Good morning lovely ladies!
23 minutes of full blast of Chakram niwasis (+three ads, thrice, with migraine-inducing music. I suddenly realised, I could buffer the annoying ads before beginning to watch š migraine saved.š)
It was an episode to balance all the mesmerised gazes we got yesterday but it was also a very telling episode. The first half, before the assault turned towards Virat and Sai -- when Ashwini was at the receiving end -- was so heart wrenching that it left me livid. The sadism that every single person in the room (save Shivani Bua) delighted in when Bhavani backed Susheel bahu -- the newly appointed spokesperson of the Makad gang-- in heaping insults at an "elder" in the family is appalling. I did not find this OTT today because many of us are lucky to have not grown up or be forced to live in such a toxic environment. But having closely seen the struggle of so many going through it, I couldn't help but feel so upset.
The biggest struggle in a toxic environment is the fact that the one who's struggling cannot recognise the toxicity. I felt bad for Ashwini but I also felt a bit let down by the fact that she has spent all her life being suppressed by her so-called husband and the Queen B of the house to an extent that she is now their "official insult dart board" -- anyone can walk up and play a dart šÆ game in hitting the bull's-eye of insult, including 'kal ki aayi Patralekha'. The best part about a dart game is that it can be played by an individual without the need to compete against anyone while everyone enjoys the game.
But in the exchange between Ashwini and Bhavani, it was so evident that the toxicity of the relationships in the family has never been called out, until today -- when Sai, unabashed and point-blank, spoke up for Virat:
"Aaj Aaba ke jaane ke baad pehli Baar main Khush huyi thi... Main aapse khushiyaan baatna chahti thi but Aapke chehre to hamesha latke rehte Hain..."
"Jab se hum log yahan aye Hain, hum par nishana hai... Fark itna hai ki goliyon ki jagah, sawaal daag rahe Hain..."
"Kitne sawaal karte Hain aap log Virat sir se? Chutti lekar Sai Ka result Kyun check Kiya, Sai ko admission Kyun dilaya, Sai ko ghoomane Kyun le Gaye?"
"Ye ghar Nahi, jail hai... dum ghoot ta hai..."
A person, who has never seen that kind of toxicity can actually identify it, which perhaps, Ashwini and Virat have internalised as the 'normal'. It made me wonder how Virat -- by the virtue of living in a joint family and being the uncrowned prince -- has, grown up to not be able to identify toxicity. We think it's "people pleasing" attitude but it's actually the compulsion to find the 'breath' for survival by trying to escape and avoid confrontations in an environment that is so toxic.
Unfortunately for him, despite the shade that Ashwini has given him as a mother, has has toiled his childhood years under the scorching heat of his relationship with at least two toxic parents -- his father Ninad and his aunt Bhavani, who by default is everyone's parent. I am not counting Omkar and Sonali because their toxicity has their own motivations -- Omkar trying to push Karishma into Bhavani's good books today.
By remaining silent all these years, and offering her healing touch at the end of the toxic attack, Ashwini has actually failed to protect herself and Virat from the poison. I always notice this specific expression Virat has on display when someone is making an allegation at him by reminding him that he has failed an expectation -- there is a surprise and a nod and he wants to hear how! Be it his conversation with PP at her maika or Ninad in the living room before the admission. It's because the "consequences" of breaking expectations in toxic relationship is a heap of guilt.
Fortunately, Sai can and identify this right from the first day she stepped into the house -- Virat, the son of Chavan niwas, is not the ACP Virat Chavan who smacked Jagtap and Vitthal Mane in their faces. Sai can see how the so-called elders -- Sarghana as she called Bhavani and doosre bade Ninad Chavan -- do not treat all family members with respect as individuals. They can't compromise, show accountability for their behaviours and certainly do not feel sorry. She can see that respect for a person is directly proportional to the 'yes-nods' he or she gives the Chakram gang.
Virat has been a victim of poor parenting -- despite getting the solace and love as well as values from Ashwini-- and perhaps has lived through a traumatic childhood that doesn't seem traumatic on the face of it. But children grow up in mentally abusive settings or dysfunctional families by accepting it as normal. They may deny the fact that they have been abused emotionally, especially if the facade of the family is perfect -- and material needs have never been a problem.
Sai can see the pressure that the clan has been applying on Virat to make him feel guilty of having Sai -- the overreaction, drama, emotional blackmail, critical references to obedience shown in the past, the manipulation, playing victim, attacking, scant respect for his physical or mental boundaries of his feelings.
I LOVED how she gave it back to Ninad when he made this scathing comment about 'not being dependent on his son financially' -- what a typical attack that a child must face from a parent who is sulking over a decision that undid an 'expectation'. Of course, Sai had wanted to react even when Ninad told Virat how he is no longer the reason for "Garv" but "shame". A part of her anger is obviously also because Virat is specifically told that he has let them down because of his decision to side with Sai.
Just moments ago, Sai witnessed the inner child in Virat, jiska 'mann tha, Khush hone ka' because, 'tum Khush Hoti ho toh main bhi Khush ho jaata hoon'. Sai, is that gahivarla shwas (the breath one needs when one is choking), who has indeed begun a process of allowing Virat to emotionally detach from the toxicity -- just by being around him and making him realise that one must not let go of the 'moments' of joy that actually define happiness.
It will still be a while before Virat truly sees that under the cloak of "Ghar ke niyam and kayde" is the venomous potion that has so far been served as 'prasad' to those who follow the line. In a way, by merely becoming a part of his life -- for whatever reasons and circumstances -- Sai has become the reason for him to detach from the toxicity. He now has a purpose -- a zimmedari, farz -- to protect Sai from the line of attack. In the bargain, he will also have to detach himself. It doesn't mean physical detachment but emotional.
