Tu sunna Nikki ye sab naa udhaari ki khushiyaan hain, tu inmein naa hum jyada itra nahi sakte
Di jab tak hain, tab tak tou enjoy kar hi sakte hain naa...
The happiness has faded. Pain blinking with shine of time so quick, that Anokhi wondered if it was actually there even for a moment. For some time, she has walked on the same clouds that now cried of hurt. Her heart has paved the path of love, with pregnant steps but leaving strong marks behind.
And now she didn’t know if they were scars or just imprints of love below the barren land.
The cracks visible in her soul, the fire that now felt foul, the light subdued as the black smoked dense, while her heart left pricking at the fence.
Anokhi snapped out of her thoughts as she heard him flinch in pain. Removing the water bag from his shoulder, she placed it aside before gently rubbing his arm with a dry cloth. Picking the gel from the side, she opened the tube without meeting his eye.
Shaurya watched as she shuffled with emotions in silence. Although words refused to slip his own mouth, her silence killed him. His patience giving up as each second passed yet his existence wanting to capture time in the grip of his love.
He was afraid her scent might slip away taking away the fragrance of freedom he felt with her.
Shaurya exhaled slowly before closing his eyes.
Closing the tube and picking up the water bag, Anokhi stood up to leave. Choked with emotions, she found it difficult to breathe. She stared at him for few seconds, her eyes softening to vulnerability, all her complains succumbing to the distance that now felt too far to cross.
He felt like a far-fetched dream, the one she was afraid to dream today. Anokhi wondered if all this time she was trying to write stories on the pages that were too torn to fix. And now with the ink of confusion splattered over the sheets of jumble, she didn’t know how to find an ending.
With a small sigh, she bent down to cover him with quilt. Dimming the lights, she turned to leave in quiet. With the step she took, she was stopped by the small grip of his hand over her palm.
Annokhi stiffened at his touch. Why was he trying to make this more difficult?! She refused to turn back.
“Kahaan jaa rahi ho ?”
His voice was soft, the calm in his tone successfully hiding the chaos running inside him.
“Aapko araam karna chaiye sir !”
Anokhi pulled her hand away from his grip. Taking a step further, she stopped, fighting her battle in silence.
“Look at me” His voice pained of mercy.
Anokhi refused to give in. She knew it was no time. He was hurt. His bruises shining darker than her wounds. The marks of his blood more apparent than the way her heart bled.
But certainly she wasn’t supposed to feel hurt.
“I said look at me” He repeated, his tone sharp. Balancing his weight on his other arm, he tried to sit straight. Throwing the quilt away, he was quick in getting up on his feet.
Hearing the shuffling, Anokhi was quick in turning on her heels. Her eyes widened as she watched him marching towards her furiously. Taking few steps as he stumbled, she was quick in jumping for his support.
“What is wrong with you?” She yelled as she held him for support, her arm snaking around his waist to hold him stable, his huge frame crushing her tiny body with his weight. Gripping him tight, she tried to walk him to the bed before he came out of her hold, distancing himself from her.
“Why don’t you listen to me?” He yelled in frustration. He didn’t know how to make her believe of his truth.
His truth—that was her.
“What is there left to listen now?” Anokhi snapped.
Running a palm over his mouth, Shaurya threw his hands in air. He needed to act calmly, he reminded himself.
Taking slow steps towards her, he gently placed his palms around her shoulders looking straight in her eyes, “I love You”
Taken aback for a second, Anokhi stared at him unblinking before she wanted to scoff at his audacity. What was she supposed to do with his confession?! Didn’t she know that already?! Didn’t he claim that before?!
Something broke inside him as he watched her staring at him in disbelief. Shaurya felt the last thread of light slipping away from his sight. The mockery in her eyes tore the bridge of insecurities his walls were built on. And as his demons danced above the surface, Shaurya found his eyes watering with tears.
The fear was flowing.
“You don’t trust me?” He choked.
Anokhi didn’t falter in her resilience, no matter how much his tears damped the cracks of her heart. Today, she wasn’t going to fight her insecurities even if it meant him enjoying the show.
“I do” Meeting his eye, she confessed.
The light in his eyes returned for a moment before she continued “But right now, it doesn’t feel right”
Staring at her for few seconds, he looked away trying to blink away the tears that tried to escape. Swallowing the lump that formed in his throat, a pained smile captured his lips before he looked at her again, “Life without you doesn’t feel right Anokhi”
Few tears dropped her own eyes, as she fell weak under his soft gaze “I can say the same” She paused before wiping away the tears harshly “but I don’t know if I want to say the same” She shrugged.
“I didn’t take you for a coward” Anger flared his existence as he took a step ahead in complain. The fire in his eyes tempting to burn her, his breath fanning her face, the look of betrayal he failed to trace.
“I can break” With the same fire adorning the softness in her tone, she didn’t dare to take a step back.
“I won’t let you” The adamancy in his voice tried to convey what words couldn’t.
For some reason, the promise felt hollow today. Her gaze lingered over the desperation on his face before she was quick to jump the wall of negligence “I- I can’t do this”
Silence fell short as seconds passed ticking the clock of patience in him.
“Fine then” He grit out.
