Hi to my lovely RoNakshi waalo once again, and here I am bringing the first part of the last chapter of a story I loved to write. Extremely sorry for the terrible delay, my personal and professional reasons made me a lot busy but I didn’t want to let this go without completing. It carries a very important part in my heart and thank you for loving me and my work despite of my irregularities. Apologies for the language mistakes that may come by. And I reserve the immediate after post of this thread for part 3b,so please come back to see that when it’s updated,which will be probably soon.😊 The previous parts could be accessed by the links given below. And as I always say,roses and chappals are both welcome. I love you all so very much.
Part 1: I knew: RoNakshi TS part 1
Part 2:How I wish: RoNakshi TS part 2
We meet: RoNakshi TS Part 3a
My gaze fixes at the glass shutter near the seat and this train whose phase makes me feel like the trees outside are moving while we are in same spot doesn’t know what a burning havoc I carry with me in my heart.the rain drops are rolling their way down the glass and there I see my reflection on it. And for the first time in months i get a bit self conscious. I look rugged and drugged, honestly. May be the lack of trimming on my beard and brushing my hair and lack of sleep along with it has actually taken a toll on me. Would she recognize me? I ask as that suddenly emerged self consciousness gush over me. Really, rohit sippy? Really. Its not like nishi bua has done a cosmetic surgery on you,of course pehechaan legi wo.Pehele doond to lo usse.
With that I feel amazed at myself, was that my sarcasm that was getting back to the surface? Has the old rohit sippy started to make a comeback? This is after so many months and it does look like an improvement. Well things has of course started to be different from few days back, when out of the blue i heard a knock at my room door. And now my memory starts going in flashback.
I had no idea who and why would someone decide to knock my door out of all the places.In that grandeous mansion i had been cornered for months and i too had give in to the course of being cornered which i didn’t care at all. Not even vimmi knocked my door to clean the room because yaahaan tak ki wo bhi naraz thi mujhse, apni parvati ki dil thodne ki wajeise,not wajeise actually, paap se, according to swayam vimmi’s words. With a questioned look I unlocked the door to find my little brother ajit sippy there,with a no smile look on his face,unusual to his norms but usual to his ways of treating me for the past few months.
“I need to come in.”
He remarked,not a may I come in or can I come in.I raised my eyebrow in annoyance just for that very looked to be returned back to me with his I don’t care shrug superimposed to it. And he didn’t wait for my reply but entered my room and walked past me,much to my increased annoyance. I left the door opened walking in to be stopped by his next order.
“Darwasa bandh kar do,this is a personal discussion.”
I shut it the next moment with a thud,wenting all my anger on the poor door. Walking to him I stood in front without sitting,just to let him know that I don’t want to entertain any guests inside my room for long and he better leave fast.
“Sonakshi bhabhi ko dhoonda?” Asked him.
“Tume usse kya” Asked I.
“Bekar ki sawaal mat karo bhai,jitna poocha hein uska jawaab do.”
“Tu baap hein mera? Subhaan samaal kar baat kar.”
“Ab tak to samaal liya.aur nahi lekin.”
“Bhabhi nahi hei wo tumara.”
“haan toh aap banne kab diya usse?”
“Chup kar ajit.agar yehi hein tera personal discussion toh mujhe koi interest nahi hein iss topic mein aage badne ka.chal nikhal.” I dragged him from the shoulder and made him stand.
“Iss ghar mein saare ke saare naaraz hoon tumse,including me.Yet I came,not for you but for sonakshi bhabhi. Bhai I don’t know if you searched for her,traced for her,tried to find her out or not.kiya bhi toh mujhe lagta hein ki you didn’t do enough.”
I held ajit from his shoulders in anger.
“Don’t rub salt into my wounds ajit,jaa yahaan se,out.” I screamed.
“Shimla.” He said. I was about to drag him out and push him away when my hand dropped off of him. I stared at him unable to register what he just uttered for a while.
“What?”
“Wo shimla mein hein.”