And he's already doing it -- he does not feel responsible for someone elseās feelings, especially when it comes to standing up for Sai (and because he is in vicarious love, also for himself). "Maine socha Sai ko ghuma Kar le aaun... Sai mere saath thi so niyam lagu Nahi hota... Der shaam huyi hai Der Raat Nahi..."
And Didi, did you hear he just called Sai 'biwi' in your face -- "Tumne inhe yaad Nahi dilaya ki inka beta police officer hai aur apni biwi ke Saath Bahar Gaya hai" šš I think I saw Didi gulping down her own venom. Waise, Didi your toxicity is not even being discussed here because it is so laughable and worthless in this context that today Chavan saheb didn't even call you "Pakhi". Lage raho, aap itni acchi Spokesperson Hain Makad Sena ki that you'll reveal their secrets yourself slowly with your own harkatein š¤£
Dr Sai Joshi -- I absolutely LOVE the way Virat addresses her by her maiden name and the chakrams have not yet realised that Ghar ki bahu is breaking ITNA bada tradition and not even taking their Chakram Khandaan Ka surname š¤£š¤£... Dr Sai you have your hands full and you've already begun therapy for Virat without knowing because you are the PURPOSE for which he is breaking the chain of this toxicity, one loop at a time
Tumse pehle humne, tumsa na koi Dekha...Teri ore badhte kadmon ko Hamne Nahi roka... Tere saath bechaini ko bhi... Aaram sa milta ha
***
I felt bad for Ashwini as much as I felt disappointed. Why did she turned herself into this door mat? I wish we know her compulsion for marrying a douchebag like Ninad. I wish Shivani Bua had got up and smacked Patralekha in her face. I do not want to waste words on this envious woman, whose going to burn in her own fire. I so wish Virat would witness his ex-to-be-wife and 'forever true love' showing her maturity and respect for his mother, who could have been her mother-in-law but now like Virat, Ashwini is also on her target list because in her imaginary world, these are people who should be on her side.
It is high time Ashwini stands up for herself and stops taking this insult from Patralekha silently. I totally understood Ashwini's anger towards Virat and Sai today. Virat was irresponsible about his reply to Ashwini and his explanation on returning, even worse. "Haan maine Bola tha, phir socha...." Man, it's because actually have no idea what your mother has been ensuring in your absence. Her 'sun na to mujhe hi padta hai' was actually directed at Virat but she said it to Sai. I feel Ashwini doesn't admonish Virat directly as much as she should. For that matter, she is yet to rebuke him for the issues relating to his friendship with PP but now because she can visibly see he's moving on, she's let it slide. So Virat has never faced Ashwini's direct anger or complaints so far... Is her silence really her strength? š Or has it meant that Virat has grown up behind a mirage of protection from which only partial truths about the family filtered in?
The sweetness between Bhavani and Patralekha can cause fatal hyperglycaemia -- I hope it does to both of them and the Mamajis as well š¤¢ Sai, you actually have so many gambhir bimaaris there -- bulimia (they binge on insults), verbal diarrhea, myopia, malignancy and even gangrene. Super specialist bano, sirf MBBS Nahi.
And the woman just reminded herself, in everyone's presence that Samrat, "Mera Pati" is missing? No, no, Didi. Aisa mat samajhna that we believed your sadness. Your eyes were set on your husband's cousin when you mouthed those words to check his reaction. You were reminding the 'police officer jo apni biwi ko bahar lekar gaya tha' that you have a missing "Pati" (jissse aap jan na nahi chahti) and so you will continue reminding everyone in the house that they cannot join in celebrating the joys that belong to Virat and his biwi.
I don't think Virat can fall for this bait, Didi. He, in the depths of his heart, knows Samrat means nothing to you and so not even the family. It is only a matter of time until he detoxifies and realises that you are using his missing-in-action brother as a dupe to cover your tracks.
Waise, Chavan saheb, you better have a fitting answer to that. Please let your 'true love' know that your biwi stormed out of that toxic chamber to enjoy some private head massage at the end of a tiring day šš aapki problem hi solve ho jayegi when Didi does a Samrat and goes missing-in-action.
Virat is now paying attention to the communication pattern and the changing shift of target -- he is also aware that the strategy to deal with matters concerning Sai cannot be the habits and defenses that he has used to manage his own anxieties in that environment. While he's doing a perfect job in the role of Sai's husband in that zillat exchange ring, it's time that he stands up to do a decent job as a discerning son to an oppressed mother and a scion of an inheritance that will be thrust upon him eventually.
Must mention: Chavan saheb totally enjoyed that Live Reporting session. Ab kal he will enjoy 'Sai Joshi, MBBS' mono-act. Kya kismat hai, aapki. Itna entertainment toh koi Kisi ke liye bewajah Kabhi Nahi karta. Socho Socho šš
****
May the rising sun of the new decade begin the much needed healing for the world and also for individual needs -- in our own struggles. May it give us enough light to filter the blessings we're surrounded with to strengthen us to stand for justice for selves and those around us. āØš Keep shining!
Sending across hugs š¤š¤š¤ and coffee āāā and of course, heap loads of pyaar bhi ā¤ļøā¤ļø and as dewdrop Sai said, "Jaan jokham me daal Kar bhi, apni khushi ki raksha karni chahiye" š
Love you allš„° have a great day! š¤ļøš
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Jhanak
O Humnava Tum Dena Saath Mera