If this is what she wanted right now, then there was no point fighting the dust with wind. “I will not force you” His voice cut through her sharply. “Jao phir! yahan kya kar rahi ho tum !Save yourself from breaking”
“PS” His hurt troubled her.
“Anokhi Leave” His eyes blank, his tone was curt.
She didn’t move as she watched him in silence, her own anger building inside her. Couldn’t he see she needed more than his words today?! Or was he too blind in his own misery that he couldn’t reach the path of assurance she tried to seek from him?!
“What do you want me to do?” She didn’t hold back as her sharp words sliced the air of silence. “Continue pining for you when there is another woman in your life!” She scoffed wiping away the tears that fell over her nose “What kind of a woman does that make me?”
“For god sake there is no other woman!” Shaurya yelled throwing his hands in air. “Shagun was my past—a past that has nothing to do with my future” He was frustrated repeating the same thing again and again.
As she flinched slightly, jumping away from him, he exhaled palming his face. What was he doing? He was supposed to be calm. She didn’t deserve any of this.
“Look Anokhi” Cautiously, he took a step ahead wanting to hold her, afraid that she might push him away.
On instinct, she moved back maintaining the gap between them.
Shaurya pained yet he stopped, his hands stopping midway as he continued, “Trust me! I didn’t know any of this would happen—”
“—You don’t understand. Do you?!” She cut him off. “I am not blind to not see how you went out of your way to make this day special for me” She paused, a faint smile forming over her lips “but I am also not stupid to not think how you ended up doing the exact thing I was afraid of. Tamaasha Bana ke rakh diya aapne mera” This time she didn’t wipe the tears that damped her face “Sabke saamne”
“You think I did it deliberately?” More than a question it was a complain.
Nonchalant, she shrugged, “I am talking about what happened”
“And it doesn’t matter what I planned?!” He nodded to himself as if agreeing to his own question.
Silence captured the air as pain darkened the rays of light.
“It is easy for you to put this on me right?! You are one who is supposed to get engaged with somebody else” She cut through his own attempt of trading with hurt.
“I will get over with this Bullshit right now, you know I can!” Shaurya was quick, as he marched ahead stopping just a step away from her.
“And then what? What PS? Where will it take us?” She snapped. “It’s not just about your engagement. Everything about this doesn’t feel right” Her voice cracked as the air of doubts clouded her sight.
His gaze softened as he slowly took her hand, his gaze lingering over her skin for few seconds before he placed her palm over his heart, “Don’t I feel right to you?” Not caring if his eyes gave away more than he wanted to put on display, he raised his hand before meeting her gaze and gently placing it above her chest, “Doesn’t this feel right to you?!”
“That’s the problem PS. It feels too right” Her words challenged the way her heart beat at his touch.
You are scared?! Realisation dawned upon him as the words left his mouth.
"You should rest" She looked away.
"What are you scared of?" He took a step ahead.
"Make sure you take your medicines if it hurts more" Turning away from him, she eyed the medicines.
"Is it me ?" His sounded unsure.
"The water bag is there, foment your arm before sleeping"
"I will talk to Shagun, she won't be a trouble"
"And please don't turn on the AC. You might get fever soon"
"It's too hot here. What is wrong with you?!"
"And make sure you sleep properly"
"I will talk to everybody"
"Your family doesn't know I am in here. I should go"
"I will talk to Badi Maa-"
"Good night" Anokhi turned to leave.
As she walked out, flashes of Devi Sabarwaal reading her comparisons of perfection reminded her of her own imperfections. She felt like a ragged doll, wandering with a flawed beauty, brightly colored from the outside yet inside painted on the canvas of black and white.
Shaurya watched her leaving in disappointment. He didn't know what he was disappointed in today. Himself ? Her ? Shagun? His family ? Or his Badi Maa?
The woman who tried to nurture the broken kid in him when his own mother left him lost. But then he never knew he would be traded like this one day. Shaurya was not the one to pity himself but today he couldn't help but ask- What was his fault?!
Why was his story written on the torn pages of fate ?!
Anokhi walked back in her room to find Babli sleeping. Silently making her way to the bathroom, she changed herself before walking out and pouring herself a glass of water when her eyes fell on the box of jewel that rested aside.
Slowly picking the box in her palm, she caressed the ribbon as if trying to feel his touch that felt hers when he gifted.
They were so happy.
Placing the box back in a jiffy, she stood up gulping down the lump her throat choked with.
Wiping away her tears harshly, she chugged down the glass of water in one go.
She wasn't going to cry.
She refused to break.
But then her tears wouldn't stop. Maybe today it wasn't just her broken heart but memories too.
Anokhi didn't know what and who she was breaking for anymore. It felt one of those nights that although clad with stars still succumbed to darkness! The silence was haunting.
Stepping outside to breathe in fresh air, she took slow steps towards the end of the balcony.
Just in the morning the world has witnessed her wishing herself a happy birthday.
"And how happy it had been !" With a pained smile, she scoffed to herself.
She watched as the melodies of silence densed, the facade in her strength shivering without mercy.
But at the end- she was a human.
And as the hurt came back tearing the life in her apart, she fell on her knees sliding against the wall.
Her voice choked as she let out a mumble, "Happy Birthday Nikki"
________
A/N- Maybe it didn't came out the way I planned it to. And maybe I lost direction. But I tried. I tried my best !
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