SELF-RESPECT, the key word is........

SELF, underlined, bolded and highlighted😎 LONG POST ALERT !

Now coming to the self respect part, I can talk only from my experiences. 20yrs back, if i had given importance to this so-called self respect which seems to be a precious thing to many nowadays, today i would have been finding myself as a lonely, coward woman who choose the easiest way out of the problem. Today when i see my son basking in the happiness of a loving & balanced family and him being content & compassionate, compared to the confused & bitter kids whom we have come across from broken families or from those families where parental fights are common, the respect i have for myself as a mother is beyond words. When today the same person, who at one point of time made me feel that i was a burden to him, makes sure that all my wishes are fulfilled even before i share it with him, the respect i have for myself as a wife cannot be explained. When i see the person who once saw me as the reason for her son's grief, today being the first person to scold/advise him if at all she feels that i am sad or being hurt by him, I feel proud to have proved myself as a good daughter in law. Above all, when i see the happiness in the eyes of my parents and siblings when they are wholeheartedly taken care of by my hubby, tear start rolling down my eyes for being a good daughter & sister to my family. So, today i as an individual am proud & content within myself because i always believed that my self-respect is not something that is dependant on what others, be it my dear ones or an outsider, thinks of me; it rather was a feeling i had for myself and i worked towards it. So today instead of being proud of my individuality on my own, i am proud that i succeded in getting others too feel proud of my individuality and that is what self-respect means to me. And the profound happiness i get from it cannot be explained in simple words.

Above all, i always believe that the success of a marriage or any partnership is not when you grow individually; it is more on how you grow together & are happy together. And my AnuPre is one of those couples who are happy only when they are with each other. The growing together part is where they have failed till now; but i am sure that if EK can keep her ego apart and feel meherbaan to focus on AnuPre as a couple, then we will get their growing together phase too which for sure will be full off bumps & potholes, yet will be beautiful as they are.

Gracie🤗, I hope you won't mind me hijacking a part of your post from another thread, as this post deserves to be the CROWN-JEWEL of this thread🤗. The above words, especially the bolded ones are worth their weight in gold. Thanks for sharing, my friend !

LONG POST ALERT !

As promised, I am here with my take about " self-respect" which gets loosely used in this show. First off, for the same behavior portrayed by Anurag, Prerna, the show labels Anurag as psychotic and obsessed, while Prerna gets the title of somebody who lacks self-respect. From my perspective, as Grace has so eloquently described above, " SELF-RESPECT " is your own perception of your worth and NOT for somebody else to judge your what you are worthy of.

Let us look at Anurag first. Anurag had been snubbed repeatedly and mocked heavily by a certain character that was recently shown the door, as somebody who should be happy with what he has and not to expect Prerna to be with him. He was derided, ridiculed and condescended throughout the track while somebody else tried to take a moral and ethical high ground. Prerna herself used a body language and expressed frustration with him, almost amounting to a certain amount of ridicule. This is what got me hopping mad as I joined in at that time. She asked him repeatedly to move on and that he would never be her choice. Anurag gave a rat's behind to all of that background noise and pushed on with his agenda. Why? Because he had the big picture in mind. Because, giving up on Prerna for him is much, much worse than facing that ridicule. He was also able to see through Prerna's rather stoic facade and see how dead she was around that family, barring when she was engaging with Kuki. So he persevered, pestered and he ultimately prevailed Am I saying that what all he did is right? Hell, no! But, I can see that his life with Prerna is much more worth for him than anything else. From my perspective, then, he was not obsessed or psychotic. He was simply a guy who won't give up till he found a right justification to give up

Now we will turn to Prerna. I remember the scene when she got lectured about " self-respect" when Anurag was hurt in that accident. At that moment, she had 2 options. 1. If she is somebody petty, caring only for her " self-respect " she could get mad at Mohini for pushing her and leave in a huff. But, would that have served her purpose of seeing Anurag and being next to him? NO. Could she have gotten mad at a mother who is herself going through immense anxiety for her son's well-being ? 2. Or is it understandable to bear that slight from a grieving mother? But stand firm in her wish to see Anurag. I think this is what she had done and I understood her. That so called character building lesson she got at that moment of horrific grief, was misplaced and rhetorical