“Kaun?” I knew kaun but I wanted to hear,I wanted to hear it in full confirmation so badly.
“Sonakshi bhabhi shimla mein hein.” He finished.
“Tu...tuj...tujhe kese maalum hua ajit? Kese maalum hua? Bol...bol...call kiya usne tume? bol ajit bol...” I shook him frantically.
“Mere dost hein rajeev,wahaan ki station master.kaafi time ke baad aaj mumbai aaya chutti pe. Aur milaate wakt randomly bataaya mujhse ki tv actress sonakshi rastogi wahaan aayi, meheno pehele.”
“Aur...aur kya bola ajit...Bata mujhe please.”
“Aayi toh thi wo,lekin ab tak wahaan se nahi nikli.matlab saaf hein.wahaan rehti hein wo.exactly ghar kahaan hein wo to pata nahi hein usko,lekin aas paas hi hoga he said,because she didn’t leave the station in a taxi.”
“Ajit wo ek actress hein,aasani se log pehechaanunga usse...kese eise media aur log se chupti hein wo...”
“Wahaan itna urbanized nahi hein,rural hein aur log bhi itna pata karne nahi jaate. Yahaan tak ki us din kuch security check wagera hua tha station pe aur rajeev bhi accidentally found her out seeing her ID,otherwise seems like no one could have recognize her.”
A silence passed between me and my little brother.i found out that I have dropped the guard I was holding around me.This was the longest discussion I have had with anyone in months.
“I came here because kahina kahi mein bhi simmidar hoon iss mess ke liye.wo mein hoon tume yeh girlfriend boyfriend ka act karneke idea diya.aur to aur it was me who went to sonakshi bhabhi and told her about the tension in house due to you and raima not being accepted by family.”
“What?” This was new to me.
“Remember sonakshi bhabhi came and told everyone that it was her plan to do this act because suman aunty was trying to get her married and you helped in that.”
“Yeah she took the blame on herself to cover me up.”
“That day she came because I went and told her about ghar ka haalat aur tera halat.she came to save you.but end mauke pe she went out of the way and requested everyone to get you and raima married,I didn’t see that coming.i regret this till date.” I sat down hearing that. And I felt ajit sitting down next to me.
“Sach mein,I don’t understand ki mein tume ek thappad du ya shukriyaada karu.” I said.
“Filaal jaa ke usse doond kar waapas le aao,thappad ya shukriyaada baad mein decide karte.” He said.
“That I will” I said with a smirk that we both share after a very long time.
“aur ummeed karta hoon ki iss baar aap sahi baatein sahi wakt par sahi tareekein se sahi insaaan ko boldenga.”
“Ek baar apna pyaar ko chuka hoon,dubara nahi ajit.no.”
“Raima ki pyaar toh...” I stopped him to correct.
“Ek baar apna pyaar ko chuka hoon matlab ajit...mein sonakshi ko already ek baar ko chuka hoon.dubaara usse nahi ko sakta.raima toh srif ek khubsurat ateet hein bas. Haa pyaar ya affection toh may be was there for raima,but ye pyaar jo mein sonakshi se karta hein na,uss tarha ki pyaar toh mein naa kissise ab tak kiya,naa kissi aur ko kabhi kar paunga.”
An announcement at a passing station juts me back to the present,my flashback then over. Shimla aur dhoor hein,lekin mera gushtaak dil ka patience toh kabka khatam hochuke hein. I look at myself again in the watery glass, it’s ok who cares how I look,let me get to her aur mein khud sab teek kardunga.
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I walk down the little road by the alley. It’s after a long time I went out of the house. I smile to myself a little reminiscing what shambu uncle said.
“Aaj toh eisa lagta hein jeise aapko milne koi aane waala hein.warna bachchi tu toh itna samaan aaj tak kabhi kareeda hi nahi hein hamara dhukaanwa se...”
