A take on extra marital affairs: What should a woman do? - Page 2

Originally posted by: Sense9

If I found out my spouse is cheating on me, I’d make his life hell. I’d divorce him or stretch it out depending on what is more difficult for him. Cheating is not something I’ll tolerate at any cost. And why should I just “move on” simply and let him off the hook easy? He made a fool out of me, broke my trust, disrespected me and our vows.
I am not the kind of person who will cheat in a relationship without ending it fully and I expect the same loyalty from my SO.

He can fall out of love with me - that’s human but he has to let me know/have the talk before romancing someone else. I’ll be hurt/angry/in pain but that is one situation that I’ll understand.

Each to his own, I just don't have the energy to do all that. Not just energy but I don't wanna torture myself by being still bound to that person.

If he cheated on me, I would personally move on and let karma do it's justice. What's the point of wasting my own time on someone who doesn't deserve me or my worthy time?

I do believe in karmic justice and not hurting yourself in the process of hurting someone else.

It's fine if it won't hurt or any potential kids but let's be real, this process sounds like a torture for everyone involved.

I also do agree with you that it's okay to fall in love with someone else but a whole other matter if one were to act on it. I just personally wouldn't hurt myself over a person like that. Maybe not in this world, but in another, they'll get their due process.

Originally posted by: reshmi1968

He should have done ✅ a lot of things to set it right he is not uneducated he seems to be a journalist to fight for right and wrong seems he is a rangeela babu Malini ki bhoot toh imli ko Maro goli and then imliya imliya toh Malini toh seif dost Hein I am just waiting for his divorce with Malini jake imilya ko le kar jo chahe kare

The reason he hasn't annulled his marriage with Imlie is because a part of him already accepted that marriage, perhaps unconsciously, but a part however small accepted this marriage.

This lack of annulment was the groundwork for why his 'love' for Malini was never true romantic love but just confusion. The writers did a shoddy job in some ways with laying the groundworkbut it exists no matter how shoddily written.

I fault the lack of depth when it comes to the script for how Adi has been written because I can see what the writers want me to see except they didn't do the best job of writing him.

The whole reason he kept Imlie around was because on some level he always felt responsible for her, specifically as a spouse, but he just wasn't aware and wasn't ready to give up 7 years of comfortability for it and he was set in his ways and refused to see outside of what he laid out for himself. He had his life planned and was going to stick with it regardless of whatever came his way but destiny had it's own ideas. The jokes on him now.

If he hadn't felt responsible for Imlie as a spouse then he could have gotten a divorce or anything else and supported her as a friend or well-wisher or even in the name of humanity, took her to a hostel and went on with his life and let her live hers.

Adi stuck to Malini because that's all he knew and he was fighting against destiny, us humans do petty and stupid things to prove ourselves right especially when destiny has other plans for us.

He made his own bed and now he has to lie on it, thorns and all.

Personally, I find the writing for his character to be somewhat shoddy and that's why he comes across as unlikeable and unsympathetic to some extent.

I have always belived that cheat on me once it is your fault, but cheat on me twice and it is my fault to trust you again. If a person chooses to cheat and act in it he does not deserve a second chance and I would rather leave and spend my life alone than try to hold on. He I am not calling anyone a cheater except I feel that Adi should have handled things better. In my case if suppose I would feel something for someone else, I would prefer to be honest with my partner and say that I have feelings for someone else and would prefer to move on rather than stretching it out like a rubber band. But for many people it is not easy to give up as they take it in their ego as to how dare the other person cheat on them rather than evaluate why the other person cheated. If the other person is not the regular cheating kind then there would surely be issues in the relationship that needed to be worked on. If he has multiple partners, then that will not be on you. Whatever the reason, move out if your relationship does not have the basic respect and understanding that is needed for a successful relationship.

Originally posted by: Ahlaam5

The reason he hasn't annulled his marriage with Imlie is because a part of him already accepted that marriage, perhaps unconsciously, but a part however small accepted this marriage.

This lack of annulment was the groundwork for why his 'love' for Malini was never true romantic love but just confusion. The writers did a shoddy job in some ways with laying the groundworkbut it exists no matter how shoddily written.

I fault the lack of depth when it comes to the script for how Adi has been written because I can see what the writers want me to see except they didn't do the best job of writing him.

The whole reason he kept Imlie around was because on some level he always felt responsible for her, specifically as a spouse, but he just wasn't aware and wasn't ready to give up 7 years of comfortability for it and he was set in his ways and refused to see outside of what he laid out for himself. He had his life planned and was going to stick with it regardless of whatever came his way but destiny had it's own ideas. The jokes on him now.

If he hadn't felt responsible for Imlie as a spouse then he could have gotten a divorce or anything else and supported her as a friend or well-wisher or even in the name of humanity, took her to a hostel and went on with his life and let her live hers.

