As if thrown out of reverie, Shaurya stared at Anokhi, unblinking, his heart gripping in fear. Why did she still want to leave? What was wrong with her?
“But why?” He couldn’t hold the agitation that laced his tone. “You have so much of potential. Why do you want to leave this college Anokhi?” He continued, his voice softening.
She stared at him, a broken smile forming on her lips. Without another word, she turned her face and walked ahead to leave. Appalled and on instinct, Shaurya too stepped ahead holding her hand and stopping her.
Anokhi pulled her hand back.
“Sorry” Shaurya defended himself, taking steps back and maintaining distance between them. “But you can’t leave like this” No matter how adamant and authoritative he tried to sound but the desperation in his voice came out very clear.
Anokhi stared at the man in front of her in absolute surprise. Didn’t he realise the gravity of his mistake or was he that unaware in general?! Couldn’t he see she was hurt or he was just afraid to acknowledge that he hurt her?!
“Mujhe aapse baat hi nahi karni hai sir” Anokhi exhaled, tired.
“Tumhe karni padegi! Tum mujhe aise chodke nahi jaa sakti—”
“—Sir ?”
“—Is college ko, SIAC ko aise chodke nahi jaa sakti Miss Bhalla” Shaurya covered up.
“And you can’t decide that” Anokhi held her stance.
Shaurya was left short of words. The determination in her eyes shook him. He didn’t know what to say and what to do. All he knew was he couldn’t let her go like that.
“Anokh—”
“Sir aapko yaad hai jab hum yahaan pehli baar mile the meine aapse kaha tha mujhe yahan ke log bahut rookhe lagte hain... aur” Anokhi paused, lost in her own thoughts. Swallowing the lump that formed in her throat, she continued again, “aur aapne mujhse poocha tha ki kya aap mujhe rookhe lagte hain ?”
A pained smile formed over her lips as she finally looked him in the eye, “tab nahi lagte the sir par aaj shayad mein ye keh sakti hoon ki haan aap mujhe bahut rookhe lagte hain aur ye sheher mujhe sirf rookha nahi mujhse bahut rootha hua bhi lagta hai”
Not wanting him to detect the trace of tears that filled her eyes, she blinked rapidly before smiling again, “Isliye ab nahi rukna sir yahaan par, man bhar gaya bas”
Something broke inside Shaurya as he watched her lost and drowning. What did he do? Did he really break her like that? As she took another step to leave, he called her softly, “Anokhi”
She stopped but didn’t turn around.
“Kyun jaana chahti ho?” His voice was soft as he dived in some concealed emotions, the beauty of them he himself was unaware of, “Tumhe mujhse taqleef hai naa. Mein tou vaise bhi yahaan se jaa raha hoon? Tou tum kyun jaana chahti ho?” This time he tried with everything he had.
Anokhi turned to look at him, “Mein sirf aapki wajah se nahi jaarahi sir, mujhe aisi jagah padhna hi nahi hai jisse aap jaise log jude hue hain”
The surety in her eyes told Shaurya the stories of his failure. His eyes followed her every movement as he watched her leaving. This time no anger gripped his being but he felt lost. His eyes darted to capture the sky turning into the shades of grey. Amidst the white he often felt lost, the grey was much better, then today why was he craving for the tinge of pink to tackle the black he lived with. It was nearly evening. Would she really leave? Just like that?
Shaurya unclasped his fist and stared at his hand. The lines of his palm were fading away. His heart sank. The sand of his soul was slipping away too.
________
Aastha was done with the packing. She had never thought she would ever return to Chandigarh. But life has always been full of surprises. When she saw Shaurya, her son, her heart again nurtured the love, the craving she had pushed in the darkest corner of her existence in all these years.
But how painfully the reality had crashed her door, all those tainted pieces of life striking back at her with greater intensity, fearless and brutal.
She was no more just a strong woman in her eyes. She was a failed mother, too.