Similar to the above incident is Prerna'a reluctance to leave BB after Anurag was found after the recent accident and she was ordered to leave UNTIL she could justify her departure. Again, big picture in mind- Anurag's well being. If she left in a petty annoyance BECAUSE she was ordered to, would she have punished Anurag for no fault of his? When he might have needed her the most? When he is hanging on death's door? You betcha ! But, once he came to, physically well enough, has truly forgotten her and that stupid doctor told her that her and her memories ( I don't know why ) could cause his brain to explode, she could justify her leaving and that is what she had done. So, I don't consider her lacking " self-respect" as is loosely being termed, but rather having the head in the right place to ignore a bunch of background noise.

This doesn't mean I endorse and do the same things. Not in my life time😲 I used to be very hot headed and would fly off the handle even when there is nothing to be offended about. Now, life's experiences and profession have taught me to be much more patient and look at all perspectives before I judge. Anyway, not to digress, I am just saying that each of our self worth is only evident to us, and it can change with circumstances, people involved and a variety of other factors, NOT for anybody else to judge.

This is festering and had to get it off my chest before I go away into oblivion again for another few weeks, probably till mid-December. Have a good day !

Ekta Kapoor show is not the place where I look for these things anyways....those who can find it , good luck to them..yes , her web series had some awesome characters which can be discussed n they represent modern Indian societies...

Btw..most of us women..compromise and we are naturally flexible that way to be moulded into a joint family ...by joint family I mean kids husband in laws...life has given us a good deal, to some , a bad deal, to some not so bad or not so good deal...each story is that of a fighter..

Nice post Mili 👏

When we talk about self respect it's about making our own choices and decisions..... who and what is our priority in a particular situation that decides what is self respect. If I feel I want to take up or leave a job bcoz of xyz reason it's my decision similarly if Prerna decided that Anurag is her top most priority leaving everything aside... it's her decision.

So I always said the same thing in last track and today too I feel if someone is happy to place another person above her own self that's true love for me. With AnuPre these 2 have always kept each other above themselves..... and that's what makes them special 😃

There is a lot said about how Mohini ill treats Prerna and the Sharmas but Anurag has never done that barring that humiliation part where his intent was always to help and save his love. But still I won't say he was right there for the way she was treated but yes apart from that he has been there for her always.

Originally posted by: braveheartdoc

Nice post Mili 👏

When we talk about self respect it's about making our own choices and decisions..... who and what is our priority in a particular situation that decides what is self respect. If I feel I want to take up or leave a job bcoz of xyz reason it's my decision similarly if Prerna decided that Anurag is her top most priority leaving everything aside... it's her decision.

So I always said the same thing in last track and today too I feel if someone is happy to place another person above her own self that's true love for me. With AnuPre these 2 have always kept each other above themselves..... and that's what makes them special 😃

There is a lot said about how Mohini ill treats Prerna and the Sharmas but Anurag has never done that barring that humiliation part where his intent was always to help and save his love. But still I won't say he was right there for the way she was treated but yes apart from that he has been there for her always.

Definitely yaar..its her choice and she has to freedom to live a miserable life and feel happy about it..rather...DO nothing about it...because its miserable from our pov..she may be having a hell of a time..

Wow👏. Definitely hit a nail for me. At loss of words right now. Thank you for this post and indirectly helping me with answers.

Ps. Anupre is❤️

Originally posted by: mili9

Gracie🤗, I hope you won't mind me hijacking a part of your post from another thread, as this post deserves to be the CROWN-JEWEL of this thread🤗. The above words, especially the bolded ones are worth their weight in gold. Thanks for sharing, my friend !

