Suta, listen to what our Radha is saying ---
I'm so happy to have met you, and I'm scared too; there is such joy and such pain in our association!! I've never wanted any form of eternity until now, I never saw the point. So stay, be in love with me too, be brave enough to take my hand and own me, Krishna!
When you are with me the pain stops, or at least it appears like that!! When I had hope that one day you'd come to me and stay with me as a family, you are my life. These days the pain ebbs first sight of you, then multiplies and I want to flee. Then you go and I miss you with a pain that sits in my guts like so much fire burning in my heart like a slow flame. Those flames engulfing my heart spread up to my soul!! There in my soul! And in this hurricane of my soul, amid the endless winds that scream, I make no move. I can protect either me or you. I will choose you until there is no more of my mind or my body, you are there in my every inch of being!
In my heart I retract all the bad things I ever said, they were never a reflection on you, only on my inner demons!! You worked hard and I only saw what you could not do. In that permanent fatigue, how could you be the eternal lover I should have?? In my misplaced entitlement, I gave you only passive-aggressive rage, I withdrew to punish you and became self-absorbed!! Now the fate is cruel, you're gone, go, Krishna , go, be happy, fled to another who gives you hugs instead of cold stares, acceptance and not demands, respect and never condemnation. I can never hope to win you back and I don't deserve you, but every day I pray that she who loves you, treats you well, that you know all the happiness I never gave, that you make back those wasted years we shared. I wish you were still by my side, that I could make amends, I've grown, I've learned about what really matters, but not soon enough for us!
Now I see what you meant for me, realized lately. Now that you aren't here to hold my hand I see it for myself, but unlike you, I have not the courage to act, you see, they said I am not yet divine in love!!! Uph.. the creative team !!!
Krishna, If getting past the pain means forgetting you, then I choose to suffer my entire life, that is my fate! -- Madhuri.
Cricket