And no matter how much she tried, she could never justify herself in the eyes of her own son. Now, as she looked herself in the mirror, it reflected the ugly scars her existence was tainted with.
And the scars might turn old with time but when touched the hurt will always be there.
Blinking the tears away, Aastha got up from the bed to open the door as the bell rang. Maybe it was Shaan.
Turning the knob and opening the door, Aasthafroze for a second on finding Shaurya at the door. A small smile captured her lips as she creaked out, “Shaurya?”
Shaurya walked in. His steps slow but restless.
Turning to Aastha, he spoke up, “Look don’t get happy I am not here to see you. I just need your help—”
“My help?—”
“Sadly yes. Look Anokhi is leaving. I don’t want her to go. Tell me how do I stop her?”
Remembering whatever he said to Anokhi,Aastha felt a wave of anger rushing through her and she spoke sternly, “She has made her mind. She wants to go. Also, why do you want to stop her? You have already told her what you think of her. Now you want to insult her more?”
“I didn’t mean to say all of it. I don’t even know why she is making such a big deal out of it—”
“—Big deal?” Aastha yelled. “Do you even realise what you said to her? Do you even have an ounce of regret for saying all of it to her? You just don’t realise. Do you?! I can’t believe this Shaurya. What have you become? And I know it’s my mistake, it’s our mistake— Me and Shaan but I still expected you to be better Shaurya”
“I told you I didn’t mean it. I told her I didn’t mean to say it—”
“—But you did and now instead of accepting and apologising you want me to tell you why she is making a big deal out of it? You hate me” Aastha pointed to herself “So just imagine someone telling all these things to Devi Bhabhior Kanchan or anybody you love— will you accept him saying he didn’t mean to say it”
As Aastha watched him going numb she continued “What did you tell Anokhi? She was here to make contacts and she is a loose cha—”
“Stop” Shaurya cut her off. “I didn’t mean it. I know she is nothing like that. How could I say it? How could I?” He mumbled to himself as realisation dawned upon him. “What have I done?” Running a hand through his hair he let Aastha see through his vulnerability.
Aastha sat down on the sofa as she tried to calm herself. She felt enraged.
Time passed and none of them spoke. Aasthadidn’t try to talk to him as she watched him lost.
“Now what do I do?” Shaurya spoke up after minutes.
“You try” Aastha answered after moments of silence.
“How?”
“That’s for you to decide” Aastha got up and left inside.
________
It was late in the evening when Anokhi came back after meeting Babli. Tomorrow she was leaving Chandigarh. She wanted Babli to come along but her Dii was just not ready to listen.
Pressing the bell, she waited for Aastha to open the door.
Aastha walked out of her room but Shauryawas already up on his feet to open the door. She let him go and walked back inside.
As Shaurya opened the door, Anokhi took a step back, clearly surprised, “Shaurya Sir?...aap yahaan?”
“Haan mein...andar aao” He took the heavy bag from her hand and walked back inside.
“What are you doing here? Is Aastha Maam Okay?” She was confused but followed him closely.
“I came to see you” After placing the bag in the corner, he turned to look at her.
“Me?” Anokhi was confused when it finally hit her “Sir if you are here to—”
Shaurya cut her off, “First listen to me”
Something in his voice forced her to turn silent.
“I am sorry” Shaurya started. “I know it’s not enough but you should know that I didn’t mean anything that I said. And you are nothing like what I said. In fact, you are one of the strongest girl I have ever come across and you are very bright too. Of course, sometimes you lack sense, you are irritating, stubborn—”
“Sir—”
“But you are nothing what I claimed you to be” He exhaled. “Look Anokhi” He took a step ahead, his voice turning softer, “I was angry. I couldn’t think straight that time. My judgement was clouded and I said a lot of things I didn’t want to and I didn’t mean any of it—”
“But you still had those thoughts in your mind right?!”
“No...God! Why did you have to go to that ACP?”
“What?”