Mili....I am overwhelmed, honored & embarassed after reading your above words. Thank you dear for the motivational & positive vibes your post gave me. The main reason i have always shared my personal experiences in IF is only because of the thought that if at all it could help a person to not give up at their first hurdle in their married life, then i will feel to be a blessed person. Because, i believe that as a woman God has blessed us with such a power & strength to face difficulties in a more resilient way and that is why HE has given us the special honor of carrying a baby for 9+ months, giving birth to him/her after going through hell-like pain and yet forgetting it all & experience a peaceful sukoon when we hold our baby in our arms for the first time. So, when i see a woman just choosing the easy way out of a situation or just walk out of a relationship because of silly matters, i feel bad about it. Because, if at all they had tried at least for once to understand the situations, which in most cases are the primary culprit, and then their partner, the results would have been so so so beautiful. Stating it after seeing it personally how lots of lives could have been changed if for a moment there had been a retrospection from both or either side. Which is why i result in writing essays here. But now, it looks like i have to be more careful in it, as posts like your's, do scare me to be more responsible now. 🙁

Originally posted by: mili9

LONG POST ALERT !

As promised, I am here with my take about " self-respect" which gets loosely used in this show. First off, for the same behavior portrayed by Anurag, Prerna, the show labels Anurag as psychotic and obsessed, while Prerna gets the title of somebody who lacks self-respect. From my perspective, as Grace has so eloquently described above, " SELF-RESPECT " is your own perception of your worth and NOT for somebody else to judge your what you are worthy of.

Let us look at Anurag first. Anurag had been snubbed repeatedly and mocked heavily by a certain character that was recently shown the door, as somebody who should be happy with what he has and not to expect Prerna to be with him. He was derided, ridiculed and condescended throughout the track while somebody else tried to take a moral and ethical high ground. Prerna herself used a body language and expressed frustration with him, almost amounting to a certain amount of ridicule. This is what got me hopping mad as I joined in at that time. She asked him repeatedly to move on and that he would never be her choice. Anurag gave a rat's behind to all of that background noise and pushed on with his agenda. Why? Because he had the big picture in mind. Because, giving up on Prerna for him is much, much worse than facing that ridicule. He was also able to see through Prerna's rather stoic facade and see how dead she was around that family, barring when she was engaging with Kuki. So he persevered, pestered and he ultimately prevailed Am I saying that what all he did is right? Hell, no! But, I can see that his life with Prerna is much more worth for him than anything else. From my perspective, then, he was not obsessed or psychotic. He was simply a guy who won't give up till he found a right justification to give up

Now we will turn to Prerna. I remember the scene when she got lectured about " self-respect" when Anurag was hurt in that accident. At that moment, she had 2 options. 1. If she is somebody petty, caring only for her " self-respect " she could get mad at Mohini for pushing her and leave in a huff. But, would that have served her purpose of seeing Anurag and being next to him? NO. Could she have gotten mad at a mother who is herself going through immense anxiety for her son's well-being ? 2. Or is it understandable to bear that slight from a grieving mother? But stand firm in her wish to see Anurag. I think this is what she had done and I understood her. That so called character building lesson she got at that moment of horrific grief, was misplaced and rhetorical

Similar to the above incident is Prerna'a reluctance to leave BB after Anurag was found after the recent accident and she was ordered to leave UNTIL she could justify her departure. Again, big picture in mind- Anurag's well being. If she left in a petty annoyance BECAUSE she was ordered to, would she have punished Anurag for no fault of his? When he might have needed her the most? When he is hanging on death's door? You betcha ! But, once he came to, physically well enough, has truly forgotten her and that stupid doctor told her that her and her memories ( I don't know why ) could cause his brain to explode, she could justify her leaving and that is what she had done. So, I don't consider her lacking " self-respect" as is loosely being termed, but rather having the head in the right place to ignore a bunch of background noise.

This doesn't mean I endorse and do the same things. Not in my life time I used to be very hot headed and would fly off the handle even when there is nothing to be offended about. Now, life's experiences and profession have taught me to be much more patient and look at all perspectives before I judge. Anyway, not to digress, I am just saying that each of our self worth is only evident to us, and it can change with circumstances, people involved and a variety of other factors, NOT for anybody else to judge.

