Originally posted by: sadiltl
Love is a difficult concept to understand from outside. It is different for different people. Some are lucky to get it, some fail. Some think with their heart and some with their mind. And some, unfortunately loose sense of both! I want to see the 3 main characters in this show from this point of view.
Heart full of love
Virat's love for Sai is all heart! He is an emotional person and introvert who believes in expressing his love through his actions. What he is feeling for Sai, is never experienced by him before. It was not infatuation nor it is the 'inevitable' love out of marriage. It started with genuine concern and appreciation, gratitude for her selflessness. His heart accepted her, slowly understanding each of her facets, sometimes wondering how this person at her age could be so loving and sacrificing. He thinks she is a unique piece because he did not see anyone like her, not even him. In general also, a person who has positive traits attract people with similar traits. Virat's values never aligned with anyone in his family or friends. He found this girl, who is in perfect sync with his values and he admires her for that. So Virat's love for Sai is just not amorous love or spousal love. If she reciprocates his affection, their marital love will be just a byproduct due to their relation.
Now, if his love is so strong, why the jealousy? I think it is because, he doesnt want to lose her. Physical love is one of the strong aspects in love. And they are bound in marriage where this love plays important role. If he just wanted to be her husband, he would have just stated that he wants this relationship to be real and in effect which means he wants intimacy. But Virat wants to win her love, just like she won his by her nature. He wants her to choose him. At the same time, he cant deny his natural urge to be close to his love, to hug her, to kiss her and to express his love in the only way a husband can. He is not able to wait...at the same time, he wants to give her the time to fall for him. In this tussle, he is worried that she might fall for infatuation or love with someone of her age and jeopardize his chances. If only he thinks with his mind, and analyze why Sai is withholding, he can put pieces together and come to some logical conclusion that his words had huge affect on Sai's mind. But he is busy trying to win her love, make her fall in love with him just as strongly as he fell for her. He has to stop and think!
'Mind'full of love
After understanding some PoVs from Nethraa, tptwi, Neerja and Lakshmi, and from previous episodes I would like to change my perspective of what Sai wants. May be she does not want a confession from Virat (like I always understood). Not a love confession. She wants the marriage to be real, in its true sense. Sai, without the commitment words from Virat on their wedding day, would have accepted the marriage and Virat just like a new bride in any arranged marriage would be. She knows Virat is a good man, approved by her father and she herself knows he is an upright person. So being a woman with same ideals, she would eventually love her husband the way Virat would like her to love him now. It is only matter of time! But for a practical person and youngster like her, words are very important, more so because they came from Virat's mouth. The same person who is ready to marry a near stranger just because his guru asked him to promise. Any promise from Virat's mouth for her is equivalent to the promise he made to his guru. She failed to grasp here that the first promise was 'asked' by his father, where as the other promise was 'given' by Virat in his emotional state. :) If only she could understand fully how emotional her husband is, she will figure out the value of his vaada to pakhi. I think she is slowly being introduced to his emotional side now. Be it PD lunch, ousting and in near future the extreme extent he shows his reactions, failing to control his emotions. Ok that aside, Sai is just waiting for him to say the marriage is real and then she will give her 100% to the bond because she knows what a marriage entails. She might not accept her feelings as love yet, but she likes this person and ready to lead her life with him. So she is always like 'Dude, just tell this is real and I am all yours!'. For her it started as a contract, a deal which has no heart so she locked her heart on that day. Her marriage is just in mind, changing its meanings and hence it makes her confused. Once it takes the form of concern, once it is responsibility and once it is fondness. If only all these will reach her heart, she will feel that all these are part of love! Virat's actions are processed by her mind. She knows he cares, likes her but to feel his love, those emotions have to reach her heart. The 'deal' is standing between her mind and heart. Just his words that their marriage is real will let her be his wife in the true sense. I remember this conversation from the past where he offers being 'dost' to her. But she doesnt want it. From day one, she wanted to be his wife. So her love for Virat is safe in her heart only to be unlocked by his words. Meanwhile, the actions she takes to protect her heart will appear as less sincere to him.