Adi stuck to Malini because that's all he knew and he was fighting against destiny, us humans do petty and stupid things to prove ourselves right especially when destiny has other plans for us.

He made his own bed and now he has to lie on it, thorns and all.

Personally, I find the writing for his character to be somewhat shoddy and that's why he comes across as unlikeable and unsympathetic to some extent.

Toh bhai Saab Shadi kiun kiya Malini se he will have the cake and eat it too bakwaz charecter

Originally posted by: Sense9

If I found out my spouse is cheating on me, I’d make his life hell. I’d divorce him or stretch it out depending on what is more difficult for him. Cheating is not something I’ll tolerate at any cost. And why should I just “move on” simply and let him off the hook easy? He made a fool out of me, broke my trust, disrespected me and our vows.
I am not the kind of person who will cheat in a relationship without ending it fully and I expect the same loyalty from my SO.

He can fall out of love with me - that’s human but he has to let me know/have the talk before romancing someone else. I’ll be hurt/angry/in pain but that is one situation that I’ll understand.

Totally agree that there is a difference between a spouse falling out of love and a cheating spouse. Falling out of love is something we cannot control--it can happen before marriage, a month after marriage, a year after marriage, 10 years after marriage and so on. The moment that happens, one must come out clean and not pretend that everything is fine in the marriage. Usually couples who fall out of love already know their marriage is not fine. The hurt and pain will be there but there is a possibility of a much saner mutual separation since there is no element of betrayal. Revenge is a misplaced response here

Extra marital affair on the other hand is fooling someone and is far more damaging. It is basically creating a sense of false security for the spouse and keeping him/her in the dark while pretending all is good in the marriage. EMA mostly sees the cheating spouse getting equally intimate with both the partners, showering the spouse with gifts, or creating an atmosphere for the spouse where the spouse doesn't suspect something fishy going on. The effect is doubly damaging because it is the pain of the spouse no longer in love compounded by feeling cheated and being taken for a ride. It is a deadly blow to one's self-esteem because one feels like a fool being duped. It's like someone basically made fun of your innocence and successfully fooled you.

One thing that sets Aditya apart from conventional cheaters is his desire to end his relationship with Malini before starting his new journey with Imlie. This is something most real-life cheaters don't do---EMA go parallelly with a facade of a marital life till they are caught. For Aditya, there is no two timing. His is more of a case of falling out of love than cheating. The moment he decided to be with Imlie,there was no looking back; he has not carried on his facade with Malini. Nor did he get intimate with Imlie before he sorted the mess. Malini already sensed things are not right in their marriage--Aditya has not given her a false sense of love and fooled her to believe nothing is wrong.

I will try to save my marriage using Sam ved dand. And still nothing happens, I will ask him to write all his property n money in my name and then I will leave him.😆.

My friend is going through this. I know what pain she is going through. She looks like madhuri dixit, very pretty she is n well maintained. She is good cook. Everyone would look upto her as she is very graceful lady, very loving n caring. She has 2 children and husband having affair outside. In the beginning she felt like committing scuicide as her self esteem went very low. She couldn't not bear how he can leave her n go with someone else. Now she is trying to be financially independent n probably divorce him in coming year.

But I want some ideas how to punish such men. Claiming alimony n leaving them is easy ticket for them. They will happily go. I want to punish them for life time. How can we do that...

Originally posted by: woman11

Totally agree that there is a difference between a spouse falling out of love and a cheating spouse. Falling out of love is something we cannot control--it can happen before marriage, a month after marriage, a year after marriage, 10 years after marriage and so on. The moment that happens, one must come out clean and not pretend that everything is fine in the marriage. Usually couples who fall out of love already know their marriage is not fine. The hurt and pain will be there but there is a possibility of a much saner mutual separation since there is no element of betrayal. Revenge is a misplaced response here

Extra marital affair on the other hand is fooling someone and is far more damaging. It is basically creating a sense of false security for the spouse and keeping him/her in the dark while pretending all is good in the marriage. EMA mostly sees the cheating spouse getting equally intimate with both the partners, showering the spouse with gifts, or creating an atmosphere for the spouse where the spouse doesn't suspect something fishy going on. The effect is doubly damaging because it is the pain of the spouse no longer in love compounded by feeling cheated and being taken for a ride. It is a deadly blow to one's self-esteem because one feels like a fool being duped. It's like someone basically made fun of your innocence and successfully fooled you.

One thing that sets Aditya apart from conventional cheaters is his desire to end his relationship with Malini before starting his new journey with Imlie. This is something most real-life cheaters don't do---EMA go parallelly with a facade of a marital life till they are caught. For Aditya, there is no two timing. His is more of a case of falling out of love than cheating. The moment he decided to be with Imlie,there was no looking back; he has not carried on his facade with Malini. Nor did he get intimate with Imlie before he sorted the mess. Malini already sensed things are not right in their marriage--Aditya has not given her a false sense of love and fooled her to believe nothing is wrong.