I smiled to him not answering. My bag indeed seemed heavy though,compatible to his guessings. The workers smiled with me as I left. I have never felt such a freedom ever in life. They had no idea who I was,for where I lived was so rural and log ke paas tv bhi nahi tha shaayad aur tha bhi kabhi teek se yaa ritually tv dekhne waale nahi the yahaan pe. I have had a silent life without a celebrity card,and I was glad I could be so.
Entering home and closing the door behind,I land the bag on the table and place myself on the chair near by. Scanning through the bag I confirm I have bought everything I need to make dhokla and samosa. The tiny frying pan and the portable cooker I borrowed from nisha aunty this morning will be enough to fry a few samosas I mentally calculate.
Dhokla aur samosa favorite tha,rohit ke. Aaj subha achanak pata nahi kyun,I felt like I should make them. The thought came out of nowhere as I stared at the usual site of the Delhi train taking the arch bridge turn this morning and soon the thought turned to an urge.never have I ever in these months felt that kind of real urge of doing something but this happened and here I am,planning on making his favorite. Why a sudden change in me? The maamuli sonakshi who hardly ate one meal a day for ages is today going to make his favorites? Why though,I never knew.
My memory flashbacks to the set of my show,correction previously mine show KPK. The great doctor surgeon Rohit sippy clad in the pink shirt,after the encounter with sumit khanna,coming to my room and having dhokla and samosa of the set claiming how much he loves garma garam samosa and promising that he will often visit the set to eat them,hushing off my claims of the oily junk food being unhealthy,and finally in the process also catching his favorite jacket to be in my bag and further catching me lie about it to him,and leaving the set after letting me keep it for life, everything rolled infront of my eyes in a jiffy. That smile, that closeness,that touch, that presence of him is being terribly missed each day and whenever these memories comes flooding through I always feel the corners of my eyes being wet, right now was no difference. With that I walk to the little bag I carried here when I left mumbai, and draw that orange colour hoodie,his favorite jacket. It still has his scent on it despite of the perfect dry cleaning.may be it’s in my mind,registered deeply inside of it thought no one else would be able to actually inhale that scent. I hug it to my chest,inhaling deeply into it,and suddenly I feel like he is near,very very very near to me. I close my eyes to be in that never happening solace for a while.
After a little trance I open my eyes to just find his jacket in my arms,tugged to my chest. I better distract myself from this,he and me are never going to happen.And I have to face the fact that I will have to die one day being unloved by him ever in my life. That is a truth I cannot avoid. And may be Rohit sippy now is married to raima, happily and contently and I am no longer an important part of his life or a friend or even a memory to him.
I keep his jacket on the chair near by,and move to the table and take the stuff out to prepare my plans. I better finish the work soon so that I can return the pan and cooker to nisha aunty before dinner and saat saat dhokla aur samosa portion bhi deh sakte unko,aakhir itna bana kar kya karu? Rohit thodi aajayenge ye sab kaane keliye? Kaash eisa hi note,lekin nahi sapne mein bhi eisa nahi hote.sapne dekhne keliye mujhe sauna bhi nahi aate.
As I cook the fragrance of the food infuses the surrounding and I reminisce I needed a life exactly like this, where I cook my family what they love every evening after I return from the shoot. Well, not like I will be home everyday but whenever I would get a chance I would have loved to do that. As time passed with rohit few months back, my visualized family turned into a world where only he alone existed. I have imagined myself feeding him what I made,getting compliments and critics from him and everything. I have looked at recipes and my uncontrolled heart had back then desired to make it for rohit on some special day that comes in ahead of our lives together. Crazy,wasn’t I? I should honestly not have fooled myself into something that was never bound to happen. What and where and why and how did I go wrong? I have no idea. Why did I expect him to love ME? We were doing an act, and see the mockery of the life,an actress herself couldn’t identify the farak between acting and asliyat.
Another few hours would have passed,as I finish my work it was almost half past five in the evening but the surrounding looked like it’s almost night. Jaaiz hein, it’s December and Shimla pe iss december looked like a duplicate winter of europe where sun rises very late and sun sets soon as it can. I then pack a tiffin for nisha aunty and wash everything clean and tidy. Better I have a wash and come so that I can go meet them and return before it gets darker than this.