Lost in both
Pakhi had a heartbreak. We all agree. When heart is broken, you have to consciously use your mind to heal it. Like taking a break, involving in a hobby, going on vacation or investing in other relationships etc. Or atleast be with her parents so they give some advice if she cant think straight. Or if she wants to be in CN, she should have invested in making other bonds with her MIL or other members of the family, because heart breaks are healed by filling the gaps with more love. But her relationships with other CN members are all calculated. So whatever methods she uses to heal her heart, by making Virat suffer or Sai suffer, she is using wrong ways to mend her heart so it gets scarred again when they come closer. Scarring means getting hard, rigid, like stone. Therefore, she doesnt feel Virat's or Sai's pain even as a human being. Her humanity is going away slowly because she is making a stone out of her heart. How can a stone feel anything! She will now push a young woman to give up her life, and going forward will stoop so low to stamp herself as a cheating wife with her devar(fake pregnancy). So she is losing it all...in her mind games. Basically her mind is not thinking straight, because her heart doesnt feel any emotions. she is on the path of destruction.
May be thats why wise people say...always use mind and heart interchangeably. Wisdom is when you know when to use what.
First of all, discussing with you and the others on this forum is one of my favorite parts about it. I feel the same way as you have written below- you truly help me see things from a different perspective! Here are my thoughts on what you have written in red.
Heart full of love
Virat's love for Sai is all heart! He is an emotional person and introvert who believes in expressing his love through his actions. What he is feeling for Sai, is never experienced by him before. It was not infatuation nor it is the 'inevitable' love out of marriage. It started with genuine concern and appreciation, gratitude for her selflessness. His heart accepted her, slowly understanding each of her facets, sometimes wondering how this person at her age could be so loving and sacrificing. He thinks she is a unique piece because he did not see anyone like her, not even him. In general also, a person who has positive traits attract people with similar traits. Virat's values never aligned with anyone in his family or friends. He found this girl, who is in perfect sync with his values and he admires her for that. So Virat's love for Sai is just not amorous love or spousal love. If she reciprocates his affection, their marital love will be just a byproduct due to their relation.
This is something that I have said since the beginning. I completely agree with you. While Virat did not fall in love at first sight with Sai, there was an undeniable bond between the two of them from the very beginning in GC. You could see that he was attracted to her, he was smitten by her- her boldness, her openness, her goodness- it was something unlike anything he had experienced in life before. Even though he gave her the vaada to never expect anything from him beyond his zimidari, even on their wedding day, you could see the deep care, concern, and dare I say- affection- for her in his eyes. I have written this in numerous other posts, but I stand by the fact that Virat made that vaada in the spur of the moment, caught up in his emotions. Not to say that he did not mean to try to follow it, but the vaada was bound to fail from the very first day SaiRat met each other, because what these two had was too real to be ignored or suppressed.
I would disagree with how you have written that Sai and Virat's values are in perfect sync. I think that part of what made Virat first fall in love with her is that she was never afraid to stand up for what she believes in, she did not hesitate to put the elders of the household in their place. I think that her strong moral compass has become a guide for him. She isn't scared. She wasn't scared to ask Devi Tai what happened with her, but Virat was. I think in these ways, Sai has changed Virat. She has helped him learn to live and enjoy life again. But this is not one sided. Virat has also helped Sai open up. In one of my favorite scenes between the two, Virat told Sai that if she puts up a wall, she will become alone in life. Virat has and is doing the impossible by bringing this wall down. After abba died, Virat has given the girl who had no one, everyone.
Now, if his love is so strong, why the jealousy? I think it is because, he doesnt want to lose her. Physical love is one of the strong aspects in love. And they are bound in marriage where this love plays important role. If he just wanted to be her husband, he would have just stated that he wants this relationship to be real and in effect which means he wants intimacy. But Virat wants to win her love, just like she won his by her nature. He wants her to choose him. At the same time, he cant deny his natural urge to be close to his love, to hug her, to kiss her and to express his love in the only way a husband can. He is not able to wait...at the same time, he wants to give her the time to fall for him. In this tussle, he is worried that she might fall for infatuation or love with someone of her age and jeopardize his chances. If only he thinks with his mind, and analyze why Sai is withholding, he can put pieces together and come to some logical conclusion that his words had huge affect on Sai's mind. But he is busy trying to win her love, make her fall in love with him just as strongly as he fell for her. He has to stop and think!
