IPKKND FF: JALEBI by Jalebi Jane Thread 1: EPISODE 001-042 - Page 86

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IdioTinTin thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: JalebiJane


It's a bit like storytelling, isn't it? If you effectively build layers of details, the reader buys into the storyworld, and will accept that what you say is true. Even action that defies reality. ie Game of Thrones, The Hobbit etc. Shyam behaved like a lawyer, spoke like a lawyer, dressed (!) like a lawyer, probably left boring legal books around...Of course the Guptas believed him.


same as if we act to be studying in front of our parents, just because there are books lying around and we are acting to be concentraiting once they enter the room, they really think we are studying in real :D so everything depends on how convincingly you can portray or act the whole matter😉
Miss.Zaidi thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
for episod 15 to 37 !!!😃

arnav decides khushi to teach a lesson , marry her dismiss her , then modifies his plan then dismiss his plan .. then he comes to know she is engaged / about to be engaged and sticks back to his initial plans .. 😆 jalebi indeed !
arnav is very much in love with khushi .. if in past he has been rude to her n thats why khushi claims that she despises him ..
then what will she say after she comes to know about his caring side for her 😳 aman ,guards and driver and now arnav singh raizada already at her service 😆 she seems nothing less than mrs raizada already ;P

Pari and aman !!
aman just in my previous comment i awarded you with the tittle of the real hero cx yu bought the sobti s film tickets and what did yu do ? ..cancel the plan in next update .. shame on you 😛
now that you know pari was with khushi nd with yu shd do something to make up ..

pari ! pari is a true friend .. i already love this character .. actually aman n pari both of them ..

aman is a hindu n pari a muslim .. how will thy get married ...btw my ashirwaad wth thm 😆

shyam !😲 is scary !

he is in CBI .. n a criminal himself ? while reading the updates i thought he might hv come to investigate buaji .. n maybe punishing her ... but seems he is a bigger fraud than buaji ..
..

i think i m forgetting something ..i wanted to cmnt abt smthing else too .. what was it

about the scenes ,,

khushi barging in shyam s room nd arnav saving hr 😳 lovd it ! ..
o the kiss 😃☺️
aman n pari s kiss n ' yu r my hero' was ❤️
arnav shd admit n realize that khushi faraks him alot ... even the thought of her being in trouble makes him board flight n land on her doorstep.. 😉
h is incapable of destroying / tutoring / dismissing her .. h might want to teach her a lifelong lesson of being mrs raizada 😆..


p.s do u update daily ..
i hope yu do .. loved reading this story ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️


Miss.Zaidi thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: JalebiJane


No, Sister, you didn't offend me at all.
I was simply curious. I read comments to understand a reader's experience. :-)





i m so glad you are not 😃
i assure you i m having a very very good experience reading this .. n i absolutely loved hw this story is progressing .. with all the twists and something interesting in evry update 😊👍🏼
rosalineak thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
It's crime to stop there 😳
By the way bang on update...
Update soon...
manugan thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Oh my God...thts a cliffhanger
Miss.Zaidi thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: JalebiJane


No, you didn't offend me at all.
like i said before i m very happy that i did not 😊

I was simply curious. And I respectfully disagree :-) I have never encountered a story without a villain.
😊

Everything I've studied about the craft of storytelling has taught me that a villain is necessary, otherwise it is not a story. By villain I mean any entity which opposes or represents an obstacle for the protagonist. Either a bad man (Shyam) or an institution (the bank who refuses to give a man a loan so that he can get treatment for his wife who has cancer). Even cancer is a villain. Even the hero becomes a temporary villain---like when A is nasty to K. And A perceives K as the villain when he forces her into marriage.

i agree with you here jane , and probably you are right villain is necessary .. but please undrstand that when i said villain i meant the vile buaji .. ( the character ) someone who plots and plans to harm other .. or someone greedy like buaji .. evil like shyam ... i was very much in love with the story environment like i mean with a ready-t0- fall -in- trouble - khushi .. with two friends talking abt sobti n arnav n comparing them .. nd wth the hot headed slightly stupid ASR .. nd ofcrse wth arshi s fights n banters .. i had assumed the story to progress that way n i was loving the story environment that was forming in my head and buaji came as an intruder ... she was vile .. she was nasty .. she has tortured khushi n payal .. she is greedy n has slapped KHUSHI THRICE!! so i was not pleased with her and minded hr presence among all the other beautiful people ..
hope you understand where my comment was coming from ?
and now about all the villains you have told .. i was like ... '' o she is right ''
see the thing is i have very very little knowledge of books ..specially fiction .. n english literature ... besides harry potter and th famous five series i hav hardly read anything ...unlike you who quotes so many writers and even has 'jane' in usrname :D
so i want you to know that my knowledg of storytelling is zero .. its even less than zero ..
the most i hv read is ..what i have read on this forum .. because my interest was never literature ...it has always been arshi ...
and hence i never realizd / pondered ovr it that cancer , situations etc can be categorized as villain too ... btw thank you for adding that to my knowldg😊
and when i mentioned about reading storis without villain .. i meant stories where charactrs are not evil ...situations nd conditions n misunderstandings ar still there ..
( but whil writing this comment i do wonder who or what was the villain in an apate affair by rasgulla-sp .. or where was the villain in unexpectedly expectd by saucechips ...or in Wife for free by lazylaves
i cd still figure out villains in LU .. n other stories ... )
p.s see even my examples are limited to arshi fanfic writers😳