—————————————————————
I open my door to leave but the freezing cold stops me.I definitely cannot go out in just this clothes. Kitna unpredictable mausam hein. I trace around and see his favourite jacket still lying down in the place I left it. Lost in thoughts once again,the next moment I find myself wearing it zipping it up and feeling the lost warmth around me once again. Rohit, I whisper his name for the umpteenth time again and the forcedly hidden urges of seeing him resurfaces over and over again. Suddenly I reminisce how he hid his face in my hair when we used to watch those horror films in his room, and my hand raises to hug him to me but pauses,no he is not here.i will not be able to hold him ever again like that.I can just stare at our memories and cry for them that’s it.how many memories of him had I been having throughout today. I have lost the count.i got to stop this,he could never be mine,nor he will ever be.Sighing down the pain that pricks me somewhere deeply in my heart, I leave home with the tiffin and stuff to see nisha aunty and get back soon.
Ajit ki dost bhi nahi hein aaj yahaan pe,pata nahi kisse poochu usske bhaaremein. I look around and see the time on the big clock post.it was five thirty in the evening when that long train ride from Delhi to Shimla was ended. And I realize I have been walking here and there trying to get a clue for thirty good minutes. It’s already dark and I am freezing cold. Ravi offered to drive me here but I wanted to come all by myself. And jaate wakt bhi usne mujhe kahaan ki thand toh bohot hoga yahaan pe lekin I ignored him off.good for me.agar jaldi sonakshi se mulakaat hogi tho teek hein,warna seeda uparwaale se mulakaat hogi mera,agar iss thand mein fas jayein toh.cursing myself for being too brainy to not carry a heavy coat,I half for a while dragging a scarf and a sweater outta my bag and covering myself with them. Yeah these are not going to help,but please...I pause and I look up remembering how sonakshi used to talk to uparwaala to solve her problems both in her real and reel life. I see nothing but the dark sky but there I close my eyes and make a wish,from the deepest point of my being.Aaj aapke sahara toh chahiye bhagwaan,bas please usse milawado mujhse,aur taakat aur himmat do mujhe mera manzil poch ne ke liye,usko wapas paane keliye.i look down,opening my eyes and a concerned pair of old eyes meet mine,and asks me“kissi ko dhoond rahe ho beta?” And for the first time in ages,I,Rohit sippy starts believing in farshitas.
I walk home being late to return,nisha aunty didn’t let me leave soon and offered me her dinner. Having her ghee parata and paneer makhani made me severely homesick all of a sudden. It’s been so long since I had my comfort food and this dinner from neighbourhood seemed like i received mumma’s love all of a sudden after a very long time. My heart is heavy and I feel suddenly so alone. As I walk down the road leading to the place I now live at by option and by choice,I slowly realize that it’s none other but I myself got into this decision,so I alone have to be strong enough to dwell through this. The surrounding is darker than I expected thanks to my delay,but I have got used to darkness so much that this doesn’t scare me anymore and now I climb the few steps up guiding myself inside the house in a second.
I place my hand on the door knob turning the key.the door opens by itself at the first turn but I stare at it in a dismay.I never fail to put the double lock then why today.I stay back a little fear passes by me.There have never been threats,burglars or scares around this area ever since I was here but today this difference shook me a bit. Should I talk to my neighbors? I turned my steps to leave and then stop in my tracks.may be I forgot to lock properly,this is nothing to worry.i console myself and push the door and then I am in.
Closing the door and locking it behind me,I gather courage and tell myself everything is fine.and then,that one familiar thing engulfs me.The fragrance of him.The whole little cottage of mine smells like him and my heart skips a long lost but a familiar beat that was intact only when he was around. I look around but the whole cottage is filled with darkness and there is no trace of human presence except for mine around. I tell myself mentally that it’s fine,I am just missing him and hey I am already wearing his jacket,so probably it’s coming from that.