This is festering and had to get it off my chest before I go away into oblivion again for another few weeks, probably till mid-December. Have a good day !

Mili....as usual a BANG ON post, especially the bolded part. And you did hit the nail, when you included Anu too into the picture. As always, when it comes to the matter of terms like self-respect, man-handling, physical harassment etc etc, it has now become a hobby everywhere, be it in reel or real, this is something which is to be addressed only if it involves a woman. If a man is in a similar situation, nobody gives a hoot to it and we can see a lot of biasedness popping up. And we are proud that we are living in 2019. To me, a woman being strong or independent should be based on her strengths, her integrity and her achievements; not by bringing down anyone, be it a male or female nor by playing a victim using the women card. This is where nowadays many are loosing the grip. And that is where your words 'self-respect is having the head in the right place to ignore a bunch of background noise', suits the most.

Ho sake tho jaldi vaapas aana. We are eagerly waiting for your reactions after watching the episodes post the 44th one, especially the ones i have mentioned in my previous reply post to you.

Eagerly waiting for your comeback.🤗

Interesting post indeed and kudos to you for sharing your personal experience and the growth you made as a person over the time.

Honestly, I feel and this is completely my opinion- here we are misreading two terms- one is "Self Respect" and other one is being "Being Short Tempered". As far as I can guage from the post you its more about having a control over temper and not take decision in a hurry as this can lead to unneccessary disasters. I feel today you see yourself as person who is more PATIENT and still have a lot of self respect in every manner- which is the ideal point for any person.

Now the main topic of the discussion self respect and Prerna. Like I said above self respect is not to be confused with short temper. Prerna is not short tempered that's why she possibly (giving her a benefit of doubt) did not argue with Mohini during Anurag's accident, or when she left BB post A's come back after memory loss. But this is also a fact that character lacks self respect and this can not be denied. The impression I get is -CVs have created this character to justify other characters and their actions. She is shown highly confused and cannot stand for herself or even own her decisions.

Biggest example is the way she married Bajaj. Its mentioned in the post that holding on to you SR is easy way out, I'd say its the other way. Even after knowing Bajaj's condition she came back running to him several times. She took the easy way out and did not stand for herself or her love. She didn't even trust him enough to share the problem. Who does that in reality. Kam se kam she could discuss with her family and if nothing worked to kr leti shaadi. She took her own decision and then she also went into a self pity mode later.

Any person with even lowest possible self respect would care for his or her family. I just wonder how any of us real world people would have reacted if our mother was forced (not by choice) to work like her mother did and all she did was- nothing. CVs made Bajaj help her mother and her character was shown just worried and helpless. She is always dependent on someone or the other. Her mother was sent to jail twice without her fault- there also CVs made Anurag/Bajaj the saviours and all she did was cry. First case mein she knew Mohini framed her mother but it didn't affect her much. Even with Maasi she was like okay so jati hu coz raat mein lawyers nahi milenge. If she really had that sense of individuality she would have fought for her mom in both cases. Anurag gone for a month post accident and she decides to stay at BB, why? We can't say that she stayed to take care of them, coz they can take care of themseleves. She may think she is married n all but nobody really accepted her in that house and later asked her to leave without a thought. What would have changed if he waited for him while being with her own family. She could put herself to better use at her own house, becoming each other's sypport system. I guess she us soon going to be back in BB again; once more against her family's wish. And their several scenarios like this. I just wonder if anyone of us here defending and justifying Prerna would let these horrible to happen to ourselves and our loved ones. For once I can understand if I were to compromise myself but are we we going to be okay if all this happened to our own families? I don't think so.

It makes me happy when someone share their own real life experiences because it takes immense courage to put everything out in open, but at the same time it pains me when we share our experience in reference (sometimes justifying wrong actions) to extremely weak fictional characters. I honestly wonder how many of us would really want to be in Prerna's shoes in real. And by that it just doesn't mean the love part but also the way she is treated, kind of hardships her family had to go through because of her love. If I am not wrong she also lost her father in tge midst of all this. Anyone okay with all this definitely doesn't know a thing about self respect or responsibilities.