Every time people on this forum get upset that he isn't confessing, I seem to be one of the only ones who see where he is coming from. Every time that Virat has been on the verge of confessing, he has been caught up in the spur of the moment. On holi, it was the bhaang, in their room when he is about to kiss her, he was in utter awe of her for reuniting Kaku and Devi tai. But, every time Sai asks him what he is to her, he is unable to answer her, even though he is often on the verge of blurting out how he really feels. To me, that is why the post-college fest episode was so significant. In that, we saw that he understands that Sai is falling in love with him but is unable to label it as love. We saw him trying to help her understand her own feelings. We saw him trying to push her to question herself. If he wanted to, he could be intimate with Sai. She is ready. Every time he has gotten close or tried to kiss her recently, she has not pulled away. But, he wants her to be ready. He wants her to know that this is real. He wants her to feel and understand everything that he himself does.
In his mind, his actions are enough to tell Sai that this marriage is real. But, for Sai, she needs to HEAR those words before she can accept Virat's love and give herself permission to fall in love. This is the painful beauty of it all. They are so close and yet so far apart.
In terms of Virat's jealously, I think that as you have said, Sai is his everything. There is no one more important than her, and there is no life without her at this point for him. When you love someone so deeply, of course you are afraid of losing them. Even though he knows and sees that Sai loves him, he is a human after all. He wants that love and affection in return too. To not have that from her yet, coupled with the age gap is enough to make anyone insecure. In this way, I, too, feel as if his feelings are justified. As for the upcoming track, we all know how impulsive he is by character already, no matter how much he likes to think that he is a well-thoughtout person. Him and Sai are the same in this regard. And, when it comes to Sai, his emotions are heightened, and therefore he is more prone to having his judgement clouded as well. Therefore, he is bound to say some things that he does not mean. It is in his character even. We have seen this time and time again. He will instantly regret it, but he will say it in the heat of the moment. I do hope that he stops short of the character assassination though, because, while it may be in his character to say things impulsively, we have seen his character progress tremendously since the past kaands he has done. At this point, he cannot bear to see a single tear in Sai's eyes. Her happiness is everything. So no matter how mad he is, I hope that he can stop before crossing the line... because he knows how much it will hurt her. But, again, we don't know what direction this will take so I will save this discussion for later.
'Mind'full of love
After understanding some PoVs from Nethraa, tptwi, Neerja and Lakshmi, and from previous episodes I would like to change my perspective of what Sai wants. May be she does not want a confession from Virat (like I always understood). Not a love confession. She wants the marriage to be real, in its true sense. Sai, without the commitment words from Virat on their wedding day, would have accepted the marriage and Virat just like a new bride in any arranged marriage would be. She knows Virat is a good man, approved by her father and she herself knows he is an upright person. So being a woman with same ideals, she would eventually love her husband the way Virat would like her to love him now. It is only matter of time! But for a practical person and youngster like her, words are very important, more so because they came from Virat's mouth. The same person who is ready to marry a near stranger just because his guru asked him to promise. Any promise from Virat's mouth for her is equivalent to the promise he made to his guru. She failed to grasp here that the first promise was 'asked' by his father, where as the other promise was 'given' by Virat in his emotional state. :) If only she could understand fully how emotional her husband is, she will figure out the value of his vaada to pakhi. I think she is slowly being introduced to his emotional side now. Be it PD lunch, ousting and in near future the extreme extent he shows his reactions, failing to control his emotions. Ok that aside, Sai is just waiting for him to say the marriage is real and then she will give her 100% to the bond because she knows what a marriage entails. She might not accept her feelings as love yet, but she likes this person and ready to lead her life with him. So she is always like 'Dude, just tell this is real and I am all yours!'. For her it started as a contract, a deal which has no heart so she locked her heart on that day. Her marriage is just in mind, changing its meanings and hence it makes her confused. Once it takes the form of concern, once it is responsibility and once it is fondness. If only all these will reach her heart, she will feel that all these are part of love! Virat's actions are processed by her mind. She knows he cares, likes her but to feel his love, those emotions have to reach her heart. The 'deal' is standing between her mind and heart. Just his words that their marriage is real will let her be his wife in the true sense. I remember this conversation from the past where he offers being 'dost' to her. But she doesnt want it. From day one, she wanted to be his wife. So her love for Virat is safe in her heart only to be unlocked by his words. Meanwhile, the actions she takes to protect her heart will appear as less sincere to him.
