Sai is capable of doing it.