I wouldn't speak much about Anurag's character because I don't relate with him for several reason. However, most important reason that makes me not like him much is unfortunately (for me) is portrayed as his strength (in this post too). If a girl or a boy asks their partner to give them space for whatever reasons, I think the other person should listen sply if they claim love and care for each other. In real life also people take extreme (rather extremely extreme) actions like he did and end up ruining their own or others life. If we all start behaving like him and hide it as Perseverance, then no one will ever move on. Everyone will be stuck in their past and make everyone miserable for the entire life. Thank God it is a fiction and real world is slightly more mature in such cases. Not saying extreme steps are not taken in real world but I hope not many take Anurag's character as epitome of love.

Sorry it ended up being a realllllyyy long post.

@cassiop..well said...for me anupre r just two regular lola characters whose life is being swayed away in any direction others want and they call it destiny..neither do they protest for what they want nor try to fight to be with each other nor do anything for their love(except anurag fighting with bajaj) .its totally dependent on durga ma...the direction their life will take...in reality I would sympathize with such people , feel pity for them...I understand self itself holds no value in front of love but that s with your lover ..not the entire world...on screen people like to see fighters and not losers, they dont like to see weaklings who let people walk over them ..in this time and age , with that kind of education , financial independence, if they fail to show tact in handling their own issues efficiently and smartly, something is definently wrong in the portrayal itself..

There is a difference between self preservation and self respect..all of us compromise according to our situations,we are not crushing our self respect there..we are only prioritizing over what's more important for us . In love it happens naturally ...silence is also not crushing your self respect.....but as I said , quietly taking insults and humiliations , without taking action , without " reacting ", not feeling bad about it basically looks very wrong...prerna makes it look like she and her family deserves no respect because of their social status..be it any time in any ekta serial, the lower middle class heroine always made sure their heads are held high except for prerna madam..constantly lapping up the insults from your lovers family is another one..

while I have Immense respect for your experience and happy for you and your family, I respectfully disagree with AnuPre part.

Self Respect certainly don't depend on others, its how we perceive ourselves.. This statement is indeed true. Self respect and ego treads on thin line, if you are not careful, you might trip. My dislike for Prerna Sharma is deep and her "walk over me" attitude might be one thing but their are many other beyond redemption flaws that can never make me respect this character.

First and foremost is , her being pathetic excuse of daughter.Her irresponsible attitude has made her family suffer number of consequences, just because she couldn't wrap her head around her borderline love for Anurag. The sharma's were disgraced and humilated so many times to count on just because of prerna's total lack of inconsideration towards her blood family. So far from what i have seen, she is mediocre at every other relationships in her life, except being a desperate Anurag Lover..

And if you can't be faithful and caring towards the mother who raised you then what kind of person are you!

Next one might be, Her sheer Dumbness, when it comes to accessing people in her life. She has been burnt over and over again, but she keep on committing same mistakes again and again, never learning..

The Another one is, she never fights back and always gave up in the face of problems to soon. She always look for easy sacrificing way out instead of struggling . While being sacrificing is a trait of strength, but when you sacrifice anything, without fighting back with all your might, that shows your weakness and laziness to work your way out. Since Show started Prerna's fate has always been dependent on others either, its naveen, bajaj, mohini or even anurag.

Using marriage as "get out of the situation" card is not solution to all the problems and the sad part is that she would readily take a trip down the aisle for nth time to save any xyz.

These are Prerna's greatest hits, that make her below average character for me, and if i can't a appreciate character individually then certainly Couple becomes unlikable too and do tried damn hard to like them in beginning! For me Anupre are recipe for disaster until or unless they take look back SERIOUSLY learn for the blunders they have made, and No mohini, Komolika or abc can be blamed for it.

Ekta do write Trash stories and plots, but her female lead characterization has always been strong, at least to some extent. Ishita, Pragya, Prerna 1, Tulsi, parvati, Priya were all mahanta ki murats but the character wise were much more strong and dignified!! KZK surprised me..