Tom, if he fall out of love with imlie, then ?

People fall out of love. It’s normal. But this show is beyond that. There is no honesty from aditya to malini, not even as a friend! He has wronged her big time!!

It so sad that this show is doing well in trp charts! It just shows what mindset majority of the people have! SICK

Originally posted by: Ahlaam5

The reason he hasn't annulled his marriage with Imlie is because a part of him already accepted that marriage, perhaps unconsciously, but a part however small accepted this marriage.

This lack of annulment was the groundwork for why his 'love' for Malini was never true romantic love but just confusion. The writers did a shoddy job in some ways with laying the groundworkbut it exists no matter how shoddily written.

I fault the lack of depth when it comes to the script for how Adi has been written because I can see what the writers want me to see except they didn't do the best job of writing him.

The whole reason he kept Imlie around was because on some level he always felt responsible for her, specifically as a spouse, but he just wasn't aware and wasn't ready to give up 7 years of comfortability for it and he was set in his ways and refused to see outside of what he laid out for himself. He had his life planned and was going to stick with it regardless of whatever came his way but destiny had it's own ideas. The jokes on him now.

If he hadn't felt responsible for Imlie as a spouse then he could have gotten a divorce or anything else and supported her as a friend or well-wisher or even in the name of humanity, took her to a hostel and went on with his life and let her live hers.

Adi stuck to Malini because that's all he knew and he was fighting against destiny, us humans do petty and stupid things to prove ourselves right especially when destiny has other plans for us.

He made his own bed and now he has to lie on it, thorns and all.

Personally, I find the writing for his character to be somewhat shoddy and that's why he comes across as unlikeable and unsympathetic to some extent.

Don’t want to make a comparison , but from what I have read of the original character in Bengali, Adi is far far far better.

Yes - they could have had him do a little more introspection as far as his feelings towards Malini were concerned . As far as his feelings towards Imlie - we’ve had some beautiful introspection in PD. Or May be he could have done a little bit more discussion with himself about why did he marry Malini at all.

Part of the answer for why he married Malini I think lies in one of his angry dialogues with Imlie : “Do you know what happens to a man who has to go through a forced marriage”. He has had so much forced on him and so much that he was not in control of that hurt him badly . So much anger towards fate .That he almost goes for the wedding with Malini with a vengeance towards Fate- to show that he is in charge and can control his own destiny.

In a way it builds on Arnav’s character in IPKKND who always likes to be in charge of his own fate and can never accept the cards fate has dealt him.

They’ve made it some what clear that he was quite taken with Imlie when he first met her and noticed her a great deal. She even got him to change a little bit and embrace life- ( that beautiful cycle ride scene ...). Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if the forced marriage hadn’t happened. Back in Delhi,he would have definitely looked at her pictures a great deal and remembered how brave and smart and cute she was.

Originally posted by: woman11

A lot of debate is happening in the forum regarding whether to consider Aditya Imlie's relationship an extra marital affair. Keeping aside those debates on fictional characters, I am curious to know what most of you think about extra-marital affairs? What would you do if your spouse falls for another woman? What advice would you give to a friend whose spouse is longer interested in the marriage?

For me personally, a marriage that has fallen apart doesn't deserve to be "saved". Will there be heartbreak? yes. Will I be shock, anger, denial, devastation? Yes. But would I want to carry on with the man (provided I am economically independent)? NO. However, I have seen different people react in different ways to such a situation, so it would be interesting to hear what people think.

P.S: Lets avoid character bashing. Films and visual media are often reflections of our real world, so lets discuss the many perspectives of this issue in the real world.

Good question and discussion. I would also like to point out that it also happens that it can be the woman who falls out of love and finds someone else- but assuming you put it the question this way since most of us are women here.

Often in such a case when spouses do continue to stay together it’s mostly I think for kids or if the woman was dependent on the man financially. Sometimes I feel - it’s pretty sad - but neither care enough to go through the hassle of a divorce and don’t care what the other person does anyway- so why bother breaking up a comfortable ‘arrangement’ . The things that eventually keep some couples together are very basic things like a house or they are too old to move away and go live alone. But most often it’s money.

As to what I would do- depends also on how I feel about the spouse- if there is no love left in the marriage and I was looking for a way out myself - then would take it as a Get out of jail free card . If I have made sacrifices and half of my life has gone in helping him with his career or taking care of kids - then yeah - would like at least a little bit of revenge and give him a bit of misery- either financially or delay the divorce - whatever I can to give him a little bit of grief 🙃

If he were honest enough to come and tell me- whether I was heartbroken or not- I would honor his feelings. No way can I stick around in a marriage where I am not loved or even cared about. Like Imlie says - I would love myself more