With a yet tremoring hand extended I try to switch the light on but to my disappointment the electricity is gone. This happens quite often around this area,no wonder the surrounding was darker when I was returning,calming down I reminisce. With the picture of my little space’s arrangement in my mind,I walk to the table where the lamp is kept,also find the matchbox I used few hours back and light it up,and there,a faint but an enough light from the kerosene lamp bringing back the lost visions.i pick a remaining samosa from the plate and move towards the window to watch outside out of habit,and those once favourite fairy lights up the mountains shines,meeting my yearning.my previously aayi hui achaanak dhar fades away little by little and wishing for the countless time that rohit was here,I take the first bite of the samosa.
Outside must be cold,I guess looking at the thick fog forming blurring the view.i don’t feel it much although there is no electricity for the home heater to work,since rohit’s favourite jacket is still wrapping me,covering me and protecting me from the probable cold prevailing.i find my lonely heart repeatedly yearning and making me crave for him and his presence but,alas. Sonakshi rastogi,you two are over,please get used to that.I hear my mind begging me from the other side,meanwhile. Get an adhrak waali chai and disract myself may be? I think to myself slightly wanting to keep my sanity intact. I turn around looking at the half eaten samosa in my hand and thud,I crash against something instead of the empty space I expected and the next moment I get thrown aback as a reflex to that crash.a scream gets stuck at my throat and my breath hitches and as my eyes fixes right at there,my heart stops.
and so does mine,my heart stops too.and I without a stethoscope know that hers did as well. My gaze fixes at her black orbs and as one of my hand catches the thrown aback her from the waist,my other hand holds her half eaten samosa bearing hand’s wrist the next moment. I cannot just believe I am actually there,right infront of her,holding her in my arms,her warmth in my close proximity once again after so many damning months. she looks ethereal and that’s my jacket wrapped around her petite body giving me those feels of belonging. kaash uss jacket ke jaga mein hota,strange thoughts come to my mind but I enjoy them all right at that moment. I do not want this moment to end,I just do not want to. Ever since she entered this place I felt her and I alone knew how much I yearned to see her,and when that faint light from the lamp fell on her I knew I am where I want to be. I hid in a corner letting her be,that feeling on watching her from a distance yet being at her vicinity was tranquilizing. And here I am, near my sonakshi. My every freaking thing.
Yeh saroor ek wehem hein,I tell myself. I am hallucinating.I repeat to myself. But could it be this real? Why is my breath hitched and yet I feel his breath on me. Unable to register what is happening,I feel my free hand reaching up to him.it then rests against his cheek,his untrimmed beard and his eyes close in reflex.and I feel tears brimming in my eyes realizing it’s indeed the reality,they are blurring his view from me and I take my hand off of him to desperately wipe tears so that I see him clear and he just open his eyes,all these happen at once. Our eyes meet again and that thin film of water shining in his eyes,is he crying? I wonder.why how and when did he find me? I question in silence and he stare at me without a word,I don’t know what’s happening. I feel my legs going numb,may be I am going to fall but his grip around my waist tightens and the next moment he draws me into him and I land on his chest. And here I am,near my rohit.my everything. But no,he was mine but not anymore. Why are we in this situation,why are we in this position? Why are we together? I have no idea.
I feel myself complete as she lands on my chest,all the burden I had on it for ages get liften as she replaces them like that. All my pains are over.all the wait is over and all the longing is over. I have her and her for good. Her tears prick me right inside my heart, I cannot see her crying. I don’t know how or what to tell anymore and here by I let my whatever selfed Rohit sippy to take control,to do whatever that comes to his mind for this one person that is right now standing infront of me knows him even better than I do.slowly I feel that very messed Rohit Sippy calming down.and in awhile yes,now I know.I want to tell her so many things,just don’t know where to start.I wanna let her know that we are in this situation, we are in this position and we are together in this because we are meant to be. Yes we are meant to be and tonight I will show you that we are indeed meant to be, Sonakshi rastogi. And this time you will not be able to run away, cause jahaan bhi jaaungi tum srif mujhe hi paaungi.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Cricket
Haven For Her