Beautifully written. You already know I feel the exact same way as you on this, as we have discussed numerous times by now. The only thing standing in between Sai accepting her own feelings and love for Virat is the vaada he made to her on their wedding day. The other problem is that she does not know the true nature of what Pakhi and Virat even had. She does not know that they met at a yoga retreat and barely even spent 3 days together. That is not love. That is infatuation. Who knows what misunderstandings she has about their past in her mind. That has never been cleared up to her. As you have said, Sai is now better understanding her husband's emotional side. She now knows that Virat says things he does not mean when he gets caught up in the moment. It has happened between them so many times by now. But even with that and SEEING how deeply he cares for her, she is unable to move past those dreaded words. In the post-college fest fight, you could see the desperation in her eyes when she asked Virat who he is to her. She WANTED to hear him SAY that he is her REAL husband. She wanted him to say out loud that he regretted making the infamous promise to her. We have witnessed Sai say that she doesn't understand Virat at multiple points in the show now- that is because all his actions are contridictory to the vaada. She sees his love, but is unable to accept it as such, because of this seemingly uncrossable barrier in her mind. I think it will be interesting to see Virat trying to help her realize the truth of their relationship... even though we will have to wait for the confession, I am still desperately hoping that Vankar can be a little bit original and just have a scene where Virat snaps and tells her that this is real. He needs to understand that words matter...he needs to understand where Sai's insecurities are coming from... he needs to understand that Sai has been living in the same house as his ex, the same ex he made the vaada for. He is blinded to these things, because in his mind, he is fully in love and there is no truth beyond that. The past doesn't matter for him whatsoever, but he needs to understand that it is not the same for Sai.
Lost in both
Pakhi had a heartbreak. We all agree. When heart is broken, you have to consciously use your mind to heal it. Like taking a break, involving in a hobby, going on vacation or investing in other relationships etc. Or atleast be with her parents so they give some advice if she cant think straight. Or if she wants to be in CN, she should have invested in making other bonds with her MIL or other members of the family, because heart breaks are healed by filling the gaps with more love. But her relationships with other CN members are all calculated. So whatever methods she uses to heal her heart, by making Virat suffer or Sai suffer, she is using wrong ways to mend her heart so it gets scarred again when they come closer. Scarring means getting hard, rigid, like stone. Therefore, she doesnt feel Virat's or Sai's pain even as a human being. Her humanity is going away slowly because she is making a stone out of her heart. How can a stone feel anything! She will now push a young woman to give up her life, and going forward will stoop so low to stamp herself as a cheating wife with her devar(fake pregnancy). So she is losing it all...in her mind games. Basically her mind is not thinking straight, because her heart doesnt feel any emotions. she is on the path of destruction.
To be honest, I really have no good things to say about Pakhi and to me she is nearly unredeemable at this point. Virat and Pakhi were never in love- they were in infatuation. So, I would not call what she went through heartbreak in the true sense of the word. I understand that it would have been difficult for her to let Virat go, but she has made Sai's life hell in the process. Even yesterday, after she accidentally pushed Sai, she could have helped her up instead of thinking "what will Virat think now." And I have more thoughts on this, but I will comment after the episode today.
Edited by tptwi - 4 years ago
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