I'm currently writing a story titled -mrs raizada- and I had to manufacture villains so there is something to "hang" a story on. I made a dhaaba Uncle intrusive. I created a Press corps who challenge Arnav. I made a couple whose love is thwarted by a yet-unknown villain. I also made Arnav a temp hero by making him critical of his wife...

i know mrs raizada .. again thanks to ayat / aquagal for telling me about such awsome stories !
I know i have read that .. that dhaba uncle can be termed as villain too? see i disliked him a bit for saying that ... not disliked i just found him crossing his line ... by couple yu mean the pari n aman... ?
see now i feel bad about saying things about buaji 😕 .. you might have put in effort to manufacture her n i just like that said she is not made for story .. sorry for that hum buaji sy bhi maafi mangna chahty hai .. 😳 hamara matlab tha k aap k aany sy phly story mai sab kitna cha chal raha tha ..sb khush thy .. ar sb sy important baat arshi were there .. agr aap na hoti tou shaam aisi harkat na krta ... laikin hm ny jo kaha k aap '' jalebi '' mai kyu aye ? hmara wo matlab nhi tha ... aap bas wapas jaye hm apse maafi mangna chahte hain 😳😆




Hope I have not offended you BUT---as an aspiring writer, I read comments to understand a reader's experience. And your comment make me go "what? how does that work?"----so I wrote back. As you can see---I'm excessively particular. :-) And unabashedly pedantic. Maaf kijiye, Sister :-)

you have not in any way offended me ... i respect you alot infact all of you fanfic writers for putting in so much effort and updating storis .. n building characters and everything ... i dnt even know wt gos into story making .. but fr every effort yu guys put in ..hatts off 👏⭐️ and i really appreciate it that many of yu read every comment and some even take the pain of rplying thm !!!
and that is why i was a bit apprehensive about writing my commnt and want to be careful abt telling my views too ..

😳 no need fr mafi from yu ... i appreciate your effort to understand readers experience 👍🏼 😳




hey .. why did you edit it 😳 ? i found this in next post as 'idio tin tin' .. has already quoted it ..
.. n i feel like replying it 😳
thank yu idio tin tin 😉
Edited by Miss.Zaidi - 9 years ago
JalebiJane thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago

JALEBI by Jalebi Jane (EPISODE 038)

THERE WAS CERTAINLY IN THAT FIRST INSTANTof seeing Arnav Singh Raizada a sensation of strong resentment. Why-oh-why did that gentleman always appear when he was least welcome? But in the very next instant came epiphany. Beautiful epiphany! A recognition by our Heroine that if she was savvy---which she hoped she was!---she might use Arnav's appearance to seal her victory over Shyam this very evening.

The intention of the game was to convince Shyam that she was to become the wife of a man who with even greater power than himself. To show him that though he might have succeeded in reducing the Gupta ladies to pennies, they were far from friendless. And what better way to create that perception than to have The Textile Tycoon appear at the hospital nibhaying the role of Devoted Damad.

There was one problem, however. One which you may have already worked out. Would LG (Laad Governor) agree to play the role of DD (Devoted Damad)?

Why on earth would he?

Had Khushi not, in their conversation this morning, made it perfectly clear that she found him unworthy of taking her hand in marriage? "I had not known you a week before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry." Had she not refused Arnav in such unsoftened unequivocal terms then she might now have pretended to have changed her mind. Not possible now! (Here is a valuable life lesson for us, Sisters: Never say never.)

There was only one way to make this game work. She would have to beg him to collude with her. But where was the time?---he was almost upon them. Mere steps away. His eyes were fixed on her. And there was absolutely no warmth in them. Had he come with the intention to wreak public revenge on the girl who had rejected him? Had he sprouted wings and flown across the Arabian Sea soon after she had put the phone down on him?

Hai Devi Maiyya! Help me!

Khushi could not think what to do. So she acted upon pure instinct. She took five large steps and threw herself on the approaching man! Wrapping her arms around his neck. Drawing him near so his hard chest pressed into her soft bosom.

Arnav simply froze.

But only momentarily. For in the next instant, when she attempted to whisper to him and her lips accidentally touched his earlobe, he jumped as if she had touched a match to him. He tried to step away. She felt it. But Khushi would not allow it. She could not! Everything she valued was invested in this moment. She forced him back into her grip, bringing her mouth once again to his ear and whispered, "Please. I beg you, Mr Raizada, play along with me---please!"

This was hardly sufficient as an imploring. It told him nothing. But it is all she had time for. Nothing further could be said because Payal had approached. And that despicable Shyam had followed her too.

"Aap?" Payal was saying. "Mr Raizada, you have the most wonderful habit of appearing precisely when my sister needs you."