“I didn’t like it. And I was blinded with rage and I am- I am sorry, genuinely. I apologise.”
“What you didn’t like?”
“That’s not the point. The point is I was wrong. And I am really sorry. And I promise that I will always try to keep my anger in check and will not repeat this ever”
Anokhi kept staring at him. She could never understand this man. Was everything that easy for him? To do mistakes and then seek apology when understood those mistakes?!
Feeling her intense gaze over him, Shauryalooked her in the eye and continued, “Now if you still want to go, I won’t stop you. I have no right to. But I want you to know that you are nothing like what I said and.....and SIAC will always need students like you”
Before he could continue his phone buzzed. It was Badi Maa. He cut the call. The phone rang again. He sighed, “I have to take it. I will just be back”
Anokhi kept staring in the direction he went. Unblinking, she took in everything she felt inside. Nobody could ever understand how torn she had felt that day. She had wanted to cry. She had wanted to scream. His words sliced her apart. They affected her and she didn’t know why this strongly but they did.
“Anokhi” Aastha walked out of the room. She had heard Shaurya from the room and the mother in her was happy that he realised, “Kuch khaya tumne ?”
“Hm ?-”Anokhi blinked “Haan Di kuch banake laayi thi wahi khaa liya tha”
“Aur Bhook lagi hai tumhe ?”
“Maam ..Shaurya sir—”
“Anokhi mein kuch nahi kahungi. Tumhe decide karna hai. Aur tum jo bhi decide karogi wo galat nahi hoga”
Shaurya walked back inside and saw Aasthawarming the dinner. “I think I should leave then”
“Dinner” Aastha looked at him expectantly.
“No. I am fine” Looking at her drooping smile he lied, “Actually..I had dinner at home so”
His eyes kept going to Anokhi stealing glances of her. Although he said, it was upon her if she wanted to stay or not but he wanted her to stay, desperately.
“So I must go now” He spoke wanting her to spare a look at him. When she didn’t, he repeated, “I am going then”
As he took few steps, he heard Anokhi, “Maam I will just walk him out”
Completely aware that she was following him closely, Shaurya didn’t turn back but kept walking at a slow speed. The corridor was empty and half hearted he pressed the button to call the lift.
Finally not able to hold back, he turned to her, “So...see you in the college?”
Anokhi had never seen him this apprehensive and nervous. If not for the situation she would have laughed. Biting on her cheeks, she cleared her throat before blinking and passing him a small smile, “Yes Sir” But then something grabbed her mind as she asked him, “But you are going to Patiala right?”
“I am?” Shaurya blinked. “Yaa..oh No. No I am not” He covered up.
“Haan ?”
“Ab nahi jaraha”
As the lift clinked, Shaurya stepped in and then turned to look at her. His gaze strong, he looked her in the eye, “Also Miss Bhalla, mein itna bhi rookha nahi hoon”
Her cheeks reddening, Anokhi could easily detect the mirth that shone in his eyes. A soft smirk forming over her own lips, she mumbled back softly, “Rookhe tou aap hain”
As the metal door closed, Shaurya wasn’t sure if he was able to hide the smile that graced his own lips.
Anokhi walked back inside with a smile. As Aastha served the dinner, she took the dishes from her asking her to sit down instead.
“You agreed? I didn’t expect you would” Aastha smiled at her.
“Even I didn’t Maam but.....maybe I will never forget what he said but the way he apologised I couldn’t help but forgive”
*Unedited
_________
A/N- This was not any attempt to dilute that impact of whatever Shaurya did or said. But I do not see any other way how writers are going to deal with this. I am expecting a lot but then what.. even I don’t know. Since we are not getting any BTS or articles, I just thought to give it a shot ...plus, it’s been time since I wrote anything.
Also, I apologise for opting Hindi for this exam. But the dialogues and the essence of it would have been ruined if I went for English.
And..yeah Just that It was Sunday. I had some time. So I wrote it.
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