The Last Letter Series-Shraman Story #8NewFriends UPDATED (5.6.17)

Shravan,

I know this letter will meet the same fate as my previous one and no matter how much I or others request you this will become a customized newspaper edition specially to be distributed amongst your gang'.This probably would be just another joke for you to laugh on but despite knowing this I wish to write this down and send it to you cause all that proceeds have been eating me up for some time and guarantees to leave a tub full of guilt if I don't do this.

I have mentioned earlier and I say it once again that liking someone is no crime but your friends and precisely YOU have made me feel so and that to over the whole god damn year with the second one to follow.I have punished myself for liking you,ran miles away from myself,fought with myself and cried tons of buckets(maybe still more to follow) but still at the end have reached to a conclusion stating that I still love you(maybe more) even after what you have done and said to hurt me.

I know this letter might just add on to the burdern,as you consider me one and sometime later after receiving this I would have your friend at my door step ready with a passage on how wrong and freaky this is.

All this time I have loved you very deeply,never forced you towards me,never interrupted you or anything that happens in your life or never wished bad for you. Though you did not belong to me but the mere thought of liking someone else has rose in me the feeling of cheating on you.But you,don't fear I am never going to make you the black' character in any one's eyes not mine even.Whatever I feel today,go through all blames on me :)

I apologize from the bottom of my heart if I ever added any sort of tension on your already over heavy shoulders or ever became any sort of block or a reason for a fight between your friends or girlfriend.I am sorry for entering as a 3rd person' in your love life and trying to claim rights when I owned none resulting in cursing you( very rarely haan?)

It hurts.Bohut zyada! It kinds of kills me a bit inside to see you with her and not me,to see you laugh when I have cried,to see you do nothing when your friends humiliate me and every time this happens I wish to do the same,whatever you have done to me over the year. But convince myself that you are not my property and I do not own you.Phir bhi I Love You bohut zyada(Complicated shit,I know *sigh*)

And haan before this ends just a little piece of advice for you.Start developing your own feet and spine,kab tak dosto ke paloo mein chupoge.JUST SAYING!This advice might just help you in future.

Also stop those sly looks on me when I am not looking or admit it to your self.

Best wishes for your future and may your relationship with Urvashi stay strong as ever.

Love

Suman

Suman,

Once again you send me a rose only to get back thorns from me.Once again a letter will be written only to be safely kept in a drawer far away from everyone but me.

I am not strong,not even 1% of what you are.I don't have the courage in my to fight and express what I feel.I am just a mere puppet in the hands of my friends.I agree I have no spine,I agree that I am a jerk and I accept that it is no quality to feel happy or even satisfied about.

I know it hurts you very bad,I know it kills you inside every time you see me with Urvashi,I see how your eyes and face falls when you receive those humiliating glares from my friends everytime you cross our path and trust me there is not a single time I do not regret what I am doing to you.Forgive me if it is even possible.

I notice the 100 volt smile that adorns your face whenever I pass by you,the way color makes their way to your cheeks when your friends tease you or how beautiful your eyes twinkle when someone tells you that I am near and trust me every time you react this way my heart swells up and all it wishes to is too go and hug you.

Nothing makes my day better than seeing those dimples on your cheeks and when you speak your voice fills me up in a way that I feel complete.Everytime when I see you in the assembly or in the canteen I purposely make my way near to you cause I know even if not with you but besides you would give me energy and happiness.

And haan don't think I don't notice anything about you!From your hair to shoes and the sly tricks you use to be near me are very wisely noticed by me and yes don't get embarrassed cause you may never know if I play the same tricks or not.Ever wondered how everytime we end up in the same palce on the same time?Give it a thought once ;)

Anger irrupts in me like lava in a volcano whenever your topic comes up amongst my friends(if they even deserve to be called that) and all they do is insult or laugh at you.You may now feel as if I am lyig and ask me if this is the case then why don't I do anything?! I have a fear Suman,fear of being left out and the fear of not being accepted in a group cause of not being the so called cool' and thus fear drives me to do things which I never want to.

I hope you understand,I really do.I know nothing justifies my act but I hope and pray that one day I am forgiven atleast for the sake of love,our love.

Feed one thing in your mind,these sly looks ain't going to stop cause "Ankhon ko teri aadat hai,tuu dikhe na toh inhe shikayat hai!"

All the Love

The Coward

Shravan,

Once again this is something addressed to but the only difference being this time it isn't reaching you.Why? Don't worry once again it isn't CAUSE of you,its just me again and my ego.Whenever I sit to pen down something for you I stop midway,all those wounds of how I was humiliated by your friends for confessing to you comes back.But wait that again is my fault for giving my heart to you and not knowing that it would be distributed in pieces among your gang.And so I've decided to write you a letter every time I want to tell you something but not give it to you,after all you will be burdened and how can I or your friends accept it haan!?

Okay,you only tell me what would it be like to enter the gates of the institution and have some bunch of girls staring at you with disgust pouring down their eyes and move out the class to again encounter with the same bunch of girls,now jokes too coming my way just to meet those blank eyes of yours.It hurts every time I get those stares and laughs just cause I had liked their friend and wait that wasn't acceptable cause I had probably murdered someone or apparently stolen something precious.

1 year! I did move on,yes at least I tried but it's you who never moved on and accepted that a girl could stop loving you someday.Anger rises in me like a volcano whenever I see you smile and I wish to rip it off your face cause here after putting me through all those tears you are fine but then my lover heart makes its entry telling me not to do that,after all its your smile at the end that makes my day bright.

Today I cry once again,I know I am like that lice in your hair that comes unwanted and sucks your blood and takes time and effort to be removed but then you need not show it to me every damn time or you do after all I need to know once again,everyday what my status and character it.

I wish I could throw you from my life just like an empty box of Pringles,I wish I could erase you just like a mistake in my notebook,I WISH!

BUT HAAN I HATE YOU!

From,

The Unwanted Burden.