It was, of course, the perfect thing to say. And Khushi was grateful for her sister catching on quickly to the game. Let's face it---Payal was not known to be the sharpest pin in the Gupta sewing box, but she seemed to sharpen in such times of crisis.

Khushi released Arnav, but kept herself near in case he tried to run away. He was involved now and she could not afford to lose him. Infusing meaning into her eyes, she smiled fakely-sweetly into his, and said, "Arnavji and I seem to share this telepathy. I suppose it is the case with those who are about to be married. But how did you know to find us here at the hospital? Oh, of course!---from the driver. Now I understand why you insisted he convey me home this afternoon. You're so protective. More concerned for than I am for myself. But---wait!---what are you even doing here? I thought you were not returning for another few days. You wanted to surprise me? Oh, you sly thing! You never said a word when we spoke this morning..." And thus Khushi rambled on, essentially to transmit to Arnav what role he had been given in this bizarre play. And to also allow him time enough to learn the script.

But Khushi had clearly underestimated the man she was dealing with.

Arnav had played enough complex games in the boardroom to catch the rules of this simple one immediately. With Shyam's looming looks, it did not take a genius to work out for whose benefit this charade was being performed. However, he was not a man to join a game initiated by another unless he could use it to position himself advantageously too. He decided to enter into it because he was curious where it would lead and he saw how he might benefit from it. He stepped behind Khushi, and resting his hands on her waist, he drew her against him.

Khushi's breath hitched as female instinct encountered the unfamiliar but obvious aspects of a male body. She twisted her neck to convey a couched warning, and tried to create some distance. But he would not release her.

"You're the one always surprising me, Khushi," said he, with an amused taunting grin. "I returned early because when we spoke this morning, I sensed you were having second thoughts about our engagement---?"

"Second thoughts!? Kya? No! Never!" Khushi laughed, breathlessly, glancing at the two witnesses to see how this was being received.

"Oh really?" he asked, lifting a brow. "What precisely did you mean then when you said---"

"---Arnavji," she quickly interrupted, (before this man ruined everything!) "I hardly recall what I said this morning. I was tired. I was distracted. I had so much on my mind after a troubled night---but now that you are here I know you will sort out everything." These last few words she directed towards Shyam.

Shyam had been silent throughout this scene, observing them closely. I cannot say, Sisters, whether he was convinced of their charade, but he appeared to be noting every facet of Arnav.

Khushi hoped he was measuring the man and recognizing that here was an adversary beyond his reach.

It was as though Arnav internalized her hope, because he extended a hand to Shyam, and said, "You appear confused. Let me introduce myself. I'm Arnav Singh Raizada. Khushi's fianc."

"This is Shyam Jha," Payal bridged the introduction.

"Buaji's Lodger," added Khushi, with spite.

Shyam shook Arnav's hand. But it was clearly with reluctance. Almost distaste. He said, "You require no introduction, Mr Raizada. Anyone who reads the business section of the newspaper knows you. If I appear confused it is because Khushiji forgot to mention she was engaged to be married. Especially to you. Forgive me for saying so, but she has always spoken of you with the greatest antipathy. And for good reason. Didn't you discredit her reputation by releasing an unflattering video clip of her to the national media? Her family left Lucknow because your actions made it impossible for them to live there. I have to wonder---When did the villain become the hero?"

Khushi bristled at Shyam's words. And though he had spoken factually, she resented him using fact to malign Arnav now. What he had done to her family made him by far a greater villain than the one he was criticizing. The hypocrisy! She drew breath to tell him precisely that when Arnav's hands tightened on her waist.

Was it a signal? Or was it a response to Shyam's judgment. She didn't quite know.

Arnav spoke. "The hero was always the hero. And the villain was always the villain. Khushi needed some time to distinguish between the two."

Even Khushi could not have scripted something so fitting to the situation. It was perfect. And Shyam looked as though the entire inventory of bitter medicine from the hospital pharmacy had been deposited into his mouth. He soon made some vague excuse of having urgent work to do---and headed towards the exit.

The moment Shyam disappeared, Arnav and Khushi uncoupled as though that was their agreed cue in the script. And she stepped away to put herself opposite him, next to Payal.

There was an awkward moment, then Payal said, "will you excuse us, Mr Raizada, we really should check on Buaji."

But Arnav's hand closed over Khushi's wrist and he said, "go ahead. Khushi will join you later."


By Jalebi Jane

Miss.Zaidi thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
frst spot 😲 luck by chance 😆

rs !!

unres !!!


so true ... the hero was always the hero and the villain was always the villain... khushi needed time !!!
👏

what did h stop khushi for ... when is th next update coming ?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Edited by Miss.Zaidi - 9 years ago
adiros thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
oh how tangled the situation z for our heroin
kirti98 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Thank God after a long wait we got an update. I just love this ASR. the ever conniving fox turning every situation to his advantage. Business man to the boot. Maya no words to describe your skill. 👏
Are we going to get more updates like your other serials😳
Edited by kirti98 - 9 years ago

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